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I regret nothing1,006 words
Canterlot is no match for Honey Badger1,212 words
I still regret nothing!246 words

I regret nothing

Ponyville was a very normal place to live at, that is if your definition of normal is deadly bugs, huge dragons, and other hazards that don't miraculously take anyone's lives is a normal day. Right now, Fluttershy finished shopping and was going back home to her cottage on the outskirts of Ponyville. While on the other side of town, a creature was walking through town ignoring random passer bys and other carts that came dangerously close to crushing him. What was this creature's name, Honey Badger. But see this Honey Badger is different because Honey Badger doesn't give a fuck. After receiving a few looks from the locals he decides enough is enough. He was determined to get to his destination. Sugar-cube corner. Kicking in the door and gaining the attention of everyone in the cafe he glares at every single one of them.

"All right which one of ya'll motha-fucka's is ready for an ass whoopin'?!", he shouted (with a Brooklyn accent) out of the top of his lungs that rivaled Luna's royal Canterlot voice. Everybody stared at him wide-eyes as they put their hands up and backed away slowly.

"Now which ya'll punk asses would like to buy me a drink?!", after finishing that sentence he was mt with a flurry of bits thrown at him, did it hurt him? No, because Honey Badger doesn't give a fuck. After buying himself a coffee and two muffins (which he gave one to a mare with really funny eyes) he sat down and began eating. Nobody dared challenge him because if they did Honey Badger will lay down a can of whoop ass on everyone.

"Umm, sir?", a stallion said trembling with fear. The Honey Badger snapped his attention to him, his eyes piercing his soul as the stallion gulped nervously.

"N-N-Nevermind!", the stallion said in a high pitched voice before running out of the bakery weeping. Did Honey Badger feel any remorse? No, because Honey Badger doesn't give a fuck. Right now, the only man in the bakery was Honey Badger, not even Bulk Biceps dared challenge him. Shit, Honey Badger is too manly he needs not one mustache, not two mustache's, but motherfucking three mustaches. Damn, add in cool explosion for effect. Everybody was scared of Boss ass Motherfucking Honey Badger. Shit no one can rival Honey Motherfucking Badger, not even an Ursa Major he'll kick that space bears pansy ass and send that bitch into orbit.

Meanwhile, Fluttershy was flying toward Sugarcube Corner, right now Honey Badger was walking out of the bakery after getting in an argument with Bulk Biceps how about Sugarcube Corner wasn't even on a corner. Which made no sense and ended with Honey Badger tearing apart the bakery. They beg and pleaded for Honey Badger to stop, but he didn't. Why? Because Honey Badger doesn't give a fuck. Honey Badger is a nasty motherfucker that's why. That's when Fluttershy saw him....Motherufcking Honey Badger was walking away from the bakery. Fluttershy's eyes popped open with excitement, she never seen a Honey Badger, she seen a lot of Honey Badgers but not one as badass as this Honey Badger, shit I bet Honey Badger here will kick all the other Honey Badger's pansy asses. As Fluttershy neared him she called him out.

"Um, Mr. Honey Badger sir?!", Fluttershy said. Then that's when time stopped, now Honey Badger can either one! Walk away and ignore, put only pansy ass Honey Badgers do that shit. Honey Badger turned around in one spot while he was met with the eyes of Fluttershy. Her blue eyes made contact with Honey Badger's black beady ones. Before he can say anything, a rainbow blur tackled Fluttershy to the ground.

"Fluttershy! Are you crazy?!", Rainbow Dash yelled at her.

"This thing is a monster!", Rainbow Dash warned her. Honey Badger felt a slight jolt in his head. No one calls Honey Badger a monster, not even an autistic Rainbow pony.

"Hey!", Rainbow Dash said as she felt something bite her tail and drag her off Fluttershy. Fluttershy got up and dusted herself before walking to her cottage.

"Now, Mr. Honey Badger don't wander off, take care of him RD, I'm going to get some Honey.", Fluttershy told them both before trotting away happily. Rainbow Dash shot Honey Badger a glare, but Honey Badger didn't react because Honey Badger doesn't care. As Honey Badger started walking away a Cyan mare stepped in front of him.

"Fluttershy said not to leave!", She said as she glared at Honey Badger. Now does Honey Badger follow instructions? No, because instructions are for pansies. Grabbing RD by the scruff of her neck, Honey Badger threw her behind his back with enough speed to crash into Sugarcube Corner shattering the windows. Did anyone die? No! But Honey Badger didn't give a shit!

Four minutes later

"What happened?"

"You're stupid Honey Badger that's what!", Rainbow yelled at her. The yellow pegasus cowered as Rainbow gave her a toungue lashing gibbering about the Honey Badger and Sugarcube corner needing their windows replaced, after that a majestic voice stopped her.

"That's enough Rainbow!", Rainbow whipped around before gasping, everypony around her bowing. Celestia stood there a she wondered what happened here.

"Fluttershy, I understand you just made contact with a very violent creature!", Celestia said.

"N-No, Mr. Honey Badger will never harm anypony!", Fluttershy said trembling.

"Well..I guess Mr. Honey Badger doesn't care.", Celestia said. Right now, Mr. Honey Mother fucking Badger was gone, but he will back ready to unleash a can of whoop ass on every motherfucka' who stands in his way because Honey Badger doesn't give a fuck.

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