Okay, while I love this series, and loathe anything Fall related, I think you're doing a bit of a disservice to the story by constantly insulting the Caribou in the narration. I can tell this is being told from a third person perspective, probably someone who doesn't hold a high opinion of the brutes, but by constantly painting them as dumb, oafish morons, you're taking away from your protagonist. Okay, he's smart, smooth, deadly... but he only proves so against a foe that is too dumb to walk and chew gum. King Dainn is one of the most painful Mary Sues I've seen on this site, yes. But still, he's the main villain. We only ever see the Caribou doing horrible acts of rape, but that is because we only ever see them in fetish smut.
Again, I hate the very idea of the Caribou, but you should probably tone down the rhetoric in the narration. Show them as a viable enemy, otherwise it's never an engaging story, merely watching someone pick on the Special Ed kid, you know?
Also, as I was corrected when I had my little picture made, Shining Armor was corrupted by Caribou Mind control. So in this universe, he's not a traitor: he's a naive idiot who falls for the same trick twice.
“Bah, it's too much work to consider-” the first began, cut off when another pebble dropped. “In any event, it is nothing. The pony palace is merely shedding rubble from our mighty and masculine battery of its weak and female form.”
I'm sorry. I cannot take your story seriously anymore. You were on the right track describing the horrors, but then this came up. Where's the comedy tag? These guards have just uttered one of the stupidest things I have ever heard. I've been hearing it for a while now, but this topped everything so far.
4628233 I have to second this. The protagonist is only as good as his antagonist, and frankly? The Caribou are being portrayed as so stupid that...there's no excuse. They shouldn't have won for any reason whatsoever, so now I'm just assuming this is a disturbing story Discord wrote after he ate an orderly number of bananas and that was like injecting liquid cocaine into anyone else.
So...yeah. Caribou are alright to be described as ignorant, but to be so stupid is to wonder how their species ever survived in the first place.
Okay, while I love this series, and loathe anything Fall related, I think you're doing a bit of a disservice to the story by constantly insulting the Caribou in the narration. I can tell this is being told from a third person perspective, probably someone who doesn't hold a high opinion of the brutes, but by constantly painting them as dumb, oafish morons, you're taking away from your protagonist. Okay, he's smart, smooth, deadly... but he only proves so against a foe that is too dumb to walk and chew gum. King Dainn is one of the most painful Mary Sues I've seen on this site, yes. But still, he's the main villain. We only ever see the Caribou doing horrible acts of rape, but that is because we only ever see them in fetish smut.
Again, I hate the very idea of the Caribou, but you should probably tone down the rhetoric in the narration. Show them as a viable enemy, otherwise it's never an engaging story, merely watching someone pick on the Special Ed kid, you know?
Also, as I was corrected when I had my little picture made, Shining Armor was corrupted by Caribou Mind control. So in this universe, he's not a traitor: he's a naive idiot who falls for the same trick twice.
I'm sorry. I cannot take your story seriously anymore. You were on the right track describing the horrors, but then this came up. Where's the comedy tag? These guards have just uttered one of the stupidest things I have ever heard. I've been hearing it for a while now, but this topped everything so far.
4628233 I have to second this. The protagonist is only as good as his antagonist, and frankly? The Caribou are being portrayed as so stupid that...there's no excuse. They shouldn't have won for any reason whatsoever, so now I'm just assuming this is a disturbing story Discord wrote after he ate an orderly number of bananas and that was like injecting liquid cocaine into anyone else.
So...yeah. Caribou are alright to be described as ignorant, but to be so stupid is to wonder how their species ever survived in the first place.