Sensation (SFW Version)

by Vivid Syntax

Chapter 35 - Normal

Wednesday was… normal.

It still feels weird describing it that way. There were no big problems and no major confrontations. Sure, the media was still all over me at the bank while I cashed my check – thank Luna for security – but they'd gotten their story, and we'd done a great job spinning it into something mundane. Practice went well, and I got to be a Wonderbolt, with all the highs and lows that came with it. It was… normal, just like I remembered, all except for the pony back home that made a world of difference.

Thursday was great, too. I was being phased back into the show slowly, not too differently from a rookie. I was mostly going to be in the second act – relief for everypony but the other captains, who flew during the whole show – but I was still going to be in the opening and the finale. Given what had happened, I couldn't complain.

I mean, I did complain, but I shouldn't have.

I started socializing again, too. Practice was still intense, but at lunch, I sat with Wave Chill, Silver Lining, Misty Fly, and Fleetfoot, and they wanted to hear all about the scandal. I kept it classy: I only called the media ponies "fuckers" a dozen times or so. When I saw Fire Streak, I tried to wave him over, but he pretended he didn't see me and went to sit with Spitfire.

Afternoon practice went flawlessly, too, and I had the routine completely memorized. After I stopped by the front office to pick up a little gift for Braeburn, Sightseer and Eagle Eye flew home with me again, and we talked more about all the weird stuff that had gone down. It was mostly smaller stuff, since we'd covered all the big things already. It was a good conversation, but I felt a heavy weight in my stomach when I realized I hadn't gotten to talk to Fire Streak about it yet.

But that wasn't totally my fault. Streak had been cagey and distant that week. Besides lunch, he kept finding excuses not to talk to me, and whenever I tried to find him, it was like he'd vanished. I thought about asking Spitfire about it, but historically, she hasn't reacted well to playground-level tattling. In the end, I decided to chalk it up to him being professional and busy with the show. I didn't actually believe it, but I told myself that's what it was.

I was breathing pretty heavily when I split off from the others over the Sunrise Estates. I was still in my tight, spandex flight suit, the blue one with the yellow bolts that we wear for the shows. Drenched in sweat, it clung to my skin, and even though it was a little constricting, I appreciated how tightly it hugged my muscles. Made them really pop out, you know? You should try one on sometime.

…though, pro tip: don't get as fat as I have since the accident. Seeing yourself with a big gut in a tight suit is a real buzzkill.

My wings ached as I swooped down to the front door. I'd taken the facemask off, and it hung at my neck next to my goggles. I opened the door and trudged into the hallway, still catching my breath. The condo smelled like adhesive, and I heard a hammer fall onto a large block of wood in the parlor. Sneaking in, I saw a sweaty, sexy Braeburn sitting next to the couch and hammering on the foreleg rest. His mane was matted and sticking to his forehead, and with each swing of the hammer, his muscles tightened up and made my suit feel just a little more snug.

Smiling, I hovered silently closer. I thought about scaring him, but Braeburn caught me out of the corner of his eye and perked up. "Hey there!" He set down the hammer, stood up, and wiped some sweat from his forehead. "Didn't hear you sneak in!" As I landed on the floor, he surveyed the furniture. "Wasn't quite able to match the wood, and the chair might be a little slap-dash for the party tomorrow, but it should do. Oh, shoot! There I go again, yammerin'. How was your day, Big Blue?" He came up to me and kissed my nose. Then my mouth. Then he… kinda just kept going.

"Good!" I mumbled as he nibbled on my lower lip. "I finally got the details for the routine. I'm mostly gonna be in the second half of the show, aaaand..." I pulled back, reached into my pocket, and withdrew the two tickets I'd picked up at the office. "I'm gonna have a coltfriend in the best seats in the house!"

Braeburn's smile widened. "No foolin'? Aw, that's sweet of you. Thanks, Big Blue." He leaned in and kissed me again, then looked at the tickets. "Wow, these are good! These the reclining seats?"

I nodded proudly. "Uh-huh! Gotta have my coltfriend comfortable while I blow his freaking mind! I was actually gonna get you backstage passes, but management's still a little iffy about giving them out right now. I'm totally getting you passes for the rest of the shows, though."

Braeburn sat down and stared at the tickets in his hooves. "You're a real sweetheart, Soarin'. Thank you!" He flicked the tickets together. "I see two of 'em, though. Got anypony else in mind?"

"Yeah!" I sat down in front of him. "You and Holli got along really well, and she hasn't been to a show in a while." I shrugged. "And, I mean, she's helping with the party prep, so why not, right?"

"Heh heh. We'll make a gentlecolt outta you yet." Braeburn set the tickets on the coffee table, then wiped his forehead again. "Hoo! Really shoulda grabbed a towel." Then, he paused and looked at me with narrow eyes and a sly grin, and his voice became smooth and sultry and husky. "Especially since somepony's needs his daily pie." I felt a chill go down my spine. "How would you like it?"

My eyes widened, and I grinned. "Weeeeeell, the couch is fixed…"

"Heh heh. Long as you don't mind helpin' clean it afterwards." Braeburn poked my chest. "And I swear to Celestia, I will raise hell if you break it again."

We took it slowly that time, and Braeburn even worked the couch like those guys in Las Pegasus had. It got really, really hot, and when I couldn't get my flight suit off fast enough for Braeburn, weeeeell… I'm just lucky that those things aren't too expensive.

But it wasn't just that it was hot. Our love-making evolved in those days. Since we finally had a safe, quiet space to ourselves in the parlor, we didn't have to rush, and since our love for each other was always deepening, the way I acted and felt changed. It grew.

My only goal, the only thing on my mind, was giving him as much pleasure as possible. That's what you have to understand about love. We were doing so much more than exchanging groans and body heat and endorphins. We were bonding. Everything he did made me feel like I was in heaven, but even that paled compared to knowing that I was doing the same for him. It's the most intense pleasure I've ever found: giving yourself totally over to somepony you love, dedicating every synapse and muscle sinew to making them happy, and them doing it for you, and all of it spiraling infinitely outwards until it's encompassed your whole perception.

And being with him made me feel like I had control. Not control like, you know, being dominant, but like I finally had control of my life. I felt big. I felt powerful. I'd made it through the loneliness and months of unease, and there I was: back on top of the world with the stallion I love.

