The Puppetmaster

by XSomeGuyX

Castle Crashers

“This is taking forever!” Rainbow Dash finally broke the silence.

“He’ll be by shortly! I assure you!” the courier manager told her, nervously grinding her teeth. She quickly turned and gave Twilight a deep bow. “I am very sorry for the inconvenience, Princess!”

All of the mares had been waiting hours for the return of the courier that Spike met, but they had received no sign of him. Both other couriers had returned and were surprised to be suddenly interrogated by the princess and her entourage. After neither arrival turned out to be the stallion they were looking for, most of the group had had enough of waiting and wanted to either return to Ponyville or look for him themselves. However, Twilight chose to follow the manager’s advice and wait for him to return. Nevertheless, Twilight noticed the mare’s slow pacing around the office.

“Is everything alright?” Twilight asked the anxious mare.

“Yes! Everything is quite alright, Princess!” the mare said, giving her an half-hearted smile.

“Maybe we can help…” Twilight told the mare.

“Surely you have other more urgent matters to attend to, Princess, than finding a missing courier,” she replied.

“Well, we do but they have to do with that courier,” Twilight answered. “So finding him would help both of us out!”

“Well, if that is your choice, Princess,” the managerial mare conceded. “Firstly, I’ve been having a bad feeling from the start of the day, ever since Derpy came to pay us one of her ‘visits’…”

“Derpy was here?” Rainbow Dash raised an eyebrow.

“Yes… as you can see, she left quite the impression on the front doors,” the mare answered as she pointed a hoof towards a gaping hole in the cloud doors. “Anyways, I had instructed Cloud Slider to show her the way back to Ponyville. But Derpy’s visits always seem to signal some bad luck to come for us. Most of the time it is some physical damage that is done to the office, usually by her, other times it can be missing packages. This time, however…”

“Yes…?” Twilight asked.

“Cloud Slider is not the fastest of our couriers, but he is one of our best,” the mare continued. “He has always reported in on time and has never failed to deliver a package. Him being late is rare, but this is very late already.”

She paused to give a heavy sigh. “The truth is that we’ve also been receiving warnings of sky-pirates out in the large open area between the cities of Equestria and he may have been taken by them. At first, they were just taking things from traveling ponies, but they’ve been growing a bit bolder as of late. They’ve been kidnapping ponies as well, holding them for ransom. Cloudsdale has made appeals to Canterlot for more guards between here and the cities,” she said sternly, but quickly hung her head. “But the expanse is huge and it also seems that the ship the pirates have their hooves on is very advanced and has some sort of boost to it that allows them to leave the scene quickly after they’ve been identified. I was afraid that it was only a matter of time before they took one of our couriers as we often deliver to rather important and affluent clients.”

“So you think they kidnapped Cloud Slider?” Twilight asked.

“It’s possible,” the mare replied. “I am often quite hard on my couriers, but it is always in their interest. This time, I seemed to have ordered my courier into a net.”

“So what’re we waitin’ for?” Applejack asked. “Let’s go find him!”

“It is not quite that simple,” the mare interrupted. “As I’ve said already, the area where we believe them to be is very large. One lone ship is hard to find out there.”

“So there’s no way to find them?” Twilight asked.

“Maybe not. I won’t stop you from searching for him, but none of the guards Princess Celestia has sent have been able to pin down these pirates,” the mare said as she stepped out of the group’s way.

“What should we do, Twilight?” Rarity asked.

“Well… Princess Celestia said that we are the guardians of Equestria, right? So I don’t think there should be a question about what we should do then!” Twilight answered confidently. “Besides, how else are we going to find out about the pony who’s researching dragons? Let’s go rescue us a courier, girls!”

“But how are we ever going to find those… pirates?” Fluttershy swallowed hard.

“With our eyes, silly!” Pinkie said as she rushed off, pulling a bundle of eye-patches from behind a nearby street post. “Besides, it gives me chance to finally wear my eye-patches. Twilight got to wear one last time, now it’s my turn!”

