Friendships New and Old [Edited]
“Thank you, and goodbye my friend.” Those were the last words Curtis heard from his partner, Jasmine, before she disappeared. Forever lost to him, and forever haunting him. It has been months since the duo had defeated Primal Dialga and saved the world. Months since Jasmine disappeared. Months since they first started adventuring together. Months since she helped him get his personal treasure. Months since she and him formed Team Dynasty. Months since, and yet he couldn’t forget about her... Every memory was just as vivid as when it first was happening.
The Riolu felt tears fall down his nose as he cried. He was at the spot. The spot he first found her. It looked exactly like it did when he first found her. The Krabby were all out, blowing their bubbles. The waves were gently lapping over the sand. The dying sunlight was bouncing off the waves. All of this created a beautiful sight, but it currently isn’t appreciated.
“It isn’t fair!” Curtis shouts to no one in particular. “It’s not fair! Why did she have to leave! She saved the freaking WORLD and she’s gone! WHY!?”
“Curtis! H-Hey Curtis!” Someone’s voice shouts across the beach. But he ignores him. “Curtis? Curtis! Are you ok!?”
“Go away Bidoof…..” Curtis mumbles half-heartedly.
“*Hoof* *Hoof* Curtis! Curtis come back to the guild we’re all worried about you!”
“Don’t worry about it. I’ll be back for dinner”
“That’s not why we’re worried,” Bidoof frantically replies. Curtis does not reply. If someone was to look at him now they’d see he is lost in thought. Completely on the brink of tears.
“Listen… Curtis... We’re all worried. You haven’t been the same since -”
“Since Jasmine left, I know!” Curtis explodes angrily, scaring Bidoof.
“Y-Y-Yes, since Jasmine left you haven’t been the same. You need help. We want to help you.”
“You can’t help me… No one can help me. She’s gone…” Curtis moans out pitifully, before sighing wistfully.
“You need to move on with your life! Jasmine wouldn’t want you to-”
“How do you know that!? I knew her better than you did! I pretty much knew her inside and out! How would you know what she would want me to do!?”
“Because he was friends with her. They all were. They are your friends too young Curtis” a loud raging voice booms out of nowhere.
Both Pokemon look around frantically for the voice, “w-who's there!? Show yourself!” Curtis yells.
Suddenly a giant blue vortex appears a little ways next to the two Pokémon and Dialga steps out of the portal.
“D-D-Dialga!” Curtis meekly manages to sputter out as the portal Dialga created collapsed on itself as the legendary Pokémon stepped completely out of the portal. "W-What are you doing here!?"
"To put you out of your misery! I have some news for you that you may deem important.” The legendary exclaimed loudly, matching, if not surpassing Loudred. Curtis wagered the only reason why they could still hear what Dialga was saying because of all the times they were awoken by Loudred's incessant howling. Thank the gods, he hadn't evolved again.
“W-Woah! You and Jasmine had to fight HIM!? How did you do that!?” Bidoof exclaims fearfully.
“To be honest I have no idea. We’re just lucky we had Stun Seeds so we could heal ourselves.”
“I HATE THOSE THINGS! I AM DIALGA! MASTER OF TIME! I WILL NOT BE STOPPED BY A SIMPLE SEED!”
“Yeah, and your roars almost killed us!”
“I was not my normal self! Anyway thats not why I’m here! I’m here about your partner!”
“J-Jasmine!? But she’s gone!....”
“I know that! I felt your grief all the way back up at the top of the Tower of Time! That is why I’m here with you now. Your partner, Jasmine is still alive!”
“W-WHAT!?!?” Both Curtis and Bidoof scream.
“Yes, it is true. You may find it hard to believe, but she is alive and well. There are just some… complications.”
“How is she alive!? I saw her DISAPPEAR! She was from a future that no longer exists!”
“If you would LET ME EXPLAIN I would answer you! When you and Jasmine defeated me, I was severely weakened. When I felt your grief for her loss, I used what little power I could muster to send her through time.”
“So she’s….Alive!? She’s okay!?”
“Yes and… No. Like I said there were, and still are complications.”
“Complications!? What complications!?” Curtis asked, panicked.
“Well for starters I miscalculated where I sent her. I took her out of my domain, not into it!”
“WHAT!? How do you miscalculate putting something into your domain!?” Curtis questions, full of disbelief.
“You try teleporting someone though time while weakened!”
“Point taken.”
“W-Wait! I’m confused,” Bidoof starts saying, before shying away when Dialga and Curtis turn to look at him.
“It is okay, young Bidoof. You may proceed. I will not eat you! The last Bidoof I ate was seven thousand eight hundred years, twenty nine days, ninety seven hours, thirty two minutes, and sixteen seconds ago."
