Archer: equestrias greatest pony spy.

by The watchful pony

pony Zone

pony Zone

ISIS was almost completely quiet exept for the hum of the AC. All the agents were hanging around Carol's (or maybe it was Cheryl, who knows) desk.

"God, this is so boring and forever taking. How long until closing time".

"I told you, it's three. So five minutes from now, when you ask me what time it is, im going to say THREE"!

".......that still doesn't answer how long it is until nine". Everybody in the room let out an aggravated sigh.

"It pains me to say this, but I do have to agree with Carol.."

"No, it's Jasmine now".

"Who cares. Why are we even still here. If nobody needs us, then should we not git off early".

"Maybe, if we worked for a boss that wasn't as crazy as she is old".

"HAY, I am not old, i'm seventy four. And for your information we just may have a mission".

"Finally, the bourbon is starting to run out". Malory carted in a giant box.

"Wow, that thing is like, unnecessarly huge".

"Yea, I bet that things so big you could smuggle an orca whale in one of those........ I mean not that you would but still". the box slowly started to creak open to reveal a giant machine of some kind. Steam spued from the red glowing top.

"Who ordered the giant fog machine".

"You know that not in the budget, right".

"I did not order this, it just showed up in the mail".

"Wait, it just showed up in the mail, and you didn't check who sent it".

"Well we know what it is now, don't we". cyril picked up a piece of paper that flew out from the box.

"There's a note. It says dear ISIS, I hope you enjoy the special gift I sent you, sincerely, barry".

"BARRY SENT IT".

"Oh, maybe it's a cooler. Check if it has some green russians".

"No thank you, I really don't feel like blacking out". when all of a sudden, The machine started to glow and radial before it let out a giant portal of red and sucked all the isis agents inside.

_________________________________________________________________________________________________

Archer woke up in the middle of a dirt road. There were trees all around and the sun was beaming down on his face. He didn't feel hungover but his head still felt as bad as the first time he had a green russian. It also did not help that he hated the sound of nature first thing when he wakes up. Bird singing wasn't entertaining, the sun was to bright, and finally, there was no bed with his soft persian blankets and goose feather pillows.

"Good god, what the shit did I just git hit with. Dammit Barry, what was that thing. Wait, why am I saying his name, he's not even here". All the thinking Archer had to do to form that sentence made his head start to hurt again. He brought his hand up to rub his pounding head, but as he felt what his head his hand it felt....... different somehow. For one thing, there were no fingers were they should have been. Second, it felt much more thicker then his hand. As he drew the mass away from his head, he saw not a hand, but instead a giant hove "Holy shit, have I been chain smoking joints again". Archer tried to git up but tripped over something.

"Ow, what the shit Archer".

"What the shit Lana".

"Get off".

"You get off". Archer got off of lana. when he saw her he was completely shocked. She was a horse, she had brown fur and blue eyes and a black main that was in a ponytail that led down to her shoulders. She also had a weird marking near her butt. It was a tec-9 sub machine gun facing upwards "Lana, please tell me you see what I see".

"What, that you and, I can only presume I, are horses".

"Wait I'm a horse to". Archer examined himself. He had all white fur and was wearing a black suit. He had his signature short black haircut and a very full, thick, and black tail. He also had the same weird symbol on his butt only his was a martini glass. He looked similar to his human form except for one thing, HE HAD WINGS. "HOLY SHIT, I HAVE WINGS".

"Hurray".

"Lana all my life I have always wanted to fly. Besides it's better then being a oh wait I had something for this....a..... um dildo rhino"

"what the hell are you talking about". archer brought his hove up to a spot on her forehead. She felt up near were he was pointing and felt a horn on her head. "What the hell is that".

"I believe it's a dildo".

"It's a horn you dumb ass"

"oh, ok smart ass, then tell me what were going to do. Because not only is mother, pam, cyril, and carol not here, but we have no drinks and nowhere to go". Lana pointed off into a distant town.

"Maybe that town has some answers".

".....Well obviously were going to that town". Both Lana and Archer trotted off to the town hoping to get some answers and also some alcohol

___________________________________________________________________________________________

It was dusk when Lana and Archer came into the town. The town was still bustling with activity like shops and stalls all over. everypony was saying hello to each other and buying stuff from the booths. "Man this place is so colorful I keep thinking we entered the world were air fresheners come from".

"Keep it down Archer, we don't want to draw attention to ourselves".

"Considering I'm not only the only horse thats wearing clothing but also the only guy in this town, I think we have already drawn attention to ourselves".

"Archer, your not the only guy in this town, look". Lana pointed off to an all red pony with a apple for a cutie mark.

"Ok, point taken". The two continue to trot when a certain pink pony came right the buck out of no were.

"Hello, i've never seen you in town before so that means your new and if you new then I need to through you a big surprise party, oh wait but it's not a surprise if I told you about it but maybe you can still be surprised about it if you pretend to be surprised when I through the party. Anyway I'm pinky pie what's your name".

