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Moar
5352193
I can't say no to Derpy on a velociraptor. That said, this was pretty much written with (at least) a second part in mind, hence incomplete status. Rather surprised the meager response so far has been positive, but I did try to put some effort into the story. Thanks for the comment!
You need to add the 'sex' tag!
You™ is the best character. Though, I prefer Anon© personally.
5352316 I... Son of a buysomeapples. I am unfortunately very new at the whole submission game and oh dear Luna that came out very
rightwrong. Thank you for ponting that out!5352856 Submission? Now we're talking *grin* xD
Yes.
Moar.
i love it. This needs more attention.
5361554
Well, it...may get some more attention as I add more to it? I'd originally planned two parts to this but may do a bit more if inspiration hits just right and I feel like I could flesh it out enough to not make it just mindless clop--as though there's anything truly wrong with that.
5354554
May be a couple days though...
Moar is definitely planned!
5352337
See, I got my introduction to second-person stuff like this by Crowley and similar, whether just saucy or truly salacious. Since then I've always been a sucker for well-written stuff starring You™ and as I began to write this I started thinking that if I were to give something back, I already knew the modus I'd attempt.
I'm quite thrilled that this has gotten a reception this positive. I would also ask for any and all constructive critiques, as I've done plenty of writing (even of a smutty nature) but have never really done so for more than an audience of one. I'm particularly paranoid that I'm being over-descriptive in some ways, and under-descriptive in other aspects. Plain ol' clop is enjoyable, but I like it to be against more than a white background that might have a bed. On the other side lies the peril of being too concerned with the whole picture to the point where the environment distracts from the tasty bits. (There are notable exceptions, but what I'm doing here definitely isn't Xenophilia at this stage, and likely won't ever be that grade.)
I'm rambling a bit, but the gist of it is: How's the balance of it all strike any of my audience thus far?
Honestly this was really well wrote! If and whenever you do write more, I could easily say that a chapter of non clop would fit in quite well to the story ( or just a even spread of non-clop and clop) since it just seems adorable how they act together and the clop scenew itself was cute and hot :-P
*Thumbs up*
Yep, here it is; Round Two. Feel like I missed things, even after reading it out loud to myself to see if anything was off, so let me know if it looks...wonky. Hope you all enjoy; I've been positively floored by the response thus far and I aim to keep you quite entertained for as long as you'll willingly read my silliness!
I enjoyed this more than I should have. Then again, I do have a soft spot for that lovely, toned, blue...you know...
Anyways, good job. I didn't really notice anything that broke up the story; but my mind was muddled, so...eh...
Nice read, hoping for more
Aw yiss, chapter two!
Open muzzles are my absolute favorite, so I totally loved this chapter.
I know its all about the love and passion at the end there with the anon kissing Dash right after she swallowed his load, but i just found it a bit nasty, Literally the only qualm i have with this story. Excellent sexy read!
5396409
Aye, that bit I knew in advance was going to possibly put some folks off. It's hardly everyone's cup of tea, or...not...tea... Hrm. Not sure where I was not going with that. *cough* Glad the rest was to your liking though.
5380914
there.
You an' me both. Whether it's panting, teasing, or showing off, there's just so much
5377138
Glad to hear. If I can manage enough immersion for the reader to look past any flaws, that's all I can hope for. That pretty much goes for anything I'm reading, as well as writing; if I don't end up taking half a step back and actually analyzing the writing itself, is gud.
So I'm thinking of making the next chapter a bit of a foray outside of the room, just to shake things up. Maybe they'll get out of the building. Maybe they won't make it back to the room without getting sidetracked. After all, it's the weekend...
This story deserves more attention, it's well written!
Yes please. More of this please.