Sweetie Belle pulls a prank to unintended consequences after Rarity seemingly insults her.
You have quite a bit of telly narration in here. Try to cut back on that. Don't narrate the characters' thoughts and emotions; just describe their effects, and let the reader inflect the emotions into the story.
Of course, before all of that could happen, that quick snack.
You have quite a bit of telly narration in here. Try to cut back on that. Don't narrate the characters' thoughts and emotions; just describe their effects, and let the reader inflect the emotions into the story.