When we finished, I rolled off of the couch and onto my back on the floor. I felt hot, and the shredded remnants of my suit weren't helping, but I was too tired to take it off. The pain in my legs from keeping such an awkward position on the couch finally caught up to me, too. My wings still ached from practice, my back killed, and I could only imagine what Braeburn was feeling after the acrobatics we'd put each other through. Still, I held my forehooves up and said through labored breaths, "Cuddle… Cuddle me."

The couch creaked a little as Braeburn stepped off of it. I peeked up and saw him stretch out his neck, "Aw, Soarin', I'm a sweaty mess."

I flopped back down. "Don't care. You're never too sweaty to cuddle me, Applebutt." When I didn't hear movement, I paused, then ripped off a large section of my flight suit: the area that covered my belly. The cool air felt a thousand times better, and I held up the ripped-off fabric. "You can… use this."

Braeburn hobbled over, wiped his brow off with the fabric, and lay down next to me. "Mm…" He squeezed me, and his scent hit my nose and made my head swim all over again. "Lotta fun, Soarin', but, uh… I think my back needs to recover before we try somethin' like that again."

I kissed his forehead. "I fucking love you, Braeburn."

He snuggled closer. "Love you, too, Soarin'. More than you know."

"Same, Applebutt." I squeezed him tighter, took a deep smell of his mane, and wanted to hold him forever. I was in heaven.

It was just us. Together.

And after a quiet moment, he asked, "Soarin'?"

I sighed and thought about how gentle his voice was. "Yeah, Braeburn?"

He shifted. "Why the hell did we end up on the floor? My back's killin' me enough as it is."

"I dunno…" He was right. My wings were starting to fall asleep, and my spine ached. "Do you… wanna move?"

Braeburn paused, took a deep breath, and hugged me closer. "Not really."

I smiled. "Me neither."

After we'd taken a short nap and cleaned up, we cooked dinner together: fresh pot pies, since Brae had gotten some good produce and wanted to use it all up. Plus, it let me use another one of the recipe cards he'd given me on our date. I grabbed the small, metal box from the cupboard and tried to find the card. Something was wrong, though. I stood at the kitchen table, blinking at the cards and trying to focus, but I couldn't make out Braeburn's hoofwriting. Like, I knew they were recipes, but I… I kept wondering why the first recipe in the box had such… weird ingredients. 'Six trowels of… whale?'

Braeburn caught me staring. "Havin' trouble? It's just alphabetical." He walked over, fished the card out of the box, and set it on the table.

There were two parts to the recipe. I squinted at the top section. "Crust – Extra Fake."

Braeburn was moving bowls from the cupboards to the counter. "Ha! That's flakey, you dope."

I blushed. "Oh. Uh, duh." I laughed nervously. "Sorry, I think I'm just tired. I get to make the crust again, right?"

Braeburn already had the flour for me. "Eeyup! Figure you did so well on the dessert, might as well have you master pastries." He kept talking as he retrieved more bowls and utensils from the cabinets and drawers. "This one just has a little more butter and a little less sugar than the last, and we'll need to roll 'em out a little thinner. Other than that, it's pretty much the same." He brought everything to the wooden table in the center of the room and kissed me. "But I'm makin' you try somethin' new next time, so don't think it'll be pies from here on out."

I could feel the warm spot on my lips where we'd kissed, and if anything was on my mind, it melted away. "You got it."

Braeburn prepped the filling, which was a mix of peas, carrots, potatoes, onions, and a few other vegetables in thick cream sauce. He gave me even more freedom than on our date, and you know what? Even though it took a long time and I did most of it from memory, I got the dough right on the first try! Seriously! I started prancing in place for a few seconds when I realized I'd done it, only stopping when I heard Braeburn chuckle behind me. I rolled out the dough right away, and even though I tore part of it, I just patched it up, and soon, I was cutting out the circles and lining these little tins that Braeburn had bought. With my head held high, I turned around to him and asked, "So, what next?"

With a small mountain of ingredients next to him, Braeburn was finishing peeling the carrots, and little pieces of… I dunno, carrot skin? Little pieces of carrot skin were flying into the garbage can. He focused on the carrot in his hooves as he said, "Well, you need to roll them out. If you need help…" He looked at me, and his face lit up. "Well, I'll be!" His tail whipped behind him as he set the carrot and the peeler down on the counter and came to inspect the crusts. "Jeez, and hardly a tear in 'em!" He wrapped a hoof around me, and I felt my chest puff up. "And here I thought I'd have plenty of time! Great work, Big Blue." He kissed the side of my face. "Real proud of you. We'll make a chef of you yet."

You know, I can't cook for myself much these days, but I still make those pot pies once a week.

I peeled and diced the rest of the vegetables while Braeburn made the cream sauce, and we assembled the pies together. We had about an hour while they baked, so we sat on the couch in the parlor and snuggled. Braeburn still smelled like sex, and I felt the little jolt in my spine as he rubbed his head under mine. I wrapped a wing around him and asked, "You doing better, Brae?"

He tensed up just a little, then relaxed. "Eh, yeah," he finally sighed. His voice was mellow and trailed off at the ends of his sentences. "Yeah, think so. Glad I've had this party to occupy my time. Not really sure what I'll do next week."

I hugged him. "You can do whatever you want, Applebutt."

He scoffed and muttered, "Not quite."

It was my turn to flinched. "W-what do you mean?"

Braeburn looked into my eyes and waved a hoof. "Sorry, sorry." He rubbed my chest with that same hoof. "Came out a little harsher than I intended. What I meant to say was… well, what I really want to do is sit back in my office in Appleloosa and catch up on paperwork. Silverstar's never been great about keepin' up with it, and the Ministry of Agriculture is gonna need that monthly report in the next week or so, and I don't have anythin' to report because, well, I haven't been there." He rested his head on me. "And I really wish Slate and I could just talk a little. About the orchard, about the town, anything."

Thoughts started bubbling up to the top of my mind, thoughts of Braeburn stepping off a train and into the forelegs of a pegasus that wasn't me, but I pushed them back down. I wasn't going to let them get to me. I was going to be a good coltfriend.

