The Curse of A Well-Read Man

by LeoneHaxor

Chapter 9 - Dropping In

Author's Note:

Proofread by FIMFiction author a human. One of my favorite authors on this site and a Gordon Ramsey of the Fanfiction variety - and you can quote me on that any day of the week. If you're unfamiliar with his works, then by all means give them all a read. It will make this crossover arc all the more satisfying, and give you an idea of the madness to come.

Pinkie Pie was hard at work baking her cupcakes when she felt it. She stopped where she was, letting her Pinkie Sense work its gypsy magic without risking the goods.

"Ear flop, eye flutter, knee twitch...watch out for opening doors?" she asked herself in confusion. She looked around - the oven door was closed, the cupcakes on the other side only halfway done, and all other doors in Sugarcube Corner. Nothing happened for a moment. "Maybe it's the front door?"

"But I don't want to use my heeeeeeeeeeeead!" Spike wailed. Having almost missed her cue, Twilight barreled through the door, using Spike as a battering ram.

After crashing into the wall, Twilight dropped him. "Pinkie, there's another one of them, and the detector's going off near the Everfree Forest. You know the drill."

Pinkie bounced to the door happily. "Yay! I get to throw another 'Welcome to Equestria' party!"

Twilight watched her pass as Spike woozily got up. "Really, Twilight? The door was wide open!"

She ignored him.

---

“Hey Lee?”

Lee’s head snapped up from his reverie, and turned to Silias. “What is it?” he asked automatically.

Silias gestured to several Doors in the distance. “Ever notice how, unlike the old Doors, they seem to actually make sense?”

“What?”

“Think about it: they’ve always been freestanding, and always perpendicular to the floor.”

Lee’s brow raised. “And you have a problem with this because…?”

Silias tilted his head. “I’m just saying, back when we first dealt with Doors, they would show up anywhere and everywhere. Or don’t you remember that one time where we stepped into that Door and exited through a filing cabinet in Sweden?”

Lee’s hand went to his chin. “I do remember, but what’s your point?”

“Even that world’s Dooling was familiar with TVTropes – I’m just thinking that Murphy’s Law will end up changing the game.”

Lee looked directly at him. “Murphy’s Law only states something will happen if someone questions why it hasn’t happened. In other words, you just ensured that the Doors will act weird.”

Silias would have responded to this, but they were all suddenly too busy falling through a Door that opened below their feet.

---

When the Mane Six arrived, Spike healed from his multiple concussions suffered in the course of being used as a door knocker. This was managed over the page break simply because cartoon physics and fanfic powers. Deal with it.

"I still don't see why we have to go and drop everythin' every darn time a human lands in Equestria," Applejack griped. "Can't someone else go roll out the welcome wagon? I mean, I know we're the Elements 'n all, but this is gettin' ridiculous Twi - I'm startin' to fall behind on my apple buckin'."

Rarity sympathized with Applejack. "I agree wholeheartedly. Why, I too have business that I'm falling behind with, and it would be simply marvelous if we didn't have to handle this so personally."

Twilight raised an eyebrow. "You just want to get back to your love slaves, don't you?"

Rarity had the dignity to look appalled, despite the fact that this was right on the money. "Well, I never! You'd think that I'd be so shallow? Preposterous! I merely ask that my schedule not be muddied by so many last minute excursions."

Fluttershy mentioned she left several corpses in her backyard, and that she also wanted to get this over with.

Spike looked up to see the new arrival staring at him. "Uh, guys? You might want to see this..."

He turned to see them ignoring him. "Guys? Um..." Spike now stood face to face with the new arrival, which is a curious choice of words considering that he had no face.

"...hi there?" Spike offered weakly.

---

*Five minutes ago*

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

Rainbow Dash wasted no time. "Hang on Scootaloo, I've got y-" She stopped mid-sentence, stunned as she remembered that this Scootaloo could fly. "Oh."

Ranbow looked at Scootaloo for a moment, their wings beating in sync as they hovered. "Wow, you've really grown," she deadpanned, really taking her in for the first time. "How long was it since you met Sweetie Belle and Applebloom?"

Scootaloo tapped a hoof to her chin. "Jeez, about... eleven years, I guess?"

Rainbow winced, suddenly feeling a mix of loss and awkwardness. She didn't like it one bit, so she quickly changed the subject. "Uh, the others are still falling - shouldn't we try to help them?"