“How do you have eye-patches planted up here in Cloudsdale, Pinkie?” Rainbow Dash asked.

“Oh silly Dashie, I brought them last time we were here!” Pinkie said as she bounced happily towards Rainbow Dash, and placed two over the pegasus’s eyes. “I have plenty! Since you’re extra cool, you can have two!”

“AGH! Stop it, Pinkie! I can’t see!” Rainbow Dash said, pawing at her face in annoyance. She managed to remove both patches just in time to see a familiar face flying at her at a dangerous speed.

“Oh! Hi, Rainbow Dash!” Derpy said, smashing into the blue pegasus head on. Shaking off the crash, Derpy failed to notice that she was sitting on Rainbow Dash. She merely looked around at the rest of the group and waved “Hello” to each.

“Derpy?” Rainbow Dash managed to ask before Derpy’s weight pushed her through the clouds below.

“Not to sound rude, but what are you doing here, darling?” Rarity asked.

“Hmm…” the grey pegasus rubbed her hoof against the underside of her muzzle. “I can’t remember...”

“Then maybe you should head back to Ponyville, Derpy…” Twilight suggested, looking back at the labors still working hard to repair the Post Office’s front doors, “before you cause anymore damage.”

“But… I think I had to do something… important…” Derpy strained herself to remember but gave up quickly with a smile. “Nope! Can’t remember!”

“Well, let’s head out, girls!” Twilight told the rest of her group. “We’ve got a long day of searching ahead of us if we want to find those sky-pirates…”

“WAIT! Sky-pirates!?” Derpy interrupted excitedly. “Hmm… No! Still can’t remember!”

“Ugh… I guess that means I have to skip my afternoon nap…” Rainbow Dash groaned as she broke back through the clouds below the group’s hooves.

“Do you wanna come with us, Derpy!? We’re going to go battle some sky-pirates and rescue a damsel in distress!” Pinkie asked the grey pegasus.

“He’s a stallion, Pinkie,” Applejack corrected her.

“Then what am I supposed to call him!?” Pinkie complained loudly.

“I dunno, but he ain’t a ‘damsel,’” Applejack answered simply.

“Anyways, you wanna come with us, Derpy?” Pinkie invited the blond pegasus, hopping all around her.

“Sure!” Derpy answered as she followed them.

“Should we really have Derpy, of all ponies, tagging along, Twilight?” Rainbow Dash whispered to the purple alicorn.

“She was the last pony with Cloud Slider before he disappeared…” Twilight reluctantly answered. “Besides, we can use the extra wing power while we’re looking for the sky-ship.”

“Wait! Cloud Slider… Sky-ship…?” Derpy said suddenly as if the name triggered her memory. “Nope! Can’t remember a single thing!”

“Let’s hurry up and get this over with already…” Rainbow Dash said. “Can’t believe we’re going to all this trouble to save a delivery colt!”

“Oh come on there, Rainbow!” Applejack said. “It ain’t that bad. How about I give you a mug of cider from our first barrel of the season when we get back? On the house!”

“Now that’s something I can look forward!” the blue daredevil said as she licked her lips.

“Cider!?” Derpy gasped.

“Don’t worry, Derpy,” Applejack reassured her. “Ya can have some too.”

“No! I remember now!” the grey pegasus shouted. “Cloud Slider said to tell Miss Wrangler that he was being kidnapped… but I told him that he was silly. Kids are baby goats. He was being ‘coltnapped!’”

“He thought he was a goat!?” Pinkie laughed.

“You know where Cloud Slider is, Derpy?” Twilight asked surprised.

“I think so… last time I saw him, he was in this big ship with a whole bunch of nice ponies…” Derpy answered. “Their clothes were all torn up though and they smelled kind of bad. They couldn’t sing either!”

