Once upon a time, in the magical land of Equestria ,there was a two princesess and they rule Equestria.
One day, the Older sister started to be jelous.
Ponies looking at the moon and wishing.
But they can´t look at her beautiful Sun.
Then the flares started..
"The ponies get to marvel at your gorgeous nights, staring at the stars in the sky and appreciating their beauty. The only thing with
beauty in my sky they can't even behold it with their mortal eyes for fear of injury! The one beautiful thing I create, and it can't even
be looked at by anypony!"
"Sister please! Calm down! The sun has to be bright to allow ponies to see in the day!"
"I know, but if there were only day, then there would be only one beautiful thing to behold, and ponies would have no choice BUT to see my beautiful creation."
"Celestia, what are you saying."
"I'm saying, that there can only be one princess in Equestria, and that princess... is me!"
"Celestia, stop this madness!"
"Madness? This isn't madness, everything is finally clear to me! THE DAY, SHALL LAST, FOREVER!"
"Celes-... sister, please, I don't want to fight you."
"Then don't, little Luna. Step aside as I make the ponies bask in the light for all eternity."
"... then... you leave me no choice...""
"Come on big sister , one more page" whistle Scootaloo.
"No Scoots, it´s late night and you have to go to school tommorow" Said Rainbow Dash.
"Ok then...But you will read it tommorow , i want know how it en..." Scootaloo yawned, and then she fell asleep.
"you´re so cute when you are sleepy , lil sis" Rainbow Dash kissed Scootaloo on forehead and then ske went into living room.
__________________________________________________________________________________________
"Soarin you look so tired, Go home" said Spitfire.
"Ok ma´am, just few minutes please" Soarin replied.
"But for what?" She asked.
"I just...have...something to....Do...Hehe" He said nervously.
"Fine , see you tommorow" Said Spitfire and then flew away.
"And now i have time to see what Dashie doing" Said Soarin to himself.
__________________________________________________________________________________________
Rainbow Dash was lying in her rainbow pool and thinking about something.
"Hi Dashie!" Said woice from darkness.
"Huh?" she woke up from dreaming and rapidly turned."Oh...hello Soarin, What are you doing here? It´s a middle of the night!"
"I just have said- Really really thanks Dash." He said and sat down.
"You´re welcome, Wait! For what?" She asked.
"Well you saved my life three times, opened my eyes and you´re so cute" Soarin said and then started to blush.
"C-cute?" She said , red as chili pepper.
"Y-yeah?" he said, and he began to shake from nervousness.
"Oh c´mon , you don´t need to be stressed." she said and started softly smiling .
"On the other hand, it is nice to know that someone is nervous of me"
"B-but i´m not nervous at all" he said nervously.
"Then why are you sweating?"She said, and started looking at him with very sexi face.
"Guh...huh...umm..."He couldn´t say normal word.
"You're even more shy than Fluttershy is!" She screamed and kissed him.
They kissed gently, about a minute or two, and when they separated, Dash said-"I helped you a little. Better?"
"You have no idea how." he said, and began to smile, like a child what gets ice cream.
"So this means yes?" He whisped to her ear.
"Maybe, I need inspiration.."She smiled and they started to kissing again.
___________________________________________________________________________________________
"What is that sound?" Scootaloo asked herself, and and then she got out of bed and looked out of the window ...
"Daaaash?!" She screamed....
'Where is she?' she thinked 'Maybe i should look to her bedroom...'
___________________________________________________________________________________________
"Rainbow are you....uhhh"She looked to her bedroom and saw two light blue pegasus slleping in bed.
'Maybe he is her coltfriend...' She smiled 'And maybe i should go to bed right now '
Then she leaved Rainbow's bedroom and went to hers.
____________________________________________________________________________________________
"Hi Scoots , what's up?" Asked Sweetie Belle
"I have one VEEEEEERY special news" Said Scootaloo and smiled.
"How news? You've got your cutie mark?" Asked Apple Bloom.
"Yeah , tell that to us!"Screamed Sweetie Belle.
"I think.....that......Rainbow......HAVE A COLTFRIEND!!!!!!!" Whistle Scootaloo.
