Sofa, So Good

by GWFan

Wanted, One Sofa

Disclaimer: I do not own My little Pony: Friendship is Magic or a sofa, though I do happen to have a quill. But no ink…

Sofa, So Good
By: GWFan (The Softcore Brony)

Mr. Davenport watched enthusiastically as his newest sofas were delivered to his store, Quills and Sofas. This shipment was the latest in sofa technology, being both the most comfortable and most supportive sofas in all of Equestria. The only real problem with them was the price tag, which would make the average pony think twice about a sofa and probably want to buy a much less expensive quill.

“Thanks again for all your help over the years. My business would never make it without you,” He thanked the delivery team manager, Boxter Brown.

“Don’t worry about it,” Brown said, scratching his scruffy looking stubble beard. “Your business is part of what keeps my business afloat. It’s our job.” The two ponies shared a laugh but it was soon interrupted by the sound of something wobbling.

Brown floated quickly over to the sound with his wings and sighted the exact culprit he was expecting. “Hey, hey, hey! Ditzy! Watch what you’re doing there.”

Ditzy Doo smiled apologetically, her eyes crossed even further than usual. She had nearly knocked over a display of quills while carrying in one of the new sofas with one of the other team members.

“No, no, no, don’t put that down. Wait, watch the quills. Keep the sofa straight! You’re going to drop it! Come on now, higher! It needs to go on display up there!” Brown frantically gave Ditzy directions, but it was only confusing the poor pegasus pony more as she and the other pony lifted it up to a high pedestal where it would be displayed for any customer to see.

“Uh… please be careful with that sofa. It’s expensive,” Mr. Davenport worried as Ditzy came close to knocking over another display.

“Sorry about that,” Brown apologized. “She’s a little dim at times but she’s unusually strong for a pegasus. She’s actually pretty handy when she’s not being so derpy.”

Davenport uttered a nervous laugh before he noticed Ditzy bump one of his stocked bays and saw a top stock box of wooden sofa parts start to tip over.

“Watch out!”

Davenport dashed over intending to save her from uncertain doom by heavy box. But surprisingly, Ditzy turned quickly and caught it as if it weighed next to nothing. Unfortunately, she dropped the sofa, which was far too heavy for the other pegasus to lift on his own. Both pony and sofa dropped to the ground right on top of Mr. Davenport.

“Heh, heh, heh, oops. My bad.” Ditzy rubbed the back of her neck with her hoof, forgetting that she was holding the box. It slipped out of her grasp and onto the mess she had already made. “Uh… you okay?”

Davenport groaned from underneath the rubble.

“Is that a yes?” Ditzy asked as her boss visibly paled.

---

“I’m so sorry! Say you’re sorry too Ditzy.” Brown elbowed the grey pegasus.

“Sorry I dropped a 110lb sofa and a 40lb box on you,” Ditzy apologized, her eyes going in all directions.

“It’s quite all right.” Davenport winced as Nurse Redheart tightened the bandages around his rib cage. “It could have happened to anyone.”

“There we go,” Redheart said, tying off the bandages. “Now Mr. Davenport, I’m afraid it would be best if you didn’t walk around too much for a while.”

“But my business! I can’t close shop for a week or two,” Davenport said in despair. “What will ponies do if they need quills or sofas?”

“Can’t you get someone else to run the store for a while?” Brown asked.

“Are you kidding? No pony shares the same passion I have for quills and sofas. It’s on my cutie mark for crying out loud. Since I opened the store up, I’ve never been able to hire any employees. No pony else in town wants to sell quills. No pony wants to offer sofas. What am I supposed to do?” Davenport tried to bury his face in his hooves but the pain of his injuries prevented it.

“Maybe you could offer some benefits?” Ditzy suggested. Davenport ceased his crying to look at her strangely. “Uh… is that a no?”

“Well actually that’s not a bad idea.” Davenport rubbed his chin methodically. “But what kind of benefit could I possibly offer? I don’t exactly have any extra funds lying around. Not after this hospital visit anyway.” Davenport thought for a few moments before an idea struck him. “Hey! That might work.”