“What kind of ship was it?” Twilight inquired further, dawning a desperate look on her face. “What did it look like?”

“I think… it had a black flag… with some bones on it!” the grey pegasus answered. “It was all torn up too!”

“Do you remember where you saw it last?” Twilight continued her line of questions.

“Uh… maybe…” Derpy replied, grinding a hoof on her head.

“That’s not much to go on…” Twilight said dejectedly.

“It ain’t much, but it’s all we got,” Applejack said, giving her alicorn friend a strong pat on the back.

“Perhaps if we bring her along, something else might jog her memory, Twilight,” Rarity told her.

“Well then, we don’t have any time to waste,” Twilight said with more confidence.

---

“It was this way!” Derpy shouted as she pulled the balloon in a sudden change of direction. “No, wait… This way!”

“Derpy!” Rainbow Dash snapped. “You’ve been making us change direction every two seconds!”

“Yes, darling!” Rarity yelled from the balloon’s basket. “Can you please try to remember where you last saw the ship?”

“Ooooooooh! You want me to take you to the ship?” Derpy asked. “Why didn’t you just say so?”

“Arrgh! It’s like having two Pinkies around!” Rainbow Dash screamed, rubbing her temples. “I… don’t know how long I can take this!”

“Uh… Derpy…?” Fluttershy said, panting heavily from their relentless journey all over rural Equestria.

“Sorry, Fluttershy,” Derpy apologized, momentarily losing her smile. “I was just having fun hanging out with all of you!”

“It’s fine, Derpy, but we’re on an important mission right now,” Twilight cried from the balloon. “So can you please take us to where you saw ship?”

“Sure! This way!” Derpy answered loudly, regaining her wide smile as she pulled the balloon all by herself further away from any town or city.

“What’s that?” Applejack said, spotting a small dot along the horizon.

“Avast! It be the scallywags that plundered our courier!” Pinkie yelled from the top of the balloon, looking through a small telescope she produced seemingly out of thin air. “Full speed ahead, buckos!”

“I think we’ve gone and lost Pinkie…” Applejack commented.

“But we found the ship!” Twilight interrupted as she pointed at the dot. “Hurry, Rainbow Dash!”

“Already on it!” Rainbow Dash said, taking the lead.

“Ya ok there, Fluttershy?” Applejack asked the yellow pegasus who was plastered against the outside of the basket.

“Ready the cannons, lasses! Take no quarter!” Pinkie ordered, tying an Equestrian flag to the balloon.

“Pinkie, darling, I know you’re having fun playing a pirate and all but we don’t have any cannons!” Rarity yelled.

“Arrr! The strumpet be correct!” Pinkie said, sliding back down to the basket. “Then we shall board the enemy vessel!”

“What did you just call me, Pinkie!?” Rarity glared at the pretend pirate.

---

“Cap’n!” one of the crew yelled out from the crow’s nest of the ship. “We have a small craft coming our way.”

“Throw me the spyglass, matie! Let me see this ship!” the captain replied, spotting a hot air balloon proudly displaying the Equestrian flag. “It be privateers, but they sail with but a wee balloon, me maties!”

“What are yer orders, Cap’n?” the crew stood ready.

“Raise anchor,” the pirate leader told them. “There’s no need for a fight here, me hearties! A balloon can never hope catch the Rocket Wing!”

“Uh… Cap’n?” the lookout called out once more. “We might have a problem! The balloon is closing in on us!”

“Yer eyes be losing their keenness…” the captain said, taking another look through the handheld telescope to find the balloon being accelerated by only two pegasi. “Impossible!”

“They will be upon us any second!” the crew said, also observing the balloon from over the ship’s railing. “Cap’n?”

“We have no choice!” the captain shouted, pointing out a bandana-wearing member of his crew. “You, man the helm, and the rest of ye scurvy lot, brace yerselves! We will use the Rocket Wing’s secret weapon!”

