• Published 12th May 2012
  • 988 Views, 17 Comments

Erase This - Wand3r3r3



A story that questions whether or not should anyone choose to end their life...

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I Will Never Give Up on You

{----- [[[[[-Erase This-]]]]]-----}

Not gonna let this day go by,
I’m gonna save this wasted life,
and nothing can stand in my way.

Zor was a human of little words.

None of his fellow species would ever describe him as ‘normal’, or even select many choice of words close to that simple description, other than those that would harm him.
He wondered...

Was it because Zor was incredibly awkward when it came to the seemingly simple task of just socializing and living, at least in the opinions of all of the others, who loathed him? Was it because he always kept to himself, in the little privacy that he had, raising suspicions, day after day?

The truth was, there were so many things wrong with him, according to his own judgment, and derived from that was an obvious sense of insecurity and fear.

-----------

“Another early night for me,” he started.

Zor lay in his bed, pondering and sorting his thoughts, as per usual instance. Analyzing his own life, dissecting every single event that he felt he should have, was a method he used to consider the next set of actions he should take, and physically.

”Today was hell, it really was.” He began to recite his thoughts silently, through his voice, as he always had, through habit. "It’s obvious my life isn't going anywhere. I can’t seem to focus on anything properly without...someone else...”

Zor was talking about something that he-

No.

Someone everyone needed.

He was speaking of a soulmate, a lover. Whether anyone was truly meaningless or not, they were always going to need someone special in their lives. However, everyone Zor knew in his life, his entire life thus far, were lucky. They weren't an outcast like he was.

They have had this ‘special someone’ in their life at one point or another, or even on multiple occasions. They had someone who really loved them, and Zor knew this for a fact, as he had studied every little fact about the human emotion, always driven by nothing but curiosity. Those studies were hence brought forth by the lack of receiving what he had longed for all his own life.

”I don’t get it. I’m just as normal as everyone else. I really am.” He began to speak aloud now, as all his suppressed emotions were once again building up inside of him; a normal occurrence for him on a daily basis, in fact. “Why should I be denied such a common feeling?”

The honest truth was simple:

Zor was pathetic. He had no life.

Every day, he would willingly stay cooped up in the home that once belonged to his father. Although, he felt like he had to stay inside, to stay safe. In his house, every day, he would always have his nose in a book, studying, as it was another method of keeping himself mentally sane. He would prove to his kind that he would be someone worthwhile someday; and he would finally earn what he has always.

He would make them proud someday. He strived to please people. He even based his life upon the concept.

----------------------

Zor, in his early 'adventures' of life, was deprived of everything that a parent should have given their child without even thinking about what one would need, and one of those things, most importantly, was the love that he should have unconditionally received from them. They didn't love him...

They would always abandon him, even if he was keeping to himself, entreating himself to one of the early methods of concentration that he still followed in the current day. And when they actually acknowledged his desperate cries for love and attention, love and affection, he would be punished for pleading for his obligated returned favor from his parents...

His memory of back then was extremely vague. He could not recall, nor did he want to do so.

Later on in his life, as an older child; a ‘kid’, his cruel parents grew tired of his presence, and decided to leave him once and for all by attempting to throw him out to some type of obedience school, with no apparent reason for doing so, other than being exhausted by the fact that their mistake of a child was still breathing. But when he refused; when he stood up for himself for the first time.

His dad--his own father--stabbed him, and then left the scene just as easy as he attacked his child.

Luckily, and miraculously, Zor survived the extremely close range of fire. His father had used only a simple kitchen knife that was used to spread soft gel-like foods, with all the worst intentions. Zor’s parents were gone, but instead of exerting an overwhelming happiness that should have existed, he mourned for days on end.

Despite his troubled past, he actually cared for and loved his parents. His mother was never there to kiss him and tell him that she loved him, and his father hated his guts and wanted him dead, but Zor insisted on loving them nevertheless.

Later, that year, he heard about a schooling program being hosted by an adult who ‘loved everyone’. He attempted to attend this lecture, but he was automatically rejected because he had no parents to supervise him.

Zor was lucky enough to come across a member of the audience for this great opportunity. However, this person forced him away, telling him that the person in charge of the entire program was a murderer of children.

Zor didn't know that word at his young age, nor did he know how it applied to this seemingly amazing person, but he abandoned yet another apparent opportunity to grow and thrive, something he was already tardy on doing as he was rapidly approaching his teenage years.

Once again, he tried to provide himself one of the true pleasures of life, knowledge.

And yet...he was denied.

In essence, Zor’s entire life was filled with sick, twisted combinations of events and feelings; acts and outros.