Scootaloo shook her head. "Nah, they've got it. Take a look."

Suddenly, music filled the air, and Setton arose on a glorious pair of ebony feathered wings. A loud pop and a flash alerted them to Twilight teleporting to the ground.

The Beast, on the other hand, made no attempt whatsoever to halt his descent, opting to land on one knee with his branches extended like prison bars around him. He skewered no less than twelve Twimberwolves, who whined pitifully as they were impaled.

The pegasi winced at the sight, but Scootaloo realized something. "What happened to Lee?" she wondered around.

Setton's wings suddenly caught aflame. "Son of a BITCH!" he shouted angrily.

Something else filled the air as Lee came into view. Bass was set into some kind of motorcycle with wings, which seemed like –

"Oh, of COURSE Bass is on fire! Warn me the next time you force him to play heavy metal!" Setton ranted, his wings now blackened and leathery. Fortunately, he managed to stay in the air despite the pain of the sudden shift.

"Oi, I can't help it if it was the first thing that came to mind!" Lee shot in his defense.

"Like a vehicle mentioned in ONE dream sequence in The Rapture Logs was the FIRST thing you thought of," Setton retorted bitterly.

The pegasi blinked, then looked at each other. "We'll meet you guys on the ground," managed Scootaloo. They flew down to the tree line and found Twilight sitting in an oak, eying something in the forest intently. Hearing their wing beats, she looked up and motioned them over.

"What is it with you and trees?" Rainbow quipped as they settled into the canopy. Twilight shushed her absentmindedly as she pointed to what she was staring at.

Six mares and a dragon were almost at the clearing The Beast had created. Scootaloo's eyes drifted over to the Fear, who was casually dusting himself off and retracting his branches from the injured Timberwolves. Those that could ran away as fast as their wooden legs would take them. The Beast ignored them and idly pulled out Aniland, playing a few chords on the guitar controller. Satisfied that the fall had no effect on the eldritch weapon, he slung it over his shoulder and turned to see the ponies (and dragon) approach.

The Beast cocked his head to one side as he regarded their approach. The white one seemed to be arguing with someone. "...I merely ask that my schedule not be muddied by so many last minute excursions."

The yellow one mentioned she left several corpses in her backyard, and that she also wanted to get this over with.

If The Beast had eyebrows, one of them would have lifted in a mix of amusement and confusion. He had assumed the first thing he would have heard as they came into view was "What the fuck is that thing?!" followed by general panic, shooting wildly into the air, tripping over one another to flee – which was the usual greeting he received from those who he hadn't met before.

Perhaps they merely haven't noticed me yet, he reasoned, and waited patiently for someone to notice the faceless, seven and a half-foot tall eldritch abomination standing in front of them.

"Uh, guys? You might want to se this." His gaze shifted to the dragon, whose face was focused on his *lack of a* face. They regarded each other for a moment before they glanced to the mares expectantly.

They were spectacularly ignored.

The Beast bent down for a closer look. Strange - this one appears to be more observant than the others. It appears this creature is the only one who has his wits about him. He idly looked over to note the ponies wrapped up in their own devices. If something like me fails to faze them, they must be incredibly brave, powerful...or dim.

He shifted his gaze once more to the dragon, who was currently inches away from him. Spike's gaze was still on the ponies.

"Guys? Um..." here Spike noticed their proximity, as he finally turned around again. "Hi there?" he offered meekly.

The Beast had to give him credit. This 'dragon' has held his ground longer than most, even if he is trembling in terror.

The Beast spoke. "Hello. If my sources are correct, your name is 'Spike', is it not?" The chatter at the edge of the clearing cut out faster than the trapdoor under Guy Fawkes.

Spike swallowed, and mustered as much courage as he could. "S-so what if I am?" he asked, obviously terrified of the response.

The Beast eyed him carefully, certain he had the mares' attention. "Then I know the name of the only sensible creature here," he said loudly. "Would you mind pointing me in the direction of the nearest town, o sensible one?"

A heavy dose of sarcasm would be expected at those last words, but shockingly, The Beast gave none, as he legitimately saw Spike in that light. He may have used this as a cheap shot at the mares, but he meant the dragon no disrespect – something all seven of them were not accustomed to.

Native Twilight’s eye twitched, but she tried to stay calm. “That’s the reason we’re here – to lead you into town. Exactly how much do you know about Equestria, anyway?” she wondered.

The Beast shrugged. “Very little. All I know are a few names, such as his,” he half-lied.