After giving his orders, the captain immediately returned to looking through his spyglass, snickering at the tiny balloon’s “crew.”

“Alright, Rainbow Dash!” Twilight cried from the balloon’s basket. “Just a little closer and I can teleport everyone onboard safely!”

“No problem!” Rainbow Dash responded, speeding up her pursuit (which Derpy surprisingly kept up with). “Al… most… there…!”

“What’s that!?” all those aboard the basket, minus Pinkie the Pirate, said in unison as they witnessed the ship apparently grow two large, red tubes on both sides of its rudder.

“It looks to be a pair of rockets! ARRR!” Pinkie answered.

“Rockets?” Rarity repeated.

“Now, how in the hay do ya know that?” Applejack asked the pink pony, who simply smiled and shrugged.

“Hurry, Rainbow!” Twilight yelled out.

“It be too late, lasses!” the captain laughed as he signaled his crew to pull a lonely lever near the ship’s helm.

Just as the two pegasi pulled alongside the ship, the pirate ship gained a sudden burst of speed, sending the entire balloon and the pegasi guiding it for a whirl. Those in the basket screamed as they held on for dear life, its violent spinning threatening to hurl them to the ground. Through her training—her training mishaps more so—Rainbow Dash was able to quickly regain her bearings and began attempting to stop the balloon. However, the two scatterbrains of the group seemed to be enjoying the uncontrollable spin.

“Weeeeeeeeeee!” Derpy squealed happily as she allowed herself to ride out the whirl.

“Hahahaha! This be nothing compared to the storms I have braved on the high seas!” Pinkie laughed as she fearlessly stood on the outside of the basket.

By the time the blue pegasus finally slowed the balloon’s rapid rotation, the ship that was once with a stone’s throw was now a mere speck on the horizon. The group sighed dishearteningly at the new, large distance between them and their target. However, Rainbow Dash narrowed her eyes at the slowly shrinking dot as she slipped free of the ropes binding her to the basket.

“Guess that’s what the manager meant by ‘an advanced ship’…” Twilight said, finally regaining her composure.

“Rainbow?” Applejack asked, noticing the determined look on the mare’s face.

“They’re not getting away that easy!” Rainbow Dash said. “Come on, Derpy, Flutter…”

“I don’t think she’s feeling up to it right now, darling…” Rarity stated as they dragged the worn and dizzy yellow pegasus onboard.

“Well, if you can slow them down, Rainbow,” Twilight told her, “we can catch up as soon as Fluttershy has had some rest.”

“Then I guess it’s just me and you, Derpy!” Rainbow Dash said, grabbing hold of the grey pegasus. “Let’s get ‘em!”

---

The courier in the lower deck finally peeled off the wall as the ship regained a manageable speed. Throughout the boost, he had been pinned, face first, against the splintered wood of the ship’s inside hull. After hearing the ruckus from the deck above, he had wished it to be some sort rescue squad sent to retrieve him and stop the pirates. However, hearing the crew cheer and seeing one of them check up on him quickly diminished the only glimmer of hope he had of being liberated.

“I told ye, buckos! As long as we have the Rocket Wing, no pony can ever hope to catch us!” the captain told his crew, all taking a swig of some mugs they had. “She’s the fastest ship around!”

“Cap’n!” the crow’s nest crew member called out. “Two pegasi approaching quickly from behind!”

“Arr! These lasses just don’t know when to give up!” the captain laughed.

“Should we use Rocket Wing’s secret weapon, Cap’n?” the crew asked.

“No need for that, me maties!” the captain shouted. “It be only two mares!”

The captain immediately gestured his pegasi crew members to gather the rope and prepare for the capture. The raggedy crew patiently waited for the two pegasi to close in and allow them a chance to incase them in rope, ideas of adding to their haul of hostages rushing through their heads.

