Chapter Two
Jolting up with a start, Audrey voiced her current thoughts. "Son of a bitch!" She yelled, visibly pissed at the actions of Braeburn. Looking around, she found that she was in the same room she woke up in yesterday. With a sigh, she threw the covers off to discover her lacking clothes again. Grumbling, she saw a pile of clean clothes bearing a note from Braeburn. "These clothes are for you to wear whilst your old ones get repaired. Signed Braeburn." Slowly narrowing her gaze, Audrey glared at the piece of paper with an intensity that would leave a lesser being cowering in a puddle of its own urine. Inhaling with enough force to rattle the windows, Audrey slowly let her breath out in an attempt to calm down. Failing miserably in that task, she pivoted to her left and punched out the wall. Coughing slightly from the dust clouding the air, Audrey breathed a calm sigh.
Her anger alleviated, she jumped out of the gaping hole in the wall, landing with a loud thud and a small indentation in the ground. Standing up and dusting herself off, she immediately headed towards the tailor to retrieve her clothes. Be she naked or not, she was getting those clothes back before the snooty pony 'repaired' them. Shuddering at the thought of a pony trying to repair her clothes, Audrey picked up the pace, blazing past gawking farm hands heading towards the orchard. Upon coming to the tailors she kicked the door down and entered, glaring at anything that moved. After several minutes of glaring she failed to find her clothes. Sighting the store owner she pointed at her. "Where are my clothes?!" She bellowed.
"Hmm, if you must know I threw them out. Too much work, so I decided I was going to make a new outfit completely from scratch." The unicorn snootily replied.
"If I find anything out of place on my clothes, you can kiss your business goodbye."
"Such impudence, why I have half a mind to call the guard on you!" The unicorn angrily yelled.
"Do it, make my day." Audrey snarled, kicking down the nearest wall and exiting the building to search the outside for her clothes, leaving a terrified tailor in her wake. After scouring the outside of the building to no avail, Audrey let loose a sigh and focused her thoughts inwards, trying to discern where her clothes could be. Several minutes internalizing the problem later, she felt a strong hand grip her shoulder and spin her around. Opening her eyes, Audrey was confronted by a burly pony in golden armor. Staring at him with a quirked eye brow, Audrey regarded his presence with a nod.
"I have received reports of a naked woman terrorizing a local business. And since you're the only naked female around, I hereby place you under arrest for public indecency as well and property damage and psychological torment. Come peacefully and your sentence may be reduced." The guard said.
"Bitch, I don't care if you're the fucking queen of drag, I am having a shit day, I was knocked out yesterday by an asshole, and to top it all off, miss snooty bitch in there threw out my clothes. Clothes, I might add, that were taken from my person without consent and sent off to be repaired, something they did not need." Audrey said with a menacing glare.
"We'll just add insulting a guard to your list of crimes. Now come peacefully or I'll have to use force." The guard declared, receiving a palm to the chest for his troubles. Breathing deeply, Audrey tried to calm down. Across the street, the guard was staring at Audrey in a mild daze, confused as to what just happened. Struggling to his feet, he was aided by two fellow guards, both of whom were glaring at Audrey.
"Go back to the barracks and rally the guard, we'll deal with her." One of the assisting guards told the dazed guard, who merely nodded and staggered off towards the barracks. "Alright, she's clearly strong, so don't hold back." The guard said, his fists lighting up in a sheen of golden light."
"Gotcha." The other guard said, her fists following suit. As one the duo charged Audrey, who was still performing breathing exercises. Thinking they had the drop on her, the guards charged forwards faster and swung their fists at Audrey's head. Several seconds before impact, the guards found their charge arrested entirely, both their fists easily restrained Audrey's hands. Looking at the pair with a glare, Audrey spoke.
"I am not in the mood for this shit. Leave now and I'll let you keep your bones intact." Audrey stated.
"Like we'd let a criminal like you go free!" The female guard said, swinging her other fist at Audrey.
