Draconic Relations

by ramseymac

Drunken Royalty

"Weeeell, not your real mother, per say. More like your real mother's personality that was stored on a Genetic Life-form and Disc Operating System so that she could personally oversee a massive operation from beyond the grave." He explained. I stared at him blankly.
I was doing that a lot, lately.

---

SEVERAL HOURS EARLIER

A pair of dragons sat on a charcoal grey couch, in a slate grey room, watching a rounded, fisheye screen that dominated a single wall, leaving the rest of the room blank and barren, though mysteriously well lit.
The dragons were roughly the same size as Drake, or Loki as he was now known as. The first had glossy black scales that seemed jagged and a bit frayed at the moment. He had red eyes, a medium sized jagged ridge of sharp spines stuck out from the tip of his nose to the end of his tale, which ended in a broad, though still sharp and very pokable, isosceles, and a pair of thin skeletal wings. He wore charcoal grey hooded robes that had ebony plating fitted to the exterior. His hood was currently down.
This particular dragon, who we'll call Dovah A for now, looked very angry right now. He barely contained a snarl as he leaned forward in a very involved and aggressive manner.

The other dragon in the room, Dovah B, had shining, golden scales that may or may not have been what was causing the room to be so well lit, bronze eyes, a black spine, and full, massive wings that were folded on his back. He wore absolutely nothing and laid back on the couch with his tail in front of him. He toyed with the blade on the end of his tail while waiting for Dovah A to come to whatever important decision he came to, even if he didn't exactly need to wait.

Dovah A extended his arm with his hand splayed, then brought it up, summoning a semi-circular table from the floor in front of him covered with all sorts of computers, paper documents, and mini chairs that had mini psychiatrists sitting in them, all attempting to give him conflicting advise at the same time. He sighed and pushed it back down into the floor.

"That was the thirtieth time you've done that. Something else, perhaps?" Dovah B asked, summoning a kaiju plushie stand and grabbing an Otachi plush and de-spawning the stand. He set the toy next to Dovah A, who batted it away.
"I don't need toys right now, dad. I need to focus."
Dovah B, who happened to be Dovah A's father, slumped a bit.
"You're no fun anymore." He muttered. Dovah A snapped his head around.
"No FUN?! Why in the nine plains of fucking Oblivion would I be any FUN right now?! Seeing my own skeleton is NOT FUN! Seeing the mass genocide of our species and their near extinction is NOT FUN! How could you even consider wasting time on things just because they're FUN?!" He was standing up by now and had taken an aggressive stance.
Dovah B regarded him, if not lazily, calmly.
"The last time you blew off any steam was in Nirn, and that was when you were reviving the dov of that plane and devouring the souls of the local human and elf populace. You've got issues."
Dovah A lost the aggressive stance and flopped onto the couch next to his father, running his hands down his own face.
"Don't... don't remind me about that. I was being an idiot, and got myself and all the other Dovah there killed because of my stupidity."
"Don't call yourself stupid, Alduin."
Dovah A, now dubbed Alduin, sighed and pushed himself up off of the couch. "Waddya say we get something to drink?" He asked.
His father simply nodded and started the tedious task of lifting oneself from the oh-so-comfy couch that his grandson had stored in his mind for some reason. Alduin summoned a small, round table with a couple of chairs. He picked up one of the beers off of the table.
"Cheers?"

---

"The point is," Alduin said, now sporting a fine british accent, "The point is. The point is." He tried to focus on the still-yet-to-be-named Dovah B.
"The point is," he said, trying to think of a point.
"The point I'm trying to make," He said, brightening. "is the dolphins. That's my point."
"Kind of fish." Said Dovah B, also sporting an accent, as he observed the first person view of Loki running on the screen.
"Nononono," Said Alduin, shaking a claw. "'s mammal. The actual mammal. Difference is-" He waded through the swamp of his mind and tried to remember the difference. "Difference is they-"
"Mate out of water?" volunteered Dovah B.
Alduin's brow furrowed. "Don't think so. Pretty sure that's not it. Something about their young. Whatever." He pulled himself together. "The point is. The point is. Their brains."
He reached for another glass.
"What about their brains?" Asked Dovah B.
"Big brains. That's my point. Size of. Size of. Size of damn big brains. And then there's the whales. Brain city, take it from me. Whole damn sea full of brains."
"Kraken," Said Dovah B, staring moodily into his glass.
Alduin gave him the long cool look of someone who's just had a boulder dropped in front of their train of thought.
"Uh...?"
"Great big bugger, sleepeth beneath the thunders of the upper deep. Under loads of polypol- polipo- bloody great big seaweeds, you know. Supposed to come to the surface only when the sea boils, like the dear old Burning Queen makes et."
"Yeah?"
"Fact."
There you are, then," Alduin said, sitting back, "Whole sea bubbling, poor old dolphins s much seafood gumbo, no one giving a damn. Same with gorillas. Whoops, they say, sky gone all red, beams of light burnin up the ground, what they putting in the bananas these days? And then-"
"They make nests, you know, gorillas." interrupted Alduin's father, pouring another drink and managing to hit the glass on the third go.
"Nah."
"i's true. Saw a film. Nests."
"That's birds."
"Nests!" Dovah B insisted.
Alduin decided not to argue the point. "There you are, then. All animals, great and smoke. I mean great and small. Great and small. Lot of them with brains. And then, bazamn."
"Well, they're smoke now, then." Dovah B said.
"Wot? Why're they smoke now?" Alduin asked.
"They've all been vaporized, they have!"
"I'd have thought they'd be ashes, not smoke."
"Maybe they're both." Dovah B concluded.
"Oooooh. I see." Alduin said before glancing over at the screen where Ovronaan was currently being displayed. He jumped up, nearly knocking the table over.
"Lookit- Taazokaan dovah sharpshooter right there, that is!" He shouted excitedly, pointing at the screen.
"He looks a bit like one of those deserter fellows." Dovah B commented before belching. "You know what's great about being in someone's mind?" he asked in a philosophical tone.
"Wassat?"
"We can get drunk."
Alduin nodded in agreement. "What was that about deserters?"
"That guy there. 'e looks like some sorta deserter, or a mercenary."
"They'd 'a shot us up by now if they were."
"Indeed."
They remained silent for a little while as they both drank and watched Loki's life happen.
*thud*
Dovah B looked over to see how Alduin was now sitting, which happened to be face first on the floor.
"Might as well sober up now." He muttered, wincing as the alcoholic influence left his mind. He then summoned a Swiffer to clean up all the spilled beer.

Author's Note:

Hope someone got the massive reference that this was, even if it's a 20 year old literary reference.
This was about Alduin and his father who, if you've ever paid attention to Skyrim lore, you would know what his name is. Or if you've played oblivion.
a dragon's isosceles is a triangular end-piece for their tail that can act like a hook or a spear, depending on the situation. either way, you don't want to get poked by one.
This was from inside of Drake's , or Loki's, head.

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