Property of the Crystal Empire

by TheMessenger

Mar 19th to Mar 21

19-MR-1204

Couldn't sleep a wink after last night's. Shimmer and Sparky've been asking me why I've been yawning so much. I'm a little embarrassed to admit that something as silly as a fanciful dream kept me up. I'm not a foal, don't know why a simple fantasy was causing me to lose so much sleep.

Time to move, will write more soon.

*

Snow has impeded progress. We're still days away from <EXPUNGED> and there's no sign of potential shelters nearby. The wind grows colder by the second, and the each step becomes a greater task. The snow, which falls heavier and heavier on our heads, reminds me of sand rushing to the bottom of my father's old antique hourglass. A fitting comparison, as we are running out of time.

Goodness, that sounded depressing. Everything I've written so far sounds depressing. Do I sound this glum when I speak out loud? Morales low enough without my distress weighing it down. Come on, time for good old fashion optimism. Count your blessings, they say:

1.

Optimism is hard.

*

Another meeting, nothing new. Just more bad news and fewer options. Ironhoof's angry, the Guard-Captain's upset, the princess unhappy, and we're all cold and hungry. Oh, food supply's running low, so that's new. Not dangerously low, mind you, but meal portions will definitely be reduced, if not complete skipped. Guess it's time to find out what's actually worse, going to bed on an empty stomach or with a belly heavy with frozen food. Have I said that before? I feel like I'm repeating myself. I can't remember and can't be bothered to check.

Ironhoof's with Shining Armor right now. They seem busy so I'd better now bother them. And Shimmer's with the princess, having one of their "girl talks", so I can't talk to her. I assigned Sparky to taking inventory, so he's busy, and besides, it'd look really unprofessional for an officer to hold a conversation with a subordinate on duty. That leaves Tick, but I really don't want to talk to that guy right now. Things are still a little awkward between us after the fight.

I've just realized how lonely I feel. It bothers me more than I'm comfortable admitting. I'm glad you're still around, journal. At least I have you to talk to. After spending so much time with one, I can see why keeping a diary is so appealing. You're like a little friend that listens to all I have to say without ever being judgmental, a perfect listener who never misunderstands or disagrees. Granted, you can't exactly express an opinion since you never do reply. Not much of a conversationist. You're a pretty awful friend in that regard.

I think I'm going to go find Tick now. I need some time away from this thing.

*

Shimmer still won't tell me what she's been discussing with the princess, despite all but coercing the entire awkward conversation I had with Tick out of me. I still have no idea why the two of us decided to talk about whether changeling urine was toxic or not. There was a patch of yellow snow nearby, courtesy of the delightful private, that might have been what sparked the entire conversation.

She regrets convincing me to speak. Apparently it's not, so Tick owes me twenty bits. I'm curious to how Shimmer discovered that little tidbit about changeling anatomy, but she's keeping quiet, and I don't really have the energy or desire right now to try and coax her into explaining.

I've been shedding a lot of feathers lately. I should have noticed it without Shimmer pointing out all the loose feathers, but with everything we've had to to deal with lately, it must have slipped my mind. My wings weren't toned to endure all that stress from earlier, and all that unfamiliar activity really took a toll on them. I won't be flying for a week or so, until I grow out new feathers, but I sincerely doubt I will need to do anymore serious flying soon. We've already decided a scouting mission would be too risky. I'm more concerned about how I'm going to keep my wings warm now that I've lost feathers. I don't want to ask for another blanket or anything like that; we don't exactly have extra supplies to spare. I need to figure this out soon, before tomorrow night at the very latest.

The worst nightmare of any Pegasus, from a captain of the Wonderbolts to the youngest foal just learning to yearn for the sky, is to lose his or her wings. I may not be the greatest flyer, but I'm no exception, and what could be a worse way to lose my wings than via frostbite? Maybe in a fire? At least that'd be warm. Getting them sawed off with something rusty would be pretty bad too.

Great, I know what my dreams will be about with tonight.

*

20-MR-1204

She kept them warm.

I woke up this morning with my balding wings tucked neatly in between Shimmer's forelegs, close to her chest. They're a little sore, but that's a single droplet of complaint in an ocean of gratitude, even when she sputters that it was totally an accident. It's an accident I'm thankful for. Wish I could have expressed my thanks beyond sad mumblings and matching her blush.The nearby ponies didn't make it any easier with their wolf whistles and jokes.