"Wrong move." Audrey calmly said, easily dodging the punch before retaliating by smashing her knee into the guards stomach, causing her to temporarily go airborne. Swinging her arm back, Audrey then hurled the stunned guard across the street and into the building opposite. Turning to face the, now sweating, male guard Audrey smiled. "Would you like some?" She asked. Shaking his head profusely, the guard struggled to get loose. "Well too bad, coz you're getting some." Audrey said, following up her declaration with a headbutt to the guards chest, partially collapsing the armor. Letting go of his arm, Audrey spun around once on the spot, delivering a kick straight into the guards dented breastplate, knocking clear through the building the previous guard now inhabited. Smirking, Audrey lowered her leg and set about looking for her clothes, ignoring the groans of pain emanating from the building across from her.
After half an hours searching, Audrey finally came across a man pulling a cart laden with rubbish bags. Not-so-subtly jumping on the back of said cart, she began ripping through the bags. Giving a confused shout, the man turned around to a naked person rifling through the rubbish on his cart. "Get off of there you varmint!" He yelled.
"Sir, have you picked up any bags of rubbish from the tailor?" Audrey asked.
"Yes, but why should that concern you?" He glared.
"Because the bitch of a seamstress threw out my clothes, which were taken from me without consent. That's why." Audrey glared back, nearly causing the man to crap himself.
"R-right. I-I-I actually dumped the load that that particular bag was in at the incinerator." The cart puller stuttered. The sight of Audrey suddenly vanishing caused him to blink a bit, looking around in confusion. "I need to buy a hat, these heatstroke hallucinations are becoming more vivid." He muttered. Elsewhere, Audrey was accosting the incinerators operator.
"Where is the last load of rubbish you received?" She growled. The man held in her grasp shakily pointed towards the roaring furnace in absolute terror. Staring at the raging inferno, Audrey's mind blanked.
Train to Appleloosa
Fluttershy stared out the nearest window in terror as the train was suddenly attacked by a herd of buffalo. Up on the roof of the train carriage Rainbow Dash was trying to catch a tiny buffalo attempting to unhitch the last cart. Applejack, Twilight Sparkle, Rarity, and Pinkie Pie were all trying to fend off the much larger buffalo ramming into the sides of the train carriage. All of this momentarily ceased as everyone present stared at a flaming building sailing into the distance. Just as they were about to get back to their previous actions, a rippling roar echoed out from the town. "CUNTING FUCK!" Momentarily knocked off balance by the sheer force of the yell, Rainbow failed to grab the buffalo before they scampered down a ladder and unhitched the last cart. Growling, Rainbow made to go after the caboose, only to be held back by Twilight as the buffalo began pushing it down the tracks. Plopping down on the roof with a sigh, Rainbow turned to her friends.
"What was that all about?" Rarity asked.
"I don't know, but we should tell Braeburn when we get ta Appleloosa." Applejack said. Climbing back inside the group sat down on their seats and sighed a collective sigh of defeat. Looking around Twilight said one thing.
"Has anyone seen spike?" She asked.
Foundations of Appleloosa Incinerator
Okay, I've gotten that out of my system. Now then, if you'll excuse me." Audrey said, calmly walking away from where the decimated remains of the incinerator. As she trudged through Appleloosa towards the tailors. Turning a corner she found herself confronted by thirty armor clad individuals pointing spears at her.
"Stop in the name of the princess... es!" One of the guards called out.
"Nah, I'm good. Just needed to blow off some steam." Audrey said, continuing to walk forwards.
"I'm warning you! We WILL use force if we need to!" The guard warned.
"Like you're any challenge to me." Audrey said with a chuckle, causing the guards face to turn red in anger.
"This is your final warning! Stop or we will use force!"
"Why don't you go suck off a donkey?" Audrey offered. No sooner than those words had left her mouth than she found herself face down in the sandy road.
"Good job corporal." The captain called out to her unknown assailant.
"Sneak attack. Clever." Audrey congratulated, much to the shock of everyone present.
"How can he still be conscious?!" One of the guards called out in shock. Suddenly Audrey was behind him.
"Bitch, what did you just say?" she menacingly whispered into his ear.
"I-I-I s-said h-how can s-she still be c-conscious?" The guard stuttered.
"Nice attempt at a save, but I heard exactly what you said." Audrey whispered before kneeing the guard in the back and launching him the entire length of the street. Looking at her with looks of anger the remaining guards charged her as one. Not particularly in a fighty mood, Audrey merely stomped her foot, the shockwave knocking her aggressors over. "Now then, if you don't mind I have some clothes to make." Audrey stated before heading off towards the tailors, leaving the crumpled forms of the guards behind her.