All of what transpired had twisted Zor into a pathetic, yearning, and desperate individual, as he would always be, an ‘individual’. He could never find his place in the world; his emotions were always overflowing, spreading out into the world as he tried to find his special someone, so he could finally be able to live a proper ‘normal’ life.

But he wasn't able to find his match, solely because of what his horrid past has turned him into. Instead of being accepted for who he was, which every member of his species had done to every other member, he was shunned from the company of another human being, regardless of gender.

He was not ‘normal’, as everyone else was; a fact that provided them all a target to release their inner hatred and jealousy, among other violent emotions, upon.

No one loved Zor...

Not enough to say goodbye,
burn it till there’s nothing left:
I’m drowning in the mess that I have made...

“All I do is give and give and give love, and all I get is either nothing, or a mental beating by everyone here.”

Zor was now writing in his journal; a personal tablet to vent his overly powerful feelings in the form of words. He also had his loyal pony stuffed doll next to him: it helped him gather and concentrate his thoughts, as it was needed, he felt.

“My insanely awkward past has turned me into who I am, and I’m not a freak because I concentrate on my work.” He referred to his ‘work’; tales that he himself has written. Stories about death, tragedy and love were a favorite of his, considering his anger towards the world, as well as his endless wanting for the most important, and most desired feeling of all.

Love.

Is it so hard for you?
‘Cause it’s so hard for me.

”I’m a freak because of my past and I won’t tell you again.” Zor could not delve into his past any longer. What it had turned him into; all of it... He just couldn't take it anymore.

“And that’s why...” He finally broke down. Zor had anticipated this moment of realization.

”That’s why I’m leaving...” He knew what he had to do. As he concluded years before this realization, his life was going to be a dull existence filled with endless wanting. He could look at what he wanted, but he couldn't touch it; receive it.

”No one will ever find this, and if anyone happens to, no one will care...”

Zor was going to kill himself, ending his miserable, good-for-nothing existence, all because he wasn't wanted in the world. What a tragedy, but it was another story he would tell to the world, and that was all he ever wanted at this point--to tell the world something. But Zor was certain that the world wouldn't learn his lesson.

And with that final overview, he rose from his decayed seat, threw on some simple clothes and quickly headed for the outside door. He turned the knob, but before he opened the door, he took one last look around his supposed home.

No matter how he was feeling, he always kept his personal space clean and free from clutter. His ‘space’ was nothing more than a pile of random sheets and blankets piled upon each other, signifying the way he lived his early life as a mere pet. Books scattered and misplaced on the floor beside it, with various writing utensils discarded as they were exhausted of their resources.

The entire building was really no bigger than an average garage, but although he made it a home--a sanctuary for him--he could not find any point in continuing his existence. His entire house was empty, and nothing would make him happier than to leave it all.Without any further hesitation whatsoever, he turned the handle on the door, and felt the gentle breeze of the night...

To believe that what we dreamed
could ever come to life again...

The night sky surrounded him, launching Zor’s horrible memories at him yet again.
He started to walk forward.

Zor approached the edge of the path he walked upon, and all he could do was look down:

His home was not on the plantet Earth, no. It was not on any solid ground whatsoever. As far as his race-- as humans were concerned--there was no such thing as an Earth.

Zor, along with the rest of the only living race as far as he himself was concerned, human were the only living species. Considering this, as well as whom he had become and what he had become, Zor gazed down into the depths and simply cried.

Humanity shared its right for life atop the clouds, high above the fabled ‘surface’; the land below that only spiritualists spoke of. All that lied below were unsupported clouds, all that waited was death.

No one had ever dared to venture off into the unknown that was the abyss, and no one could prove the ‘surfaces’ existence hence that fact. But what is thought to be by all of the shamans and spiritualists... It was a whole new land populated by many violent creatures that threatened to erase humanity if they were to learn of the species. Sweep the heavens and scourge the clouds, they would.

But the thing about heaven... was that it was supposed to be a sanctuary. It was supposed to be a place where you could live in an alternate life, free of both fear and worry.

But this place was no heaven, despite it graphical location in the clouds. It was anything but a heaven.

This was hell.

There was no love; as it was all a fake story and an absolutely meaningless word that Zor had always cherished every minute of his life.

Everyone hated each other to their target’s core. Jealousy, hate and resentment were among the main emotions one person would violently share with another one of their own kind.

All of these thoughts were analyzed throughout Zor’s mind. And as he was doing this, he was certain that no one would be outside at the current hour, unable to witness what he was about to do.