"How high are you right now".

"ARCHER, my name is Lana Kane and this is my partner Sterling Archer. Were trying to look for some friends of ours that went missing". Pinky started to giggle a little.

"Those are some pretty funny pony names. I think i'll call you archy. I don't know who your talking about but maybe you can try Twilights house, she's quit a smart cookie, I wonder what type of cookie she would be, maybe chocolate chip, oooo or oatmeal, nooooo am I crazy, maybe she could be a...." pinky walked away and continued to talk to herself.

"What the hell, did I just get mind raped".

"I don't know, but at least we have a possible lead".

they both went over to Twilights house. Lana knocked on the door and for a couple of moments there were no sounds coming from the house. she knocked again but this time a small purple dragon answered the door. "Can I help you".

"HOLY SHIT, IT'S A REAL DRAGON".

"ARCHER, I'm Lana and this is archer. Were here to see a miss Twilight sparkle".

"Ok, let me go git her. Twilight, someponys are here to see you".

"Who are they".

"There names are Archer and Lana".

"I'll be down in a minuet". both Lana and Archer walked in and examined the library. "Hello, my name is Twilight sparkle".

"My name is Lana Kain, ISIS field agent. This may be hard to believe but me and my collie are not originally horses. We had a few friends with us before we came here from another world, but were not sure were they are. A pink pony by the name of pinky pie....". "I get it". "Told us you might be able to help us.

"Well firstly, your not a horse your a pony. Second, I'm afraid I haven't seen any strange acting ponys in town. However, me and spike would be more then happy to help you tomorrow on the condition you tell me everything you know".

"Why not today".

"If your friends are anywhere in the everfree forest, it will be safer to look during the day". Lana looked outside and saw that the sun was gone.

"That is a good point. Ok Twilight, first thing tomorrow, we will all go looking for the rest of the group and Archer what the hell are you doing".

"I'm trying to find the liquor cabin".

"Dammit Archer, can't you put you alcohol addiction on hold for two seconds".

"It is not an addiction, it's a necessity, There is a difference". Lana just rolled her eyes

"Please tell me you have some alcohol around here somewhere".

"There should be some cider in the fridge, it's a little strong so be careful". Archer went into the kitchen and came back out with a mug full of cider.

"Well it's no Schüzenmeister but for cider it's still pretty strong".

"Great, now how about we get some rest".

"I have an extra bed you two can share"

"Nooope, Archer can sleep on the couch"

"Fine". Archer put the mug down and hopped on the couch as Lana and Twilight trotted up to the bedroom. "Great, she gets a bed and I get a rough couch. I'm not going to say it, otherwise things will in fact, get worst............ who am I talking to". Archer finally drifted off to sleep. Ready for anything that this new world had to offer.

Comments

[Distrance]

I... didn't particularly like this. When it comes to Archer, which I madly love, I analyze the hell out of this. It's really hard to work with this show and it's brand of comedy unless you understand it yourself, which was pretty hit and miss in your case.

Also, I did notice some pretty simple grammatical errors you should re-read and edit.

[Alex Wadegrove]

You may want to point out just who says what in conversations. Also, for the love of all that is holy, get an editor.

[SumPony]

Methinks you have a lot of room for improvement, both in writing style / correctness and in humor.

I recommend Some basic techniques of humor writing on Uncyclopedia. You'll notice some of them, like repetition and escalation, are easily noticeable in Archer.

Also, I do believe Archer's breed of humor is at odds with pony. Archer is about characters who are douchebags, almost every one of them, but douchebags in their own quirky and highly amusing ways.

i.imgur.com/CEH0i.gif

[The AmazingZaz]

One little plot hole. Pinkie just says to go to Twilight's house but doesn't actually point out where it is. How did Lana know which building to go to?

Other than that it is a great idea for a story. I hope you continue and improve it overtime.

Big Archer fan by the way.

[CaptRicoSakara]

Funny as hell so far. Even though I never watched Archer, I can tell his lines are funny and hell. XD
But as the others say, I think you need help editing and proofreading this. I recommended it before you continue. =3

[Furluvs]

Darn reviews, can't decide if I should give this a shot. I'm a huge archer fan too, and is hate to be disappointed.... Snatch that, ill read...

[DarthWolfe]

BROVO BROVO WELL DONE !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[JustForgetMe]

Nice, I've only seen seasons one and two fuking Netflix. But I do know that Barry's a dick, who apparently has access to machines that can cross dimensional boundries.
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As much great and funny potential there is it seems to be moving at a pretty extrordinary rate. Meh, it's still good.

[CartsBeforeHorses]

As a fan of Archer, I feel like this might have potential, but you really need to improve your grammar and spelling. Because right now, this is pretty unbearable to read.

Things like remembering to capitalize "I," remembering commas in the right places, those sorts of things.