---

Rainbow Dash sped through the sky almost fast enough to create a sonic rainboom. She didn’t know how she of all ponies could be late. Her destination was just in sight though and she went from almost mach 1 to the speed of a feather without even getting whiplash. Rainbow landed gently on the picnic blanket and raised her hooves as if waving to imaginary applauders.

“I’m here, I’m here,” She said, sounding only a little out of breath.

“Wow,” Pinkie Pie said in amazement. “The way you flew like, whoosh, and then slowed to like, oooooooooooooooh, was like the coolest thing I’ve seen in five minutes.”

Rainbow Dash lowered her hooves and looked quizzically at Pinkie Pie. “What could you have possibly seen that was just as cool five minutes ago?”

“That.” Pinkie pointed to her left. Rainbow looked and nearly fainted. One of the Wonderbolts was in the town square performing tricks.

“When… when did… I didn’t know the Wonderbolts were coming to Ponyville today!”

“They’re not. It’s just the one. Rumor on the street is he came to pick up something he bought,” Pinkie said as she opened a picnic basket and started pulling out all sorts of goodies.

“Something he-” Rainbow abruptly gasped and pulled out a magazine from some unseen place. “It must be the sofa.”

“Hmm?” Pinkie Pie cocked her head as she stuffed her mouth with a cupcake.

“According to Fly magazine, one of the Wonderbolts recently purchased this super awesome, top of the line sofa.”

“And ponies consider that to be news?”

“Of course it is,” Dash retorted angrily. “This is one of the Wonderbolts we’re talking about here.”

Pinkie Pie shrugged. “Whatever. Sounds like some reporter needs to get a life. Seriously, if I was a reporter…,”

“Yeah, yeah, yeah.” Rainbow Dash dismissed Pinkie’s inevitable speech of nonsense and stared lovingly at the article. To think one of the Wonderbolts bought something in Ponyville and she hadn’t known about it. She was tempted to go over and watch the performance, but after the events of the Grand Galloping Gala, she felt too inadequate to show her face in front of the Wonderbolts so soon. “Ever since I read this, I’ve wanted to get that same sofa. I mean how cool would it be to own something that one of the Wonderbolts wanted?”

“… but then the aliens would probably abduct me for exposing them and then…,” Pinkie stopped and looked at Rainbow who was staring at her. “Oh hi. What are we talking about?”

“Uh huh… Anyway, I was talking about the sofa I wanted. But, it’s so dang expensive. I even got a part-time job, but it’s just so lame.”

“Really? What kind of job is it?”

“I sort of became the spokespony for a breakfast cereal,” Dash said sheepishly.

“Spokespony?”

Rainbow sighed. “Pony Puffs, you’ll fly high with every bite,” she said unenthusiastically. “I’m getting tired of saying that.”

“Pony Puffs! I love Pony Puffs. It’s my favorite cereal. If I were the spokespony…,”

“Yeah,” Dash muttered. It had been her favorite cereal too. She had eaten it the morning of the Young Flyers Competition, the same day she had won and been approached by the makers of Pony Puffs. She had refused then but taken them up on the offer after reading about the sofa. She deeply regretted it now, as it had turned out to be the lamest job she could think of. Even lamer then making charcoal.

“The pay sucks though. I’m not making money fast enough. I really want that sofa.”

“… but then aliens would probably start wanting the cereal too and would abduct me…,” Pinkie Pie stopped and looked at Rainbow Dash. “Why don’t you get a different job then?”

“I’ve looked around but there aren’t that many part-time jobs right now. And I can’t get another fulltime job. Clearing clouds takes so much time as it is.”

“But you can get it done in ten seconds flat.”

“That’s a lot of time spent not practicing for the Wonderbolts.” Dash sat down and bit into a muffin, looking rather depressed.

“What about working at Quills and Sofas?” Pinkie suggested.

“Give me a break. When has that old pony ever hired anypony?”

“Since today,” Pinkie Pie pointed to her right. “See. He’s hiring right now. He’s even giving a free sofa to whoever gets the job.”

