• Published 3rd Jul 2014
  • 6,205 Views, 82 Comments

Old Birds with Sharp Teeth - Megalomart13



Displaced from his world and found in another, he has worked hard to build a life for himself. Only to have it taken from him from the ignorant and frightened. Join him as he takes back what is his. Set in the 'Humans Acting Villainous' uni

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Prologue: Freedom Is A Gift No Longer Squandered

Welp, I’m back. Yup, I am back. Back, I be… anyway. To any of the readers of my other fanfic, The Ugly, Bad or Good? A Sload’s Tale. It’s still alive. And I’m still alive. I WILL be updating that VERY soon, and I do owe you an explanation as to why it has not been updated and where I have been. Short and skinny of it? My computer blew up. Almost literally… it’s a… interesting tale, rest assured… I’ll tell you the whole story soon. Regardless, read this in the meantime, my own pathetic contribution to the universe created by the fics of ‘Humans Acting Villainous’ and be patient. I appreciate it, and promise you won’t have to wait long. At any rate, you all get an internet cookie if you can tell me who and what my human has turned into BEFORE I tell you at the end of this prologue. I’ll know if you cheat to! Heh, enjoy.


Prologue: Freedom Is A Gift No Longer Squandered

Dark and damp and cold and miserable… these words described my prison better than any others.

Except perhaps ‘living’ and ‘hell’…

How long has it been? A century? Two? A dozen? Bah, I don’t know why I’m asking. I know exactly how long it’s been. Suppose I’m going crazier than I thought… at any rate, to my knowledge, it has been one thousand five hundred sixty one years and fifty nine days…

Counting the minutes turn into hours turn into days turn into years has been one of the few things that allow me to properly plan and keep what scraps of my sanity are left… and by all the gods listening, I wish there was another way… because it has been mind-rendering boring.

Over a millennia trapped in this godforsaken pit. Over a thousand years languishing here, watching my body wither and decay… and being able to do NOTHING about it. Over a millennia and a half of trying desperately to escape. But today… is that day.

Today… I WILL be free.

And when I am, those two solar-sucking, lunar-crazed, beasts of burden excuses for princesses will pay… pay for betraying me. Pay for robbing me of my right, my life, MY EMPIRE!

But first… first the finishing touches on my escape plan.

I grunted as my withered hand clutched the sharpened stone shard in a death-like grip as it chiseled the final details into my masterpiece.

The many chains connected to my shackles, which leashed me to the rock floor below me, rattled with each movement I took. The faint glow from their vile enchantment provided me with the light I required to continue my work.

For so many years… that sound, the sound of rattling chains and creaking bones is all I have heard. For so many years, the stench of my own rotting flesh and decaying clothes were the only smells I could appreciate. For so many years… the glow of the enchantment on the tools of my prison, were all the light from which I could see.

Oh dear God… please let today be the day…

If there was one thing I was grateful for in this prison, it had to be the light… this task would have been impossible without it, and I laugh at the one folly my jailors had made.

But not now. I had to concentrate. I had to be precise. I had to be careful. It HAD to be perfect… it wouldn’t work if it wasn’t.

Surrounding me were hundreds of failed attempts. Their inadequacies varying from one to another. Some were proportioned incorrectly… some I had simply made mistakes and chipped off a vital piece of its structure… others simply had impurities in the stone, and that would not do at all. But this one… this one was finally perfect… this one would be my salvation… it… it HAD to…

Please… please let this one work… oh God, please…

I limped back, my breath heavy and uneven and stared with misty eyes as my creation stared back at me with lifeless orbs. I took in every detail, the claws, the arms, the many legs, the shell, the face… all of it… all of it was perfect… PERFECT. Even after all these years, with conditions that would drive anyone mad, I still had an artisan’s touch… that was one thing those two demons in holy guise could not take from me.

I approached my creation and threw my arms around it, my withered and aged body shuddering with joy as I held my one chance to escape this horror.

