I Hate Being In Equestria

by ImNoPony

Entry 4

I had went through the worst day of my life. Not only did I got sent to a TV world from a show that I don't like, but I also had to become a lonely beggar. Everything was given to me because of pity and sympathy and never really earned anything. I also haven't eaten anything all day so I pretty much starving. I went through days where I haven't eaten anything before so it isn't as bad, but my stomach is growling like a lion.
However, I made it through which is obviously the worst part. Not only did I found a place to stay, but I'm also on good terms with 2 out of the Mane 6. Rarity offered to cook something for me, but I turned it down. I check what food that she had first, but there was nothing there that I like or can even eat. Their version of crisps was grass in a bag so I'm not eating that any time soon. But too remedy my hunger, I did drank a milk jug full of water. It didn't completely kill my hunger, but at least I will sleep better tonight.

As Rarity was showing me up the stairs, I felt so grateful to her that I felt that I hate to say:
"Thank you very much Rarity. I didn't had much luck on find a bed on my own."

"It's no problem, dearie. I am just glad that your ok.

"Um... Please Don't call me dearie. It just feels really weird if you call me that."

"Oh! My apologizes."

"Whenever I hear the word dearie, it's usually from a girlfriend or a wife."

"Oh!... I see"

After that awkward conversation, we didn't said anything else for the rest of the way. Well... except that after we finally made it upstairs, we ran into a very tired Sweetie Belle.

"Rarity..." she cried out as she was ripping her tired eyes. "Do you know what time it is? When will you be going to be... bed".

However, when she finally look up, she didn't expected to see more then one pony. When she saw me, she was too shy to say anything. Admittingly, I was too nervous to say anything to her as well. I silently wave to her and she nervously waved back, but that did not help one bit.

"Sweetie Belle! What are doing out of bed?" asked Rarity to her little sister

"I woke when I heard a load noise" she explains.

I must have woken her up when I crashed into the door earlier. "Sorry" I guiltily apologized. When she realized that it was me, she just stares at me.

When Rarity notice that her sister was looking at me as if she was confused, she began explaining the situation to her. "Sweetie... This pony will be stay here for the night. Is that ok?"

"Yeah" she replied. "I have no problem with that." As she said that, it felt like that she wasn't really shy when she said it.

"Well... make your back to bed. You don't have to be worried about anything" Rarity told Sweetie. As we walk past her, I look at behind me to see if she was still ok. But when turn to see her, I found that she was looking back. When I saw her, I just have a bad feeling that she was thinking of something.

"That my sister Sweetie Belle" Rarity told me when she notice that I was looking at her sister. "She can be a handful, but she's lovely,"

I already knew that, but I still replied: "Ok." I know that she was a Cutie Mark Crusader along with Apple Bloom and Scootaloo. However, when she said that she was a handful, it made me a bit worried.

Eventually, we finally arrived to the spare room. Rarity hadn't turned on the light so it hard to anything. However, it wasn't hard for me to nice the large bed in the room and once I saw it, I rocketed towards it. When I jumped onto it, I became UNBELIEVABELY RELAXED! I didn't had a good sleep on the day I got sent her. Heck, this bed that I'm lying on is way better then my bed back home.

"I believe I can say that you like the room?" Rarity smugly enquire.

"Don't ask me that question. You know that I like it" I replied as the words was muffled which she found funny.

"Ok, but can I ask instead to why you changed you mind?"

After I rolled my head to my side so she could hear me clearly, I replied: "Oh... A pony with pink hair and a rabbit helped convince."

"Pink hair and a rabbit..." Rarity thought out load as I intentionally caused the gears in her head to move. "That pony would happen to be Fluttershy?"

I sat up and pretend that I was surprise. "Oh! You know Fluttershy!?"

"Of course. She's one of my friends.

Trying to be sort of funny and without even thinking, I told her: "Hu... Small world." But when I said "small world", I realize that something: I haven't convince any of them to help yet. I keep on running into them, but I haven't even tried convincing them. I'm more concerned about getting settled until I go back home, but I haven't even begun on working on my plan. I could ask Rarity in the morning, but I can't let anything distract me.