Native Twilight sighed. “Then would you mind watching the slideshow?” she asked.

The Beast looked around for a moment, before responding. “Do you mind if I call my companions?” Without waiting for an answer, he looked up and shouted, “LEE RICHARDS. SETTON STONE. STOP DICKING AROUND UP THERE AND COME DOWN!”

There was silence for a moment before the two gracefully crashed into a nearby tree. Bass, now in his regular bipedal form, performed a quadruple backflip and landed on Fluttershy’s back. Lee and Setton flopped down under the gaze of all present. Setton looked around curiously. “Anyone see where Silias went off to?”

Silias then poked his head from Pinkie’s mane, looking around in utter confusion. “…I have no idea how, but I landed in her hair on the way down. Speaking of which, thanks for the save,” he said, nodding to Pinkie.

“You’re welcome!” she said happily. She waited for him to get out of her mane before she started bouncing in a circle. “Yay! Four at once! That hasn’t happened to us in a while!”

Fluttershy reminded them that Rarity was a mega-whore and ‘four at once’ was par for the course to her.

Silias stared at the pegasus for a good long while. He went over to Setton and turned him around with him. With their backs to the ponies, Silias asked, “Fluttershy is a smartass? Why didn’t you mention this to me?”

Setton looked a bit shell-shocked. “I had no idea about that, believe me.”

Silias looked over his shoulder at the pegasus for a brief moment. “You’re supposed to be our expert on these ponies, and you didn’t know we’d be dealing with a potential Flutterbitch?”

Setton stared at him for a beat. “You do realize you just referenced an actual, yet slightly obscure, meme, right?”

“Wait, what?” For indeed, Silias had no idea what Setton was talking about.

Setton shook his head and turned them back around. “Nevermind. I suppose we’d better see that slideshow,” he said with a sigh.

---

The projector clicked off. “And that’s the basic information about Equestria,” Native Twilight finished.

They were in a dark, clammy, and seedy looking room, an atmosphere one might attribute to a sex dungeon or the (stereotypical) brony habitat. Silias frowned - at the presentation, because he’d been in worse rooms before. “That’s it? Isn’t there some sort of shady underbelly to this world – like some sort of long-ranging sub-plot that, once you know of it, it makes a visually diabetic world into something darker, richer in development, maybe a subtle little bit of Nightmare Fuel?”

Native Twilight’s turn to frown. “Not that I know of,” she admitted.

Setton turned to Lee, shaking his head. “Next time you lead us into a stretch of the multiverse, make sure to land in Adventure Time. Don’t get me wrong, this is nice for a change of pace, but I’d actually prefer combating some weird creatures over this,” he confided under his breath.

Native Rainbow Dash overheard this last sentence and crossed her arms indignantly. “Okay, tough guy: ever face a manticore? Or a cockatrice? Have you ever even seen a Hydra with your own eyes?”

Silias got up in her face and matched her tone. “Have you ever been attacked by a swarm of spidercats, get chased by Nyarlothep the Eldritch Bear, or go toe to toe with a Carbra?”

“…”

“…”

They stared at each other in silence. Pinkie cut the tension with a knife and made a sandwich with it.

“…”

“…”

“Swap stories over coffee?”

“I could go for an espresso.”

Twilight tried to stop them, but it was in vain. They left the room, already deep in conversation. After a moment, she shrugged and muttered something about changing protocol.

Lee cleared his throat. “Anyone else find that a little abrupt?” he asked what was left of the room.

Pinkie popped out of his coat’s collar, startling the hell out of him. “I think it was the author’s attempt to rile up some shippers,” she giggled innocently.

Lee eyed her as his heart rate tried to stabilize. “Speaking of possible shipping…” he started.

Twilight cut him off before he threatened the fourth wall. “Okay, before we do anything else, we just need you guys to take a simple test. It’ll tell us if it’s safe for you to be in Ponyville, but we just need to get some paperwork from the other room.”

Lee looked over at Setton and the Beast, neither of which objected to this request. “That fine, we’ll simply wait here,” he told Native Twilight.

---

A mint green unicorn made her way into the building. I know those humans went in here…

This line of thought was shattered when she bumped into someone. “Twilight!”

The pony in question dusted herself off. “Oh, hey, can’t talk now Lyra – I have to go find Lyra…”

"..."

Twilight facehoofed. “On second thought, forget what I said.”