Or… at least I tried to be.

I spoke quickly. "Brae, you can totally use my office if you need to, and…" I tried not to make a face. "You trust Slate, right? Like, he won't give out my address to anypony else, right? He can mail stuff here."

Braeburn shook his head gently. "He wouldn't give it out. And thanks, Big Blue. That'll help. I…" He paused and looked up at me, then nuzzled my chest. "I know you're worried about Bronze, but Slate's trustworthy. It'll be okay."

"…Yeah. Good," I said stiffly.

'Off the train, back with Bronze.'

"I do wish I knew what he was doin', though." Braeburn stiffened up. "Slate said he'd mind the orchard for me, and he's got a good head, but he ain't a farmer."

I shook my head and cursed myself for not listening more closely, but that thought wouldn't go away. 'Back in Appleloosa. Back with Bronze.'

He talked faster. "And Bronze'd certainly be offerin' every day to 'help out,' and I know Slate would watch out for me and the orchard and the town, but he's just one pony. And Bronze is… well, I have to wonder if he's been in my house. I don't think he'd break in, but I… I-I just don't know."

My breaths became quick and shallow. 'Back with Bronze. Not with me.'

"It's a scary feelin'. There's a lot I don't know, and it'd all be easier if I could just be home again, just for a little while. I'd love to see home again."

My heart stopped. 'But… this is supposed to be his home. Is he… trying to leave me?'

"Wouldn't be that hard, I suppose, and I do miss the grass and the trees. Especially the trees."

I tried to tell myself I was being nuts. I tried to tell myself that Braeburn had chosen me. That he was here, wrapped up in my wings, and I had nothing to fear. But you can't fight fear with logic, and I saw it all again: Mom slamming the door. Dad's casket. The Wonderbolts' roster with my name missing.

Braeburn going back to Bronze.

My throat tightened, and I stared out at nothing. 'He's trying to leave me.'

Braeburn kept talking. "Maybe late next week, after your show. I could take the train out for the weekend, just for a few–"

"No."

We both flinched that time, shaking a little at the loud finality in my voice. The room suddenly felt icy and deathly quiet.

Braeburn pulled his head back and started at me wide-eyed. "I-it was just a suggestion!"

I shivered, and I had trouble looking at him. "Shit! I'm sorry, Brae. I-I didn't…"

A long beat passed.

I sighed. "Sorry. I get it, but I'm worried." I pulled him into another hug and wrapped a wing tightly around us. A bunch of words spilled out of my mouth, and these days, I tell myself I believed them. "It's not safe for you to travel yet. There's still too much attention on us." I could feel Braeburn's heartbeat. It was fast, but it was slowing. "You're safer here. With me. You're safer here with me. We're better off together."

There was another pause, one that seemed like it dragged on for minutes, but then Braeburn snuggled into me and sighed, "Yeah, you're probably right." His voice was low and mixed with resignation, and I'm embarrassed at how relieved I was that he'd given up so easily.

Braeburn added, "I'll write a few letters this weekend. Maybe Saturday when you're at brunch with Fire Streak." Braeburn knows how to change the subject when necessary. He's kind like that. Or maybe he's just had a lot of practice defusing anger. "Has he let on what he wants to talk about?"

I sighed, and as I focused on the new conversation, my pulse stopped pounding in my head. "Nah. He's been super distant this week. Hope he's okay. We'll catch up at the party, though. Speaking of which…" I nudged his head with my nose. "We've got a half-practice tomorrow. I'll be home around noon. I can't eat much, and I'll need to be at the stadium by five for orders and preening. The 'Bolts have a taxi and escort set up for you, me, and Holli. I wanna help out, though, so, like, leave something easy for me, 'kay?"

Braeburn smirked. "We'll have to be quick, then."

"Yeah, sorry. I'm planning on just setting up my sound system and letting everypony play what they want. Shouldn't take too long, so I could help you out for an hour, maybe? I have to get dressed, too."

Braeburn kissed my shoulder, then nibbled on it. "No, I mean we'll need to be quick." He was giving me the bedroom eyes. "Holli's comin' over around one, and I'd hate to send you to a show without your pie. Better not be late, Slick."

I felt my wings getting stiff again.

Dinner was delicious, and we went to bed early that night. Braeburn didn't bring up my outburst again, and neither did I. I lay in bed and tried not to think about it.

Which… is the best way to keep thinking about it.

Same scene, over and over and over again. Braeburn getting off the train, Bronze waiting on the platform, and Braeburn throwing himself at him. Bronze wrapping Braeburn up in his wings and calling him "Applebutt." And me? I wasn't anywhere. I was nopony. I was alone, back at home, lying in my bed, unable to sleep and with nothing but my thoughts keeping me company.

And that fantasy was feeling uncomfortably close to my reality.

I quietly groaned and dragged my forehooves down my face, stretching out my cheeks. Even after some deep breathing and shifting around in bed, I couldn't get comfortable. My back hurt. My shoulders felt strained. My tongue felt awkward in my mouth. I flopped back onto my side, groaned again, and waited for the thoughts to roll back in.

Braeburn. Train. Bronze.

I had to keep looking back to remind myself that Braeburn was still there. I couldn't see his face, and I felt a small pang in my heart.

I kept tossing around and repositioning myself for almost an hour, and eventually, I accidently brushed Braeburn's face with my wing. He slowly sucked in a deep breath, then lifted his head slightly and looked back at me. His voice was raspy, and he slurred his words. "Still up, Big Blue?"

Turning back to him, I whispered, "Y… Yeah. Sorry."

"S'okay," he mumbled, eyes falling back closed. "Anythin' I can help with?"

'Promise you'll never leave me?' I chided myself for that thought. I knew somewhere inside that I was being paranoid, but the bed still felt big and empty, and I shivered like a foal. I didn't like him facing away from me. I needed him closer. Meekly, I asked, "Can I spoon you?"

Braeburn gave me a half-asleep chuckle, then said, "Sure," and lay his head back down on the pillow.

My heart warmed, and as I scooted closer and pressed my stomach against his back and my nose into his mane, I felt all the little knots in my brain start to untangle. His chest rose and fell in my embrace, and after a few seconds, we breathed together, perfectly in sync. I smelled his mane until everything else melted away, and just like that, the darkness filled the edges of my vision. My muscles relaxed, and my whole body felt at peace.