At least Shining Armor and Princess Cadence are smiling again. But why am I the blushing bride? Shimmer was just as red. Must have been some inside joke among royalty, I don't know.

*

Are routines bad? I've never really minded them before. Part of basic training was dealing with the monotony. Rise before Princess Celestia, run three miles, eat breakfast, run three more laps, theory and strategy, lunch, history and more theory, obstacle course, etc. Lather, rinse, repeat, and I was fine with it.

The routine I'm stuck in now is beginning to bother me. Wake up, eat a very small breakfast, record, march through snow and freezing winds while trying to ignore how the worst case scenario becomes ever more possible with each passing second, stop for the night, record, meeting with the captains and the princess, eat a tiny dinner, record, go to bed.

I really wouldn't mind some variety, like maybe tomorrow we could finally arrive at <EXPUNGED> just in time for lunch, and then we'd actually have lunch. Anything to get out of this impending threat of death rut we seem to be stuck in. We need to conserve energy so we can't even talk while we walk, and it's not like I can write and march at the same time.

Maybe I'm just bothered that I don't really have anything else to write about. That's another thing this mission has taught me: when you're bored, you really start to think about the strangest things. Also, it is completely possible to be bored while being trapped in a life-threatening situation. Who knew?

I'm going to take a quick break to clear my mind. Maybe I'll think of something to write after a stroll. I still need to thank Shimmer properly, so maybe I'll figure that out too.

*

Ran into the Guard-Captain before dinner, and we talked after exchanging formalities. Instinctively, I inquired about his wife and how she was doing. Didn't realize what I had just said until I saw Shining Armor's grimace. Yeah, probably not the smartest thing for me to ask, and I apologized immensely.

Shockingly, Shining Armor responded by wondering how the bachelor life was treating me, though he changed the usual greeting by adding how this might be the last time he would be able to ask me that and how he wished he had more single friends. It took me some time to get over how the Guard-Captain referred to me as a friend before I asked him what he meant about this being the last time.

Shining Armor is no pessimist. To him, the world can't be viewed through a glass half empty or half full. What matters are the efforts needed to fill or empty said glass, and one's focus should be on those necessary steps. What I'm trying to say is that Shining Armor, former captain of the Canterlot Royal Guard and current Guard-Captain of the Crystal Empire, is not the kind of pony who would morbidly imply that either he or another pony would not survive like that, not while the two were still breathing, and a good chance of salvation remained.

Shining Armor made it clear that he wasn't trying to say that this could be the last time the two of us would be alive to talk to each other, and he was sorry if his words could have been interpreted that way. I nodded and waited for further explanation. My features must have betrayed my expectations, as he crushed them with a shrug. The minute he saw my shoulders sagged he asked me if Shimmer and I had kissed yet.

I released the driest spit-take possible before collapsing into unintelligible sputters. Shining Armor waited with the patience of a mountain as I tried to regain my senses. My first coherent phrase was an accusation, demanding Shining Armor to admit that he had violated my privacy by reading my journal. He had not but was now curious to see what I had written regarding the pretty, young researcher who had been accompanying us. When I asked him how he figured, no, what made him think I was interested in Shimmer, the Guard-Captain smiled and simply said it was obvious not just to him but to most of the group. That sent me into another fit of stammers.

When I regained control of myself for the second time, I wondered aloud if our potential relationship was really worth all this attention while so much danger was present. At this, Shining Armor's grin faltered just a tiny bit and said that a little gossip might help raise some spirits. Then he became completely solemn.

"Treat her well," he said to me as he got up and prepared to leave. "Hurting her can mean hurting yourself."

Words to ponder over dinner. Suddenly I'm in the mood for ice cream. I must be crazy, but mint chocolate chip sounds awfully good.

*

Short meeting today, no new developments. I thought about asking Shining Armor to expand on his message. Been mulling over those words for a while, they make me a little uneasy. Decided better of it and left the Guard-Captain alone. He seemed pretty busy with Ironhoof anyways, though I'm not certain what topic the two were discussing.

Played tic-tac-toe with Sparky for a bit. Was about to end his winning streak when he had to leave for guard duty. I'm beginning to wonder whether continued guard shifts are entirely necessary. We've lost the changelings, that much is obvious, and there is no reason for them to start pursuing us now, especially in this weather. The growing blizzard poses a far more apparent threat than the changelings who are probably just as concern with dealing with the upcoming storm as we are.