However, when I though of saying: "I'm from another world and I need you to get me back there", I just felt discourage to ask. I feel like the question is to too clunky and too embarrass to say. But when I though of being subtle, making them start the conversation that would led to me asking them, I realize that I can't. I don't know how to be subtle. I was trying to be smart all day, but I came up with no idea to get around this issue. I feels like that I would have to shout the question despite how awkward it would be.

"Hay... Are you ok?" Rarity asked with concern. When she snapped me out of my deep thought and see how worried she was looking, I realize that I wasn't looking all that happy. "There something on mind... isn't there?"

"Yeah......... I was just thinking on my current predicament." I replied on instinct.

"I see... it must be hard being penniless" she replied, thinking it might help me some way.

But then, I just had a "eureka moment." I'm poor... because I came from another world against my will. This is a topic which I can subtly steer conversation into.

"I wish I could relate to..." says Rarity, trying to say that want to relate to me. However, I accidently cut her off.

"Yeah, but I wouldn't be so poor if my money wasn't taken from."

Rarity became surprised (more like utterly horrified) when she heard me say that. "Wait! Were You ROBBED!?" she asked loudly.

"No No No!" I replied, trying to calm her down. "... but I would be a more believable reason."

At that moment, Rarity became confused. At that moment, she became intrigued. At that moment, I have her in the palm of hand (if had hands). When she look at me under complete puzzlement, to string her along further, I reclusively ask her: "Would you believe me if told you something?"

"I wouldn't know if know I you not gunna tell me" she replied hesitantly.

I act like that I was reluctant to say it, pretending to be that one guy who is hard to trust people because he's on an alien world. But underneath this exterior, I was completely ecstatic. I was about to say the words that I wanted to say all day but was either reluctant or didn't know how to say it. And despite me saying that she wouldn't believe me, I know for a fact that she would. Nonchalantly, I told her:
"I am from another world."

When she became surprised, I further told her: "I'm not really a pony, I'm a human being. I use to have hands... WITH FINGURES! I have friends, family and I job that I like going to. But now... I'm house with a HORN ON MY HEAD and trapped in this really weird world. No offense. I use have all these great movies and games. I was meant to be meeting up with my friends over drinks but I sent here against my will. I... I must sound crazy." Admittingly, I might have gone over board there.

When I look at Rarity, she was completely baffled. She was still processing everything. Still frozen by the revelation, I looked down, pretending to be depress. Eventually she asked: "Did you say... you're from a world with hands?"

"You don't believe, do ya?" I replied smugly, but for a completely different reason.

"No! I believe" she replied strongly.

"Really!"

"I do... I really Do" Rarity replied as she sat down beside me. I should have expected that she might do that, but I didn't. "I have a friend who actually been to another world. In fact, she might have gone to your world."

"She did!" I replied, pretending to be surprised. "Who is she?"

"Princess Twilight."

"Princess... Twilight. Wait! Princess!"

"You really are from another world."

"Hang on... your "friend" is a princess?" I ask disbelievingly, which she just cheerfully nod.

"And your sure she would help me?"

"Of course. She would be happy to help you."

At that moment, just felt so happy and relaxed but not like how I jumped on the bed. No only was one burden was finally lifted from me, but I have finally accomplish something. I even notice that Rarity had a smile on her face too, probably because she was seeing me happy. This might have been the happiest moment since I got here.

But then, I didn't know how to explain it, but I felt like that someone was watching. Confused but running with the feeling, I look towards the door way and I saw a silhouette of a tiny pony.
"Sweetie Belle?" I said out loud.

And apparently, she was watching as I could hear her went: "Eep!"

Realizing that her sister was spying, Rarity yelled out: "Sweetie Belle! Is That You?" When she yelled out, I could see the shadow running away.

Strange. I was reluctant to watch the show, but I never remember Sweetie Belle being nosy. As I was wondering what she was doing, I wonder what she might have seen. But then I realize: I'm on a bed with a girl and we were sharing happy smiles. If anybody see us now, they would began thinking this would lead somewhere... somewhere that's very porny. And it didn't take long for Rarity to figure it out too.

Rarity jump off the bed and say: "Well then. I guess I got to show my little sister bed."