"Sir, how could someone not a guard possibly be that strong?" One of the guards groaned out.
"I'm not sure, but who ever they are, they need to be stopped." The guard captain groaned, shakily getting to his feet. "But irst things first, I want to know how she did that stomping move, it'd be perfect for crowd control!" The captain boisterously exclaimed, much to the displeasure of the guards.
"Oh no, the captains going to try and fight them in one on one combat." A guard moaned.
"I'll get the alcohol ready." Another sighed as the guards all finally managed to get to their feet.
After finally reaching the tailor, Audrey calmly opened the door as she entered, closing it slowly, she walked over a stack of various fabrics, pulling out rolls she liked before narrowing it down to three colours. Throwing the rest out the window she took notice of the shocked unicorn staring at her. "Oh, I'm still going to burn down your store, I'm just going to use your supplies to make myself a new outfit before I do." Audrey said as she smiled at seamstress.
"B-but you don't have the knowledge nor the skill to make a proper outfit." The unicorn said, trying to dissuade Audrey.
"Who said I need skills or knowledge?" Audrey asked as the sclera of her eyes turned jet black, accentuating her red iris'. Gulping at the sudden eye change, the seamstress nearly missed it when all the fabrics began weaving themselves together. Several minutes of mobile materials maneuvers later a pile of scrap cloth lay in front of Audrey who was wearing a pristine skintight black sleeveless shirt, stretchy and slightly loose pants, black boots, a brown leather belt covered in pouches, and a white thigh length coat with at her midriff by a black sash. Staring at herself in a mirror, Audrey smiled at her new look. "Definitely look more professional in this,"
"How did you do that?"
"Hmm? Oh, I just telekinetically manipulated them on a subatomic level and bound them together. No biggie. Though I do have to go to point five percent power to access telekinesis, but totally worth it." Audrey said with a happy smile before exiting the store. The seamstress breathed a sigh of relief before Audrey returned. "That's right, I said I was going to burn this place down once I was done." Audrey then proceeded to grab a piece of loose wood. Her sclera turning black once again, she smiled creepily as the wood began smouldering. After a few seconds it burst into flames. Her eyes returning to normal, Audrey left. "Have fun salvaging this."The seamstress stared at the slowly spreading fire in shock before coming to her senses and fleeing the building. Outside Audrey found herself confronted by the guard captain.
"Ha-ha! I found you! Now you shall teach me how you knocked the entire guard over with but a single stomp and then I shall defeat you!" The captain boomed.
"I just stomped." Audrey dead-panned.
"Wait... Seriously?"
"Yup. No special techniques, just stomped my foot."
"I am suddenly beginning to rethink the idea of fighting you..." Captain began. "But then I would be labelled a coward and then others would try and dethrone me from my position!" He then declared. "Come at me!"
"Okay." Jetting forwards at immense speeds, Audrey unleashed a devastating knee to the captains face, which he proceeded to dodge. Upon completing his dodge, the captain threw a left hook that caught Audrey in the shoulder, a wave of concussive force emanating from around the duo that caused a crater to form. Smirking in nonchalance, Audrey pivoted to the right and unleashed a roundhouse kick into the captains side, sending him flying into a building. Striking a defensive pose, Audrey narrowly deflected a bolt of energy that flew from the partially collapsing building. Cartwheeling to the left, she returned fire by throwing a chunk of the ground into the building. Quickly bringing her arms up to protect her face, Audrey managed to block a flurry of lightning fast punches as the captain teleported in front of her.
"I must say, you certainly know how to handle yourself in a fight. If it weren't for your attitude I'd think about drafting you into my garrison." The captain said with a smirk.
"I'm not actually trying here. Just, ya know, trying to make it interesting. Hell if I wanted to I could leave a you shaped imprint in the ground and call it a day." Audrey replied.
"And yet you can barely keep up with my attacks. Why, your mana aura is only as strong as that of your average farmer. You clearly must be an exceptionally strong earth equine if you can keep up with a captain." The captain said.
