The Sound of One Hoof Clopping

by Trick Question

Koan 6: Star Swirl's Beard

Twilight Sparkle and Pinkie Pie stood in the Star Swirl the Bearded wing of the Royal Canterlot Library. At the moment, Twilight was a "hot unicorn mess" (a term she once overheard Rarity use) with nopony to blame but herself. Through her own neuroses, Twilight had unwittingly foisted upon herself the time-travel shenanigans responsible for her ridiculous appearance. Her mane had been straightened and burnt, her stretchy black ninja-style catsuit was torn in several places, and the eyepatch and head bandage she wore barely left room for her horn to poke out. Worst of all, her mentor Princess Celestia had passed this way recently, stopping just long enough to tease her about her appearance.

Spike clung rigidly to Twilight's back, already dozing. In addition to being tired, an awful tummy-ache left the little dragon in no condition to walk. Although Twilight hadn't slept in days herself, she didn't mind giving her friend a ponyback ride back to the train station.

Only Pinkie, the third member of their adventuring trio, seemed to be having a good time. She wore a rubber catsuit similar to Twilight's, and she twisted and bucked just for the thrill of feeling the stretchy fabric snugging tightly around her limbs and barrel.

"We have to do this again Twilight!" said Pinkie Pie. "This ninja stuff is great! Especially the cool outfits. Maybe we can look for somepony else's birthday present next?" Pinkie performed a skillful cartwheel in a not-so-skillful direction, plowing into a large stack of old books which fell all over her.

Twilight Sparkle sighed. "We should probably head home before we cause any more damage, Pinkie," she said, reaching out to pull her friend up by the hoof. As Pinkie emerged from beneath the book pile, she held fast to a large book with her mouth.

"Chk ths wwt, Twlt!" said Pinkie. She released the book from her mouth into Twilight's hoof. The cover bore a finely illuminated image of Star Swirl the Bearded. The unicorn was pictured wearing a large, navy blue hat patterned with star shapes and ridiculous sleigh bells dangling around the edges. His attire vaguely reminded Twilight of The Great and Powerful Trixie.

Twilight Sparkle had long suspected Trixie's getup was inspired by the famous wizard. At least Trixie has good taste in something, thought Twilight.

His beautiful long beard was indeed amazing to behold, in particular since ponies rarely grow beards. Twilight privately wondered if Star Swirl might have been part goat, though she'd never dare say it out loud. Star Swirl's beard was usually illustrated in white, but the cover of this book had it illuminated in a darker grey. This suggested it was one of his older works, from back when Celestia and Luna were still foals. She held the tome reverently up to her muzzle, reading the odd print that ran in a circular pattern around the edges of the book.

"Pinkie, I think this is an early autobiography of Star Swirl the Bearded! This is incredible! I never knew he wrote anything autobiographical when he was still a young stallion. Do you have any idea how rare this is?"

"Um, yeah! You just told me, silly!" said Pinkie.

"I'll bet it has lots of details about young Princess Celestia and Princess Luna! I need to read this right away, except," said Twilight, pausing for a deep yawn, "I'm much too tired to appreciate it at the moment, and this isn't the sort of book you just 'borrow' at a whim from the Royal Archives. I'll come back here and read it in a few days after I've finally had some rest."

"Sleep sounds like a great idea to me," said Pinkie. Then she furrowed her brow, turning her neck sideways so she could see the cover right-side up. "That's kind of weird," she said, tapping her rubber-clad hoof directly on the image of Star Swirl's obvious and impressive beard. "With a name like 'Star Swirl the Bearded', shouldn't he have a beard?"

Twilight Sparkle blinked a few times as the logical wheels turned in her mind, trying to understand her irrational friend. She was so tired that Pinkie's statement almost made sense to her, but after a moment Twilight gave up and rolled her eyes.

"Oh Pinkie, I just don't know what to do with you sometimes," said Twilight. Pinkie just smiled merrily back.

Twilight adjusted Spike on her back a bit so the little dyspeptic dragon wouldn't fall off. Then, as the two ponies turned and began to walk toward the hallway, they saw Princess Celestia once again standing at the entrance to the room.

"Don't mind me, my little ponies. It's not everyday I get the chance to catch my favorite student off her guard," the Princess said with a soft smile on her muzzle. "And it's always nice to watch friendship in action." Sensing Twilight's tiredness, she stepped aside to allow them egress. "Have a safe journey back to Ponyville. I assume I’ll be hearing all about your recent adventure soon."

"Thank you Princess," both little ponies said in unison, bowing their heads slightly. Twilight took the lead as they headed out, but the Princess stopped Pinkie Pie with a hoof, holding her back as Twilight walked further down the hall.

"Thank you for looking out for her, Pinkamena," whispered Celestia.

"No problem!" whispered Pinkie, but with so much gusto it wasn't very quiet. "Oh! Princess, may I ask you something about Future Twilight?"

Celestia's smile faded as she considered Pinkie's request. "Of course. However, I cannot guarantee you an answer without knowing the question," she said, her voice less quiet now that Twilight Sparkle had trotted off quite a ways. Twilight was apparently too exhausted and absorbed in her own thoughts to notice Pinkie's absence.

"Okie dokie lokie!" said Pinkie. "Here's my question: will Twilight Sparkle ever realize I'm not kidding when I say things to her?"

Then Celestia smiled again, a gesture Pinkie Pie eagerly copied. "Yes, Pinkie Pie. Someday she will understand what you're telling her. Please don't give up on her."

"Thanks! And no way I'd ever give up on Twilight," said Pinkie. "It's kind of a full-time job, but it's still fun!"

From down the hall, Twilight Sparkle looked around and began calling out for her absent friend. "Oh!" said Pinkie, "I'd better gallop. Catch you later Princess," she called back behind her as she began energetically pronking down the hallway. "I'm coming Twilight!" Pinkie Pie cried out, moving surprisingly fast in spite of her silly springing stride.

Princess Celestia smiled, momentarily reflecting on the distant past. She then turned her attention to the mess of books, calmly levitating each one back into the place where it would next need to be found.

Comments

[Fiddlebottoms]

I feel like the time travel plot had better zen options that were ignored in favor Pinkie who is only the way she is here because she was the way she was before, which would have required time travel to pull off.

[Venerable Ro]

I chewed on this one for a good bit, and I have to admit, I have no idea what this one's getting at.

[Trick Question]

8883913
The very abbreviated version of the koan in question:

Star Swirl the Bearded has a beard.
So why doesn't he have a beard?

Koans aren't supposed to 'make sense' in the normal way. They're riddles you ponder until you receive enlightenment.

[Alastair_Dragovich]

8886846
That's fascinating. I thought they were more traditional parables at first, given how intuitive the previous chapters seemed. Now I feel as if I may not have been looking deeply enough into them.

Is there one on overthinking things, by chance? I feel like this particular koan is much, much more straightforward than it seems, but I've had difficulty in simplifying my thoughts before enough to see the right or different perspectives. It feels like my habit of overthinking has worn grooves around the viewpoints and ways of thinking that I need or desire.

[Trick Question]

8887414
There's one I just posted that touches on that, actually.