"Eeni, meenie, miney, mo.. Oh, whatever."
Twilight shrugged. She seriously could not decide which way to go. The left was off to the west, toward canterlot. So that probably wasn't the best course of action. To the right was to the east, which would bring her closer to Hollow Shades, but knowing her luck, the cave exit probably wasn't inside Hollow Shades. So forward seemed like her best bet.
Without a second thought, Twilight advanced forward into the depths of the cave. The place was rather spacious, unlike other caves Twilight had been in. While walking, Twilight focused in on the noises that she could hear. Just her own breathing and hoof steps. Nothing else. The group was absolutely gone. How they had disappeared so quickly will still be a mystery to Twilight.
Twilight glanced about the cave as her horn's light spell had lighten up the cave decently well. Enough to see about twelve or so feet all around her. Though this made the wall extremely exposed, because the walls were only seven feet in width from each other. The walls were showing off their small scratch marks as Twilight continued to delve down into the cave. Twilight was not worried by the scratch marks. They looked very old. So whatever had made them was probably gone, and no longer within this cave.
Twilight's hoof steps echoed through the tunnel she had chosen. There was nothing in front of here. Just darkness. Nothing else. Nothing was there to assure her she was going the right way. Twilight doubted she was going the correct way. Though, there was nothing really to prove that she was going the wrong way either. With a puff, Twilight continued on down her path of darkness and mystery.
While she did so, Twilight decided to do a recap on what her dream was. Though it had frightened her to even go back to what that nightmare was about, Twilight had to. There was nothing else to think about that wouldn't make her break out into tears or make this entire cave collapse due to an angry element of harmony. Twilight remembered how warm and friendly her group was, and how they would not wake up to help her. Even when there was a threat, they were like corpses. They didn't even breath. Back when Twilight had just been waiting and listening to the dream forest, their stomachs did not rise or lower. They were just stable. The forest itself was a lot more worrying within her dream. Which was strange, because the forest just appeared to be a peaceful one in real life. It did not have strange animals in it.
Twilight found the entire dream a bit strange. She remembered when he had shown up. It still gave her the chills to picture him again. Those blank green, souless eyes staring at her. They hungered. They hungered for blood. For death. She could feel it when she had looked at them. He was so tall. It only made him worse. He had towered over her easily. Then he had said something strange, with that voice she will never forget. It sounded like the King of Tartarus's voice itself.
"One day your evil will escape it's cage."
What did that mean? Twilight was not caging evil. She was not evil in the first place. She did not have a cage to cage something that did not exist. Well, she wouldn't have to, yet.. Twilight continued to wonder about her nightmare, and why it had to happen. Twilight had no explanation for the dream, or what he had meant by what he had said. Though, next time he stuck his disgusting face in her dreams, she would give him what for. She'll have him retreating with his tail between his legs, like the coward he would become.
Twilight's ears flicked. There was a sudden ping that echoed through the cave. Perhaps a bit of water that was dripping from the ceiling. It sounded that way. Twilight continued down her path, continuing to think. The message, the message.. Was it perhaps a plant that he had hatched? That he would put some evil into Twilight? Twilight would not allow that to happen. Never. She would never turn into a demon, she would never become evil. She wouldn't have history repeat.
There was another the sound. A sound of an animal. A familiar animal. Paw pads slowly padded along the stone floor of the cave. Twilight smiled. She liked cats. Though she did not have a cat, Twilight sort of liked the calm furry creatures. Her light spell exposed a small cat. It was all brown. No spots, no patches. Even it's underbelly was just brown. No stripes. Just brown. It's irises were the equivalent of the sky. It padded up to Twilight, causing Twilight to stop in her tracks. The cat was not afraid of Twilight, which was nice to see. Twilight turned to face the cat directly. It had came out of the shadows infront of Twilight. Perhaps, this cat came from a clan of cats deeper inside the cave? Ooooh! Twilight had read a book about cats living in four different clans. What was that book series called again? Twilight hadn't read it in a while, but it was really good.
