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Chapter 4

The ponies walked through the forest. It was dark, but they've been here before.

"Wait." Twilight said. She heard some ponies talking. She looked past a tree.

"I wonder what kind of queen Flutterbat will be." one of the ponies said. They were bat ponies.

"Did you hear that?" Twilight asked. "They mention Flutterbat! We should follow them."

"Who goes there?" the bat pony asked. The ponies stood completely still.

"It was probably nothing." the other bat ponies said. They started flying.

"Rainbow, follow them, but don't let them notice you." Twilight said. Rainbow nodded and flew up. The others ran in Rainbow's direction. The bat ponies landed. They opened the secret entrance. Twilight used her magic to keep the door open. "Quickly." Twilight said. They ran through the door. The other bats gasped.

"Outsiders!" one yelled. "Get them!" All the bat ponies ran after them. The mane 5 split up.

"What is going on out there?" Flutterbat asked herself. She looked out the window. She gasped. "Are those outside ponies?" she asked herself.

Fangalla got up. She flew down to the comotion. "Enough!" she yelled. You lit her horn. She picked up the ponies. "What are you doing here?" she asked.

"We're here for Fluttershy." Twilight answered.

"You mean, Princess Flutterbat?" Fangalla asked.

"Princess?" Twilight asked.

"She's not your friend anymore. She's one of us." Fangalla said. "Now, to make sure you don't take her, I'll take you somewhere." She walked into the castle entrance. She walked down the stairs to a dark room. The only light came from Fangalla's horn. The mane 5 were put into different cages. Twilight and Rarity were in a magic-proof cage. Rainbow had her wings chained to the wall. Pinkie and Applejack had their front hooves chained to the walls.

"You can't do this!" Twilight said.

Fangalla glared at her. "Silly princess. You have no power to stop us." she said. She walked back up the stairs and outside.

"Don't worry, the outsiders have been caught." Fangalla announced. She flew back up to her room.

"Mother," Flutterbat asked, "what happened?"

"Oh, nothing, just outsiders." Fangalla answered.

"Outsiders?!" Flutterbat screamed.

"Flutterbat, they've been caught. Now, go back to bed." Fangalla ordered.

"Yes." Flutterbat walked back to her room.

"I'll deal with them more later." Fangalla told herself, walking back to her room.

Author's Note:

Roxanne10 helped a lot with this chapter. She gave me the idea for pretty much all of this chapter.

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ImpossibleReflection

ImpossibleReflection #1 · Apr 6th, 2014 · · ·

Chapter lengths! Improve them!
I typically have a rule of at least 1,000 words per chapter when I write. Many prefer chapters much longer than that. My essays have longer paragraphs than these chapters!
So try to get the word count into four digit before posting the chapter.
Also, detail, detail, exposition, exposition. Showing not telling!
Slow down with story advancement! It's going way to fast!

RainbowSkunk

RainbowSkunk #2 · Apr 6th, 2014 · · ·

4193716 i'll try. I know i have to improve on those skills.

ImpossibleReflection

ImpossibleReflection #3 · Apr 6th, 2014 · · ·

4193908

Wells here a trick I tried, It got me to get some chapters up to 2,500 words on minimum(Stories I didn't post) Start somewhere you know you can reach, such as 600 on chapter 2, then go there, and incrementally get larger. Go from 600 to say, 750, 750->1,000, 1,000->1,500 and so on.

RainbowSkunk