“I’m going.” He finally resolved his inner debate even further. Instead of just leaving his home in the clouds, he was going to keep the promise that he had made to everyone who had ever shared their monotonous feelings with him. With that brief resolve, he pulled a small pouch from the inside of his jacket, and slashed it against his arm, just once. A flame immediately produced from the friction and blew in the night air, keeping its flame lit. He turned around and threw it at towards his house, the personified figure of his memories.

His torturous tale.

‘Cause I cannot erase this lie.

It ignited without hesitation. He watched as his only memories, though negative as they were burned away with the seemingly high wind.
But, for reasons unbeknownst to him, Zor couldn't take his eyes off of the bright lights as easily as he thought he could while he still pondered the idea. His long hair blew the left of his head, as did the smoke from the burning building.

Then, he suddenly searched his pockets for something.

Something important...

In his rear right pocket, he slowly unraveled an old photograph from his childhood years; when his parents were still alive:

This photograph was proof at least, attempted to care for her child. There was an image of a child obliviously crawling and stumbling, wearing nothing as his mother lay next to him, admiring his exploration underneath the kitchen table.

But something was incredibly odd about her position in the picture. There was a fairly large knife dangerously close to the child's stubby hands, and it was entirely red. And so was his mother, or at least what was visible of her.

He must have murdered her. The twisted maniac.

His father’s feet were also visible, upon deciphering the old photograph even further, making out more and more images through its age. He stood next to Zor, and beside his foot, there was a plastic empty bottle that laid on the floor, with Zor heading closer toward it. The bottle was labeled by a thin white strip with nothing but a printed barcode on it, with a few series' of numbers above and beneath it. Zor had gotten one of his small hands on its open lid with only two fingers, analyzing the artificial construct.

That was the entire image portrayed on the legible sheet. But the picture had to have been taken somehow.

When Zor took it upon himself to investigate the cause, he looked back up at the vibrant flames, scanned it, and then turned the photo around. Written there, was a message in red ink; theoretically symbolized to resemble blood:

”Zor,” it started out with his own name.
~

”This is your father, giving you the perfect example of what a man should be in a world like this. You see your mother there, don't you? I put her out of her misery, and that’s all I did; nothing else.” He turned the photo around once again and focused on the partial image of his mother for a few seconds, phased not one bit at the message prior. He then switched sides and continued the message.

I’m only being hard on you for your own good, Zante.” There was no more room for literary prose on the photo, and instead, the last few words trailed off with a quick diagonal slash of blood staining the rest of the words.

Zor couldn't believe that his father had done such a thing ‘to teach his son how to be what a man should be’. He didn’t want to be evil, he didn’t want to hate, or kill, or loathe... He was just a lover, and literally. He gave everyone the love that they may not have deserved, and in return, he was rejected in some of the harshest ways imaginable. Zor was also surprised that his father had used his real name; the one that his mother gave him. But why would his father use it if he hated his wife anyway? To mess with him? To mess with him, because he could have foreseen this very chain of events?

Enough.

Zor grew frustrated upon delving into the reason. He proceeded to flick the photograph into the distant abundance of mature embers.

“Screw you, dad,” he muttered to himself, in anger, hearing this the very conscious though echo throughout his head.

“You know what? No," he continued. "Fuck you. Just...fuck it all, I guess.” It was against the law to commit arson, ever to the owner’s own property, but he wasn't afraid or intimidated any longer.

Zor was finally making a stand. He wasn't going to be pushed around anymore. All the hate he had taken from everyone that surrounded him all these years gave him the strength to do this. He was going to follow through with what he had resolved;

He was going to take his own life.
Finally...

His thoughts plagued him, profusely, as they did. He was thinking way too fast for his body to follow; yet another personal issue he owned. The night was now even older than he remembered it to be, only an hour ago. Now was the perfect time, he thought; to give his message...

“What’s the matter?! Not gonna stop me??” He was calling his words out loud now, soon screaming out the threats he had always wanted to turn into words that he would speak, fearlessly. “You're all cowards, not to stand up to me now as you always have!” He angrily stared at the stars while his heart frantically beat , almost directing his words to the stars themselves.

“All of you know that I'm the only one that's able to save our kind!" He paused for a single breath. "Yet you never acknowledged the fact that I'm different from ALL of YOU!" He continued proving his supposed role to his kind, gradually believing himself and how he wasn't one of them. He was also beginning to feel better about himself, ounce by ounce, as he finished each meaningful sentence.

"Not that any of you care AT ALL, but I'm-I'm going!"

After deciding his fate, he abandoned the flickering orange sights as he turned his back to them, to walk forward without stopping once.

But then, as he noticed a strange formation of stars in the higher sky.