"That would be because magic is for pussies. But if you want me to use your gay Equestrian techniques, I GUESS I can begin channelling my mana for combat purposes." Audrey stated with a not insignificant amount of loathing.
"You do that." The captain replied. Closing her eyes and concentrating, Audrey focused internally. Searching within herself, she found what she was looking for, her innate personal mana wellspring. Opening her repressive barriers around it, her body was summarily flooded with incredible amounts of magical power. Gulping, the captain spoke up. "You appear to be as powerful as the princesses themselves... If I beat you then I can boast I am strong enough to take the princesses and thus be promoted to the Canterlot brigade!" The captain exclaimed. Suddenly a fist was in his stomach. Curling forwards from the impact, the Captain let out a wheeze as the ground around them exploded from the sheer force of the punch
"You can't take me, I'm not even accessing my full power." Pulling her fist out of the captains stomach, Audrey turned around and began walking away as he slumped to the ground in agony. Shutting off her mana follow, she dusted herself off and spat on the ground. "Man, the Equestrian defense force sure has declined lately, used to take at LEAST point three percent power to solo a captain." She said with a sigh and shake of her head. While she wasn't looking where she was going, she bumped into a mass that she could only describe as diabetes incarnate. Looking down upon a woman with pink hair and sporting an impressive D cup, Audrey quirked an eyebrow.
"Ohmygosh! Youtotallybeatthatcaptaintoapulpwithoutevenbreakingasweat. Dashie'dloveyou!" she said at nearly the speed of sound.
"Whatever you ball of hyperactivity and sugar." Audrey dismissed, walking around the pink haired woman.
"Hi! My name is Pinkamena Diane Pie, but you can call me Pinkie Pie!" Pinkie said as she started to walk alongside Audrey.
"Very well then, Pinkamena, leave me alone." Audrey growled, walking slightly faster. Pinkie still managed to keep up.
"You should come and meet my friends, they're great! You could even spar with Dashie, she's training to be a Wonderbolt, you know!" Pinkie exclaimed.
"Wonderbolts? Sounds lame. Like circus sloth levels of lame."
"Naww, the minimum requirement to enter is to be a black belt in Rainbow Style."
"Ah, Rainbow Style, that lame excuse for a martial arts school made me laugh. The fact I'm also a master rank fighter in it also delivers some nice ironic flavouring to the whole punch." Audrey said with a smile.
"Rainbow Style isn't lame! I saw Dashie once punch a solid tree in half, AT THE SPEED OF SOUND!" Pinkie louded.
"I can do that without using any martial arts styles." Audrey boasted.
"Prove it!" Pinkie inquisited.
"Do you see any trees around here?" Audrey asked.
"... You make a valid point." Pinkie said, suddenly pulling a tree out from behind a barrel and planting it firmly in the ground. "Luckily I keep emergency supplies of trees hidden across Equestria in case of tree related emergencies!"
"Oh crap not another one." Audrey said as she facepalmed, much to Pinkie's confusion.
"Another what?" Pinkie asked.
"Another chancellor Puddinghead." Audrey groaned.
"I have no idea who that is! But, here's a tree, now you can show me you can punch it at the speed of sound!" Pinkie said as she gestured at the tree. Sighing Audrey stepped up to the tree. Eyeing it despondently, she lashed out with a single blow that tore the tree from the ground. Turning around, she saw Pinkie staring in awe.
"That was so cool! You punched it FASTER than sound!" Pinkie squeed.
"Will you leave now?"
"Nope!" Pinkie answered.
"I assume that you can, and will, dodge anything I try to hit you with?"
"Yupperoonie!"
"I guess I can attempt to ditch you at the tavern." Audrey said with a sigh.
"Hey, my friends are over there! You should come meet them!" Pinkie exclaimed as see grabbed Audrey's arm and began pulling. Not budging an inch, Audrey smiled ever so slightly at Pinkie's futile attempts to pull her from her spot, the woman digging furrows in the ground.
"I won't move unless I want to." Audrey told Pinkie.
"Then I'll just have bring my friends to you!" Pinkie yelled before zooming off so fast she left an afterimage.
"Huh. Afterimages, that seems like it'd be a fine technique to learn." Audrey said aloud. Suddenly Pinkie was in front of her with five other very dizzy women.