Lyra looked at her oddly before a wide grin took hold. “You want me to talk to those humans, don’t you?”

Twilight nodded. “That’s what we always need you for. Just…don’t go too overboard, okay?”

“Since when have I ever gone overboard?”

Twilight’s eyes narrowed. “Remember what happened last Thursday?”

“…”

“…”

“Okay, fine. I won’t ask them to help with any power tools this time.”

---

When the mare entered the room, Setton recognized the look in her eyes. He had seen it on their Twilight several times before, and his mind shifted to the name Lyra Heartstrings. The infamous hands obsession, and the rumored humanophilia that came with it. One look confirmed this was that same pony.

“I may be a brony, but I have standards.”

With this, he promptly jumped out of a plate-glass window.

Lee raised a brow before remembering the fic that got them into this mess. He had taken the liberty of finishing Dawn of the First Day while they were walking, and it wasn’t too long before he began to draw a similarly terrifying connection – albeit one made in complete ignorance of the mare’s identity. Lee desperately wiped all reaction to this from his face, because he didn’t want to jump to conclusions. Or at least, through a shattered window.

Lyra looked a little hurt at Setton’s *exit*, but she shrugged this off quickly, shifting her attention to Lee. “…okay, then. What’s your name?”

“Lee Richards, at your service,” he said with a bow and a smile. He and Lyra both picked up on his choice of words quickly, eliciting fear and excitement, respectively.

Lyra smiled sultrily. “I’m Lyra Heartstrings – and I’d be glad to take you…up on that.”

Lee looked at The Beast, his gaze saying “help me”.

“You’re new in town, right?”

Suspicious nod.

“So you need a place to sleep?”

Another suspicious nod from Lee.

“Well, you can always stay with me…” Lyra practically purred.

Lee looked over to The Beast, who was viewing this with a mix of amusement and interest. “You would offer your home to us on the spot?” he asked her with a ‘straight face’. Turning to Lee, he spoke in a half whisper. “That is a generous offer, is it not?”

Lee stopped. Well, we do need a place to stay the night. Perhaps she’s offering us solace for the sake of charity, even if she seems a little too interested in you…

“Well, I’m not really sure…” A thought struck him abruptly. May as well see where she’s going with this. “How would we pay you, anyway? We don’t seem to have any money…”

Lyra started waving a hoof dismissively before she stopped it mid-swing. Looking from it to Lee, the look from earlier intensified. “Maybe if I asked you to let me use those…marvelous hands of yours…that would count as my payment.”

That all but cemented Lee’s suspicions. “Sorry, but no. I have a feeling whatever you’d need hands for that you – as a unicorn – couldn’t do yourself seems dodgy.”

Lee was certain that she wanted a little something he wasn’t prepared to give a pony. Sadly, he was right for the wrong reasons.

The Beast simply looked at her in interest. “He has a point there. Why would you want his hands, anyway?”

Lyra seemed to notice him for the first time – and by extension, his lack of a face. She quickly averted her gaze to Lee. “Let’s just say, I reeeeeeeealy want those hands. Or any pair for that matter – I just want a set for my own.”

Here Lee finally got what she was requesting.

“Don’t take this the wrong way, I’m just going to follow Setton out of the window, m’kay?”

Before he could move two steps, Twilight popped up from behind a one-way mirror, and the others appeared as well.

Lee facepalmed. “Holy shit, I’ve just been on an episode of ‘Punk’d: Equestria’, haven’t I?” he said with a forced laugh.

Lee clapped his hands, making a big show of it. “That was impressive, really. Clever prank – have a pony actor pretend she has a psychotic obsession with hands, then have her meet humans,” he stopped and indicated The Beast, “and an humanoid eldritch abomination, and give one hell of a performance. I was told Rainbow Dash had a flair for pranking, but that one takes the cake. Bravo, all. Bravo.”

Fluttershy told him it wasn’t a prank.

Lee acted as if he hadn’t heard her. “Hey, Pinkie: You mentioned throwing a ‘Welcome’ Party? Would you like any help to coordinate that?” he asked, turning to the pony in an attempt to get the hell away from the mint-green unicorn.

If there was any nervousness in his voice, Pinkie didn’t seem to pick up on it, as she responded in her usual bubbly manner. “I’d love the help!” She took him by the arm. “Okie dokie lokie! We’ll take the express route!”

And they dove into a cactus.