He saw something rapidly traveling downward from the center of that particular collection of stars, stumbling at the new sight...

It’s too late to change your mind,
Even though this fragile world
is tearing apart at the seams.

“What?”
The falling object appealed to Zor with its bright, flashy hues. From his point of view, the object looked like a falling, punctured balloon. “The hell?”

We can’t wash these sins away,
this sinking feeling, everyday:
I’m waking up in someone else’s life.

He ceased his past plead for a present understanding and approached in the distant direction of the wonder. Again, no other person was to be seen at this hour, despite the scene that Zor had created.

“Everypony will be better off knowing that I’m dead...” Zor suddenly heard a voice coming from the object’s general direction. But...this couldn’t be any material item if it spoke with such...

Such sorrow...

Is it so hard for you?
‘Cause it’s so hard for me.
To believe that what we've dreamed
could ever come to life again...

“You'll all be better off without me.”

The unknown creature continued to slur various sorrowful statements as Zor inevitably started to run in his prior direction, desired as it had been. This strange figure, as it descended, seemed to have gained more speed, according to Zor’s vision. He had finally come nearing the end of the fluffy platform as the person dropped down at thousands of miles per minute.

Now, he had seen everything he felt he needed to do, and he had seen almost everything that was going to happen. Everything except except the creature, as Zor noticed upon the shape of its head, wasn't recognized as a human...

“Are you kidding me?!” He knew what this being was. “You’re real...”

It was a mythical being called a ‘pony’. Quadrupedal as it was, these things were supposed to be the inhabitants of the surface; the things that would destroy all of mankind. But this one... It clearly had a different agenda on its mind.

Zor adored everything about these fabled creatures. Their anatomy, their way of living, and even their ability to speak! He was suddenly, and certainly, glad he kept to himself and studied after all.

But he knew something was wrong with this one. It wasn’t supposed to act this way...

‘Cause I cannot erase this lie.

Suddenly, Zor found himself running; ready to jump off from his airborne homeland and rescue the pony, as he had figured out what it was trying to do.

It spoke it itself, once again.

"Everypony will better off knowing that I’m dead...”

This incredible being was going to end its own life, but with everything Zor had just recently discovered, he abruptly found a new reason for living. He wanted to save this pony’s life, and soon learn everything about them, possibly. He wanted to be the only human to ever see these creatures in person-and he already has done both of these things, really. This drove him to take reckless action.

Once he gained enough speed on his feet, he leaped off the edge and followed the pony from above, as it had surpassed his low altitude.
“I’m coming for you!”

As he fell, he straightened his body’s position in order to gain a greater velocity to travel down to the magnificent creature. Getting closer and closer, and despite the violent gusts making his eyes wince, he saw that the creature had opened its own eyes, wincing just as well.

“What?!”

Its coat was of a bit more intense of an aquamarine shade, and its eyes highlighted the color to en even more significant scale, as low-tone of an emerald radiance they gave off. It spoke in its light, yet masculine voice, blatantly telling Zor of its gender and sex. Though, the human could have been able to figure that out on his own, with how its multi-colored tail flickered like a flame in the skies. It felt so closely like a real flame as well; a source of warmth, because it came out as the sight of an insanely hot stream of embers, ready to spread at any possibly moment.

And the same was for the creature's mane was the same, as closely it resembled fire. With the peculiar merge of a deep violet and a lighter purple hue, Zor came close enough to the pony, that its tail brushed up against his face, also another factor that flustered his concentrated focus on whether it was male or female.

“A human?!" It cried. "Get the heck away from me!!!”

He didn't physically fight, considering the situation. He was plummeting down at an insane rate--they both were--without fear of the possibility of death.

“Hey!” Zor cried back, voice cracking under the circumstances. WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU’RE DOING?!” He was now face to face with the colt, with the exception of having its eyes being closed shut now. Streaks of previous tears were seen to be blown away, with the penetrated gusts, but new ones formed shortly after, as the fell forever downward

“Get AWAY from me! I’m not gonna be convinced to keep my miserable existence by anypony. ESPECIALLY by a human!”

“LISTEN TO ME! I’M NOT GOING TO LET YOU DIE! I’VE ALWAYS WANTED TO MEET AN ACTUAL PONY IN PERSON! BUT...” He paused, keeping that exact thought in mind. “BUT WHY WOULD YOU WANT TO KILL YOURSELF??!”

“WHAT’S IT TO YOU? YOU'RE A HUMAN, YOU DON’T CARE ABOUT ANYTHING BUT YOURSELF!!”