I see Shimmer and Princess Cadence together, talking about who knows what, again. I hear the Guard-Captain's words in my head. What did he mean? Am I overthinking this? Just what does Shimmer mean to me?

Goodness, it's getting warm. Did somepony start a campfire with the last of our supplies? I'd better make sure they received permission.

*

Finally found the courage to ask Shimmer if she keep my wings from freezing like she did last night. Kind of. In a roundabout, sort of manner.

As I was preparing to go to bed, I noticed that Shimmer's sleeping bag was not next to mine. I had not realized earlier, distracted as I was with my duties. Rather than simply let that be, I had decided to ask her why the sudden change. I am still a little confused as to why I had chosen to confront Shimmer, and I remain completely unhappy with the excuses I've come up with. Perhaps Shimmer had just wanted a little privacy, a possibility I should have considered and respected.

Well, whatever interfered with my cognitive abilities, be it the cold, the stress, or the Guard-Captain's distracting words, I ended up walking over to the young mare and asking her if there was any reason why she had decided to sleep here instead of next to me. In hindsight, I can understand why she had begun to blush; again, no excuse I can create for my poor choice of words is satisfactory.

I probably shouldn't have been so loud either. A few others had been nearby, including Guard-Captain Shining Armor and Princess Cadence.

Despite all the time Shimmer tried to buy to delay her answer, I was still caught off guard when she told me was worried that her tendency to grab things in her sleep was keeping me awake, and she didn't want to be a bother.

My response was immediate, almost instinctive, and completely without thought:

"Are you kidding? I need you."

Her blush probably deepened, now that I think about it, but at the time I was more focused on the opportunity she had unwittingly given me to explain my own predicament. After hearing the situation, Shimmer revealed to be more than happy to keep my wings warm at night.

Again, I feel like we were a bit too loud. The princess kept giving me this unnerving look I'm having difficulty describing. She might still be giving me that look, but turning over to check is just about impossible. Besides, I don't want to end up waking Shimmer. She just fell asleep, with my wings held close to her. I don't longer mind the difficulty it adds to writing these entries. I'll get to keep my wings, after all. The benefits outweigh all else, including the discomfort. I suppose I'm just so relieved for such a reprieve. Wing-threatening crisis averted.

No, that's not it. Yes, knowing that I am no longer in grave danger of having my wings freeze over puts me at ease, but that's not it, not it at all. That sort of reason doesn't explain why I'd much rather she be holding my front, why I wish I could flip myself over and wrap my legs around her and pull her close to me, until her very breath keeps me warm, and mine does the same for her. I keep picturing her slumbering face, gently snoring next to mine.

I am more tired than I imagined. Tomorrow is another big day. I am very much in love.

*

21-MR-1204

As I awoke this morning and found myself deep in the forelegs of a beautiful mare, I was reminded of my conversation with Shining Armor. If Shimmer and I had ever kissed, I am certain I would have recorded the event immediately. If there is time, I might be tempted to search through my earlier entries just to make sure.

The Guard-Captain does not look well. It might be exhaustion, possibly stress. I'm going to try and keep an eye on him. I still have a mission complete and a duty to perform, both which must take priority even in the light of this new development. I'll try to strike another conversation with the Guard-Captain when we stop today to see how he's doing. If letting him making jokes about my relationship with Shimmer will improve his mood at all, then so be it.

But seriously, who would have thought romance could blossom in a situation like this? Apparently life threatening circumstances make excellent dates.

*

It stopped snowing, miraculously. The clouds are still thick and heavy, but at least they've taken a break from showering on us. For once, I can write without pausing every few minutes to brush flakes out of my eyes and off this journal. It's just a short reprieve, means very little. I'd hate to get my hopes up now after everything else.

Oh look, it's starting to snow again. I didn't think jinxes counted if they weren't spoken aloud.

I had planned to speak to the Guard-Captain before our meeting, but Princess Cadence had cornered him before I could. Whatever Her Majesty wishes to discuss, it must be important. She trapped him this time, no escape for him today. I'll try to talk to Shining Armor later. In the mean time, I'll see how Captain Ironhoof is doing. Might try to find Tick and Sparky and see how those two are doing too.