The cat meowed at Twilight, making her smile stay. Such an innocent animal. Twilight, when she was a filly, actually wished to be a cat, once. Twilight put out her hoof for the brown cat to sniff. In which, the creature sniffed the hoof, before promptly pushing the top of it's head up against twilight's hoof. Twilight could feel the cuteness wash over her. Twilight liked cats. A lot. Twilight really wanted to keep this cat now. She knew she couldn't though. So after a couple minutes of petting the cat, Twilight moved forward. The cat followed Twilight, close behind. Twilight had no problem with this. She could use a bit of company while walking through here.
This cat allowed Twilight to get her mind of things. Instead of thinking about her friends, or the crystal empire, or him, Twilight thought about cats. She thought about that series of books that had the four clans of cats, and how they would fight for survival in the forest they inhabited. In one of the books, they had to move out because ponies were destroying the forest. Then they had to go on this gigantic migration to go find another home. Which they found. Twilight couldn't remember anything else past that point. Though she did remember that a rouge clan tried to disrupt the four clans, trying to make five, but then they were stopped. That was always so cool. Twilight recapped on the books as she trotted in the cave, nearly forgetting she was even walking in a cave. She was so absorbed in her thoughts of the series of books.
Twilight's head smacked up against a wall. Shaking her out of her thoughts, Twilight shook her head. Twilight looked around, seeing that the cave had taken a sharp turn to the right, into more darkness. Twilight looked behind her. The small brown cat was still following close behind Twilight. It meowed at her once more, its tail flicking as it did so. Twilight's horn activated another spell, opening up the saddle bag's flap. Twilight moved her cloak so the saddlebag could be exposed. The flap she had opened lead to a slightly empty bag. Twilight then levitated the small cat into her saddlebag. The cat wasn't all that heavy. The cat peaked it's head out the top of the saddlebag, as it's front paws rolled over the top of saddlebag as it lifted itself upwards. It looked out, facing the same direction that Twilight was. Twilight was going to keep this cat. No questions about it.
Fighting her urge to get sidetracked with her furry companion, Twilight continued forward, into the still dark caves. Twilight wondered where this cat had came from. Perhaps from within the deeper parts of this cave? Maybe it was from Hollow Shades, and it just got lost in one of the local caves? Twilight didn't know. All she knew about this cat was that it was it was really brown. Perhaps Twilight could name the cat? Maybe. What could she name the cat? That was a good question. Well, since it was so brown, perhaps she could name it something to do with the element of the earth. Maybe.. Quake? That sounds good. Quake. She liked it. It was a unisex name. So it would work with both genders.
Twilight was getting bored of just trotting through this cave. The cave walls had not changed. They still maintained the millions of scratches from before. The small scratches were still old. Still the same age. Twilight was not hearing anything else in the cave, other than herself and her cat friend. Twilight could feel her mind trying to wander off somewhere. There was no where to wander, other than to the darker depths of her memories. The memories of her friends. With nothing else to think about, Twilight, regrettably, decided to think about her friends.
She thought of the dress-obsessed pony, Rarity.
Rarity's eyes widened in terror as she watched the entire battle play out between The King and Fluttershy. The King's crystals had surrounded the now trapped Fluttershy, as the stage slowly decreased in size. The crystals holding Fluttershy had disappeared as well. Along with the Pegasus mare herself. Rarity shook Cadence frantically, in hopes she could do something, but Cadence was fully out of power. The only thing that could restore it was The Crystal Heart. Which was tauntingly, right above them. With him. All the brave pegasi were gone. There was no longer a way to reach him. His horn had grabbed the now extremely cracked and powerless crystal heart with his aura. A sickening twisted crack could be heard every once and while from his magic. Rarity glowered. She trembled as she scowled at him, defiantly. This was not a good idea.