"These're my friends! Twilight Sparkle! Rarity! Applejack! Fluttershy! And Rainbow Dash!" Pinkie said as she introduced her friends, each name punctuated by an exclamation mark appearing above the named ponies head.
"Pinkie, we don't have time to be making friends with strangers, we need to find Spike!" Rainbow growled.
"Afterimage!" Audrey suddenly shouted before going slightly translucent and staticy. Looking at her weirdly the group went back their conversation while Pinkie poked Audrey, her finger passing through as the afterimage faded.
"Girls! She just used an afterimage technique!" Pinkie exclaimed excitedly.
"Don't be ridiculous, only you can use afterimages." Twilight said. "Speaking of, where did she go?"
"I just wanted to test out a new technique I just just created." Audrey said from behind the group.
"And that technique would be?" Rainbow asked.
"An afterimage technique. Got the idea from Pinkie. Now then, I'm out of here, otherwise that captain will come gunning for me once he regains consciousness." Audrey stated before turning to leave.
"Wait, what guard captain?" Twilight asked.
"The one she just punched so hard the ground exploded!" Pinkie beamed.
"That isn't possible, you don't have nearly the levels of mana flowing through you to be able to do so much damage." Twilight mused aloud.
"And yet I did it." Audrey smirked.
"Twilight, I think we should be more concerned about the person in front of us assaulting a guard captain than how she beat him." Rainbow muttered into Twilights ear.
"Oh, right!" Twilight said, iterating it by smashing a fist into her other hand. "In the name of Princess Celestia I hereby place you under arrest. Come quietly or we will use force." She then declared.
"How about you go fuck yourself?" Audrey suggested as she began walking away. Growling, Twilight light her horn and launched a spell at Audrey, which she dodged easily without missing a beat. Motioning for Twilight to step aside Rainbow launched herself at the woman with her fist cocked back. As soon as she was close enough she launched a powerful punch right into Audrey's back which sent her flying forwards where she skidded across the ground. Standing up shakily, Audrey turned to face Rainbow. "Ya dun goofed." She said before vanishing. Looking around in a mild panic, Rainbow suddenly found a knee in her stomach which lifted her temporarily off the ground from the force. Landing unsteadily on her feet, Rainbow wheezed out a reply.
"You're fast. But I'm faster." She smirked as she finally caught her breath. Vanishing, Audrey was pummelled by several dozen high velocity punches in the chest, which caused to to fly through a building from the force. Turning to her friends Rainbow smirked in triumph. Just as she began to step towards them, a whip of light purple energy wrapped around her throat and threw her into the air before slamming her down at terminal velocity. Impacting the ground hard enough to leave a crater, Rainbow let out a wet cough. "W-what?" She stuttered as she turned to see her aggressor, a completely unscathed Audrey.
"Hmm, had to go to point two percent to deal with you. You're definitely more powerful than that guard captain, but you're still no match for me." Audrey stated as she walked past the crater. Back flipping, Audrey narrowly missed being crushed by a falling cart, much to Applejack's displeasure. "You're next." Audrey declared. Vanishing and reappearing behind her, Audrey unleashed a hammer fist that Applejack barely dodged. Punching the ground with all her might, Audrey temporarily became enshrouded in dust as a third of the large dirt road exploded.
"Whoa nelly! She's strong, almost as strong as Big Mac!" Applejack exclaimed as she caught sight of the damage Audrey's attack caused. "That thang coulda knocked me out cold."
"Good thing it didn't, dear, wouldn't want your reputation being damaged, hmm?" Rarity spoke up as she channelled magic through her body.
"Not all of us are masters of their own, unique and nearly unbeatable fighting style, Rares." Applejack taunted.
"You're merely jealous of my Gemstone Style." Rarity replied, batting her eyelashes. A large bolt of purple energy impacted her and launched her down the street and into a parked wagon, whereupon it exploded violently, taking out several surrounding buildings. Gasping, the girls turned towards where the attack originated. Upon sighting the culprit they saw Audrey standing with a two foot long blade pointing where Rarity was standing, said blade also had smoke coming off the tip.
"Incredible!" Twilight nearly squeed. "She has a Relic Sword. I can't wait to analyse it once we beat her!" Twilight continued.