The Beast shrugged. “I’ve seen stranger things in my day,” he said to no one in particular. He turned back to Lyra, who was still staring at him. “You seem familiar, Lyra Heartstrings. Have we met before?”

Lyra looked at him oddly. “Can’t say that I have. Why?”

The Beast peered at her. “…no particular reason…” he said slowly.

He turned back to Native Twilight. “Would someone mind explaining what just transpired?” he asked, jerking a thumb in Lyra’s direction.

Rarity rolled her eyes. “Lyra here is supposed to disgust the *decent* humans that arrive – that was the entire purpose of the test. Her behavior is quite uncouth, I’ll admit, but her strange obsession for humans has helped sort out the unruly ones.” The other mares rolled their eyes at the hypocrisy. Rarity’s own behavior was never truly short of ‘uncouth’ – if anything, she’d done kinkier and stranger things than Lyra ever did.

The Beast manipulated his branches to approximate raised brows. “Let me guess: if either of her obvious obsessions failed to disturb the new arrivals, they would fail the test. Correct?” A nod from the mares confirmed this, which opened the floor for his follow-up query. “In that case, Silias has yet to take your citizenship test. Would that imply he has to meet this pony before being allowed free roam in your village?"

Applejack put a hoof to her chin. “I don’t reckon he’ll be a problem, in my opinion, but you raise a fair –"

She froze as The Beast registered a strange sensation on his thumb.

Lyra was firmly secured to The Beast’s finger, dangling when he lifted his hand to eye level. Applejack stared at this in disbelief. The Beast obviously acknowledged Lyra’s position, and what she was doing, but he merely moved his hand around curiously.

“Uh, you don’t really seem creeped out by any of Lyra’s…Lyra-ness,” Applejack deadpanned.

The Beast gave her a level gaze. “I have seen a world populated by five foot tall gingerbread men who consume and use the remains of humans for furnishing materials. I have seen a living Omen who restores itself with the flesh of the damned. And I have seen a cockroach with the head of the Nazarene fight with a keyboard that can alter and manipulate reality with a single note.”

He turned his head in Lyra’s direction briefly before continuing. “I am neither surprised nor alarmed to meet a unicorn – with a pastel coloration no less – harboring an obsession with humans and their hands, who decided to affix herself to my thumb by means of her mouth. I am only curious as to how she has managed to keep such a secure hold in this manner without using her teeth.”

The silence was deafening.

“One may argue that I have ‘failed’ in accordance to the parameters of your test to determine which humans are ‘safe’ for your society.”

The Beast waved it off – in literal terms, as Lyra was sent flying into the furniture. Wiping his hand off on his pant leg, he calmly stated, “But they would be wrong: This world is much more peaceful than my own and I have no reason to disrupt this peace…in addition to the fact that I am not human. Remember that well.' Making his way to the door, he waved to the stunned mares, with Lyra lying in a pile of debris.

Her head rose weakly from said pile. “Like I could make that mistake,” she slurred, and promptly passed out.

---

“…and that’s how we defeated Nightmare Moon,” Native Rainbow Dash finished.

Silias leaned back in his seat. They were seated at a booth in Hay Burger, and several patrons were enjoying their meals around them. Silias was not too surprised to find hay based foods in an equine society, but he was sorely tempted to try some of the hay fries Rainbow was munching on. However, he had to remind himself that he couldn’t eat them, and satisfied himself with his coffee. He would have preferred to have something more substantial, but he was unsure what he *could* eat, and decided against playing Stomach Roulette.

He sipped his coffee as he mulled over her story. “What you’re telling me is – you weaponized friendship, blasted a millennia-old demigod with it, and now she’s helping run your kingdom?” He chuckled darkly. “Wonder if it would’ve had that effect on Cockroach Jesus if he ever turned up here.”

Rainbow was interested. “Cockroach Jesus? Who the heck is he?”

Silias took another sip, considering his words. “Was. Cockroach Jesus was quite a character. Book of Revelations didn’t lie when it said The Lamb would return in the end times as a conqueror.” He looked her in the eyes. “Only that bastard was like none you’ve ever seen.”

Rainbow was extremely skeptical of this, so Silias was forced to come up with a metaphor.

“Picture this: let’s say for the sake of argument, that you represent Cockroach Jesus, and each hay fry you’ve eaten represented a universe, one of dozens in a greater multiverse. Let’s say that with each fry, you’re left wanting more, and by the time you come to your senses, you’ve been left with nothing left on your plate. Your stomach grumbles, and you realize that it wasn’t enough – you’re still hungry. So you search for more to sate your hunger.