However, all instantly lost heart and became wide-eyed when they realized the speed at which their attackers were approaching. Unfortunately, they had no time to rethink their strategy as the duo blew past them, enwrapping them in their own bindings.

“Eh? She be a fast one!” the captain said to himself as he gritted his teeth. “All hooves on deck!”

While his crew grabbed hold of the balloon’s ropes and swung around in an attempt to capture the blue pegasus, she was much too fast and agile for them. A small smile formed on the captain’s face, even as he watched his crew easily outmaneuvered by a single pony.

“Finally, some action!” Rainbow Dash smiled cockily. “I might just get to my afternoon nap after all!”

“Ooooo! Ooooo!” Derpy exclaimed, twirling in the air. “What should I do, Rainbow Dash!?”

“Uh…” Rainbow Dash stuttered, trying to find a task for the clumsy pegasus to do that would not cause some sort disaster for her. “You can… get the wheel!”

“I’m on it!” Derpy saluted playfully.

The blue rainbow easily outmaneuvered any and all of the floor-bound crew on board the ship. Not even the remaining pegasi not trapped in rope could even come so close as to touch her.

Unfortunately, all she was able to do is keep them distracted, because in the end they outnumbered her and would easily overwhelm her in a fight. However, this was more than enough as she kept their attention from the grey pegasus who whimsically approached the ship’s helm.

“Arrr! I’ve had just about enough of this little lass!” the captain yelled as he removed his large hat, revealing his glowing horn underneath.

A gasp escaped Rainbow Dash’s mouth as the captain shot a powerful magic blast. She just managed to dodge the short burst of magical energy but a quick follow up blast knocked her out of the air. The blue pegasus immediately fell into a nose dive and landed hard on the ship’s deck. The crew immediately surrounded her.

The captain casually walked up to Rainbow Dash, looking down on her with a smirk as she shook off the initial shock of the magical blast.“I must say, lass! Ye be quite the flyer!” the captain told the downed pegasus. “Why don’t ye come and join my crew? Be me first mate with all the freedom that ye can ever want! No responsibilities, just open skies and booty aplenty! What do ye say, lassie?”

“You’re kidding, right?” Rainbow Dash asked, dumbfounded.

“No, lass! Ye made quick work of me boys!” the captain remarked as he offered his hoof. “With yer speed and the Rocket Wing, we’ll plunder all of Equestria’s treasures and the landlubbers will never know what hit them! What do ye say?”

“Ha! In your dreams, pal!” the blue pegasus answered sassily, slapping away the captain’s hoof. “It’ll take a lot more than that for me to ever betray my friends like that… Besides, I don’t think that they let pirates into the Wonderbolts!”

“I see…” the captain said as he hung his head. “What a shame! Oh well, boys take…”

“I got it, Rainbow Dash!” Derpy interrupted the pirate leader, waving the ship’s wheel above her head.

“Cap’n!” some of the crew shouted from behind the blond pegasus as they attempted to grab hold of the broken wooden rod that the wheel once attached to, only to have their hooves riddled with splinters. “We’ve lost control of the ship! We’re headed to straight to Canterlot!”

“I didn’t mean literally get the wheel, Derpy!” Rainbow Dash yelled exasperatedly, quickly taking flight once more.

“Lower the sails! Kill the propellers! Drop the anchor! Slow the ship!” the captain manically ordered. “We must not reach Canterlot! The guards will swarm us within seconds!”

The majestic Canterlot Castle could clearly be seen by those aboard the vessel, striking a new wave of panic into the pirates. The few pegasi crew members that remained immediately moved to the ship’s bow and pushed against it with all the power their wings would muster. However, even with the ship’s engines dead and sails down, the ship still retained much of its momentum and it was more than enough to resist any attempt made by the pegasi to slow it down.

