Moar

5352193
I can't say no to Derpy on a velociraptor. That said, this was pretty much written with (at least) a second part in mind, hence incomplete status. Rather surprised the meager response so far has been positive, but I did try to put some effort into the story. Thanks for the comment!

You need to add the 'sex' tag!

You™ is the best character. Though, I prefer Anon© personally.

5352316 I... Son of a buysomeapples. I am unfortunately very new at the whole submission game and oh dear Luna that came out very right wrong. Thank you for ponting that out!

5352856 Submission? Now we're talking *grin* xD

Yes.

Moar.

i love it. This needs more attention.

5361554
Well, it...may get some more attention as I add more to it? I'd originally planned two parts to this but may do a bit more if inspiration hits just right and I feel like I could flesh it out enough to not make it just mindless clop--as though there's anything truly wrong with that.

5354554
Moar is definitely planned! May be a couple days though...

5352337
See, I got my introduction to second-person stuff like this by Crowley and similar, whether just saucy or truly salacious. Since then I've always been a sucker for well-written stuff starring You™ and as I began to write this I started thinking that if I were to give something back, I already knew the modus I'd attempt.

I'm quite thrilled that this has gotten a reception this positive. I would also ask for any and all constructive critiques, as I've done plenty of writing (even of a smutty nature) but have never really done so for more than an audience of one. I'm particularly paranoid that I'm being over-descriptive in some ways, and under-descriptive in other aspects. Plain ol' clop is enjoyable, but I like it to be against more than a white background that might have a bed. On the other side lies the peril of being too concerned with the whole picture to the point where the environment distracts from the tasty bits. (There are notable exceptions, but what I'm doing here definitely isn't Xenophilia at this stage, and likely won't ever be that grade.)

I'm rambling a bit, but the gist of it is: How's the balance of it all strike any of my audience thus far?

Honestly this was really well wrote! If and whenever you do write more, I could easily say that a chapter of non clop would fit in quite well to the story ( or just a even spread of non-clop and clop) since it just seems adorable how they act together and the clop scenew itself was cute and hot :-P

*Thumbs up*