“IF I DIDN'T CARE, WHY WOULD I BEING RISKING MY LIFE FOR YOU?!” Zor had never dealt with anyone in this kind of situation before, but, even already, his heart was speaking for him.

This was love at first sight...

“WHY WOULD I HAVE SACRIFICED MY OWN COMFORT AND COME TO TRY TO SAVE YOU?” Zor continues, as he was speaking through his heart now.

“I...I don’t know! You didn't really look too comfortable down there, though! Just stop lying, please!"

"Okay, FINE, you're not wrong. I hate my life, too! But I swear on it...that I want to help you!! We're both going to be losing ours anyway, so what else can I lie to you about here?"

For a brief moment or two, no words slurred from either of their mouths.

"Uhm... I don't-"

Just then, when was beginning to soften up, Zor came close enough to him to engage in an embrace. He cradled his body close to his own, wrapping his arms around his body and placing his hands on his back.

“What...?”

The colt was puzzled. His theory of humans was no different than mankind’s theory on ponies. She assumed that they were all ruthless, selfish barbarians-among many other descriptions.

But this one...

This human, Zor. He was his guardian angel.

The water’s rising around us.

And the colt was his own; his inspiration to struggle another day.

There is no other way down.

All of a sudden, Zor, embracing the once fabled creature he cared so much for already, felt something slashing at his cheek. This pony was no ordinary one, based on extensive research.

He was a Pegasus, an even deeper fabled creature to humans. He spread his enormous wings out wide, an attempt to hinder the acute velocity of their fall.

“You...YOU’RE DIFFERENT," he admitted. “I THOUGHT ALL HUMANS WERE EVIL, THOUGH! EVERYONE DID!”

I only have myself to blame

Zor was far more than thrilled that how the stallion was finally coming around to self-forgiveness. He chuckled a bit at her assumption. “FUNNY THING, I’M THE ONLY ONE OF US THAT CARES.” He sunk her head in her shoulders, brushing up against his own, speaking from his heart now, and not even concerned about making a bit of sense. “YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO SAY THAT WE'RE ALL CROOKED; I WAS GOING TO KILL MYSELF JUST ABOUT AN HOUR AGO BECAUSE OF HOW TRUE THAT IS. But then I saw you trying to do the same thing to yourself, BUT I WON'T LET SUCH A MAGNIFICENT INNOCENT CREATURE DIE!!”

The pegasus didn't say a single word. Zor heard him sniffle a bit through his nose after a few more moments of listening to the clouds make way for their fall. Hee then pulled Zor closer to herself when she tightly cradled him.

“You really mean it?” The two were now close enough to each other to hear themselves without any trouble. “But you don’t even know me!” Zor just cried and promised her.

“True, but at least we could die together on good terms, can't we?”

"I'd like that..." A tighter embrace was their only hope for surviving together. "I'm Elusive. I really hope we can be friends in another life, if there is one."

The two looked onward down their fated path. There was something that looked like a green cloud to Zor.

“Oh, no...” The forest of the Everfree. "We're going to die for sure!”

Before Zor could even think of what Elusive meant by the foreign word that the he elaborated on, in a rather stumbled slur of speech, they plunged into the greenery above them, blazing through the thousand-foot trees and screaming as the empty forest did nothing but imitate their pain. And, as an estimate of time, Zor moved beneath the wondrous creature right before the very moment he felt as if they were going to crash down.

They held each other closer than ever before as they came into contact with a hard surface.

Zor had learned the truth; the real truth in a quite literally prolonged instant.

He felt whole

For it all...

“I’m sorry!” Elusive cried, out loud.

“You don't need to be.”

“I wish I would've just gone ahead and died...”

“No you don’t... I don’t.”

Author's Note:

Here's a link to the song by Evanescence:
[youtube=DciotYKJM1o]
THE LYRICS ARE MEANT TO BE OUT OF ORDER IN THE STORY TO FIT THE EVENTS

This isn't the end of this. All of my older stories like this will ALL intertwine with my newer ones, such as the ending to this story. And, keeping that in mind, this will NOT be the whole story for my OC (ElusiveElement, not Zor. Zor's just dumb and he's just here to prove the point I want to make with this story; that friends and ponies have changed--and saved--my life, on so many occasions.) I LOVE this story; not so much about Zor's past (THAT is the part I'm most ashamed of this story), but because of the other reason I mentioned. ElusiveElement's ACTUAL story will be soon, in the future.
Friends and Ponies...and love. I've never had ANY of those things before. And now I have it all...

Whoever reads this, I love you. Thank you all for giving me a chance, and thank you SO much for giving me the privilege to be any sized part of your lives <3

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