An idea quickly formed in Rainbow Dash’s mind as she thought over the last sentence the captain had yelled. She quickly began to interrupt the pegasi in front of the ship and the grounded crew members heading for the anchor release with quick tackles and powerful kicks from her hindlegs. Her speed and agility made it easy for her to stop any and all their efforts to slow the sky-ship as well as avoid the captain’s magical blasts.

Soon the rest of the regal city came into clear view and so did the guards. Unfortunately, Rainbow’s plan worked a little too well and the ship abruptly rammed through the guards that attempted to stand in its way.

The seemingly unstoppable ship swept over the city, damaging the rooftops of many shops and homes with its hull as it passed by. The pirates found their ship on a collision course with the royal castle of Canterlot. With no way to steer it from its current path or slow it down, most, including the captain, began abandoning the ship and jumping into the custody of the waiting guards below, leaving only the two mares onboard.

Many of the guards began joining the pirates at the bow of the ship, attempting to stop the ship before it reached the regal structure. Rainbow swallowed a large lump in her throat as she saw the pegasi attempt to manually stop the ship before it hit. Even with so many working against its momentum, the ship barely seemed to be slowing down at all. Though the anchor release was right next to her, another glance revealed the citizens of Canterlot running beneath the ship in a frenzied panic and she realized that dropping the anchor might end up injuring many of them. Instead, she joined the other pegasi at the front of the ship, lending her own wingpower to their effort.

The patrols along the castle’s walkways seemed almost oblivious to the ship headed right towards them; their usually boring and uneventful jobs had dulled their senses over time. Two guards in particular were more concerned with their conversation. However, their little chit-chat was promptly cut short as they noticed a shadow darkening their surroundings. Turning their attention towards the skies ahead of them, they saw the ship slowly headed right towards them. Both instantly went into a shaky embrace as they clenched their eyelids and waited for their demise.

Luckily for them, the Princess of the Sun had noticed the impending disaster they had not and immediately intervened. Her horn flared with a bright light and a magical aura enveloped the ship’s bow. She slowly brought it to a halt, ironically saving the guards who were meant to protect her.

Both guard and pirate alike dropped out of the air, exhausted. Rainbow Dash hesitantly looked below to the relieved Princess and fear-paralyzed guards. She wiped her brow and gave a deep sigh. Unfortunately, it seemed that her troubles were still far from over.

“Hey, Rainbow Dash!” Derpy called from the deck of the ship. “I found the brake!”

“The brake?” Rainbow Dash asked herself.

Flying back onto the deck and looking towards the airheaded pegasus, she saw that she was gripping a lever near the location of the ship’s former helm. A memory of the pirates pulling the same before the ship gained its rocket boost flashed through her mind as her eyes widened and pupils shrunk.

“Derpy! Wait!” Rainbow Dash called, extending her fore leg towards the grey pegasus. “Don—”

It was too late. Derpy had already pulled the lever. The ship gave a quick jerk forward before slamming into the castle with the full force of the rockets. Princess Celestia’s horn flashed in a brilliant light once again. This time, she reappeared out of the rear-end of a teleportation spell moments later, on a nearby balcony. She let a quiet sigh escape her lips after assuring that her guards were safely behind her.

No pony seemed to be hurt from the crash, but the same could not be said about the once beautiful castle. That is except for the poor courier below the deck of the ship who was hurled out of the destroyed hull and ricocheted against the debris of the castle, eventually landing on a walkway below.

“I-I’m alive!” Cloud Slider cried as he bounced against the floor in joy. However, his happiness was short lived as an anchor soon came crashing in from above and crushed him under its weight.

“HI, PRINCESS CELESTIA!” Derpy waved from the half-destroyed ship’s anchor release, while the other pegasus aboard struggled to remain conscious.

“Princess!” Twilight called from her balloon’s basket as the remainder of the group finally caught up with the ship. “Uh-oh…”

“Oh my…” Rarity commented as the rest of the group saw the accident.

“Aww… I didn’t even get to say ‘Prepare to be boarded!’” Pinkie whined.