I looked into its stoic face and with a crazed smile and ancient words no longer fit for this world, I breathed outward, by breath carrying with it a silver mist. This was my magic, magic dark and forgotten, transferring a single year of my already endangered life into my child. I had already wasted so many years trying to bring disasters to life… I didn’t have too many more…

I quickly moved back and watched, already plotting what I would do first, which of my projects I would resume, how I would retake my kingdom, which one of the cursed royal sister’s necks I would snap first.

I watched with baited breath… as nothing happened…

No… no… please… no… what was wrong? I… I had done everything right… everything perfectly… just like in the old days… back when… back when… No… NO! This wasn’t fair… It’s been long enough, damn it! I want out! I served my time! I WANT OUT! LET ME OUT! PLEASE! Oh God… please…

I fell to my knees, ignoring the pain as I felt the impact on my brittle bones. Why… why… I would have cried if all my tears hadn’t dried up three centuries ago… and if my aged ears didn’t hear a slight crack of stone and rattle of pincers. My head shot up so fast I swear I heard a crack, but any stress I put my withered old body through was worth it… oh so worth it as I saw cracks run over my masterpiece and the telltale signs of movement from beneath.

Slowly I began to whimper, which turned into a chuckle, which turned into a full blown laugh of victory as I threw my arms up in triumph as I watch shards and plates of stone burst forth from my one hope. I continued to laugh as it skittered forth from the dust and smoke caused by it’s impressive entrance, my mad chuckling never once ending as I took in more and more of it’s wondrous features. Features I myself had spent countless days sculpting and carving to life-like perfection, now full life, flesh and blood, standing before me. A testament to my will and power, even in here!

Impenetrable black exoskeleton shined in the dim light, a three-clawed hand grasped at empty air and a giant pincer of immeasurable strength snapped loudly, as if eager for something to crush. It’s many legs skittered restlessly while it’s glowing eyes stared at me with cold obedience and a mad desire to protect and serve.

Standing before me was what could only be described as some mad combination of crab, spider and flea. But to me, it was the most beautiful thing in the world.

My greatest creation, my hope turned savior, my gift to history, my soldier, guardian, servant and my escape from this hell.

My deadly Garthim.

I laughed as I shambled forward, my decrepit legs nearly buckling under the excitement.

“Garthim…” How long had it been since I heard my own voice? Since I had a reason to speak? …it came out like glass scraping stone.

It stood still at once, it’s eyes locked on me as it awaited my orders.

“You are Garthim… soldier, destroyer… you are my creation… you will follow only MY orders. You will protect me with your life.”

It stood completely still, not moving an inch. Good. That means the orders were recognized and accepted.

“Now… release me from these chains! Free your master!” I held up my wrists, the chains dangling in front of the great crustacean-like beast.

Without a moment’s hesitation it hefted it’s huge, razor-like pincer upwards and with precision and skill expected from a swordsman rather than a hulking berserker it sliced my bonds to ribbons. I cackled madly as the chains fell to the floor, their glow vanishing as their enchantment died. Their magic suppressing my life energy and strength were gone, and already I could feel my power returning to me. I could no longer demolish towers with ease or crush boulders with a swing of my arm… but it was a start.

“Come Garthim… there is much to do…” I called out as I walked towards the spiral stairway leading to the exit of this horrible place. The only way, with which they brought me in, and never expected me to walk out.

My creation hefted itself up and skittered after me, walking up the stairs with it’s crab-like legs carefully as I shambled up as quickly as possible.

It took over an hour to reach the top of the stairs. That’s how far down we were… that’s how much they wanted to keep me forgotten…. FOOLS…. It wasn’t enough.

I shambled forward, nearly tripping over my tattered robes as my Garthim and I came to the final obstacle standing between us and the outside world. A large set of stone double doors etched with runes, barred with thick wooden bars and aglow with protection charms from a bygone age.