"Why are you calling my sword a relic?" Audrey asked.
"Only Relic Swords can project bolts of magic from them." Twilight lectured.
"Ah. Not magic, spirit energy. That was a technique called a bolas." Audrey explained.
"Amazing! A completely unheard of type of Relic Sword!" Twilight squeed.
"Good luck getting it." Audrey taunted. Bursting forwards with incredible speed, she unleashed a flurry of super sonic kicks and punches at Twilight, who, rather than dodge or block them, erected a large dome around herself. After several seconds of constant beating the shield began to crack, much to Twilights horror.
"B-but this shield can hold off against a dragon!" Twilight exclaimed as the shield finally broke. Jumping back a dozen metres, Twilight called out to Audrey. "You're suddenly stronger. How is that?" She demanded.
"I upped the scale from point one percent power to point three percent power." Audrey calmly replied from behind Twilight. Barely able to gasp, Twilight was struck unconscious by a singular punch to the skull. Stepping past the fallen woman, Audrey faced the remnants of the group, Applejack, Pinkie Pie, and Fluttershy. Said trio were glaring at her intensely.
"How dare you!" Fluttershy roared, much to the shock of Pinkie and Applejack. "What makes you think you can hurt my friends?!" She demanded. Her attempt at cowing Audrey was interrupted as she had to dodge a small house that was thrown at her.
"Quiet, you'll hurt yourself." Audrey said with a smirk.
"Don't bully Fluttershy you big Meanie Mcmeaniepants!" Pinkie growled as she launched herself at Audrey while and aura of confetti and cupcakes began to emanate from her. Balling up her fist, Audrey condensed a ball of energy the fist of her fist an inch away from her balled hand. Stepping forwards she met Pinkies punch with her own, the ball of energy detonating upon contact and blasting Pinkie to the towns limit in a massive beam of energy. Smirking, Audrey spoke up.
"Four down, two to go." SHe said as she advanced on Applejack. With a gulp the farm woman got into a fighting pose.
"Ah'll beat ya, ya no good varmint. Then I'll let mah friends beat on ya some when I do." Applejack declared. Deflecting a kick from Audrey, she took a step back as she spun around, delivering her own kick, which was dodged in kind. She rolled forwards to doge a punch to her back from Audrey. "Ya know, next time Ah fight someone, Ah'll be sure to get everyone to attack them at once." Applejack panted.
"Yes, but it still won't make a difference." Audrey shouted from the sky. Looking up, Applejack saw Audrey standing on nothing with a contemptuous grin on her face. Realizing Audrey's intention too late, she was hit by a gravitationally assisted dive kick to the upper back. Smashing into the ground and bouncing slightly, Applejack remained motionless. Landing on the Ground, Audrey smiled happily as she surveyed her handy work. Turning around she was completely blind sided by the pink haired woman shoulder tackling her. Hitting the ground with force, Audrey looked up at her aggressor with a slightly hazy look.
"You beast! How dare you harm my friends like this!" Fluttershy shouted teary eyed as she repeated punched Audrey in the face at imperceptible speeds. Looking closer at Fluttershy, Audrey's severely concussed mind said the first thing that came to it.
"Big sis?" She whispered. Realising what she'd just said, she utilised Fluttershy's momentary confusion to palm strike her in the chest and send to flying. Jumping to her feet, Audrey crouched before boosting into the air at mach speeds. Due to her travelling faster than sound, she failed to hear Fluttershy mutter to herself.
"Why did she say big sis?" Fluttershy mumbled under her breath as she tended to her friends injuries.
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Is this a crossover with anything?
4778757 Nope. I learnt my lesson with Crossovers: Don't do them. On another note: Think I sword change the coverart to a picture of a sword, on account of the current coverart might make people assume it is a crossover?
Hm, this story is good so far, despite the occasional spelling error. I await more.
4778880 Not edited, and I may be a masochist as I am eating salt and vinegar chips with a sizeable ulcer inside my lip.
4778883
Ah. Wait, an ulcer? Ouch. Good luck with that.
