The Paladin of the Lunar Goddess.

by The P Co

...probing him...

Celestia tried to stop the flow of information, but it came in loud and clear.

-Stat Block-

Luke Lustrous
Knight: 20 Cleric: 20
Alignment: Chaotic Good

Strength: 110
Constitution: 80
Dexterity: 50
Intelligence: 30
Wisdom: 60
Charisma: 20

2500/2500 HP

Armor Rating: 80
Fortitude: 45
Reflex: 30
Will: 50

Special Abilities:
Void Teleport, Knights of the Icosagon Table, Chain Lightning, Ice Aura, Might of the Goddess, Insurmountable Wall, Unbreakable Wall, Lightning Strike, Ice Splash, Wave Charge, Starfield, Evanescence, Storm Whirlwind, Arctic Smash, Front Lines, Astral Sight, Death Grip, Detect Magic, Detect Alignment

Special Items:
Barrier of Innocence: an indestructible heavy shield, as a heavy shield, STR modifier is added to armor rating.
Tidal Speed Amulet: move like the waves, armor penalties to movement reduced to 1/8, Advantage of 5 on DEX checks.
Streaking Glass Amulet: grants immunity to all magic, Luke is healed if hit by ice, lightning, or necrotic magic.
Silver Skull: kiss it to give yourself Advantage of 3 to making attacks, touch foreheads to induce Disadvantage of 3 to making attacks on enemies
bPhone: made by the luxurious Eden company and endorsed by Luna, this black-with-crescent-moon-adornment phone is a phone, radio, GPS, and gives access to Google. Unlike every other Eden product, however, it can withstand a six-inch drop.
Nightmare Vision: using this item makes you grow to twice your size with double your stats, however it can only be worn for up to 5 rounds and leaves you on 1% HP upon being taken or forced off.
Divinity Amulet: this amulet shows that you are a Cleric of Luna
Medal of Honor: this is a symbol of valor, it shows that you have gone above and beyond the call of duty to ensure the safety of the world

Feats and Class Features:
Swift Strikes 5 (F): a normal attack only takes up 1/5 of an action point
Strength of Titans 3 (F): you have STR comparable to some gods, you can wield 1-handed, 2-handed, 3-handed, and gargantuan-class weapons in one hand.
Forceful Relations 20 (CF): you have +20 to making and resisting intimidate, bluff, diplomacy, charm, and seduce checks, FR 20 you give off an aura of one of the five relations or Awesome Aura (granted by Sainthood) (selected: Intimidate), others have Disadvantage of 3 for resisting your aura, your Aura's range is 10 squares, you are
Knight Training 30 (CF): (this feature auto-levels) Knights must train themselves to be the best, +60 STR, +15 CON and WIS, +15 to making attacks, crit range is 6-20 on bare roll, this skill is 23/36.5 man-hours to next level.
Auto-Riposte (F): any enemy that comes within your melee range (12 feet (9.5 for weapon + 2.5 for arm)) provokes an attack of opportunity
Dream Goddess' Blessing (F): you sleep 60 times faster, Short Rest lasts 5 seconds and Extended Rest lasts 6 minutes.
Smackdown Achievement 5 (F): you are also a good fighter with the body, +5 unofficial levels in Monk.
Greater Favor of the Divine One (F): anyone who fucks with you, fucks with your deity.
Sainthood (F): this is a title of greatness, you have been recognized as one of the greatest beings to ever live, and all across the land they will include your name in the school-teachings of the History of Adventurers.
Dual-Master (F): no penalties to primary or secondary class from dual-classing.

---

Celestia backed away, "I have witnessed terror ponified, truly this abomination cannot exist!" she proclaimed, trying to escape.

Luke smiled and removed his helmet, locking eyes with the white alicorn, "Well, light heathen, believe it, because it is the truth, not that I could expect you to know anything about the truth."

"Ooooooooohhh, buuuuurn," Luna jeered, that had been an amazing insult.

"I am going to start throwing banishments around if you don't SHUT UP!" Celestia bared her teeth in anger.

The Saint smiled, he'd 'dealt' with more threatening things that her.

Of course, by 'dealt', he meant 'fought and killed'.

"Let's remain civil, shall we?" he cocked an eyebrow in questioning.

Celestia breathed deep through her nose, in and out, in and out.

"Might I ask why you are wearing a skirt?" the solar diarch finally said, calming herself down again.

"I took a page from the book of the Emor people, bandmail shoulderguards and a splintmail skirt, it does wonders to protect ones arms and genitals," the white-haired man explained, giving a toothy grin that showed his sharpened-into-spikes frontal teeth.

"I see, if we can put this incident behind us, that would be beneficial," the pastel-maned mare said with a slight smile, thankful to have regained slight control over the situation.