"Rainbow and coltfriend? That's better than "Evil Princess Celestia"" Said Sweetie Belle....
"B-but i saw them together in Rainbow's bed........And Rainbow, yesterday she read to me the story of the Solar Flare!" said Scootaloo...
"What is Solar Flare?" Asked Apple Bloom.
"I'll tell ya tommorow, OK?" asked Scootaloo...
"Oki, See ya later" said Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle drinking tea.
"Fine Bye!" Said Scootaloo and went away.
___________________________________________________________________________________________
"What did you want Dashie?" Asked Pinnkie Pie.
"Oh...nothing importand...Can you give me an usual please" Said Dash
"Oki doki loki, So that's Big Mocca Coffe, slice of pie and one Cherry cupcake, Anything else?"
"No, that's everything." Replied Dash
"So that's 3 bits Dashie"Said Pinkie
"Oki Pinkie" said Dash, and paid Pinkie.
"So what is Scootaloo doing, she said that se is going look what Sweetie and Bloom doing.
"That's good that Scootaloo have friends, before , she was very lonely"
"Yeah, now she is very happy, no matter , that she still can't fly, i must go now, Bye"
"Hi!"Said Pinkie and Dash left.
Please, please get an editor. There are many on this site who would be glad to help you. If not that have someone preread your story.
Reasons; spelling errors, missing words, grammar errors, and so forth,
not dissing your efforts just the execution.
Good luck
>mfw this actually has upvotes despite having an error in the title
its good I like it
4564951
Thank you
It's okay just super rushed. You did something that could have been an easy ten chapters and just smushed it into one. Try to get a co-writer or prereader some one to look over it, if it's your first story I get it, over time it'll hopefully mold into a better story. For now work fixing it up, you have to fix the title it makes little sense.
This is awesome!
4573537
Oh...reallyyyyyyy thaaaaaanksssss
4574396
Oookaaaaaaaaaaaaaay
4574516
Noooowwwww iiii neeeeeeddddd ssssuuupppoooorrrrtttt.....
Caaaaannnnn wwwweeeee stooooppp?
4574529
Do you like melons?
4574568
Like watermelon? (i mean fruit)
As a fellow Soarindash writer i feel inclined to give a critique:
Sometimes people are too quick to downvote or berate. While the story suffers from errors and feels a bit stuffed to the brim, there WERE good things to highlight:
Plus side -
You have an idea that's caught my attention
You know how you want your characters to act
It's important to acknowledge things an author has done well, no matter what the story as a whole it like. It's hard to keep writing if no one ever compliments you.
For your benefit though, i will also point out what needs improvement.
Minus side -
I'm not going to call it rushed, that word is thrown out too often by people who may not actually know how long it took to write something
However the story IS pressed together very roughly. Someone else here put it well, you have enough here to span multiple chapter's but you put it all in one.
You've got the dialogue all in there, but you lack any description of surroundings, plot, or anything to give the reader a sense of what their supposed to be seeing in their head as they read.
That's just off the top of my head there are many grammatical and spelling errors, but i don't judge an author based on that
I gave the story an upvote because of the idea you have going forward. I don't care that it was a bit of a minefield trying to figure it out, it caught my interest and THAT'S the most important thing an author needs to do.
There is a lot of room for improvement, and as others have said, i suggest getting an editor or seeking other advice for writing (I would be happy to provide a couple pointers if you wished )
Everyone has a story to tell. That is the most important thing about writing. It may be hard to get started, but as long as you keep at it, you will improve. There are no steps backward, only steps forward
4574578
...
Your OC is a pegasus.
I'm find this story interesting. That said you should really have someone proofread for you, I was finding so many grammatical errors that it almost took me out of the story. I'm not one of those people that usually harps on someone for bad grammar, but consistent grammatical errors that could have been easily fixed is a bit of pet peeve of mine.
Here change the title to
Good I say I just hope Soarin didn't have a one night stand with her or pinkie gonna take his wings.
4661258
No....This will be loooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooong love
What a coincidence I'm righting and my OC is called solar flare
And by the way, make it longer, and correct the grammar.