“W-Well umm…. If Jasmine is alive and well, then where is she? If you’re here talking to Curtis, then you know where Jasmine is!” Bidoof exclaimed joyously.
“Very perceptive, young Bidoof. Although you are merely half right. I do not know where Jasmine is. However I do know someone who probably does.”
“R-Really!?” Curtis exclaims, looking more cheerful by the second.
“Indeed! I have come to you today because the Temporal Tower is fully repaired! I can put all my, for a lack of a better term, time and energy into this!” Dialga turns toward the sunset, despite his internal clock, “It is getting late. We will begin in the morning. So be ready Curtis!”
“I will be!” Curtis turns to leave but stops, "wait! You never told me who knows where Jasmine is!”
“Indeed it seems I haven’t.. Tomorrow we are going to meet my brothers!!”
Dark. Everything is dark. And cold. Why is it always cold, can't I ever be in a warm place? I get up and start to stretch. I sigh as I feel all my joints popping and creaking. Then I quickly shook off the thin layer of snow that was on my coat.
Wait…. Snow?
I look around to get a view of my surroundings. It seems I am in a forest. Wintertime by the looks of things. Where am I? It wasn’t winter in Treasure Town when we left for….
OH! Where’s Curtis! Where’s our stuff!? Where am I!?
Oh… Oh thats right... He’s gone. I left... that must mean the future is fixed. But why am I still alive? Shouldn’t I be faded from existence, or something? Is this where Dialga keeps all the Pokémon that fade from existence? Huh, I thought there would be more Pokémon in here. Maybe it's only for the Pokémon with good hearts? Actually, it's probably be more how not many Pokémon change themselves out of a time-line...
I won’t pretend I know all the answers but what I do know is I am in an unknown place. So all I have to do is get out of here and find a town. There I can buy a map and try and make my way back to Treasure Town. Assuming I’m still on the planet. No, no, I shouldn't say that. I’m still on the planet, right? But why do I have this feeling.....
Ugh, it must be the nerves. I lay down to take a nap and yelp as the snow touches my coat and the cold seeps in. Well that's a sign if I've never seen one. Better get moving...
I see the exit just as I finish off the last of the wooden Poochyena in the clearing.
I brush past the trees of the forest and notice a trail just off to my left. Following that trail will lead me to what looks like a small town. About the same size as Treasure Town I think. It's hard to tell but I think there are Ponyta living in the town. And some of them are... Flying? Yeah, I don't think I'm on my planet anymore.
I follow the trail to the town. My planet or not, Pokémon are friendly and they'll help me. With the exception of extreme situations, like a possessed legendary. Why should this planet be any different?
I make it halfway to the town when one of the flying Ponyta in the sky notices me. It then starts to fly toward me. Are they... Multicolored as well? Weird. The blue Ponyta is moving really fast now. In my direction too. That's odd, I don't look hostile do I? I look around me to see if there are any bad Pokémon around me. Nothing is here but the occasional normal type and the course grass. It's weird, I haven't seen any grass Pokémon here, aside from those wooden Poochyena. There should be more around here, it's almost a paradise for them.
The cyan, looks cerulean actually, Ponyta is not stopping I realized as she, definitely a she, tackles me with Fly. With a yelp I toss her off of me and leaps back before she tries to attack me.
She turns to attack me and stops suddenly. "Wait, you're not one of the Everfree's monsters."
I cock my head at her in confusion, "Everfree? Is that what you call those woods?"
“Uhh yeah, what else would I call it?”
“I don’t know. I’m not from around here,” I say, shuffling my paws slightly.
“Ah, I see…. Where are you from? What are you anyway? You look like a fox, but like... Poofy-er."
I put one of my paws on my chest, mimicking hurt, “I’m an Eevee! I’m not a fox.”
“But you look like a fox,” the rainbow maned pegasus pointed out bluntly.
“But I’m not! I’m an Eevee!”
“Yeah, whatever, and I’m a unicorn”
“Unicorns have horns. Like a Zebstrika. You have wings. I don’t think there are any pony-shaped Pokémon with wings. There are Ponytas, but they don’t have wings or horns until they evolve.”
The cerulean Ponyta is looking at me like I just spoke a different language, “okay first off, Ponyta? Is that some sort of lame pun? We’re ponies. Well, I’m a pegasus but, you know. You’re really not from around here are you?
“Not exactly. You could say I’m from… another planet, I think, it might just be another time, it was Dialga who sent me here..." I responded with a little confusion.
The winged Ponyta throws her hooves in the air with an aghast exclamation, her wings flapping to compensate for balance. “OKAY! That’s it! We’re taking you to Twilight! Come on, I’m taking you to town.”
I shrug, “I was going to go there anyway. I’d like a map,” then at that moment, my stomach decides it wants to be supreme ruler of my body. I give a sheepish smile “And maybe some food...”