Just before I fell asleep, I kissed Braeburn at the base of his ears and whispered to him, "Thanks. Love you, Applebutt."

"Love you, too, Soarin'. Now get some sleep."

Holding him close, I let the rest of the world slip away.

I didn't have any nightmares that night, and I didn't move again until morning.

But… I woke up alone in bed. Panic gripped me like a manticore on a baby sheep, but it started to subside once I smelled fruit and bread from downstairs. I stood up, shook off the sleepiness, and took a quick shower before heading down.

Braeburn had made these little pastries with fruit jelly folded inside, and when I came down, he was just finishing mixing some white frosting to put on top. Just before we ate, he used the frosting to make this little picture of the two of us kissing on his pastry. I tried to draw us having sex on mine, but it got really messy, so I just covered the rest of the picture with frosting and called it the aftermath. Braeburn laughed at that, and my fears from the previous night melted away for a while. It's amazing how big the little things can be.

Friday's practice was pretty standard for a pre-show. We did warm-ups and some light agility training, then took turns going through our physical exams, which I passed with flying colors. Once those were done, we were free to go. Sightseer and Wave Chill said they were excited for the party again, and after I asked everypony to bring snacks and booze – like that was something to worry about – I made my way home, Eagle Eye in tow. We were tailed by a small crowd of paparazzi trying to get a comment, but c'mon, they don't hire Wonderbolts because we're pretty – not just because we're pretty, anyway – and Eagle Eye dropped me off without any real problems.

When I walked in, the house was completely silent. "Braeburn?" No answer, but I saw his hat sitting on the railing. As I approached it, I saw his vest on the top stair. "Oh," I said, smiling. I was already getting excited. I walked upstairs and saw a bottle of lube just outside the door to our bedroom. I picked it up, then slowly opened the door and poked my head it. "Braeburn?"

Sweet Luna, those curves! He was on his back, looking at me coyly and on full display. He cooed at me, "You're late, Big Black. Why don't you come over here and make the wait worthwhile?"

So, yeah, I got my pre-show pie. And it was tasty.

We'd barely cleaned up when we heard a knock on the door. Braeburn rushed to open it, and from the top of the stairs, I saw Holli walk in with a few grocery bags. "Afternoon, Cutie!"

"Come on in!" Braeburn said, taking her bags. "Nice to see you again, Ms. Holli. Would you like me to show you around?"

"Well, look at you, already settled. No tour necessary, Braeburn, though I am curious how you did with the furniture." She spotted me coming down the stairs. "Mind if I take a look, Soarin'?"

I hovered down. "What, no 'Sugar'?"

She winked at Braeburn. "Not in front of the coltfriend."

Holli sauntered into the parlor, hips wiggling, and took a quick look at the furniture. "Nice work," she said with a nod. Satisfied, she and Braeburn walked into the kitchen and started cooking. Meanwhile, I spent an hour so getting the sound system set up, complete with a few multi-colored gem lamps for some extra flair. It would have been quicker, but I kept poking my head into the kitchen to see what those amazing smells were. Holli and Braeburn would giggle and shoo me away, and as much as I wanted a stay, it was great hearing Braeburn laugh so much with somepony else.

After the music was set up, I helped mix some kind of salty mush that went with these little toast point things, and then I washed dishes up until around four-thirty, when it was time to get dressed.

Up in our bedroom, I stood in front of the full-length mirrors that made up my closet doors. Carefully, I put on my crisp captain's uniform, complete with a perfectly-tied black tie, and took a second to admire the patches and medals. There were awards for the big milestones: three years of being a captain, five years of service, a hundred main squad shows… but there were a couple for actual accomplishments, too, like the round one I got for that charity show I'd organized for the Cloudsdale Youth Shelter.

I fixated on that one.

It had actually been Streak's idea, kind of. Like, I'd been really down for over a month, since… well, since Dad had died. I'd only been a captain for a couple months, and as much as the management encouraged me to take more than a few days' bereavement time, I couldn't. I couldn't sit at home, alone, thinking about it. I had to keep pushing myself. On the days I exhausted myself, I was super annoyed that I had to go over to Dad's place and box up his stuff, and if I was annoyed, I couldn't be sad, and I wouldn't think about it, and…

And it had started getting to me. I knew I had to perform at the top of my game to establish myself as the new captain, but all the stress had worn me down. Streak kept prodding me in the locker room to get a different project, something to break the monotony, and after about a week, I finally settled on helping out the Youth Shelter.

I… I didn't want any more foals to feel abandoned.

The event was a long day of autographs, photos, and mini-shows in downtown Canterlot. The streets were packed with fans and ponies just trying to go about their day, and a few times, security had to keep fights from breaking out in the crowd. By the end of the day, I'd probably put in four hours at the autograph table, my hoof was killing me, my signature had devolved into a bunch of scribbles, and I desperately needed some coffee. I decided to just stick it out, though, and I'm glad I did.

Towards the end of the line, there was this adolescent pegasus filly with orange fur and a light green mane. She was kind of scrawny, and she breathed heavily and stared at me the whole time she was in line. When she got to the front, she quickly asked, "A-are you Soarin'?"

Even though I wanted to drop to the ground and sleep forever, I still had my game face on. I flashed a giant smile and said, "The one and only! What's your name?"

Her eyes lit up. "I'm Lofty Skies! It's, um, i-it's really nice to meet you! You're really inspiring, and I think what you're doing is super nice, and I really appreciate it. Really! And I… I just wanted to say that. Thanks!" She quickly turned and crouched down to take off.

I held up a hoof. "Hey! Lofty! No rush." I held up a headshot. "You want an autograph?"

She shrunk a little, but then she turned back to me. "Oh, um… I… don't have the money for it. I'm… sort of saving up so I can leave the shelter." My throat tightened up. "But thank you!" She turned to leave again.

And I stopped her again. "Eh, it's on the house. And…" I felt my wings start to droop. "I'm sorry things aren't working out for you. But don't worry! In the end, you're gonna make it." I passed her the photo. "I know you can. I…" I cleared my throat and crossed my forelegs to rest them on the table.

