World's End

by Raichu

Prologue

Author's Note:

The characters are bit Out of Character in this chapter, but other than that's it a really good start. The story really tends to get better later on if you keep reading. Anyways, enjoy!

Princess Luna stepped forward. Her sister hummed happily as she flipped the page of an unknown book in the huge library that the castle contained. Luna cleared her throat very loudly. Princess Celestia turned around with a grin on her face as usual, but it faded away to fear when she saw the look in her sister’s eyes.

“Hello Tia.” Luna said calmly although her eyes showed every ounce of anger in her. Celestia hadn’t seen her sister this angry since she became Nightmare Moon. Something was very wrong. “How art thou?”

‘Do I even want to know what’s wrong this time?’ Celestia asked herself. ‘I bet the coffee machine broke down again.’

“What’s the matter, Luna?” Celestia asked warmly as if nothing was wrong. “Why are you so mad? Did the coffee machine break again?”

“Worse.” She growled. “There’s a longma living in Ponyville.”

“Why yes of course. Her name is Emerald. She’s Rarity’s and Spike’s daughter and…” Celestia trailed off when she saw Luna looking at her angrily. “What’s the problem?”

“THOUST KNOW WHAT THE PROBLEM IS!” Luna screamed in the Royal Canterlot Voice. Celestia stood calmly across the room as she set down the book she was holding. “Thou know my issue and don’t deny it.”

‘Why would she be so angry with me?’ thought Celestia. ‘What could possibly upset her… oh no.’

“I do know your issue.” Celestia admitted and turned fully to her sister. She held her ground as Luna took a step towards her sister. "Why is it an issue?"

“Why?” Luna asked as her coat flickered between her and something more sinister and familiar. “Why is she alive?”

“What was I supposed to do? She’s a living thing! I can’t just end her life…” Celestia argued back. She had seen the way Luna was acting. Emotions controlled an alicorn’s powers and when Luna let her anger get the best of her, she became something a little more… scary. Celestia did her best to calm herself as she tried to calm her sister.

“But don’t deny that you knew she was going to be born.” Luna said shakily, breaking away from her tradition voice to talk normally. She was so angry that she didn’t care. “You knew that Rarity was going to have a hybrid and you did nothing!”

“I knew. But I can’t just take away the lives of others because of what they might do.” Celestia said. Luna tossed a table aside causing it to hit the wall and break onto the floor. Celestia paid it no attention. She focused her attention on her sister who was growing increasingly angry.

“WHY DIDN’T YOU JUST RID THE WORLD OF HER?” Luna shouted so loud a window cracked. Celestia flinched.

‘Why? What makes you think you can take away the life of others at your own command!’ Celestia thought angrily.

“She’s special!” Celestia argued and took a step towards her sister. She could no longer wait for Luna to calm herself and realize the truth. She had to take action. “She’s different!”

“How would you know?” Luna asked. “She’s probably like the rest of them!”

“I made sure she won’t be. I was her foalsitter.” Celestia admitted. “She’s a good pony.”

“NO!” Luna screamed. Her coat flickered and for a whole minute, Celestia saw Nightmare Moon stare right back at her. Then Nightmare Moon faded into Luna. “She’s not different, she’s the same!”

“Luna,-” Celestia was cut off by a blast of blue light. Nightmare Moon stood where Luna used to stand. Celestia flew into the back wall and fell to the floor with a grunt. Luna had attacked her.

“Emerald is a threat against all of Equestria!” Nightmare Moon shouted. “She must be destroyed.”

Celestia looked up with tears in her eyes. She was more concerned with her sister than with the pain that pulsed from her side. Alicorns had two forms they could take, one for attacking and the normal one. Luna’s Nightmare Moon side was showing and this was when her strength reached its peak. She could easily take down Celestia in more one blast. Nightmare frowned back with tears in her eyes. She looked tired, angry and perhaps a bit scared. She stepped forward as Celestia’s cutie mark began to glow. Celestia hadn’t given up just yet.

“Sister, please.” Celestia begged as she struggled to stand up. “She’s so young. It’ll be different this time. You must learn to give ponies a chance.”

“Will it?” Nightmare asked. She frowned as her horn glowed. “I can’t take any chances. Emerald must go. I know that your view of right and wrong is clouded. You will try to stop me of course. So I’ll have to make sure you don’t by defeating you here and now.”