I looked over it and cackled softly. I looked to my Garthim and considered ordering it to free us… but I was not dead yet… I was not weak… I was alive and strong… and I would prove it to myself once more. Even if my body and better judgment protested with every bit of their being.

I hobbled over to the door and took in it’s every detail. I recognized the craftsmanship… it bore an uncomfortable likeness to my own. Which could only mean two beings could have possibly done all this. Done all this with what I had taught them. Traitorous wretches! Ungrateful swine! I would show them… I would not be forgotten. I shall not lose. I refuse to die!

With a roar of anger I raised my arm high and brought it down with the force of a thunderbolt.

My shriveled fist and withered forearm bashed against the door with the sound of a drum being busted through. I watched with grim satisfaction, even as my arm ached with pain, as the door busted open outwards, showering the now visible forest before me with shards and chunks of stone large enough to snap the trees they landed on.

I took three steps… three simple steps, strong and proud… and I was free.

Freedom… a gift, not a right, but a gift… so many beings take for granted… never once thinking their lives, loves and joys, might be snuffed out as easily as a candle… leaving them in the dark… forever.

I breathed in the fresh air of the night, basked in the beautiful moonlight, listened to the sounds of wild animals and the rushing wind… I was free… I was free!

I was free, and I would retake what was mine! I would make the world remember my name once more!

And those two pony bitches better watch their backs! Ha ha!


Far away, in a castle of gold and marble, resting in a bed of silk and velvet, Princess Celestia, beauty unmatched, and co-ruler of the most prosperous land in the world, tossed and turned in her sleep. Her multi-colored mane whipped about as its owner seemed to weep silently, and her bed creaked as it tried to keep up with her wild and grieved movements.

With a gasp and tear-stained eyes she shot up in bed, looking frantically to and fro. As if searching for a specter she knew to be there, and terrified that she couldn’t already see. She ran a foreleg through her hair, tracing through the perfect locks in an effort to calm herself.

The sound of galloping hooves quickly grew louder and the doors of her bedroom burst forth, causing the Alicorn pony great alarm. Celestia whipped her head towards the door in a silent scream, as if expecting to see the object of her worry there. But instead relief and love filled her as she saw only her sister, adorned with her silver regalia.

“Tia! Art thou alright? We sensed thy pain.” Princess Luna said in the Old Tongue, laced with worry and fear of her own.

“Oh Lulu… I had the worst possible dream… I… I thought…” Celestia began only to stop as she saw the pain-filled look on her sister’s face.

“Tia… that twas no dream… if it were, I would have known of it. Why do you think I am here? I sensed it as well… as you did, even in your sleep.”

“No… please, Lulu. Please tell me it was but a nightmare.” The Solar Princess pleaded.

Her Lunar counterpart simply closed her eyes and shook her head.

“I’m afraid not, dear sister… SkekUng the General, Emperor of the Griffons… has returned.”

Celestia looked at her sister for a brief moment in horror before closing her eyes and steadying herself. With a quick intake and outtake of breath she jumped out of her oh so comfortable bed. She grew a determined look upon her face and with a flash of magic, her appearance was restored to that of a strong ruler, coat brushed, mane perfect, and her gold regalia in their proper places.

And then… she spoke three simple words, laced not with fear or worry, but with the authority and experience of millennia.

“We must prepare.”


Author's Note:

I seem to like jumping on band wagons… but if anything, I’d like to think of this as a tribute to great fanfics that really get my creative blood flowing. Let’s see if I can get farther with this fanfic than my last without my PC exploding. *Eye roll* Wish me luck!

Oh, and before I forget.

My Guy:

Name: SkekUng

Race: Skeksis

From: The Jim Henson masterpiece; The Dark Crystal

Abilities: Incredible strength, resistant but not immune to Magic, impressive tactical and strategic abilities, knowledge of advanced sciences and alchemy, ability to make Garthim soldiers.

Goals: Revenge, as you can guess… as well as something else that perhaps you can also gleam. Can’t give away EVERYTHING, right?