The Less-Than-Sane Adventures of Spark Trace

by thecookiewookie

Hold it!

Cascades of laughter came from the pond shore.

Spark Trace laughed hysterically as Discord held up the poor animal. The bullfrog looked irate at suddenly having a tadpole's hind end, but its withering glares went unnoticed by the two, who were busy collapsing with hilarity. Eventually, Discord calmed down and restored the frog's legs, which were now adorned with clown shoes and striped leggings, before releasing it into the pond once more.

"Ah, Spark, finally a pony who can appreciate my sense of humor! But tell me, why can you find this funny when nopony else can?"

Finally gasping enough air to stop convulsing, Spark stood and smirked lopsidedly at Discord. "Simple. It's my motto: Life is a joke, so laugh at it. I figure if I can't change it, didn't start it, and don't need to stop it, all that's left is to laugh or to cry, and I prefer to laugh. Plus, you're funny."

Discord responded with a coy look, an obviously fake blush appearing with a snap of his fingers, accompanied by shining eyes reminiscent of some cheesy Neighponese cartoon.

Spark laughed again. "Of course, being nearly as insane as you helps too."

Discord banished the illusion and locked eyes with the ebon-coated unicorn, suddenly serious. "I'm. Not. Crazy." He smacked his lips a few times. Then he broke into a huge grin. "I'm CHAOTIC!" He punctuated the statement by flinging his arms wide as several clouds or lilac-flavored smoke burst into existence, accompanied by the sound of accordions and bagpipes.

Spark collapsed in hysterics again, unable to keep a straight face.

Discord summoned a microphone and bowed before it. "Thank you, thank you. I'll be here all week. Tip your waitresses, and don't piss off Ol' Sunbutt!"

Spark chuckled and got up. Suddenly, Discord's eyes went wide and his grin slipped away. In a snap of his claws, he was gone, a swarm of flying red mackerel in his place. An instant later, they too vanished, replaced by glittering letters:

GOT TO GO, YOU'RE ON YOUR OWN. SORRY.

'What?' thought Spark. 'What spooked him?'

As if on cue, a very irritated mare shouted, "You there! Hold it right there!" as he felt a magic aura grip and levitate him.

'Oh crap. Okay, what did I do? Was it illegal? How long a dungeon sentence? What if I drop the soap? What if there's hard criminals there? What do I DO?!?!'

As Twilight reached the hovering unicorn, she noticed him thrashing and twisting spasmodically. As she started to hear him rambling to himself, she wondered if this pony was insane, having a panic attack, or both. She turned to her friends. "Um, I think he's having a seizure."

Spark immediately stopped moving and stared at her. "I am not! I was jumping to conclusions and indulging in an unhealthy helping of reductum ad absurdum, thank you very much. And here you go and break my train of thought! Yet another train jumps the tracks! I can see the headline now: 'Train of thought derails near cerebral cortex, ideas presumed missing'. Trains are weird."

Pinkie stared up at him. "You make so much sense. How come you know Pinkie Logic?"

Spark looked back condescendingly. "I am well versed in NO form of logic, and I should hope to remain that way! ... wait, you understood me? I didn't understand me. Whoa."

Twilight remembered that she was supposed to be angry at him. "You're the one who's been causing havoc around Ponyville, aren't you!"

"A friend of mine would most sincerely prefer that you call it chaos, but yes! 'Twas me, in the flesh!"

Twilight scowled. "Alright, you're coming back to the library for a 'chat'." She began to pull him along behind her as she walked toward her house.

Spark crossed his hooves. "Excuse me, I CAN walk, you know."

"Yes, but I could bet anything that you'd vanish or run off," Twilight responded without looking back.

Spark pouted. "No. Never. Probably not. Maybe. I'm lying. Fine." He sighed and leaned back, lounging on the invisible couch Twilight carried him on.

As they reached the library, Spark hopped up. "FINALLY! I was getting so bored. Now there's something to DO!" His coat shimmered several colors before settling back to black. Twilight made a mental note to ask him about that.

Setting him inside the house, Twilight turned to him. "Alright, now we talk.Why are you causing trouble? What are you doing hanging around Discord? Are you the one who's been leaving me fan mail?"

