The warden, the pain, and equestria

by kotor511

Of bushes and... living biting bushes.

A few minutes before Jimbo's arrival...

~The Everfree Forest~
Mysterious as the sun Princess herself, life striving, and extremely dangerous. That is how the forest unbound and free lying between the royal city of Canterlot and Ponyville is known throughout the citizens of both locations. It needs no weather magic, nothing to manage it's growth, it does all on it's own, self providing. A strange and difficult place to all of Equestria indeed.
It is said none who have traversed under its thick canopy, have ever left it's boundaries again. Possibly these poor souls have fallen victim to the countless dangerous plants, fell down unexpected steep cliffs, or fell prey to some of its various predators and other dangerous creatures, of which some where simply unnatural.

One such as the Timberwolf.

No! Not that typical 'canis lupus lycaon' everyone from earth may think about now, but a real Timberwolf, made entirely of sticks, twigs, branches and other tree parts, solely a resident of the Everfree Forest.

Their natural nemesis must be bush fires.

*Cough* Yes, as I was saying the Timberwolf calls the deeper parts of the Everfree its home. These wolves are much bigger then regular wolves, with much more raw timber in them, donated by the forest and it's various trees and bushes.
Those twig-come-to-life monstrosities are some of the prime predators of these woods.

And they are pretty damn proud of it.

One specific individual, felt very proud in particular this day, the pack leader and alpha male of a whole bunch, the bossa nova, he was called 'Raaawrawr'... but since this is Canineish, we'll just call him 'Hard Wood' for convenience.

It was a good day for Hard Wood. Just this early morning he had bested two foreign Timberwolves, from another pack, that tried to overtake his own pack. It was a devastating fight with lots of broken twigs and branches on either side, until Hard Wood smashed his opponents into little splinters, without remorse.
Timberwolf codex has it, yes they do have an unspoken codex, that the challengers would be absorbed into the winners body, to strengthen his own form and growth.

Suffice it to say, 'Hard Wood' evolved into 'Big Hard Wood'.

Now being almost three times the size of a regular Timberwolf, Big Hard Wood felt at the peak of his life! All the other wolves of his pack respected him unquestionably, the females where lying to his paws and wanted nothing more then his tree sap, yes the icky stuff that comes from you know where, and have his little Twig pups.
In other words, Wood guy had a chill day.

Smiling with his achievements, he went to take a nap under a nearby tree, covered in a bit of bush, his pack not far a way from him.
Snoozing into the comfortable dreamland, one that mainly consisted of his own awesomeness, and how he would have endless sessions of procreation with his female counterparts, he was sure nothing could ruin his perfect day of being a great leader and protector of his kin.

That was when all hell broke loose.

Brown... and a tint of purple? That's all what blurred his vision for a few seconds, or was it a whole minute? Anyway, bricks the size of siege weapons attacking a castle's wall were raining down upon him, seemingly trying to shatter his head into pieces, while the stench of something unbearably awful was covering his nose, leaving him no other choice but to inhale the foul stench. He tried to wiggle free, but he lost his orientation in the proceedings of Armageddon, unwilling to open his snout in fear that the foul wastes could reach his taste buds.
There was a slight pain near the tip of his ears and he felt the leaf mane around his head, that had so graciously formed after his adaption of the two challengers, wither and die. More pain was reaching his mind, yet it felt numbing, almost sedating, but it wasn't enough to put him back to sleep, as the stench was sufficient to keep him awake.

Then, it stopped.

Covered in indescribable liquids and other wastes, he risked a glance up to where this foul revenge of karma came from. His eyes went wide with what he was looking at

He certainly wasn't expecting to gaze upon the rear of some creature.

Just then, Birds were falling from the tree he was under, plumbing to the ground as if they had eaten some poisoned food, retching desperately for air. Big Hard Wood felt more like a Small Soft Wood at the moment, as something was obstructing his clear mind and covered him in a haze befuddled he swayed his head left and right trying to grasp what was happening around him.

He heard the rear end of the creature talk, it sounded remorsefully for it's actions but shrugged off the events none the less.

In his clouded state, Big Hard Wood came to a horrifying and stunning realization.
'This creature just emptied it's bowels on me... It took a dump on me! ME! The alpha wolf of this pack! I became it's toilet!'

... All of a sudden, this great day escalated into one of Big Hard Wood's worst days, with that show of utterly disrespect for his rank.

'How dare it!' he thought, pulling himself out of his haze with the feeling of boiling rage for this demeaning gesture.

He was used to creatures running from him.
He was used to their pleading of mercy.
He was used to fending of rival packs, no matter how strong they seemed.

But one strange creature obliviously relieving itself on his head in a bliss of ignorance?

...

Of course you can guess, this meant WAR!

Hard Wood shifted in the thick bush of his resting place and got to his paws, while beginning to growl at the subject of his hatred, showing his teeth. The creature seemed to notice his growls, and slowly turned around in confusion, until it's face met the alpha wolf's snout, staring right into his now furiously burning eyes.

Big Hard Wood was not smiling anymore, he was angry, disturbed and annoyed by this ignorant suicidal creature.

Even if it was a bit bigger than him, he could smell the fear once it realized what it was facing. That was enough to assure Big Hard Wood of his advantage.

Not wasting a second, he pounced the infuriating creature.

And it screamed!

Author's Note:

Just trying to show the Timberwolf's perspective of the happenings, so it's a very short chapter, supposed to add more comic relief.

Comments

[thatguy45]

...some people must not like poop jokes.

[kotor511]

5487989 Probably, but the thing is poop and diarrhea is part of Magellan's character.
He does have those problems, and originally I didn't want to make this disgusting or appalling but just laughable at best.