The rain was hard and cold- but not as cold as Spike felt. Was life gonna always be like this? That Twilight was always going to save him from everything ,including heartbreak. He remembered yesterday like it was....today.
***
Spike was just having a nap in his bed when Twilight woke him softly. "What," he whined as he sleepily opened his eyes.
Twilight hung her head "I was just having a talk with Rarity."
"Oh right! Today I was going to announce my feelings for her!" Spike interrupted ,about to exit the room.
"She sees you as a friend Spike," Twilight announced quietly.
****
Those words echoed in Spike's mind as he remembered that moment. Rarity was so easily bedazzled by stallions yet for him it was like climbing a mountain ,never reaching the top. Maybe he should give up?
"Spike!" Twilight shouted ,shattering his daydream.
Spike ran down the stairs. Twilight couldn't have finished her safety inspection this early-she left 5 minutes ago! Spike reached the bottom of the stairs to find Twilight carrying a towel for a young filly. Spike almost didn't recognize Sweetie-she looked so...sad. Her coat was glazed with mud. Her hair was dirty with mud, and the rain had flattened her characteristic curls. Her eyes...they seemed full of hurt, yet somehow emotionless at the same time.
"Spike! There you are ,I need you to babysit Sweetie Belle while I get," Twilight paused, not wanting to mention Rarity's name after what happened yesterday,"....her sister to pick her up while I complete the safety inspection." Twilight teleported away.
Spike stared as Sweetie as she rubbed her face with the towel. What could he do? Ever since yesterday's chat about Rarity ,Spike has barely been out bed; he hadn't been much of an assistant for Twilight. The least he can do for Twilight is shine Sweetie's hooves. Spike got Twilight's hoof brush and walked up to Sweetie Belle.
"What do you want?" Sweetie gave Spike a hollow gaze.
"Polishing your hooves," Spike answered. He took Sweetie's hoof and started wiping away the mud. Sweetie blushed and avoided his intense gaze. Spike continued wiping away the mud, realizing Sweetie Belle can't get mud all over herself from the rainstorm. "Sweetie what happened."
Sweetie Belle stayed silent.
"Sweetie Belle what happened?" he asked insistently .
Sweetie's eyes started filling up with tears. "I-I g-got in a fight in D-Diamond."
"And?" Spike asked more gently putting the paper towel to the side.
"A-and she called so many things," Sweetie Belle sobbed and hugged Spike.
Spike didn't know what to say. Diamond Tiara did that! Why? Poor Sweetie. Spike just hugged her back.
"This will be our secret. Right?"
"Promise."
Okay, I love Sweetie Spike as much as the next shipper, but your grammar is horrible. Don't take this too hard, but you really need to edit, lengthen, and slow this down before you continue. There is help everywhere, invest in it. l won't like or dislike mainly because it was a good story just hard to read.
I'm going to have to agree with 5687388. This story needs a lot of help. I like the idea, but it's hard for me to read.
The spark of love commence!!!
Spike got the paper towels and walked up to Spike ?????????
5687573
Exactly why I said that the grammar needs a lot of work. It's a great story though.
5687388
More time spent on details isn't a bad idea, either.
I agree with them. This is a good start with possibilities but you need to flesh it out more, get an editor and just make sure it's fully ready to be presented because this has a lot of potential here.
It's a good idea but it needs work. First an foremost you really need an editor.
Second it needs better flushing out and more detail in terms of how the characters feeling.
Finally there are few things that are glossed over that need a lot of flushing out. The big one is Twilight telling Spike Rarity isn't interested in him. Another is what exactly Twilight was inspecting for safety when she found Sweetie.
Hmm, well, we'll see won't we?
Awww poor Sweetie Belle, but um when did this fight happen exactly? I wouldn't think of Sweetie to be a pony to get in a fight. Good idea though, I must however agree with everyone else on the improvements but hay a really badly edited story got me to love the spikebelle ship in the first place, not that your fic is badly edited. Great fic idea, flesh it out a bit that's basically it. Also congratulations your fic got more views, likes and comments than the one I started yesterday. I'M NOT GELOUSE!
Needs to be alittle longer too
Hmm I like it a lot!