If the Ponyta wasn’t laughing so hard she might have heard her stomach growl as well. However she did feel it, “heh heh, yeah, I feel you there. Don’t worry, foods on me. Come on, let’s go.”
We’re almost at the town, Ponyville it's apparently called, when the Ponyta remembers to give out her name. “Oh yeah, almost forgot, I’m Rainbow Dash.”
I give her a polite smile. “I’m Jasmine. So, what can you tell me about this Twilight?”
“Easy enough. She’s my friend, she’s awesome, she is royalty so that makes her royally awesome. She lives in that tree over there on our right, that’s where we’re going. Spike should answer the door, he always does.”
We walk up the door when Rainbow Dash giggles. “You know, I just realized there is finally another pony just as tall as him now” She says as she knocks.
I hear a voice shout out, “Spike! get the door please!" along with an; “On it Twilight!” from a younger sounding being. The lines are followed by thumping and the sound of a doorknob turning. The door opens and there, standing in front of me, is something I really hoped I wouldn’t have to see anymore. Spike is a... Sableye!?
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Just a heads up: you misspelled Dungeon in the story's title.
4064569
*Looks* oh hey you're right. Thats not good...... oops?
4064569
He made way more mistakes in the story Sevens.
I'm forcing myself onto you as your proofreader, this looks like an actually good Pokémon-in-Equestria story, and I'm not gonna let horrible spelling and grammar kill it.
Seems good so far.
“To be Honest I have no Idea. We’re just lucky we had stun seeds so we could heal ourselves.”
“I HATE THOSE THINGS! I AM DIALGA! MASTER OF TIME! I WILL NOT BE STOPPED BY A SIMPLE SEED!”
This had me laughing for a good while. Stun seeds OP.
Also I'd pre read for you.
4064629 I actually never read the story. I just dropped by to point that out.
Finally! I've been wondering when a mystery dungeon story would show up.
PS: Haven't read the story yet. Just happy just someone is at least attempting this type of story.
4064634 4064629
) I'll send the G-doc link in your guys' PM box. feel free to edit when necessary i write sporadically.
Then i really hope you guys have a Google account (By the way thank you!
4064636
Slightly rude, but probably appreciated.
4064656
Yup, and for once I don't have to tell the author to completely redo the story because it was way to rushed, vague, and bland!
You have my attention...
Go on... Continue...
Ooo another Mystery Dungeon fic~
There need to more of these! xD
Anyway, after reading these I actually enjoyed how you approach this.
It's a nice and funny story (hehe stun seeds)
There's a few mistakes when you don't put capitals for "i"
Oh and it's nice to know I somewhat influence you~ :3
Keep up the good work.
(Also, I like how you mentioned Spike as a sableeye, it's brilliant!)
4071372
1. Literally how I beat Primal Dialga: Stun seeds. I didn't have any sleep seeds. But I had those and a pair of violent seeds.
2. And that's why I now have a editor
3. It is isn't it? I hope I'll be able to do that for others like what your story did for me. Your story made me go and pick up EoS to go play it. Writing a story about it came later.
4. You're welcome to take the Sableye idea for your fic if you want. I would just like credit though
4130228
Hehe now your story gave me a bit of inspiration to continue my next chapter
Also, I can't wait to see your next chapter
Oh and no thanks, I think I got another idea to describe Spike~ ^^
4130228 NO!!! Reviver seeds!!!! LOADS of 'em!!!
I really wish I could be immersed in this. I really do. But there’s a serious problem. Both the tone and pacing just feel really... wrong. Yeah, they saved the world. But it came at a huge cost. The pacing is too fast. The tone is being ruined. Something like this needs to be built up more. Maybe include the end of the battle, like when they’ve almost defeated Primal Dialga. THEN do the disappearing thingy, and cut to the present when Bidoof tries and fails to comfort Curtis. That would make this a lot better, I think. Then there’s the problem of when we cut to Jasmine. It is WAY. TOO. CASUAL. Jasmine apparently thought she was dead. Straight up DEAD💀. Now tell me, how would you feel if you thought you had died, realized you didn’t, and you find yourself somewhere that you don’t know? You’d be pretty scared and confused, right? So Jasmine should be like that, too. On top of that, she was ATTACKED by Rainbow Dash. I think that it would be a better idea for Fluttershy to have found Jasmine. And even if you don’t do that, Rainbow Dash attacked Jasmine. She should be freaking out. And Rainbow should be shocked by the TALKING ANIMAL. These are some ways that you can ASTRONOMICALLY improve the first chapter. And yeah, this is all about the FIRST chapter. Nothing else.
(P.S. Don’t try to attack because I’m giving polite constructive criticism. I’m trying to help.)