I feel a need to see Shimmer as well, but for what? To confess? To simply enjoy her company and her banter? Do I just strut in with a business-as-usual attitude in light of my recent resolution, or do I let her know how I feel and see how she responds? Perhaps it would be wiser to wait until we've reached safety before I try anything. Yes, that would the best option. There'll be plenty of time for this kind of discussion when we're no longer in danger of being trapped in a tundra during a blizzard. Maybe I could invite her for snow cones again, when we get back to <EXPUNGED>, if that machine's still working.

Actually, scratch that idea. I don't even want to think about snow right now, no matter how much syrup you offer me. Maybe we'll go for Crystal Empire fritters when we get to the capital instead.

*

Ironhoof's a little jumpy. We talked for awhile, and he told me he hasn't been sleeping very well and admits to seeing things lately, shapes in the snow and whatnot. He had to take a moment to recognize me and asked if I wouldn't mind filling in for him at the meeting later tonight so he could grab a quick nap. It took him a little while to remember I was also part of the meeting committee and had no authority to excuse him. Still, considering how little we really get done during those meetings, I don't think the Guard-Captain would mind much. Better ask him though, just to make sure.

*

It's almost dinner time, and I still haven't been called over for a meeting. Maybe we aren't having one tonight, or more likely, tonight's assembly will be more exclusive. I heard Shining Armor promise Princess Cadence to speak with her later, so perhaps the subject at hand is beyond someone of my position. If that's the case, I should go wake up Captain Ironhoof. It might concern him.

*

Ironhoof is mad at me. I have no idea why. It could just be grumpiness from a lack of sleep, i don't know. Maybe there's bad news, and he just needed somepony to take the stress out on. I wish he didn't make me his figurative punching bag.

No, that's probably not it. Captain Ironhoof has his problems, but he wouldn't get angry at a pony just to get rid of some stress. It's bad for morale, and as a captain he must know better. He's probably just tired.

I thought about discussing my revelation regarding how I feel towards Shimmer with Sparky and Tick before realizing how stupid an idea that was. The last thing I need is Tick's teasing. We talked about the first things we were going to do when we got back to the capital instead. Tick planned to pay a visit to some new exotic buffet I've never heard of and eat himself silly. I considered just settling for a warm shower before amending it to a full spa treatment. A wonderful massage followed by a nice soak in a hot tub sounds divine after everything we've gone through.

Sparky sort of killed the mood by reminding us that somepony had to tell Private's folks what happened and it might as well be him, since they were old friends, I think. Maybe their parents were friends or coworkers, I can't remember. Technically, casualties are kept secret until the Council of Defense finishes filing the reports, but that process can take months. Who knows when Private's family will hear the news? It's an archaic system, one that needs revising.

I just realized Sparky might have some advice for me. He has a marefriend, after all. Darn it, why didn't I think of it earlier? Too late now, I suppose. The corporal is busy keeping watch at the meeting.

*

So apparently there wasn't a meeting tonight at all. I guess Ironhoof was mad because I woke him up for no apparent reason. He skipped dinner and went straight to bed. I suppose whatever the princess wanted to talk about with Guard-Captain Shining Armor was solely between the two.

Well, whatever it was, it must have done some good. I saw Shining Armor write furiously in his own journal. He must be really behind in the official report. When he broke his pen, Princess Cadence provided him with a new one. The two shared a brief smile before noticing my stares. Yeah, oops.

There's really not much else to write about tonight, which is fine, since I'm awfully tired myself. Shimmer's already asleep. I hear her soft breathing, I feel her warm chest as she holds my wings and the beating of her heart. Can you hear mine, Shimmer? Can you hear my heart cry for you? How would you react if you could read these words, to see them with your lovely green eyes? How would you respond when I write, I love you?

I hope one day these things I write down will become more than ink on paper. I hope one day you will hear these very words I write from my lips. This journal can't even be trusted with your name, but it is the only one, the only thing, I dare share my secret. One day, I hope it'll become our little secret instead, something just between the two of us.

Good night, Shimmer. I love you.

*

Comments

[dancing mop]

Awwwwwwwwww!!! IT'S SO CUTE!!!!

I just couldn't wipe the smile off my face for this whole chapter!

[TheMessenger]

4463176
Oh, I almost feel bad for what I have planned.

[dancing mop]

4463294
Yeah, I've kinda seen it coming for a while. Bastard. It's gonna be great.

[PresentPerfect]

God, Flash, you tremendous dope. At least he finally admits it.