She cocked her head to the side. "What's wrong?"

My gaze fell to the ground. "Well, I… don't have any parents, either."

Lofty looked down at the photo. "I'm sorry. I know how much it sucks." She paused, looked at the line behind her, then back to me. "Do you… want a hug?"

And ponies don't believe me when I say I do it for the fans.

I chuckled and looked up. "Sure. Why not."

That turned out to be the highlight of my day, and it reminded me why I was there. Every bit we'd earned went to the shelter, and knowing that somepony else didn't have to feel so alone – that they didn't have to go home to a quiet house somewhere or a home with nothing but screaming, arguing parents – was worth an exhausted hoof and a lack of sleep. I felt like I'd done something good for once, and it made the whole… transition a little easier.

I came back to reality, and as I stood in the bedroom, staring at that medal, I choked up just a little and whispered, "I'm trying, Dad."

It still hurt, and my chest tightened when I realized he'd never get to meet Braeburn. I took a few shallow breaths and looked into my reflection. "You'd love Braeburn, Dad. I sure do." My lip quivered, and I let out a weak laugh. "See? You and Mom didn't screw me up. I-I'm back. It's okay." A small smile appeared on my face. "It's okay."

And I could see him again. I imagined him standing there with me, his foreleg around me and smiling that big goofy smile, just like the day I'd graduated from the Academy. He said, "You're making me proud, son. Not just because of the shows, but everything. You're a fine stallion, and I don't want you ever thinking otherwise. I'll be watching tonight, just like always, and I know you'll blow them away, Stormcloud."

I could feel my mane start to stand on end, and I swallowed hard. "Thanks, Dad."

"And take care of Braeburn." I imagined him patting me on the shoulder. "He's a good colt. I love him to death, and I couldn't have picked a better mate for you, son. I think you'll make it last."

My knees felt weak. "I do, too," I said almost silently.

"See? You're already smarter than your old man." He nodded at me. "It'll be rough at times, but no matter what happens, remember how much you love him, and have faith in him, and do the same for yourself. Think you can handle that?"

"Yeah," I said shakily.

He smiled again, big and goofy and loving. "Go get 'em, Stormcloud. I'll always love you."

…

I don't know if ghosts are real. Maybe our loved ones stay with us until we don't need them anymore, or maybe the only thing we keep of them is our memories. Was he really there with me? Maybe not, but as long as I can still hear his voice, as long as I can still feel the way he touched me or see that smile that was all his and feel in my heart all the love he had for me, all the way to his last breath, well… that's basically the same thing, isn't it? I get it now. I wish I'd known it then. I blinked away a few tears and weakly mumbled, "Love you, too, Dad."

And he was gone.

It was quiet in that room. Not the quiet that I'd grown to hate, but the quiet that Braeburn was teaching me was okay, the kind that leaves you full instead of empty, warm instead of cold.

And right on cue, Braeburn walked softly into the room, dressed in a white button-up shirt and the bolo tie with the apple-shaped clasp. He said nothing. He knew that the silence was sacred. Braeburn stood next to me and rested his head on my shoulder, on the opposite side where Dad had stood, and we both watched each other in the mirrors.

Tenderly, he asked, "Talkin' to Skywise?"

I leaned my head against his. "Yeah."

There was another pause, and Braeburn leaned into me a little harder, like he was hugging me with his cheek. "What'd he have to say?"

I sighed. "He's proud of me, and he loves me, and he's going to be at the show tonight, just like always." I nuzzled him. "And he loves you, too."

Braeburn chuckled. "Glad he approves. I'll try to stay on his good side."

"You will." I kissed his head, then rested on it again, feeling the warmth of his body against mine. "How about Jonah? Does he like me?"

It was Braeburn's turn to sigh, and he half-lidded his eyes as he smiled. "Oh, he likes you a bunch. Says I've finally found a stallion worth keeping." His voice got a little quieter, and his smile faded. "And he's been helpin' me through the long days. Keepin' me company, mostly, and keepin' me focused on what matters." He looked at me directly. "We're lucky to have them."

"Yeah. We really are."

We shared a quiet moment, then pulled away and just looked at each other. The world was still, but we both thought the same thing. We both leaned in, closed our eyes, and shared a long, deep kiss. It was soft and sweet, and I could just barely feel his rough tongue brush against mine. When we were satisfied, I pulled away, stepped forward, and wrapped both my wings around him in a big hug. Our cheeks touched, and I said, "Thanks for being here, Brae. I love you so much."

"You, too, Soarin'." He hugged me back and let us have one more moment of peace. "And I hate to rush us, but the cab's here. I know you can't eat much before the show, but I whipped up some candied alfalfa if you need a snack."

My heart swelled. "Thanks, Braeburn."

We went downstairs. Holli was finishing putting some mini dessert tacos onto a platter and into the ice box. At some point, she'd put on some makeup and had slipped into a casual, blue dress. We grabbed our stuff and headed outside to the cab, which took us towards Manehattan stadium.

And by the way, that candied alfalfa kicked ass.

Swooping down to Manehattan, Braeburn's eyes were stuck to the windows. "Geez, it's like the whole city's made of gold!"

He was right. Between the fading sunlight catching the tall metal buildings and the gem lamps in the streets starting to come on, everything had a golden shimmer. The streets were packed with ponies on their way home from work, and maybe even a few on their way to the show. Thank Luna we got to fly over all that, right?

Plus, the media ponies were out in swarms. Luckily, we got dropped off inside the security gate, and there was an escort waiting for us as we stepped out of the cab, far away from the flashing cameras. We ducked inside a giant set of nondescript doors, guided by two heavily-muscled bodyguards.

As we walked down a grey, stale hallway, Holli leaned in to talk to Braeburn. "Thanks for letting me tag along. Soarin's never brought me backstage before."

Braeburn laughed. "Ha! Well, maybe you just need to work on your persuasive technique. Soarin's pretty level-headed."

I nudged Braeburn. "Bullshit. You make me go nuts."

Holli peeked around Braeburn. "Oh, I'm not jealous, Sugar. You two make a cute couple."

"Thank you kindly!" Braeburn said.