"You go do that" I told her as she was walking towards the door.

"Well... Good night" she says as she was slowly close the door. But as she was about to close it, she open it again to state: "Oh pardon me. I apologize, but I realize that I don't know your name."

I was prepared for this question and I already decided what I gunna say. In the show, EVERY character has a really weird name. If I use my real name, I believe that I would get some really weird eyes at me. Admittingly, I would expected to give earlier, especially before I would tell ponies that I was from another world. However, I still told Rarity:

"You can call me Hate."

"Hate!" Rarity relied as she became surprised. "That's... doesn't sound like a really nice name."

"Yeah... but I still like it. I even think it sounds cool."

"I you say so" she replied and sounds like that she disagree. Rarity then says: "well... good night" as she finally shuts the door.

When the door was finally closed, complete darkness filled the room without a speck of light to be seen. I couldn't even see my hooves that was in front of my face. But at least the day was finally over.

Not wanting to sleep with my clothes on, I tried to take them off before going to sleep. Surprisingly, the trousers was really easy to take off. The hard one was the jacket because I hate to hold down the sleeve to get it of. When I had to put them on, it was the other way around. Eventually, I finally got all my clothes off but I was dreading when I have to do it again. I put them right next to the bed just in case I have to put them on in an emergency. When I finally got under the blanket, I felt how cool and relaxing it is. So much so, I fell asleep with in moments.

And that concludes the first day of being in Equestria.

Comments

[Mix-up]

well you have improve a lot seen the beginning, it is a lot more legible, but still you should read your chapter a few more time to remove most of the obvious error's. to make it essayer for you I would suggest to put your chapters on an audio, like Natural Reader, to help you to find your mistakes by audio senses then just reading and you would need less to get it proof read it by others, it has already help me a lot on my end. keep at it.

[Teeemu]

5782056
Oh dear... I don't even know how to begin with this one.

First off. Self inserts are always a big no-no. No one truly wants to read about the over done story-line of a brony in Equestria. As everyone has said time and again, this type of story has been written into its grave.

Secondly. A self insert where you tell the whole fandom you hate them and create a character whose sole intention is to dislike everything in the most vaguest sense hardly compels one to read further. No one cares about this angsty teenager persona you've created for yourself. Furthermore, you created a character who dislikes things without much of an explanation. How is he supposed to grow if he is created with this self-fulfilling prophecy kind of attitude? He goes into this world with a bad attitude, thinking its going to be bad, knowing its going to be bad... Its just depressing really.

You question people as to why they dislike your story. Maybe's its less about the story an more about you. You contradict yourself by saying you don't like the fandom but you don't hate bronies when you begin your first line of your story with "I hate Bronies". Well we all already know that people hate our fandom. We know all the cliche stereotypical reasons that keep coming up.

That's just the tip of the ice burg. I can forgive the grammar, I can even forgive the the self insurt but the real reason why I disliked your story was because it was just bad. In general. Your character is just.. self absorbed... So I guess that makes you self absorbed. He whines about every conceivable thing to the point where you just want to reach into the story and slap him over the head to shut him up. Then the writing is simply puffery. 3000 or so words of incomprehensible descriptions yet no real flow or structure.

And finally, you keep harping on a bout being a brony's wet dream... I mean... Seriously? How obnoxious can one get? I cringed each time I read that. Because quite frankly, you're persona makes you out to be more of a brony's worst nightmare.

[TheBadWriter]

5826104 I like self inserts...

[ImNoPony]

5838116 Thank you. May I ask why you like it?

[Rocky Runner]

Wait a sec... wasn't Twilight helping him a concern? This guy goes from "if Twilight helps, she'll send me to the Equestria Girls universe" to "yay, Twilight's helping, my problems are solved!"

And no, I don't think Rarity would believe this guy about being from another world. Sorry, no, that just DOESN'T HAPPEN!!! WHY? AM? I? STILL? READING THIS?!?!?!

[ImNoPony]

5871370 But she knows that other worlds exist

[Rocky Runner]

5872687 Still, the way he went from freaking out to all's good just isn't realistic in any sense.

[TBear]

Is English your first language?