Rainbow Dash spit the muffin out, spraying Pinkie Pie with muffin chunks and saliva. “Free sofa!?” She looked at the new sign displayed in the window, which was right next to a sofa. “That’s it! That’s the sofa I want!”

Pinkie Pie licked the muffin crumbs and saliva off her face and chewed on it a moment. “Mmmm. Needs sugar.”

Dash stared at Pinkie with a nauseated expression before shaking her head and flying over to Quills and Sofas. She would get her new sofa yet.

---

“Come on Twilight, please?” Spike pleaded as he rode on Twilight’s back.

“For the last time, no,” Twilight said annoyed. “We’re already late for Pinkie Pie’s picnic as it is. I don’t have time to buy you a new basket.”

“I don’t want a new basket. I was kind of hoping to upgrade to a bed.”

“I know. You’ve been saying that for the last ten minutes.” Twilight abruptly stopped walking. “Wait. Don’t tell me your basket catching on fire wasn’t an accident.”

Spike put on an innocent face. “I told you. I sneezed.”

“It almost burnt the library down. If I didn’t have magic-”

“Hey, why don’t you conjure up a bed with your magic?” Spike said excitedly.

“I don’t even know any spells that make beds. And even if I did, you’re still too young to have one. You’re just a baby.”

“What are you, my mother?” Spike crossed his arms, looking defiant.

“Sometimes I feel like I am. I even hatched you.”

“As if,” Spike said annoyed. Then an evil grin crossed his face as he got an idea. He wrapped his arms around Twilight’s neck lovingly. “Can I pweese have a bed, mommy?”

Twilight stared at him, speechless. Her eyes grew large and she could feel tears welling up as a sentimental smile crossed her face. “Aw, my little Spiky. Of course you can have… Wait, wait!” Twilight snapped out of it. “That is not going to work on me anymore. You’re not a baby, baby dragon.”

“But I still look like your baby, baby dragon don’t I? Twi-twi?” Spike said with a sad face.

Twilight could feel her lip tremble as memories of when Spike first hatched flooded into her mind. Princess Celestia had told her to take care of him since she was responsible for hatching him. Those early years had been magical and Spike’s first word had been Twi-twi.

“Spiky wants to go beddy-by Twi-twi. Can Spiky have a bed?” Spike said, sounding just like he did those few short years ago.

Twilight very nearly said yes, but shook her head wildly instead. “No! Spike, no matter what you say, I’m not buying you a bed,” Twilight said angrily, wiping a tear that had trickled from her eye.

Spike dropped his baby act and crossed his arms again. “Fine. I didn’t want you to buy me a bed anyway.”

“And that’s definitely not going to work,” Twilight said satisfied.

“Humph,” Spike pouted and turned his head away. That’s when he spotted a store. Quills and Sofas. “A sofa!” Spike shouted enthusiastically. “Twilight, why don’t you buy a sofa to sit on for when you study?”

Twilight sighed in further annoyance. “Spike, after the picnic I’m buying you another basket. Not a bed or a sofa.”

“It’s not for me, I’m just thinking of you. Really.”

“I’m not that gullible Spike. Rainbow Dash doesn’t call me an egghead for nothing.”

“Ah man,” Spike harrumphed though he wasn’t even sure what a man was. He looked longingly at Quills and Sofas. That’s when he saw the sign. ‘Now Hiring. Free sofa to new employee.’ “That’s it! That’s how I’ll get it!”

“Huh? Get what?” Twilight asked but Spike had jumped off her back and dashed away.

“I’ll catch up with you later Twilight. See ya.”

“Wait! Spike!” Twilight called, but Spike wasn’t listening. Twilight turned back towards Pinkie Pie’s picnic. “What has gotten into him today?” Before she could take two more steps, something blue whizzed by her, spinning her around and knocking her over. Twilight looked up dizzily. “What the hay was that?”

