Chapter 2
It was a fifteen minute walk to the outskirts of town. After they reached the town’s edge, Rarity and Prestige continued into a corn field. The wind was blowing softly and in turn the corn was swaying in the breeze. It was a beautiful sight, the golden sun shining down reflecting off of the green stalks and golden tops. After entering the cornfield they came to a small path where the corn was stomped down.
“This is the path that leads to our operation. We mainly work at night under the cover of darkness but I guess it’s okay to show you where it is in the daylight.” Prestige said, looking Rarity in the eyes. “Has anyone ever told you how beautiful you are?”
“Why, no, I don’t believe they have.” Rarity blushed, “Thank you, you’re quite handsome yourself.”
“Why thank you madam Rarity. Well, shall we continue?”
The two unicorns continued walking along the path until they reached a dead end. Prestige knelt down and lifted up a trap door that was hidden under the grass and corn. They continued down the stairs into an underground pathway. The air was damp and musty, the walls were made of red brick and under their feet was a dirt path. Dim lights lined the ceiling of the path way and gave the whole thing an eerie feel. Continuing down the path for about a minute the two unicorns finally came to a doorway. Prestige punched in a pass-code and there was a click from the door unlatching.
“1-2-0-6-3-9-1 Remember that.” Prestige said.
The door swung open to reveal an awe inspiring sight. Rarity gazed into the wonderful room. It was a large room that resembled a lab. The walls were painted a beautiful white and there was not a spec of dirt anywhere in sight. In the center of the room there were three metal tables where they must harvest the organs. There was a vault in the northeast corner of the room and several other doors lining the walls.
“Follow me to your room. Everyone that works here has a room here that they sleep in during the day. You don’t have to stay here; you can stay at your boutique with your sister, but there are some nights that you have to work overtime. Tonight, since it is your first night we ask that you stay here.”
“Okay, that’s fine, I just need to go find a sitter for Sweetie Bell. Would you mind if I returned later tonight?” Rarity inquired.
“Sure, that is completely fine. Just be sure to be here before 11:00 PM, that’s when your shift starts.”
“Not a problem, I’ll be back by then. It was a pleasure meeting you Prestige.”
“The pleasure was all mine.” Prestige knelt down and took Rarity’s hoof and kissed it.
Rarity blushed with a smile on her face and then proceeded to walk out of the room, down the path, and out into the daylight.
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Rarity returned to the cornfield at 10:30 PM. The moon was still low in the sky and there was little light. Rarity was quite scared walking through that cornfield at night, but she knew that she would be safe, it was just a short walk to the trap door. When she got to the trap door she proceeded down, walking the path leading to the large metal gateway to the lab. She punched in the pass-code and opened the door. What she saw gave her a huge shock.
“PINKIE!?” Rarity yelled in confusion.
“Well hey there Rarity, I hear you’re our new Harvester. Welcome aboard! We’re going to have so much fun together!” Pinkie said bouncing around in her usual manner.
“You... You... Work here!?”
“Why of course, silly willy, how else do you think I make money to pay my rent, throw all those parties, and eat all the sweets I do?”
“I... Ummmm... Well, I don’t know, I guess I never thought about it.”
Once their conversation was over a voice came out of one of the rooms.
“Hey, Prestige, who in the hell is this bitch?”
“This ‘bitch’ is your new co-worker, and you had better show her some respect, you hear me?”
“Fuck you man, she just looks like a prissy little princess bitch who’s had everything handed to her her whole life! Nobody like that deserves my respect!”
“You’d better shut your mouth before I shut it for you.” Prestige said aggressively.
“Whatever, I’m not in the mood for a fight right now. Just give me my task for today and let me get it the fuck over with.”
“We need to fill an order for a heart, two lungs, and 3 kidneys.”
The voice sighed; “So two regular ponies and it looks like I have to find one of them time pony sons of bitches.”
“It seems like it, so you’d better get moving Shots.”
A pony emerged from the gateway that was the door to his room. He was a dark gray and had black hooves. His eyes were red and his cutie mark was of a syringe with two tranquilizer darts on either side. As he walked past Rarity he gave her a shove and proceeded out the door to the path.
“That was Shots. Don’t mind him, he’s a bit of a, well... I don’t really know how to describe him. He’s had a hard life and is just a little hostile. Sometimes you just need to stand up to him and he’ll back down. I would just steer clear of him for now though.” Prestige said to rarity. “Well, are you ready for your first task?”
“I presume so, ready as I’ll ever be for something like this.”
Prestige went into the vault and using his magic carried out an unconscious pony. The pony was orange with a blond mane, it looked almost like Applejack, but it wasn’t. He set the pony down gently on one of the metal operating tables in the center of the room.
“We need a kidney from this one. Here I’ll go ahead and mark where you’ll need to extract it from.” Prestige said taking out a marker from his jacket pocket. He then marked a big black X over where the kidney was. “Okay, lets see what you got.”
“You can do it Rarity! I know you can! It’s just like cutting a cake, except you’re doing it with magic, and the cake is filled with blood!” Cried pinkie trying to support Rarity.
“Yeah... Ummm... Sure.... Thanks Pinkie.” Rarity replied awkwardly.
