Aperture Science Otherworldly Exploration Initiative

by Swordoath

Prologue: Wheatly's Log, Pre-Atmospheric Entry

>:Begin Recording

Hello there! This is what I suppose you call a 'captain's log' of sorts, seeing as I'm, well, in charge of this whole operation. Thing is, it's going to be quite difficult to manage this without, y'know, legs. Or arms. A torso would be nice, too. But, uh, I'm sure this is all gonna turn out really well. Though, when you think about it, last time I was in charge things weren't going well at all, really. But I've learned, from my mistakes. Don't ignore the reactor implosion message next time it comes up, and all that.
Bored. Bored. Wanna go home. Wanna go back to Earth.
No, mate, we're going somewhere much better. Planet 47-2-A. Sounds great, dunnit?
Had enough of space.
I know, mate. So have I.
Aliens do not exist.
What? Now, don't go saying things like that. We'll never get home with that attitude.
Yeah! We're gonna shoot these alien mantis men like the ones back home, and then-
Uh, yeah, 'bout that. Peace mission. And I'm pretty sure, just a hunch here, that they're not mantis men.
Aw, what? That's boring.
Bored of space.
Aw shuddup, ya chunk of tin.
We are not made out of tin. We are made of Sodium Chloride.
Now that, that- Y'see, that's the kind of way we shouldn't be acting when we get down there. Want to make a good first impression, right?
Incorrect. The fact sphere cares not for the first impressions of beings which do not exist.
Oh, well that's just rude.
If I had an arm, I'd punch you. Even if you were covered in razor sharp spikes, I'd punch you anyway, just to make you SHUT UP.
Again, we don't want to upset the aliens. Poor things don't even have monitors yet. Not even radios. Now that I think about it, we're gonna be- Oh, is this still on? Oi! Any you know how to turn this thing- oh, there it is-

>:End Recording

Comments

[Page-Mistress]

...I wanna smack Fact Core.

Don't worry, it's not the way you wrote him... He just bugs me in general. Everything he says is wrong, and yet he has no idea of it and can't be convinced otherwise.

Gonna be honest, I look at all the cores that were supposed to limit GLaDOS, and part of me thinks that when the science guys made them, they were either drunk or high. Or possibly operating on very low amounts of sleep.