---

Rainbow Dash aimed right for the door just as Spike was reaching for it. Rainbow was so excited that she didn’t even see him as she tried to fly through. She came to an abrupt halt as the two of them got stuck in the doorway.

“Spike! Move out of the way. I’m trying to get through here.”

“Rainbow Dash, I’m trying to get through. You move.”

“I’ve got important business to attend to.”

“My business is even more important than yours, so let me through.” The two of them struggled but couldn’t seem to get unstuck from the doorway.

“No way. My business is life or death,” Dash said, wriggling her flank, trying to get free.

“So’s mine,” Spike argued back, flailing his tail.

“Wait, wait. We’re not getting anywhere like this,” Dash finally conceded.

“I guess you’re right. Let’s both push.”

“On the count of three. Three!” They both pushed and before they knew it, they were somersaulting inside, coming to a stop only after they crashed into a display of quills. They both coughed dust and quills as a figure loomed over them.

“Can I help you?” The owner Mr. Davenport said, raising an eyebrow.

After they had both shaken off the quills, Rainbow and Spike said simultaneously, “I’m here for the job offer.” They looked at each other in surprise. “You’re here for the job? But I’m here for the job,” they said at the same time again.

“Splendid. Splendid. I can’t believe it actually worked. Now which one of you wants the job again?” Davenport asked.

“I do!” They both said.

Mr. Davenport looked at them both with a mixture of excitement and concern. “Uh, you know, I only need one employee. I’m afraid I can’t hire both of you.”

“I want the job!” They both shouted. Then they looked at each other. “I wanted it first.”

Rainbow Dash glared at Spike. “Look Spike, I have very good reasons to want this job.”

“Yeah? Well so do I.”

“Ha! What could a baby dragon possibly know about sofas?”

“Oh, it’s about the sofa is it?” Spike glared right back. “So your true colors finally show.”

“Same to you. This job is mine.”

“Oh yeah?” Spike said, rolling up an imaginary sleeve.

“This is incredible,” Davenport said excitedly. “I can’t believe there’s not just one but two others in Ponyville who share my passion for quills and sofas.”

“Huh?” Rainbow Dash and Spike stopped with their arms held back as if about to punch each other.

“To think that you two young ones appreciate the beauty of a well made quill. The glamour of a sophisticated sofa. Ever since I was a colt, I loved quills and sofas. Yet I was shunned by my family members for not being able to make up my mind. My mother was a famous writer who went through several quills daily. My father made sofas to the most exact detail and comfort. Yet neither could appreciate the others’ work. Only I, a young colt, had eyes for both the lowly quill and the grand sofa. I grew up alone, without friends, without family support. But I never gave up. I knew that one day I wanted to share my love of quills and sofas with the world. Opening up this store was the happiest day of my life… Until it burnt down that evening… But I rebuilt! I wouldn’t let the world get the best of me. I would take my quills and sofas to the next world and back before I let anypony get me down. And now, I’ve found two individuals who know my pain, who share my joy, who are just like me, who can never get enough of quills and sofas! This is the new happiest day of my life. We are going to sell so many quills and sofas together. It’s magic. Magic I tell you. Magic,” Davenport finished, openly crying tears of joy as he raised his hoof in the air, praising his good fortune.

Somewhere during the course of Davenport’s monologue, Rainbow Dash and Spike had hugged and huddled together in fear. What in the world had they gotten themselves into?

Comments

[Mousa The 14]

Oh god, I laughed so hard at Davenport's monologue my lip split! It'd hurt to read more but I can't resist!

They said I was daft to open a quill and sofa shop in a swamp. Opening this shop was the happiest day of my life. Until it sank into the swamp. So, I built a second shop. THAT sank into the swamp. So, I built another one. That one fell over, burned down, then sank in the swamp. But the fourth one... The fourth one stayed up. That's why this is the best quill and sofa shop in Equestria.

[Final Fantasy BRN]

Loved the opening about sofa technology, it made me think that maybe the sofas are remote controlled Lazy Boys.

[InsomniacMatt]

it's stuff like this that make me think "glad i'm Canadian and don't have to worry about hospital fees and such"