4778885 I'm doing rather well. Also, how does one turn off favourites notifications? They are a might annoying.
4778887
I don't think you can. Don't quote me on that, because there MIGHT be a way, and I just don't know what it is. I really wouldn't know, because the only story I've ever submitted to a site is on fanfiction.net, and is not an example of a story worth favoriting. So yeah.
4778869
it wasn't the cover image, which is fine how it is (as long as that's generally what she looks like), it's the fact that she has so much power. a sword that contains power, a person that contains power, several hundred meters per second, punched a 500 YO dragon and it's scales fell off. these things sound like Gilgamesh, but put in a little goth girl that can't drink. i was just wondering if she came from a show or game or something. there's just a few too many powers in her. makes her a bit OP. maybe if you gave her pretty obvious weaknesses, it would balance her out. and no, i'm not talking about alcohol.
4778887
the way to make them go away is to hit your notifications button, then hit it again. they'll be marked as "read" or whatever. that's all I got, anyway.
Ooh! Is it going to be one involving the whole multiverse thing? You know, where other stories will crossover?
4779528 Well there is one heavily obvious weakness you'll find out about later, also the sword doesn't have power, it is literally her soul manifested in a physical form... That probably hints at her glaringly obvious weakness a bit doesn't it? Also, I got notified twice about both your comments.
wait... the guard mistook her for a dude when she was NAKED? how's that?
4779712 No boobs plus muscular chest identification as woman on first look does not make. Also really long hair making it impossible to discern major body features from behind.
4779617
one notification was saying "someone commented on your story" the other said "Golden Script responded to your comment". it's just a thing the site does. also a good way to tell if someone responded to a comment, posted a comment, or faved your story. 1 means either of the laters, 2 means it's a response to your comment.
this one will get 2 alerts.
4779728 Fair enough. But now I get back to writing the third chapter.
4779724
1. how long: i'm just wondering because i imagined it down to her ankles.
2. this may just be me, but the first places a man would look on anyone, i think, would be "chest" the "crotch". or at least, "not see dick in pereferal, must be girl" and about the behind thing, how exactly did that scene play out? i imagined her breaking free from him and standing in front of him facing him. some more description might be needed to prevent confusion... of course, that's just me, so you don't have to change anything, really.
4779743
please do that.
4779746 Generally when one breaking free from a hold, they stay just out of arms reach so as to deliver a strong blow to the aggressor should they try and perform any more aggressive actions to knock them over so the face stomping can commence. Or that's what I'd do if the person didn't have a knife. Also, the hair is just long enough to scrape the ground. Being comatose doesn't mean your hair won't grow.
4779765
true, true. and usually, in hospitals, the hair is cut every once in a while.
sadly, she was in tarterus, not a hospital. so this makes sense.
and i also agree with the "just out of arms reach" thing, but i just imagined her turning around to face her assailant.
4779872 I just had an awesome idea for the guard: Why not make him incapable of discerning genders? Does away with pesky things like plot holes.
Dude, loving the story. Can't wait for more and..... Wait.... Golden Script? Holy shit. You have him reading this thing? Good job. I'm reading one I his stories as well. Keep up the good work!
4779883
well, i guess that would work... but not sure how that'd be inserted into the story...
4779960
(yer makin' me blush!)
firstly, it's a prety good story, though the character is a bit OP. there's nothing wrong with this.
secondly, it's awesome to see that people are reading my story and recognize me as an accomplishment. though, i would like to say that i'm just another writer.
thirdly, EVERYONE ASSUMES I'M A DUDE!! what's up with that?
4780342 I saw Dude as a generalization of online person I don't know but have at least a little respect for
4780342 say not saw *facepalm*
4780454
i understand that, because it makes sense.
4780456
this, i don't understand. was this meant for someone else?
4780539 nope. I was fixing my mess up at writing.
4780586
i see it now. ok.
oh!
4780342 I'd go with the fifty to one male to female gender ratio in the fandom.
4782486
are we talkin' all ages? because, you've gotta admit that a majority would be little girls... i think.
may have to look that up...
4782619 How many girls actively partake in the fandom? The majority of this sites users are male, so thus there is a higher probability for a random member to be male than female, which is where the automatic gender assumption comes from.
4782702
i guess.
Great story so far
4911513 Because then the pony people would fear her even more. That and the fact that killing off the entire mane six in the second chapter many likes does not make.