I do have one tip You might wanna leave in some spaces when someone else speaks, makes the whole thing easier to read. For example:
“Did we have to leave during the winter mommy? What if we can’t celebrate Hearts Warming eve this year?”
“Nonsense,” The father said with a hearty laugh, “Everything from our old home has been sent to our new house before we’ve left, we’ll celebrate in time before the holiday begins I assure you that my son.”
instead of “Did we have to leave during the winter mommy? What if we can’t celebrate Hearts Warming eve this year?” “Nonsense,” The father said with a hearty laugh, “Everything from our old home has been sent to our new house before we’ve left, we’ll celebrate in time before the holiday begins I assure you that my son.”
Why do I get the feelingthat somethong bad is going to happen to his mum real soon? I mean think about it, he introduced his pop with a name but not his mum. Coincidenec? I think not!...... that or im just paranoid
tldr
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Lol, it's funny because the first chapter is so innocent, yet it's rated Mature.
You need more comments, this is very good.
I do have one tip
You might wanna leave in some spaces when someone else speaks, makes the whole thing easier to read. For example:
“Did we have to leave during the winter mommy? What if we can’t celebrate Hearts Warming eve this year?”
“Nonsense,” The father said with a hearty laugh, “Everything from our old home has been sent to our new house before we’ve left, we’ll celebrate in time before the holiday begins I assure you that my son.”
instead of “Did we have to leave during the winter mommy? What if we can’t celebrate Hearts Warming eve this year?” “Nonsense,” The father said with a hearty laugh, “Everything from our old home has been sent to our new house before we’ve left, we’ll celebrate in time before the holiday begins I assure you that my son.”
Aaaah! Grammar and sentence construction!
Seriously dude, get a proofreader!
On another note; the story seems like it can be interesting. I'm liking the protagonist already.
Let's see where this goes.
I'M LISTENING
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Interesting, a mature level romance that takes its time to build up....
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Why do I get the feelingthat somethong bad is going to happen to his mum real soon? I mean think about it, he introduced his pop with a name but not his mum. Coincidenec? I think not!...... that or im just paranoid
Forgot my comment just than. I just read the next chapter.
Hmmm, human names... Interesting....