Spark replied, looking bored: "Respectively: It's fun, he's awesome, and... wait, what?" He stared at her as if he'd only just noticed her. "Oh my goddesses, you're Princess Twilight! Holy crap, I'm in your HOUSE! Squeee! Can I get your autograph?"

Twilight was nonplussed. "You've been talking to me for half an hour. You notice this NOW?"

Spark let the starstruck expression slide from his face and burst out laughing. "Wow, you really bought it! Hoo hoo, oh, your FACE! Hahahaha... ooh, rib cramp, ack!"

"Alright, why are you hanging out with Discord? Wait, what are you...WHAT?" Twilight exclaimed. Spark's side had become black and solid and slightly shiny, and he was rubbing a hoof over it. She recognized that substance. That was chitin, the stuff which made up hair, or insect shells, or the bodies of... "CHANGELING!"

Spark's head snapped up. He looked at his side. "Oh, crap. Uhm, please don't kill me?" He raised his hooves in a gesture of surrender.

Applejack had just come running from the kitchen, and looked ready to buck him clean in half. Rarity was levitating several needles around her, all pointed at him. Rainbow Dash was hovering over him, one hoof reeled back, ready to pulverize his face. Twilight's horn was lit, and several spells were readied. "Give me one reason I shouldn't blast you unconscious and cart you off to the Canterlot dungeons." Pinkie comforted Fluttershy, who was cowering in the corner.

"Oh, man, not a pop quiz. Ummm... Oh! I could have attacked you or vanished by now, but I haven't. I don't want to be hunted down, so I'm still here. Can I please put my hooves down? You're scaring me."

Twilight reluctantly extinguished her horn, and gestured to her friends to stand down. "If you try anything funny, your face will be flat faster then you can say 'oops'," Rainbow threatened. Spark gulped and nodded as Rainbow backed up to give him some space. "Okay, you want answers. Yes, I'm a changeling. No, I did not 'replace' Spark, he's just my disguise. And no, I don't want to hurt anyone," Spark said cautiously. "If I wanted to just suck dry somepony's emotions, I could have done that by now. I'm not with the hive... I'm alone." As he said the last part, his head drooped, and his disguise slipped away completely, revealing a changeling with a moss green carapace plate, pale green membranous mane, and piercing blue eyes. As he faced the ground, he drooped completely, slumping to the ground in despair.

"You know what, never mind. If you want to knock me out and send me away, go ahead. I'm nearly starving anyway, I can barely get enough emotion to stay alive. And now, I've finally admitted to myself that I really don't have anyone. Discord's good for a laugh, but he's hardly a friend. It's not like I could get any lower. I know you don't sympathize with me, I can feel it. Just zap me already."

Fluttershy looked up at the changeling. Now, rather than a monster, she saw a despairing and crushed pony, one who needed love from others, in more ways than one. "It's okay. I don't mind what you are, and a little kindness is just what you need." With visible effort, she reached out a trembling hoof and placed it on his shoulder.

He looked up, confusion in his eyes. "Wait... You actually care about me. I can feel your concern. You six have had direct contact with changelings, you ought to hate me. Why are you being nice?"

Feeling emboldened by his uncertainty, Fluttershy continued to speak. "Well, the other changelings at the royal wedding were evil, and they attacked us. If you don't want to attack us or feed on us, why should we hate you? You are who and what you are, and nothing can change that."

The other five had been stunned speechless by Fluttershy's acceptance of the changeling, but at this Rarity spoke. "Darling, I think you shouldn't believe him. He's a changeling. He's probably playing for sympathy just to drain us, and that could be dangerous. Remember poor Shining Armor? He was weak and paranoid for weeks after the wedding."

Spark's head sunk to the floor again. "I have no reason to hurt you. Emotional feeding only causes damage if a changeling gets greedy and pulls energy out, instead of just taking what is wasted. I can't even prove that I'm not planning to hurt anypony, because of course I'm lying to get in good with you. Either believe me or arrest me already."

