People are weird.
“HAAAAPPY APRIL FOOLS' DAY, YA FOOOOL!”
Out peppered the blue paintball pellets to the target in front of me.
It only took about fifteen before I realized I wasn’t even in the same place anymore. (Yes, I know, fifteen too many for a decent player, but I was excited!)
“What the-”
I lowered my brand-spankin’ new Tacamo AK-47 and took off my helmet. I was in this giant hallway room thing that probably existed only in castles. Long red carpet rolled right up to the throne, where, in front of me sat what used to be an alabaster horse. Blue pretty much coated her barrel, front legs and hooves, and win-
What kinda person dresses up their horse like that? And what’s up with that mane. Some kinda fan installed behind that there throne?
Before shooting, I had dialed down the pressure a bit cause my target was an unsuspecting friend. We were tossing my football back an’ forth -but not before I had hidden my paintball gear behind the live oaks in his one-acre backyard. When he had gone back in the house for a couple minutes, I had set up, waiting for him to get back out. Watching him approach, I jumped out as soon as he got within twenty-five feet and, well, landed here apparently.
Well, anyway, the horse didn’t look like it was in pain, so I was grateful for that. It did look surprised though, what, with those wide pink eyes staring -
Who the hell makes freakin’ horse-eye contacts?
Now that I looked closer, the animal was shaped kinda strangely for a horse, but whatever.
A horse is a horse, I guess, and with all those weird modifications, its appearance probably shouldn’t surprise me. What I should do is probably calm down the poor shocked thing. I didn’t like much hurtin’ anything.
I left my equipment on the ground and took a step forward. It tensed up, and I shifted my gaze to the side a bit.
Softly, I spoke, “It’s alright, horsey. I’m sorry for markin’ ya. I didn’t mean to. In fact, I don’t even know how I got here. Uh..I’m just gonna go look for yer owner now. Don’t worry, I’ll get ya cleaned up good soon ‘nuff.”
When I looked back at it, the thing looked pissed.
At least it ain’t shocked no more.
I raised my hands up in some kind of placating gesture and half-shouted, “Woah, there! Good horsey! I ain’t gonna hurt ya!”
Then, more calmly, I said, “Now, just stay put, and I’ll figure somethin’ out. I’ll even go look for an apple or two as an apology.”
I don’t know why I bothered talking to it. The fire in its eyes only blazed higher.
“Ya don’t got rabies, do ya? Or maybe mad horse disease?” I idly commented.
The freakin’ thing flared its wings and pounced right toward me, landing just three feet from me. Its hooves cracked the marble floor.
“You have exactly no time to explain why you trespassed upon the castle grounds, assaulted me, and then insulted me in such a manner,” growled a feminine voice.
“That is a really cool costume,” I heard myself reply, “Looks all realistic and what not.”
The horse costume’s left eye twitched, and an ear swiveled.
“Dang, girl, ya just got all them details down!”
“You. Wretched. LITTLE. APE.”
I whistled in admirement.
“Wow. Yer pretty good at the -what’s it called now?- roleplayin’ thing! I can’t even see a delay between yer voice and the mouth!” I complimented, “Whoo-wee, ya even got the growl jus’ right! Though, I’m not sure what kinda horse growls. ‘Least it sounds might intimidating.”
The costume facepalmed.
Or is it facehooved? Whatever.
“I’ve had enough of your insolence,” it muttered angrily.
The costume’s eyes seemed to glare at me.
“In case you haven’t noticed,” it spoke icily, “I am NOT a costume. In fact, I think it is in my and Equestria’s best interests that such a foul creature as you is sent-”
Here, it reared up, tossing its head up dramatically, and shot her left hoof upward.
“-to the MOOOOOOON!”
What the hell kinda-retarded-line was that?
Her eyes bored into mine, as I just blankly stared back, unimpressed. Five minutes passed before the glow of the horn on her costume sputtered out. The costume blinked.
“I win the staring contest!” I blurted.
It was an instant reaction. My hand smacked me on the face (It was a dumb comment!) just as my feet felt the ground leave me. I looked down to notice that I was now ten feet high. My jaw dropped.
“How are ya doin’ that!? Ye one of them professional magicians from Las Vegas?” I wiggled around, feeling for strings.
“What does Las Pegasus have to do- No, nevermind. How are you not terrified of being sent -to the MOOOOOON- when all my other subjects are startled to the point of stuttering and stumbling away?” she questioned.
This girl’s a freakin’ pro-magician and roleplayer and cosplayer. Or she’s just bananas.
“Uh...why would I be? I know ya don’t have rockets and that I’m floatin’ cause of some invisible string contraption that even I can’t feel. Also, that golden glowy effect ye got around me is pretty neat. And, uh, ye mind puttin’ me down? I like it better with my feet on the ground,” I replied.
