Talk about a bloody breakfast

The story is doing good so far, 16 likes and only 1 dislike! Keep up dat good work!

Well that escalated quickly.

You need to work on paceing though. It feels really rushed and your grammer is off. A few sentences don't roll off the tongue like they should. Still gonna read the third chapter though. Just remember to add plenty of detail too. Thatll help with the feel of paceing a lot.