She blasted Celestia again with full force. A gigantic magical explosion was created on contact and dust flew everywhere while Nightmare Moon held her ground. Chunks of wall fell from the ceiling and the room shook from the blast. The dust from the wall cleared and Nightmare gasped. Celestia stood in front of Nightmare with a slowly dying protective magical yellow shield. It flickered away and Celestia frowned. Her white coat was covered in golden armor and her mane flowed out of the cracks. Her sun cutie mark glowed as her horn glowed.

“What? What trickery is this?” Nightmare Moon asked and stepped back in awe. Celestia had never used her other form and for good reason. It was way too powerful. “I’ve never seen this side of you.”

‘You wouldn’t have.’ Celestia thought.

“I don’t use it often.” Celestia growled. She walked forward towards her sister until she could see the fear within her eyes. Nightmare began to shake under the cold gaze of her sister. “You’re being unreasonable, Luna. You know that no harm will come unto this country. Your fear of what has happened in the past has made you fear anything that wishes to destroy this future. Look beyond it all.”

“I…” Nightmare fell on her knees. Her cutie mark faintly glowed while blinking in and out like a fading light. “I don’t want this time to be the same as last time.”

“I know. It won’t be. ” Celestia promised. Nightmare’s coat faded away, leaving Luna. She began to loudly sob into the floor. “Give her a chance.”

“I don’t want her to be like the last one.” Luna cried. Celestia’s armor faded and her cutie mark darkened, leaving her normal self. She bent down and wing hugged her sister.

“She won’t be.” Celestia promised as she hugged her sister. “I promise.”

‘I hope she won’t be.'

Comments

[Ocean_Lover101]

This is a good start! I'm excited to see how this story evolves!
-Ocean

[GB the English Setter]

Wow! This is really awesome! I can't wait for more!

[Learn for Life]

A Note: Please don't take this criticism as me either trying to insult or discourage you. It is just my suggestions on how to improve this story. This is just my opinion; use it as you see fit.

Equestria is a great nation. It had lasted for thousands of years. However, like all great nations, it draws to a close. An ancient evil unlike anything anyone has ever seen before emerges from the shadows bent on revenge to destroy Equestria and the one thing that makes it great: Princess Celestia.

Only one pony can save them all now. The better the (I think you left that there by accident) questions is: Will she?

For the most part, I thought it was decent. The dialogue is decent, the conflict is okay, the fight is good. I must say, though, that there are two things that are hindering me from really getting into this chapter: Luna attacking Celestia and something Celestia says.

Luna is afraid of this hybrid for some reason, and I'm okay with not knowing at the moment. What I'm not okay with is this:

My own sister, a traitor to the alicorns.

That doesn't make sense to me. She's angry at Celestia, yes, but her anger is because this hybrid was born, right? So why, in a fit of fury, doesn't Night Mare Moon first want to kill Emerald? That would make sense, given how Celestia talks about the value of all life, and Luna is fghting between that and the peril that Emerald may bring (I assume). I think her attacking Celestia like she did especially saying that, is out of character for her, and not-well-justified given what happens.

And then Celestia says this:

I don’t want to hurt you. But you’re attacking me. I don’t have the elements and well, in the form I’m in now, I could really hurt you."

True, and she doesn't have the Elements, but why would she justify her hurting Luna by saying that Luna attacked her first? To be honest, that seems downright petty, and it doesn't sound right coming from a pony like Celestia (at least how I perceive it). That bit at the end doesn't help her saying that she doesn't want to hurt Luna; that goes from intimidation to mild and unintentional taunting, as I see it. It just seems unreasonable.

Those are the two things that bothered me the most about this chapter. Both Luna and Celestia seemed out of character here. Apart from that, I think what they're arguing about is interesting, and the possibility of Emerald being a danger, given how we've come to know Spike and Rarity, will lead to nice conflict if you stick with the story. I think that what you need to focus on the most is motivation; you threw those two things at me out of the blue, almost like it was just to move the story along.

The grammar is nice, and the prose, although a tad too condensed, is alright.

That's all I have for this chapter. I wish you the best with Chapter 2!

[Raichu]

5451930 Thanks for the advice.