In Equestria it was a beautiful and magical night, but something was wrong in a certain crystal tree castle in the middle of Ponyville …….
Princess Twilight sighed in sadness as she tossed and turned around in her bedroom. She couldn’t sleep, something was bugging her, bothering her and hurting her. She got out of her comfy and warm bed and trotted to the kitchen to get a cup of cool and refreshing water. As she sipped the water she recalled her past events in the human world…….
She could hear it all….the insults, the hurtful words and the shouts of anger and protest from those angry students . On the outside she tried to hold it all, remain strong and determined, but on the inside she was hurt, scared, broken and most of all miserable.
Twilight thought that maybe she could hold it all and stay strong, but when she bumped into a person in which she loved and cared a lot she didn’t expect those cruel words from him. Those words hacked into her very soul and ripped her apart and when she just when she thought it was going to get worse, luckily Applejack interfered but even so he still had to continue saying more hurtful words and adding salt to the wound.
Granted, she knew he was under the spell of those three spiteful girls the Dazzlings but what she didn’t know that why was he so aggressive towards her especially when he was so happy to see her earlier during the day…..
The water in which Twilight was sipping in her cup was empty and she decided that maybe some fresh air from the balcony of her crystal castle would do a good thing or two. She trotted to the higher chamber of her castle and open the doors to her balcony. She breathed in the cool and refreshing night air which cleared her mind and she felt relaxed. After a few minutes of fresh air an idea popped up into her mind “I got it!!!” Twilight said excitedly before exiting the balcony and into her library.
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Within a certain crystal castle library, Princess Twilight Sparkle was busy fixing up the machinery which would get her to the human world and to see her love again. She then got out a certain special magical book using her magical aura to hold it. This certain book has special magic in which she uses to communicate with her new found friend Sunset Shimmer.
“T-Twilight?!!” a small child like voice said. Twilight jumped so hard she lost concentration on the book in which her magical aura was holding and the book dropped on the floor. She then turned around to see who’s voice was that and it turned out to be a certain small purple dragon with green spikes in which was her best friend, brother and Number one assistant Spike.
“S-Spike?!! What are you doing here?!!” Twilight exclaimed, shocked.
“I was asleep when I hear noises down the hallway and I woke up and went to investigate. I thought maybe a burglar or something had came in and I got worried, but when I saw you in the library levitating that magical book I got curious and wanted to ask, ‘What in celestia’s great name were you doing??” Spike explained.
“Well then Spike please don’t ever sneak up quietly on me again. That scared the Tartarus outta me.” Twilight laughed. “Also to answer your question, I have decided to go back to the human world to my certain ‘friends’ a visit” Twilight explained to the curious little dragon.
“Oh, and whom are those friends in which you are going to pay a visit in the middle of the night?” Spike asked curiously.
“Well…..just say a very special someone in I have a crush on.” Twilight hinted while blushing a little.
“ Oh so you DO like him eh?” Spike exclaimed cheekily while grinning form ear to ear.
“Yes, I do like him.” Twilight said. “BUT you must promise not to tell any of my friends this or they will be drooling all over me like a pack of hungry Timberwolves” Twilight told Spike seriously. “So, can I trust you to keep his as a little secret between you and me? Twilight asked.
“You bet!!” Spike said before moving his claws into a salute. “You can always trust your number one assistant to keep this a secret” he said will trying to imitate a voice of a well trained guard.
“Good” Twilight said happily. “Now back to business” she said while setting up the devices on the portal.
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While setting up the portal, the library was quiet, too quiet in fact to the point where it became a little awkward. But then the awkwardness was broken as Twilight’s voice interrupted.
“Besides seeing the boy in which I have a crush on, I have also thought of visiting three ‘very special humans’ ” Twilight said. “We-ll I won’t call them humans more like sirens.” Twilight informed.
“Oh, them too?: Spike said surprised by this. He never thought that Twilight would want to help them seek redemtion as well.
“Yes, those three as well” Twilight addressed to him. “If Sunset Shimmer can learn the Magic of Friendship then so can they.” Twilight said determined.
Now Spike understood this Twilight was really living up to her name as ‘Princess of Friendship” and that pleased him to see his big sister/best friend so determined to help what she calls now as former enemies. Sure, they had been a problem to Twilight and the gang but Twilight really wanted them to see the light and truly understand the Magic of Friendship.
“So Twilight, do you need some help?” Spike offered.
“Why I do Spike” she said. “Here, take these and set them up on top of the mirror” Twilight told Spike while handing him parts to help prepare the re-opening of the portal.
“Will do Twilight” Spike said willingly and went to fix them up on top of the portal.
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Once they finished setting up the portal Twilight and Spike began to discuss on what they should do first. Twilight insisted that she and Spike should meet up with her crush before helping the three sirens, while Spike explained that helping the three sirens would be better because leaving them in darkness wasn’t right for they were probably miserable and suffering and they shouldn’t keep those in darkness and misery for too long. But in the end, Spike’s explanation was more to point and he said it was Twilight’s responsibility as the Princess of Friendship to help those in need to learn the Magic of Friendship.
“I guess you’re right Spike I should help those in need of my aid first.” Twilight admitted.
“Since when am I ever wrong?” Spike joked which cause Twilight to roll her eyes from that sarcastic remark.