The horse face frowned and inquired further, “You do realize that this is magic, right?”
“Psh. Magic ain’t real. Yer just a pro-magician-roleplayer-cosplayer. I ain’t gonna believe ‘til ya follow through with yer -to the MOOOON- nonsense,” I mocked.
I’ll admit. I ain’t the brightest bulb in the box. A flash of light was the only warning I got before I landed on some gray rock. I briefly noted that Earth looked a bit different than what I usually saw on the maps before another flash hit me. I was back in the throne room. Thankfully, I was back on the floor.
“Now do you believe?” asked the girl with a smug expression on the horse face.
“Well, while I’m amazed that ye could bring me in and back out of the room with just a couple flashes without me even feelin’ movement, ya got the details of Earth wrong in that room of yours. Aaaand, I wouldn’t be able to breathe if that there was the Moon.”
She sighed exasperatedly.
“I used magic so that you wouldn’t die on the Moon, and what you saw was Equestria.”
An explanation for everythin’, huh?
“Time out, time out! None o’ this magic horses and Equester business. Pause yer little roleplayin’ for a moment!” I began seriously, “I’ve had some fun an’ all. Your costume’s beautiful, and I’m mighty sorry for messin’ it up. I can help ye wash it, but can ya tell me first why ye kidnapped me to this here place? I was hangin’ out with my buddy, and the next thing I knew, I was here! Also, where is here?!”
The horse’s mouth opened to speak but then closed without a word. Several times.
After a minute, she asked, “You’re serious?”
“Why wouldn’t I be? Now, if ye don’t mind, I’d like to hear some answers.”
“Prepare yourself.”
Huh?
“You are in Equestria. Not Earth -wherever this is. Some magical mishap must have forced you here. I am not a horse. I am a pony. In fact, if you were to go outside and call my subjects a horse, you will most likely be beaten for it. More seriously, this is not a costume. I do not know why you would assume I am,” she explained.
Who does she think she is? Toying with me like that..
I scowled at her.
“If ya ain’t gonna give me some straight answers, I’m just gonna find the exit.”
I turned my back and took several steps before I found myself floating again with the golden aura surrounding me.
“I’m not fooling around...What’s your name? And, if you don’t mind my asking, what are you?”
“Not gonna tell ya. Now put me down!” I yelled.
“Well, Not-gonna-tell-ya, my name is Celestia, and I suggest that you calm down. You are fortunate that I sent my Royal Guards on an errand right before your appearance. If they saw you whenever you..- Anyway, as I was saying, I am being absolutely serious with you.”
I groaned in frustration.
“Can ya please just let me outta here? I’m tired of yer nonsense, and I just wanna head back home and apologize to my friend for ditchin’ him,” I pleaded.
She gave me a look of pity and released me.
“Finally!” I exclaimed, picking up my gear, “It’s kinda been nice knowin’ ya.”
I hurried off before she could change her mind with her crazy invisible strings. As soon as I left though, a crazier sight I beheld through the nearby window.
Where the hell do all these costumes come from?!
Horses -or ponies, whatever- were everywhere. Their outfits included wings, horns, armor, suits -you name it.
This some kinda crazy horse-pony convention?
Needless to say, I had no clue where I was. I turned around again and busted back into the throne room. The horse girl, still painted in blue, was staring at me knowingly.
“Welcome back, Not-gonna-tell-ya.”
ARGGGGGH. What is wrong with this place?!
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LOL! This was great!
Please make more chapters. If you don't want to, though, I'll understand.
4316483
Glad you enjoyed it!
I'll consider making another chapter. (Though, this story was more of a spur-of-the-moment kinda thing.)
Oh, ok. Well, thanks at least for listening to me.
4317595
Sure thing! But a quick question (or three): If I decide to add another chapter, would you want me to use the same story but from Celestia's PoV? Or continue the story chronologically with human's PoV? Or maybe do a version where the human met Luna instead?
4317701 All of those are good ideas. My original idea was to continue the story, but the others are fine with me as well.
4317941
If I do continue, I'll continue chronologically while adding the other random ideas for fun (like a bonus chapter?).
Thanks for your input!
Yeah! Also, I'm sorry to have bothered you if all you really wanted to do was a single chapter.
4318038
Don't be! It's encouraging to know someone actually wants more. xD
4318366
LOL, ok, just didn't want to be a pest XD
4318472
Psh. You'd have to try really, really hard to get me to think anyone's a pest.
This needs to have more chapters just saying
4326960
I'll see what I can do. (I have some ideas forming already.)
And thank you.
This was hilarious XD
4471236
Yay! - Daring Do's approval. xD
And thank you for the favorite!
4471361
Haha XD and you're welcome