Security brought us to the locker room, and they said they'd take Holli and Braeburn to their seats. Before we split off, Braeburn gave me one last hug and a kiss and said, "Love you, Big Blue. Give 'em hell."

"I will, Applebutt. Enjoy the show."

Braeburn and Holli waved to me, and they left down the hall.

Aaaand I spent about two minutes staring at Braeburn's ass as he walked away. For professional reasons, of course. See, when a dude's aroused, he gets a testosterone boost, and that gives him better endurance. I was doing it for the team! That's just science, dude.

I stepped into the locker room and found the rest of the team stretching out and talking. Stormfeather saw me and said, "There he is. Thought you were skipping your big comeback for a second, Soarin'."

I smirked. "You wish. Nothing's keeping me out of the sky tonight."

The locker room smelled sterile, but it would be thick with stallion musk by the end of the night. The lockers were a deep red – the color of Manehattan's skyball team, the Minotaurs – and everypony that was performing that night started putting on their suits, which they grabbed from a pile. I didn't have an old one to turn in, but luckily, nopony asked. Star Hunter was our backup flier, and Sightseer looked like he was just there to hang. Officially, he wasn't supposed to be there. Unofficially, buck that. We're a team. He even came with us for the warm-ups in the training room, and he sat there preening with us while we all listened to Spitfire give us one last pep talk.

…and one last inspection. "Windsong! Earring! Now!"

I flicked my ear. The yellow stud that I'd gotten for Braeburn in Las Pegasus was still in there, and Wonderbolt policy prohibits jewelry during the shows. It isn't part of the look, and it can do a lot of damage if things go wrong. Instinctively, I started to say, "But, Captain Sp–"

"No buts, Windsong! Take it out, or I'm taking you out of the show."

I frowned, and my heart felt heavy. I whispered to myself, "Sorry, Applebutt," and reached up to take it out. It's such a small gemstone, but as soon as it was out, my ear felt completely different. I felt the hole that it had left, and everything seemed just a little out of balance. I didn't want to fly without it.

So I didn't. When nopony was looking, I pinned it on the inside of my suit, right next to my heart. Patting it once, I thought, 'Love you, Brae. I'll always keep you right here.'

After we finished preening, we headed back to our respective locker rooms. Things were more relaxed back there. Fire Streak stood at the edge of the room while the rest of us bullshitted with each other. As a captain, it's tough straddling that line between being one of the guys and being the stern leader. Admittedly, I was way better at the former. Streak was fine, though, and he spent some time looking at himself in the mirror before he finally shouted, "Stallion squad!"

We lined up in perfect formation, all seven of us. I was second from the left.

Fire Streak kept going. "'Bolts!" He marched crisply in front of our line, inspecting for even the slightest hoof misplacement. He didn't find it. "It's been a long week for all of us. Celestia knows the administrative side's been a nightmare. But that won't break us, will it?"

We shouted in unison. "Sir no sir!"

"Good! All eyes are on us. The world is waiting for us to slip up. It's an immense amount of pressure." He whipped his head towards us. "But do we crack under pressure?"

"Sir no sir!"

"Damn straight! When things get rough, we don't crack. We shine." Streak was really getting the hang of it, and it felt like he'd been doing it for years. "In the most extreme conditions, we show the world that we'll push harder, fly faster, and perform better than any other pony in Equestria. Wonderbolts, are you ready to shine?"

"Sir yes sir!"

"Excellent! Let's get out there and blow some Celestia-damned minds. Wonderbolts, salute!"

We snapped our hooves to our foreheads.

"Wonderbolts, scramble!"

We crouched down, and together, we tore out of there, ready to give the show of our lives.

As the last members of the crowd took their seats, I stood at my place along the rim of the stadium. We were scattered all along the edge, and five meters to my left was a large, volatile mass of pyrotechnics. Peeking into the stadium, I could see Braeburn, right in the cushy, reclining VIP seat in the middle of the stadium and a few rows in front of the main stage. I told you, we have great vision. My heart fluttered, and I felt like a school filly as I thought, 'He's going to see me. My coltfriend is at my big show!' I didn't care that I wasn't the lead flier – Braeburn was going to see me and be proud of me. Dad and Jonah, too. Everything else was secondary.

The announcer riled up the crowd, calling on them to cheer louder in a booming, bass voice. My wings buzzed and my heart thumped along with the loud, primal music that played over the speakers. Fog machines ran full-steam at the sides of the stage, and the giant, blue curtain with the Wonderbolts' insignia began to wave in an unseen breeze. Watching the special effect and hearing the growing music, I thought I'd burst, but I held all the energy in, all until the final moment.

"Fillies and gentlecolts… the Wonderbolts!"

The fireworks erupted from the main stage, and Fire Streak and Spitfire erupted from the curtains with them. The crowd roared, and I could swear I heard Braeburn whistle as Streak made a low pass over his section. A few more fireworks from the stage, and Streak and Spitfire began flying more slowly around the rim. At regular intervals, another firework would explode, and another 'Bolt would launch off of the rim and fall into formation as the announcer called our names. It looked like we were exploding into existence, and the crowd ate it up.

My turn came. I flared out my wings, sucked in a breath, and leapt. The dark blue firework went off behind me, and I snapped into formation just behind and to the right of Fire Streak. The crowd cheered, and without turning my head – Spitfire always knows – I flicked my eyes over to Braeburn, who was standing on his chair, flailing and waving at me. I might have been imagining it, but… no. It was real. Braeburn's voice always found me, and I could hear him cheering like there was nopony else in the world.

And he deserved to see me at my best. I grunted and refocused as Streak and Spitfire peeled off and flew for opposite sides of the stadium. They landed there deftly as the stallion and mare squads split from each other. The two squads flew in vertical ring formations at opposite ends, then flew one after another in large spirals towards the center of the stadium. The audience gasped as the two spirals intertwined beautifully, and once we had completely merged our two formations, we each flew in wide, vertical rings. The music swelled, and we activated contrail packs in our suits. Thick smoke billowed from each of us, creating a large, black tube. As the contrails ran out, we flew just outside the tube, keeping the smoke tunnel in place with our draft.