“Well then, we best be going. But before that we should prepare to bring some things to the human world incase we may have an overnight there.” Twilight stated. She then got some paper and a quill and began listing all the possible items needed to bring to the other world. A sleeping bag, some packed hay sandwiches, bottled water and some spare clothes(which will probably change shape to a more human form since the clothes were meant for a pony).
“Spike these are the things we need” Twilight exclaimed as she tore the list in half. She then kept the first half while giving Spike the other. “Here” she said you get to go gather what's on your list and I’ll gather what’s on mine and with that, they both went around the castle to pack to their trip towards the human world.
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Once both Twilight and Spike were done packing, Twilight took out more paper and her quill and wrote a letter to her friends and Princess Celestia telling them that she had to run an urgent errand in the other world.
“There aaaaannnnnnddd done!!” Twilight stated that she was finish with writing all the letters meant for her friends and fellow princess and mentor. “Spike!, please send these letters to them” Twilight ordered levitating a bunch of letters using a her magical aura.
“Will do Twilight” Spike addressed to her as he blew his magical green flames on them and they disappeared, on their way to deliverance.
“Thank you Spike” Twilight told him sweetly. Now, just one final letter as she a certain magical book up, got her quill and began writing…..
Dear Sunset Shimmer,
Just to inform you, I am heading on a trip to your world, no reason, just thought I visit because its been about…what? Three months since I seen you and the gang, so I am gonna drop by and say hi. So I will chat with you and the gang when we meet up tomorrow at daybreak. How’s that sound?. Anyway Spike and I will see you guys soon.
Your friend,
Princess Twilight Sparkle
Once Twilight had finished writing in the book, she closed it and put it on the top of the mirror to power it up. It was daybreak now and she and Spike prepared to go through the portal.
“Ready Spike?” Twilight asked concerned?
“Hey! I was born ready!!” Spike said confidently.
Twilight chuckled at Spike’s enthusiasm before taking a deep breath and said nervously “Well, here goes nothing” and with that, she jumped through the portal with her dragon companion Spike jumping in after her…….
A little clunky but not bad :)
While choppy, it's not bad overall. I bet a good sized chunk of the downvotes you've got are simply from Flashlight haters. While I don't like the ship as it is, I won't dump on people who do. But, haters gonna hate.
You have a broken size tag for your title header.
Your use of ellipses needs improvement. Your pacing is weak, and your narrative is a little sloppy. Also, your premise itself is predicated on Twilight having lingering worries over something she knows was caused by dark magic--and knows wore off before she left.
It's just not really working for me. Won't downvote, though, because you're taking enough abuse from the FlashLight haters as it is.
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Thanks
5366795
Okay thank you for commenting, This is my first story after all and I will try to improve it.
From one amateur to another, I am enjoying myself with this.
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Thanks
I read this first chapter despite it being a Flashlight fic. I don't like that ship and can't see how people can get behind it unless they really add a ton to his character. In my opinion, Flash Sentry from the movies is the shallowest possible for a shallow love interest, but that is a personal preference.
Anyways about the story, not really much that can be said from just one chapter, but there are a few things. First of all if you are going to use symbols to mark scene breaks try something a little less in our face. Some people go fancy with that thing. I just do something simple that shows what it is. (ex: "{-} {-} {-}" ). Still this is a personal choice for you to make.
Another thing I would recommend is, you look over your chapter once maybe twice before posting. I'm not saying go crazy with revising or anything like that. There will always be people that bring up grammar (unless you get to professional standards somehow, or guys are trying to be nice to someone they think might be a girl), but you would be surprised how much you will catch reading through your chapters once or twice. It won't be too bad with chapters of this length.
I won't downvote because it takes a lot for me to actually downvote a fic. Even if I absolutely loathe the ship being used in the story.
I do think her main reason for going back is rather weak, but hey you have to get her to go back somehow so I can let it slide. I may not think she would go back to the human world mostly just to hook up with Flash Sentry, but for your story she has to go back for some reason and that is a reason.
One last thing would be Spike's overly specific and detailed dialogue on why he was there. Try not to get too carried away with explaining things using dialogue alone unless it is absolutely needed. Part of Spike's explanation could have just been described to us with him saying he was wondering what was going on to Twilight.
I will at least say her secondary reason for going back does seem like Twilight to me. I thought it was wrong for her to just let the Dazzlings run off like that and not seem to care at all in the end of the movie. I feel if Discord deserves a second and third chance than most villains do. I don't think Tirek does though. The Dazzlings I do think deserve another chance.
Something I had mixed feelings about was how Spike had to remind the Princess of Friendship helping the Dazzlings was more important than going to hook up with Flash Sentry. It didn't seem to fit Twilight's character she would think the opposite. At the same time though, it was nice to see Spike actually being her number one assistant and getting her back on track. It showed Spike in his best light. Spike in his element is something I like to see more of.
That was my two cents. I hope it was kind of helpful and didn't come off as too negative. Twilight going back to help the Dazzlings and meet with her friends in the EQG world is still a good idea for a story, even if it is a Flashlight fic. Keep trying with your story, it is the only way you can get better and it is fun to write fanfics of your ideas even if people disagree with them.
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Okay thanks so much for your comment
A strong start to a fanfiction. Great job so far!
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Thanks alot
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I don't know how this story has many dislikes when your other fic has more likes.
Anyways I wonder what will do Flash Sentry.
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It's because it is/was a Flash Sentry story.