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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Eugh. This fic is pretty much proof that you need more than correct spelling, grammar, and punctuation to write effectively. Sentences are redundant and trite, the flow is terrible, and it takes forever to get to the point. Plus there's a ton of handwaves about the mares not noticing the completely obvious after about halfway in. The overuse of fandom cliches doesn't help either, and there's pretty much nothing interesting because there's nothing original.
I'd recommend cutting this chapter into half its length and doing complete rewrites on whole paragraphs at minimum.
Hahahaha, this was some quality lol so far, and as it seems, proofread by a generous individual too! So that other comment is invalid. Hah!
A few months earlier I observed a sudden, and for me, unwanted appearance of Rarity-cow pictures on certain sites... so far this is the only thing I can use to explain that phenomen.
But anyway!
This story should be continued, thumbs up and fave!
-Zeph
4382503 I mostly agree, except for the fandom clichés part. Honestly, when your entire story is based on fandom clichés, it only makes to include as many as possible.
You have quite a bit of telly narration in here. Try to cut back on that. Don't narrate the characters' thoughts and emotions; just describe their effects, and let the reader inflect the emotions into the story.
Please dont tell me Rarity isnt gonna become Hamburgers?
Hah, this is hilarious, I wonder how they will fix it. Maybe the spell expires after a day? Or AJ, maybe Twilight recognizes them?
Heh, this will be good!
-Zeph
This is deliciously dark, with a helping of irreversible accident.
I'm utterly hooked :D
It's probably also coincidence that one of my fics is in the Also Liked box >.>
sweetie no!
5498405
Sweetie yes!
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The test results have just some in!
"You are a terrible person." Thats what it says. We weren't even testing for that.
what doesn't make sense is the fact in the TV show the cows can talk also why the hell would Apple Jacks sell for cows to be eaten because their as inteligent as ponies. also from what you said they been the first several weeks you think some pony would figure out at the element of harmony of generosity and her little sister became Cows especially from what the show showed us that celestia had watched Twilight become a princess you can't tell me she hasn't watched the other elements. Or that Luna hasn't searched for their dreams she can see ponies memories so there is your solution.
Kind of want to see this finished.
please don't kill sweetie belle
5986850 The next chapter as of now, January 9, 2017, is undergoing a lookover and a rewrite. No ETA on when it will be done, though. Two chapters left!
Isn't there a way that Sweetie Belle and Rarity can either escape or let AppleJack, Fluttershy or anypony know who they really are?
Oh, happy to see a new part of this one. Looking forward to see how they get out of this (if they do at all)
I have to say I am enjoying this story, its quite well written.
I do wish that the mental degradation of the two had more of a spotlight, a bit more internal dialogue or talk between the two showcasing it would have been nice. It seems to me that you worked hard to keep the two of them apart to sort of prevent this.
I find that "the most generous of cows" really is a good example of a story showing mental degradation really well.
I admit I have to say the foreshadowed ending is looking rather dark for my tastes, I have to put my vote in with those hoping for a last minute saving throw for the two.
On the whole great story, looking forward to the next part.
This is a favorite of mine and I am excited for more. Keep up the good work
Man I was hoping that they would look like this.
derpicdn.net/img/view/2014/1/30/538598.png
A nice little slow transformation, I think the only thing one could consider missing was any mention of her putting on the weight of a cow.
While I am not usually a fan of fatal vore, and I would very much like to see this resolved without Rarity and Sweetie Belle going to slaughter... this is a vore story. And Sweetie's already been sold to a griffin who is very likely going to chop her up into juicy steaks. And, sadly, Rarity is also going to become steak.
In short... I'd like to see this resolved with someone, probably Twilight cause she's the smartest pony there, figuring out what happened and saving the two of them... however they're bound for the dinner table.