The spotlights hit the captains, one each on opposite sides of the stadium. They dove straight for the tube at the same time. They gained speed. The audience held their breath, then gasped as Streak and Spitfire flew straight into both sides of the tube. As they did, we all flew away, and an orange glow from inside turned into a massive explosion that Spitfire and Streak emerged from opposite sides of. The crowd went fucking wild!

And Braeburn was cheering loudest of all. Even if I wasn't the star, I could feel it in my chest. He was cheering just for me.

During the first act, Wave Chill, Blaze, Fleetfoot, and I watched from just off the main stage. Halfway through, Wave Chill saddled up next to me and whispered, "Burn you up not to be out there?"

Through a little gap in the curtains, I could see Braeburn, reclining in his puffy chair. I'd been watching his reactions the whole time, from the big smiles to the loud gasps to the way his eyes were always searching for me. I smiled and, without looking away, whispered back to Wave Chill, "Nah, I've got a pretty good view."

The second act was awesome, too, and even if there weren't as many pyrotechnics, the audience loved us. A few times, during quick turns or stunts where I had to arch my back, I felt a little poke on my chest from the stud, and I said to myself, 'Braeburn's with me.' I thought about throwing an extra spiral or two in, just for him, but I decided against it. Giving him my best meant doing what was best for the team.

The show ended with the "Pyre Spiral," and dude, just… dude! It's become Streak and Spitfire's signature thing, and they bucking owned it! The rest of us did smaller, interwoven stunts in front of the audience. It all looked super chaotic, even though it was meticulously choreographed, and when the music hits that last, low beat that rang out for a couple seconds, the whole stadium went silent. The team began flying around the arena, clockwise along the edge, and when the beat dropped again, Spitfire and Fire Streak dove from the rim of the stadium right towards each other. But this time, they didn't explode as they nearly collided. No. This time, they set off their contrail packs so that orange and yellow mists trailed behind them. The mist smelled like vodka, and as they flew past, they banked hard upward, creating a colored spiral. The audience shrieked as the lights went out, but it wasn't dark for long. Some technicians lit the mists on fire. The flames raged upwards, burning through the contrail, and when it got to the top, it revealed what Spitfire and Fire Streak had done in the dark: the Wonderbolts' insignia, cast in a blazing glory of yellow and orange.

The audience lost their freaking minds!

After the bows and the flyovers, we headed back to the locker rooms, patting each other on the back and playfully punching each other.

"Dude, nice work tonight!"
"Damn, that felt sweet."
"You catch the hottie in the third row?"

Back in the locker room, the first thing I did was put my stud back in. I flicked my ear once when it was back in place, and it felt… well, normal. Everything felt balanced again. Everything felt right.

We hit the showers. The water was too cold, but we were in high spirits. As we were toweling off, I saw Streak let out a big sigh as a smile appeared on his face. I went up to him and lightly punched his shoulder, wearing a big, corny grin. "That was killer, bro! Iiiiiif I didn't know better, I'd think you were a captain or something!"

Streak gave me a toothy smile. "Guess you've already forgotten what a real captain looks like." We knocked heads together, and Streak nodded at me. "Nice flying tonight, bro. Think you're ready for the firing squad? We could probably get you out of it if you wanna claim captainship."

I scrunched up my face, imagining having to sit through Spitfire's critique. It wouldn't be pleasant, but I wanted to be part of the team again. "Nah, lay it on me. Luna knows I'm out of shape."

Streak nodded. "You got it, but don't say I didn't warn you." The guys were being rowdy in the middle of the room, and their voices echoed around us. "You clowns still need a lot of work."

"Ha! Like you're not just as bad as the rest of us." I smiled wider. "Seriously, though, Streak, that was fan-freaking-tastic! And you totally nailed that Pyre Spiral. You gotta tell me the story behind that sometime."

"Sure thing, Soarin'." His smile flickered into a frown, then back, but it was a little forced now. "Maybe tomorrow over brunch?"

"Yeah, okay." I nudged him. "And hey, you wanna let me in on the big secret? What do you actually want to talk about tomorrow?"

Streak waved a hoof. "Not tonight. We've got a free weekend, and I want to make the most of it. Tonight's for you and Braeburn."

"Thanks, bro." We bumped hooves, and I heard a timid knock on the door. "Speaking of which…"

The door had opened a crack, and I saw the end of a yellow nose poke in. "Pardon, uh… Pardon me, but i-is Soarin' ready?"

A few of the guys looked at each other with wicked smiles, and Silver Lining sauntered over to the door. I shook my head at him a little, but I kinda wanted to see where he was going with it. He grabbed the handle and yanked open the door, then said in a sultry voice, "Welcome to the big leagues, Braeburn. Come inside."

Braeburn stood wide-eyed, his top two buttons undone, ears down. "Oh, my! Uh… Thank you, but I–"

"Eh, c'mon," Silver Lining said, hooking Braeburn around the neck and pulling him inside.

Braeburn sucked in a deep breath, and I could see his pupils constrict as the rest of the team (minus Streak and me) gathered around him. "Well, uh, hello! Y'all had a great show tonight, and I'm pleased I could have such a wonderful seat." He was completely rigid, and he was talking quickly as the guys pressed in closer. "Sure never seen anythin' like that back home in Appleloosa. Don't have many pegasi comin' through, I suppose, but we'd love to have y'all out sometime! Don't have much funds for a show, but we might be able to scrape somethin' together. What are your policies on loans?"

A few of the guys snickered, and I could see Braeburn flinch as Wave Chill put a dark blue hoof on his shoulder. "Dude, relax. You're fine."

Stormfeather shouted to Chill, "How fine? Do I have to tell your marefriend you're switching teams, Chill?" The guys laughed, and Braeburn's shoulders relaxed a little.

Wave Chill took his hoof off Braeburn's shoulder and walked over to slap Stormfeather with a wing. "Careful, Stormfeather. I heard about Whinnyapolis."

Stormfeather blushed, then looked away. "He looked like a mare…"

The guys laughed again, and Sightseer walked up next to Braeburn. "Don't worry about them. They're just jealous Soarin's getting more action than they are. I'm Sightseer. Nice to meet you," he said, extending a hoof.

"Pleasure's all mine," Braeburn replied, shaking it.

Fire Streak leaned in and whispered, "Is Braeburn okay? He seems a little tense."