"I suppose that we can accept this incident as one big misunderstanding that luckily didn't evolve, everything will be fine, now call off your army or I'll start stabbing," the cream-skinned Knight turned to the still-present guards, his angry eyes scaring them off, "Nevermind, so I suppose we should get to the negotiations?" he put his helmet back on.

"Yes, yes, yes, of course, why not, so..." Celestia looked around idly, trying to think of something to say.

"Astral Sight," Luke cast the spell with a minor amount of difficulty, but was able to look around the planet's surface from a pair of eyes in the heavens.

Detecting Magic, he found an Unrelenting Magic Aura and five more Overwhelming Magic Auras coming from the southwest, about five miles away, identifying it as a town called Ponyville.

Exiting the sight, Luke opened his eyes and looked at Celestia again.

"Well, um, Saint Luke, welcome to Equestria," Celestia finally said in greeting,

"I will make my Equestrian Base of Operations near the town of Ponyville, I detected several magic aura there and I think it would be beneficial to guard those squishy Mages," Luke suggested, preparing a Void Teleport.

"Oh, you've probably detected the Elements of Harmony," Luna pointed out, she was very familiar with the Elements.

"The Hellements of Armory? That sounds more like relics befitting a group of hardcore Warriors, Knights, even Barbarians, I'm not sure that such magic readings would come from such artifacts." he had simply misheard her.

"No, the Elements of Harmony, Luke, they are the embodiments of friendship," Luna explained a tiny bit slower.

"Unity, Truth, Caring, Support, Joy, and Bonding, I know these things." the Void Teleport was already ready.

"Well, no, but those would be good alternative names, ugh... just go Luke, my sister and I have things to discuss," Luna gestured to the portal.

"Ah, I see, that time of the month, I'll be off then." Luke spoon-dived into the space-hole, closing it behind him.

"... I'm going to choose to ignore that last sentence. Now then, Celestia, there are going to be a few changes around here," the blue alicorn turned to face her sister.

"Luna, surely you aren't considering this again?" the solar diarch queried.

"I get treated like a second-rank noble while ponies beg and grovel at your hooves. I'm a princess too! And I deserve the respect of one." the lunar diarch stepped closer to her sister, Crescent Staff brandished.

"Again, Luna, I can't make them like you," the white alicorn explained, backing away.

"Well, I suppose there is only one way to truly fix that." the princess of the Night hooked the Crescent Staff's crescent moon around Celestia's neck, pulling her to attention.

The princess of the Day prepared herself for a verbal smackdown.

"In place of a princess of light, they shall have a QUEEN! NOT LIGHT, but DARK, and BEAUTIFUL, and TERRIBLE AS THE DUSK! SWIFT AND JUST AS THE SEA! STRONGER THAN THE FOUNDATIONS OF EQUUS! ALL SHALL LOVE ME AND KNOW SERENITY!" Luna's rant died down, as did her usage of the Royal Canterlot Voice, "*ahem* But I am not going to simply kill you and take all of your love, because that would be bad," the blue alicorn assured, giving her sister a pat on the head before teleporting out.

Celestia merely stepped back onto the throne and thought of the best way to explain to the janitor what that yellow puddle was.

-Meanwhile, in Ponyville-

Twilight was reading a book, 'The Basics of Flight', a simple book that Rainbow Dash would have probably slapped her silly for reading because "You can't learn how to fly from a book." the cyan mare had put it.

*blorp* a portal that led to nothing opened up in her foyer's floor.

*whoosh* something big came out of it.

*CLUNK-CLACK* something big that was wearing a lot of armor came out of it.

"Now I need to find that Archmage." and it was looking for her.

Now, Twilight had Masters' Degrees in about fifty very difficult subjects, so she was one of the smartest ponies alive.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!" however intelligence does not prevent ponies from panicking.

Author's Note:

next chapter alllll-ready, muthafukas.

So Luke has managed to talk-down Celestia and has now entered Ponyville.

Twilight has used her 50+ Masters' Degrees to scream in panic.

And Luna is scaring Celestia without even actually doing anything.

As you can probably figure it out, I think that Twilight is smart as hell and Celestia can go to hell.

Remember: do drugs, stay out of school/work, and don't eat vegetables. Don't do anything the previous sentence tells you to.

Comments

[Death2205]

[Nordic_Icewolf]

*SNERK!!!*

[The P Co]

4065990 4066563 finally people comment on how funny the chapter is.

Reading back over it, I had a good few s myself

[Allstar13521]

Liked faved'. Some of the best commedy I've read.

[DarkLord of Fire]

"Celestia merely stepped back onto the throne and thought of the best way to explain to the janitor what that yellow puddle was."
oh my side