Twilight's face lit up. "Wait, there might be... hang on." She began rummaging through the bookshelves, looking for one volume specifically. "Okay, title begins with P... here's Ps... Aha! Psionics Simplified!" She began flipping through it as Spark and the others looked on curiously. "Here's the spell: Advanced Mindwalking. 'This allows the caster to to enter a willing recipient's mind and psychically examine their thoughts.' If I can't enter his mind, he's lying and doesn't want me to find out. If I can, I can find out for myself if he's telling the truth."

Spark looked up, suddenly hopeful. "Wait, you mean I could... stay? If it works?"

"It's a bit early for that, bub." Applejack said. "Maybe, if yer tellin' the truth, you can find a way to fit in around here. Maybe."

Spark jumped up with hope shining in his eyes. "A chance to belong again... Yes! Okay, go ahead, scan me!"

Twilight charged the spell, staring intently at the book, then made eye contact with Spark. His jaw hung slack as both of their eyes glowed sky blue as Twilight entered his mind.

Author's Note:

Muahahaha! The epic (or not) saga of Spark Trace begins!

This is just chapter one. This shouldn't be too long, it's not a very deep story. Please leave feedback, I want opinions and suggestions.

Comments

[Butterwings]

Well that was dumb.
weird

[thecookiewookie]

4000661 That's the idea.

[ThatGirl2147]

"Scan me." I recognise that from a video game, though the name eludes me. Either way, a trip worthy of Wayne and Garth, Good Sir(?).

[thecookiewookie]

4003282
Thank you. And yes, 'sir' is the correct term.

[Type_Writer]

Him. Well, now that I've finally gotten a chance to read it, I'm not sure what to say about it. It's an enigma. It's very written-by-the-seat-of-the-pants, with the humour being... Honestly a little bit lackluster, and nearly forgotten about after the first half. Spark... He'd be an interesting character, had you perhaps not tried so hard to make him interesting, and yet... He's not quite insane enough, if you catch my drift. He's too coherent, except when he's not. I do like how you've established almost everypony's positions on Changelings fairly quickly, but Twilight jumps straight into "scan brain for secret evil plan" as opposed to "see if any pony knows this stallion/drone and whether he's telling the truth about not having replaced Somepony".
Honestly, this story... It's not quite wacky enough to be called a crackfic, but it's clearly not meant to be taken seriously. Apologies for that, incidentally. Still, this sits in that bizarre medium of the drunkfic, but without the alcohol required for that. It feels like you're trying a bit too hard, really. You have a concept that sounds interesting (I'm all for looking into the mind of a crazy pony/changeling) but at this speed, we'll have reached that point before we're even 2000 words in, when your character's character hasn't yet been established.
I get that you didn't really want this story to be taken too seriously, but it sits in this awkward place where you're trying to write a running story without even trying. Crazy, barely-sensical little one-shots are good, as long as they're funny. But this, I'm sorry to say, just feels a little lazy.
On a lighter note, you're writing! This is good! Practice makes perfect, everyone knows that, and there isn't a writer in existence who lacks a folder full of their less-than-amazing stories. If you ask, I'll send you a couple of my own, and we can chuckle about them together. But, finally, I think this story thus far can be best summed up by the chapter's title, and perhaps a quick question:
"Sir, you know how fast you were going when you overtook characterization on the plotline and rear-ended the chapter?"

[thecookiewookie]

4010136
See, It all goes at a decent pace while I'm writing it. Then I finish and look back and it's doppler-shifted clear into the blue by how fast it zings by. And yes, this is an experiment in writing LITERALLY everything about the story that comes into my head. I noticed the plot holes, but even the narrative is supposed to be a bit unstable.
Finally, this is mostly to get Spark to stop banging on my frontal cortex. I may go back and fix some things. Thanks for noticing the whole coherence/craziness dichotomy. In truth, his insanity was mostly a manufactured defense mechanism, to distract him from his crushing despair at being severed from the hive. All that will be at least somewhat explained whenever I can write chapter two. Thanks.

[Type_Writer]

4010187
Well, okay. If I may suggest a mental exercise?
Put yourself into the mind of someone who's just found this story on the front page, and is reading it, with no idea of where it's going or who anyone is. Having a character with a mysterious past is all well and good, as long as you give the readers something to hold onto in the meantime. Even if he's crazy, he needs to be relatable somehow, even if it's just to show later on how truly crazy he is.