I looked back at Braeburn, who was staring wide-eyed as Wave Chill flexed in the mirror and showed off his wings, occasionally winking at Braeburn. When Stormfeather saw the way Braeburn was ogling, he started nonchalantly doing a few wing-ups. Silver Lining joined him, too, and they had a mini-wing-up competition. Star Hunter was off to the side, scowling a little, but he still showed off his chest when Braeburn looked his way. Even Lightning Streak, who's totally straight, strutted around Braeburn, checking him out. "Soarin's lucky he's got somepony as hot as you to ride."

Braeburn took it all in. His face looked flushed, and his breathing got very heavy. He tried to stifle a smile, but it slowly crept up the sides of his face, and I could see him subtly taking deep breaths of the sweaty smell of Wonderbolt stallion. Then, his smile dropped, he sat down, and he carefully positioned his forelegs between his hind legs to cover the middle section of his body, but he didn't stop eyeing every piece of stallion meat in there.

And… as happy as I was for him, I felt a little stab of jealousy in my stomach. It worked its way up to my chest, then bubbled up into the first shades of anger in my face. My coltfriend was sitting there, eyeing every other stallion in the room, and he hadn't even really looked for me.

But I told myself it was a one-time thing. 'Don't flip out. They're just having fun, and he is, too. It's all good.' After a deep breath, I realized it wasn't all that different from Las Pegasus: these guys weren't my competition. They were just eye candy. 'Braeburn wouldn't pick them over me. Definitely not.'

By the time I came back to the moment, a few of the guys were closing in on Braeburn, posing and giving him the bedroom eyes, and I could see Braeburn's brain short-circuiting as his smile grew wider. Braeburn chewed his lower lip, then mumbled, "Y'all sure are a fit bunch. Mighty… Mighty impressive." His eyes flickered down to his crotch, and he grimaced at them. "Heh heh…"

I shook out my mane and whispered back to Streak, "Oh yeah. He'll be okay."

Braeburn shrunk a little bit, though, and I saw realization hit his face. He shook his head a few times, then looked past the other stallions until he found me. With soft eyes, he grimaced and mouthed, "Help?"

And for the moment, I thought, 'Yeah. He's still picking me.' I smiled and whispered to Streak, "I should probably go save him." A little louder, I added, "You and Spitfire gonna be there tonight?"

Streak shook his head. "Oh yeah, and Spitfire's planning on firing anypony that's late." He winked at me. "See you there, bro."

We shared another hoof bump, and I walked up to Braeburn, pushing a few of my teammates away. "Alright, guys, meat market's closed."

"Soarin'!" Braeburn shouted, his voice cracking as it echoed off the walls. "Oh, uh, we should, uh…" He looked frantically around and the other 'Bolts, whose faces were a mix of smugness and laughter. "We should, uh, probably get back home and finish settin' up. Oh! And Holli's waitin'! Wouldn't want to keep her too long, and–"

I kissed him on the lips. "You got it." I turned back to the guys and said, "Nice show, colts. You ready to get trashed?"

They erupted in cheers.

"Woo!"
"Fuck yes!"
"You know it!"
"See you there!"

I laughed. "Okay. Let's go, Braeburn."

We said a few more goodbyes and left the locker room. Once we were outside and walking towards the exit, Braeburn let out a long breath. "Mighty stuffy in there, ain't it?"

"Ha!" I nudged his flank with mine. "Admit it, Applebutt: you thought they were hot."

Braeburn looked straight ahead, and a satisfied smile dominated his face as he pranced along. "Well… I enjoyed the attention." In an exaggerated voice, he added, "Think they'll let me back in after the next show?"

I chuckled. "Careful, or Wave Chill's marefriend'll kill you."

"Oh, she's got nothin' to worry about. I've got more than I could ask for right here." Braeburn looked over at me, his eyes sparkling, and I felt that calm earth pony magic soothe me. The aching burn in my muscles was replaced with gentle warmth, and my exhaustion melted away.

"Although," he continued as I refocused on him. "During the flyover, I noticed a certain accessory went missin', you stinker." He winked at me. "Where'd you stash it?"

I stopped and smiled at him. He was feigning an angry expression, with his eyebrows furrowed and his lower lip sticking out, but it was more adorable than anything else, and I didn't feel any malice in it. Instead of saying anything, I just grabbed his hoof and pressed it against my chest, right on my heart where I'd put the stud.

Braeburn smiled, dreamy-eyed. "You know… Somehow, I just knew." He set his hoof down and kissed me quickly.

The hallway was empty, and I let the words just come out. "You're in my heart all the time, Brae. You've always got a special place there."

"I know, and I love you all the more for it." He traced the muscles on my chest with a hoof, then quietly said, "That was a hell of a show, Soarin'. I was watchin' you the whole time, and you made me proud."

My heart warmed, but my head wasn't quite on board yet. I cocked an eyebrow. "Proud? Of what?"

Braeburn shrugged. "Just proud, I guess. Proud that you were able to get back into it so quickly. Proud that you gave it your best, even if you weren't the lead. Proud that you've grown and found a place in the team. You know." He nuzzle me under my chin. "There's a lot to be proud of, and I'm lookin' forward to more."

I stroked his mane. "So you're coming to the next show?"

"Of course! And the one after that, too!" He looked up at me, and his voice got quieter. "And you know what?"

I was smiling, and softly, I asked, "What?"

"Skywise told me he was proud of you, too."

I felt a healing coolness wash over me, and a tight feeling welled up from my gut to my throat to my eyes, which watered for a second. For a moment, I could see Dad there next to me, and Jonagold next to him, and they were both smiling and nodding. And I felt complete. And the night felt perfect.

I sucked in a shaky breath and kissed Braeburn's head, right on his mane between his ears. "Thanks, Applebutt."

We held each other for a moment more, then started walking that last little distance back to the security checkpoint. My wing was around him, and we walked with our bodies pressed together. The thought of Braeburn going back to Appleloosa and Bronze still lurked somewhere at the back of my mind, but at the time, all I could think was, 'This is real. This is my life, and it feels so… right.'

Braeburn piped up, "Sure got a big smile on, Big Blue. Whatcha thinkin' about?"

I looked at my coltfriend, and everything felt brighter. "My new normal."