Rarity's horn lit, her bright blue aura now attempting to grab hold of the heart. It did not catch him by surprise. She was easily overpowered by the stronger unicorn. He was triumphant. Rarity had to get the heart. She was their last hope. She tried, again, again, again. Every time, she was overpowered in seconds by the pure hatred that powered his magic. She was no match for him. A burning sensation took over Rarity's horn. Something pierced through the very bone of her horn, like a sword. It cut through her. Rarity cried out in pain, as she looked up at her horn. Crystals of pure black covered her horn, piercing through her horn, and coming out through the other side. Each one was a burning iron.
Rarity felt tears start to form as she fell to the balcony's flooring. Much like cadence, she was now out of breath. She was hoarse from screaming.
"Any other interruptions?"
He hissed from his perch over the Crystal Empire. The citizens below only continued to scream. He took this as a no. A wide grin appeared on The King's face. Magical tendrils sprouted from the tip of his horn, going out into all directions. The tendrils grabbed at ponies, slashing at them relentlessly. Including the ponies on the balcony. Fear and pain was heard everywhere in the Crystal Empire. Twilight was the only pony not to be whipped by the malice-powered tendrils. Crystals covered pony's hooves, creating hoof-cups. While they were distracted by the whips, chains linked the hoof-cups together. The shackles were made. The chains of pure black, unbreakable crystal linked to other shackles. Already making a line. The tendrils calmed, as ponies were left with large, burning marks into their very flesh. Chains rattled and screamed at their new prisoners. The line was formed very swiftly. The crystal ponies knew how to walk. Where to walk. They kept their heads down as the Crystal Alicorn and the Crystal Prince disappeared into the castle, along with Their Lord. Their Master. Their King. New slaves were added into the line.
It was time to get back to work.
Twilight could see something, just up ahead. It was a light. A magical light. Twilight broke into a sprint towards the magical light. Though it was distant, as she grew closer to the light, Twilight could see figures. Ponies. Her cat friend bounced up and down in her saddlebag as Twilight galloped. It was the group. Twilight was so happy she had gone the right way. Twilight was overjoyed as she rejoined the group. She stayed at the back.
"I'm so glad I found you guys."
Twilight commented as soon as she joined the group. Causing the group to turn around and stop. They looked at her in anger. Wrath. What was wrong? Twilight glanced around, questionably. Then she spotted something.. Odd within the group. Not only where there now Twenty ponies in the group, there was Twilight. Twilight saw herself inside the group. With the exact same cloak. The exact same mane. The exact same tail. The exact same bulge where the saddlebag would be.
"She's a changeling spy for The King!"
The other Twilight hissed, fury embedded in her vocals. The real Twilight's eyes widened. That other Twilight was a changeling. She narrowed her eyes, as her horn glowed.
Rarity received the same fate as Shining Armor, crystals in her horn to prevent magic coming out.
Now the Crystal ponies will be slaves like they were one thousand years ago.
Maybe Sombra will listen this time..."ahem" LET THE PONIES GO!!!!!!!!!!
I doubt that he will listen and let the ponies go, but please ask him.
4334156
Sombra replies only with a hiss.
That probably means no.
And where are Celestia and Luna in all this?
4334502
Canterlot. Rallying up troops. What else?
4334240
So Sombra is a tyrant who relies on slave labor. I DON'T ACCEPT THIS!!!!!!
4334667
Wait, Celestia and Luna are going to fight Sombra like they did one thousand years ago?
4336653
Why wouldn't they?
Though, they aren't in their prime anymore, and Sombra has been working on his dark magic while he was banished. So it will be slightly harder.
4337166
Sometimes when things get harder to defeat I go like......
I just hope that the ponies are freed soon, this is pretty much why I have Sombra as my least favorite charicter.
4337166
Oh, by the way, why is Sunset Shimmer a main charicter in the story?
4337264
Oh, you'll see.
Later, though.
4337273
Ooooooh, I love surprises!