Rarity walked over to the body of the pony and tried to concentrate. She focused her magic up through her horn and pushed it out. Nothing happened. Her horn was glowing it’s usual blue color and nothing happened. She tried again, focusing even harder! She gathered all the magic from the bottom of her soul and pushed it out through her horn towards the black X! Nothing happened.
“Why isn’t it working!? Ugh, why won’t my stupid exceed work!?”
“Calm down, Rarity! That’s part of the problem. Try to calm yourself! Instead of thinking of the money, think of the little filly sitting in the hospital bed. Think of how with this kidney you could save that little fillies life! Focus on all the lives you can save with your power, and let that feeling flow out of your horn!” Prestige exclaimed in a motivating tone.
Rarity was speechless and determined; she walked back over to the corpse; she imagined it was Sweetie Bell in that hospital bed, cold, alone, helpless, and the only way to save her was to extract that kidney. That kidney meant the difference between happiness and sorrow, life and death. She focused deep on this emotion; she used the emotion itself to gather all the magic in her body and send it out through her horn.
Her horn begin to radiate that astounding red light. The magical pressure was bearing it’s fangs down on everyone in the room. Rarity’s eyes blanked out into white, and then they also begun to glow with the dark redness that surrounded her horn. This was the true power of an exceed, backed by raw emotion of love, pain, sorrow, and happiness. A stream of red light slithered from her horn and down to the X marked on the pony in front of her. This morsel of light severed the skin and muscle like it was butter. The light then flowed down and severed all connections to the kidney within, sealing them off in the process. The red glow surrounded the kidney and lifted it out of the body; after it exited the fissure, that was the incision in the body, the muscle bound itself together and the skin welded itself shut. The whole operation couldn't have been more flawless. Rarity placed the kidney in an ice cooler and then her eyes suddenly came back to normal.
“Great job! That was absolutely astounding!” Prestige said, “You did amazing, for that, you can have the rest of the night off, Pinkie wont mind covering your shift. Your room is over there in the corner, it has everything you should need to be comfortable. Again, good job!”
“Why thank you, I’m glad I could manage to get my exceed working! It’s all thanks to you!”
Rarity walked over to her room and shut the door behind her. After this, pinkie went to work carving up bodies and extracting the organs out of them to fill that days orders, and Prestige wheeled the orange unicorn back into the vault so that Shots could take her back to the outside world. Everything was going as it should, and everyone was happy.
First comment on the new chapter.
24563 Gratz.
This is starting to get good. You have a unique magic system going, and I like the direction you are taking so far! Keep up the good work!
Interesting.. I wonder what Twilight's exceed is, among other ponies..
Maybe you could elaborate on that..?
24572 Twilight comes in later, and she doesn't know her exceed yet. So all in good time, all in good time. I will be giving her one though.
Am I the only one who realizes the horrible irony that pinkie works there?
24583 It was meant that way ;P
"After this, pinkie went to work carving up bodies and extracting the organs out of them to fill that days orders."
"Everything was going as it should, and everyone was happy."
I'd like to say that the idea is clever. Your execution, however, is sloppy. I wish you would put more practice into using punctuation effectively. To give an example:
“Calm down Rarity, that’s part of the problem. Try to calm yourself, and instead of thinking of the money, think of the little filly sitting in the hospital bed, think of how with this kidney you could save that little fillies life! Focus on all the lives you can save with your power, and let that feeling flow out of your horn!” Prestige exclaimed in a motivating tone.
Would have performed far better as:
“Calm down, Rarity! If you try too hard, you make it harder for yourself. Instead of thinking of the money, think of the little filly sitting in the hospital bed. Think of how this kidney could save that little filly's life! Focus on all the lives you can save with your power, and let that feeling flow out of your horn!” Prestige spoke with a motivational tone.
Pay attention to your clauses. "I bought groceries as he walked towards me and he picked up a platter of pickles." contains far too many clauses and needs to be broken up. Not only are you talking about buying groceries, you are also cramming in information about someone walking towards you while picking up a platter of pickles. You could have easily made that same sentence in a different manner. "I grabbed groceries from the shelves. My son, James, grabbed a platter of pickles and put it in the cart."
I will not give your story a star rating until the last chapter, but I would give it a 2 1/2 star in its current state. I hope you take this to heart and try to improve in your next chapter, and possibly even improve this one.
24590 I believe I fixed most of what I did wrong. Thank you for the good feedback.
Pacing is a bit fast, making the chapters really short.
NONETHELESS this is getting REALLY interesting
i'm guessing the fact that some ponies have extra organs for A REASON!(not mad at author just pointing out that some ponies may have more organs at half functionality thus possibly killing them from the lack of organs therefore they are killing for people to live)
24860
Theres lots of organs in the human body that can survive without it's counterpart, the other is just there for a redundancy system.
Dude.
Prestige is one smooth motherfucker.
Shots is obviously meant to be Samual L. Jackson and he has had it with those motherfucking organs in those motherfuckung ponies.
Love it.
This chapter was rather short and fast paced, which is not a bad thing, but you slammed a lot of events in there and your characters could not properly "react" given the short stage-time. I would have liked a more in-depth dialogue between Rarity and Pinkie since there is some great potential for ironic humour here.
25191 I'll take this into consideration in the chapters to come. Thanks for the feedback.
25191 Okay, I laughed hard at that image in my head.
I would like to hear how Pinkie cuts the ponies seeing as she's not very much of a unicorn. And hooves aren't great for holding knives and such.