No offense, but you REALLY need to work on writing Celestia. This is NOT the way she'd react to Twilight failing. She'd be sad, not angry or disappointed.
4360153
I'll make sure to revise her.
4360153
I hope the updated version pleases you more.
Oh, all those Warriors references. You also a big fan of this series of books?
I'm sorry, but, does the writing get better than this? I stopped reading in the middle of this chapter (4)... I can generally excuse quite a bit of issues with writing (read: technical writing skill.), but there is just soooo much of it, which takes me out of the story. Furthermore there is some more story telling issues as well, the suspense of disbelief is entirely ruined at several points:
A. Celestias actions at the start of the fic make no sense, nor are they explained. I know the fic has an AU tag, but since nothing before that point is explained in detail it still puts the reader in the perspective that the show canon applies up until the crystal empire arc. (This is even further reinforced when Twilight in her thoughts refer to past events from the show, as in, nightmare moon, discord, etc.) Celestia commisioning a mosaic glass window showcasing Twilights failing makes no sense. Even if she would do so further down in time as a historical point, now would not be the time since they have crisis on their hands, and it would be in very bad taste towards Twilight. Furthermore, based on the established relationship Twilight and Celestia have in the show it makes little sense that Celestia would just throw Twilight out... even more so considering everything that has happened in relation to Luna. (Comparably, a much more believing premise is that Twilight left on her own since she wanted to save her friends were as Celestia don't want to risk sending any more ponies right away.
B. The group of travellers make no sense. It's explained that these are just normal ponies who have dropped their day job to stand up to a tyrant, which is entirely believable. What's not believable, however, is the context in the scenario. The crystal empire has returned after at least a thousand years of being gone, as such it would be mere myth at this point and should barely even have been news within the context of the universe. Why do all of these ponies care so much about it that they want to risk their lives travelling up north to perform a coup d'état? The setting is one (since you have not deviated much from canon at all.) in which Celestia has historically taken care of them or had specific ponies tasked with dealing with issues, they also live very comfortable lives in Equestria. The crystal empire is far away, and I wager that most ponies would just think of it as "someone else's problem" or "Celestia will handle it". Which is why I think it's important to establish why at least some in the group would take on this quest. It's also not explained how they know so much about the crystal empire in the first place. (Magic mirror, etc.) I should also point out that it's unlikely that the mirror of dimensions was in the crystal empire before it came back, since, sunset shimmer was most likely sent through it... which happened way before the empire came back.
C. The concept of time. There is nothing established that tells the reader how long it took for Twilight to get back from the crystal empire (Which is entirely fine.) but it's implied that she goes straight to Celestia from the empire. Furthermore it's heavily implied that Twilight travel straight from canterlot to her home in ponyvile, spend a few hours wrecking and and sobbing there. And then the party shows up... it's not entirely explain but it is implied from the writing that they have been travelling to pick up Twilight, specifically, before heading north... yet Twilight have been away before just now. It just seems like a too far coincidence that they just happen to show up a few hours after she gets home. It'd make sense if maybe they were waiting for her to get back, but that's not really how the events are portrayed.
D. The whole thing about the rest of the party just goes away into the cave and disappear into thin air. It was pointed out that the unicorns took point with their horns lit, this would generate light, in a dark environment it's VERY easy to detect a light source, even at long distances, furthermore, light reflects on surfaces. (This is how we see things.) In order for Twilight to neither see nor hear them, (Echoing sounds is also a thing in caves!) they'd have to travel quite far and at least taken two turns. (or similar light obscuration.) all this in the span of Twilight checking her bags? That makes no sense. And no one else noticing that she lagged behind? (They did, specifically, pick her to join the party, after all.) Yeah, makes no bloody sense to me at least. The more logical explanation would be that they disappeared into thin air. For a varying degree of logical... :/
The premise seemed nice, and I'm interested in how Sunset is introduced as well as how the dark magic corruption Twilight has will develop. But my suspense of disbelief keeps getting ruined and the writing is not really that great either. :I