“Now what if I was to tell you that, while you’re eating these universes, you can go in and visit each and every one, even the one you’re consuming? And what if I told you that while you’re consuming these universes, the inhabitants could also traverse to the universes you already ate?”

He paused to catch his breath, and had a sip of his coffee as he did so. Rainbow looked at her plate thoughtfully, trying to wrap her head around the concept. Silias noticed this and gave her a moment to process it all before he continued.

“Essentially, that sums up what Cockroach Jesus was in the cosmic scheme of things. The worst part of it was, those universes would keep existing after being consumed, and traveling between them would be as simple as taking a wrong turn down an alleyway,” he finished.

Rainbow Dash stared, still trying to process all of this. “How would inter-universal travel be a bad thing, anyway? It just sounds like you’d have a bunch of new neighbors.”

Silias pinched the bridge of his nose, closing his eyes as forced himself to remain composed. “The Sweet Hours, The Camper Festival, The Factory, Dogscape, and The Planck. Each one of them was there, and…god, the shit that came through those Doors. Death and destruction on a global scale, and that was when the Doors hadn’t been fixed in place. If they were ever linked permanently, the entire jävlan human race would have lasted five months at best.”

Rainbow looked at him in shock, the implications of what he said leaving her speechless. Suddenly, she wasn’t hungry for her hay fries, and she pushed them away quietly.

Silias, out of concern, sought to calm her down. “If it makes you feel any better, those events only happened in one timeline. In a majority of them, like Lee’s, Rapture never started, and Earth’s been moving along none the wiser. And that walking joder was stopped, permanently.”

The Beast entered the restaurant calmly, holding the door for an elderly mare on his way in. “Bless you sonny,” she crowed, and the eyes of every pony in the building shifted over to them. Jaws dropped when they saw his lack of a face, towering figure, and branches closing the door behind him.

Silias smiled wistfully. “And he was the one who defeated Cockroach Jesus in single combat.” Rainbow Dash’s jaw, along with those of the ponies in the booths close by, dropped further.

Silias waved him over, and The Beast sat down wordlessly. A nervous waitress handed him a menu, and after scanning it for a moment, he simply ordered a cup of coffee. As the waitress moved to the coffee pot, The Beast cocked his head. “You seem to be taking this world of talking…ponies…rather well.”

Silias waved his hand dismissively. “We’ve both seen weirder things, and you know it. Like Beavis Superbear.”

The Beast put a hand to his chin as he placed the name. “Ah, one of the Knights of Xanadu. Surprisingly good at Guitar Hero for a living teddy bear,” he said detachedly.

Rainbow Dash’s eyebrow went up as she registered this. “A living teddy bear…was a knight in your world?” she said slowly, making sure she heard this right.

The Beast shifted his gaze to her. “A Knight of Xanadu, one of seven guitarists chosen to change the fate of the world. Granted, their duels led to the furthering of Rapture, but they were each powerful in their own right."

Silias smiled. “The Beast was also a Knight of Xanadu, but that didn’t mean that he got along with the others.”

The Beast’s body language was deadpan. “The bear ended up with his head impaled on Aniland, and you merely state I didn’t get along with him?"

Rainbow’s eyes were filled with shock, but she tried to focus on another aspect of the sentence. “What’s Aniland?”

The Beast reached behind him and placed it on the table. It looked mundane enough, being in the shape of a black Guitar Hero controller, but the air around it was tense with power, like in the middle of a thunderstorm.

Rainbow scoffed. “That’s Aniland? It looks like a toy.”

“Looks can be deceiving. For instance, your looks would suggest merely staring long enough would cause Type 2 Diabetes, but I have learned from several sources that you are supposed to be the fastest flier in this world, capable of breaking the sound barrier.”

Rainbow wasn’t sure whether this was an insult or a compliment, but something told her to accept the latter.

Despite this, Rainbow leaned in. “And what makes you so special, anyways? All I see is some guy who had a run in with some acid or something.”

The Beast’s coffee finally arrived. “Thanks,” he said as he turned to the waitress. Shifting his attention back to Rainbow, he considered her for a moment. “Would you really like to know?" A flicker of hesitation was buried by bravado as she nodded.

The Beast placed his cup down. “Let’s start at the beginning: now, have any humans you met mentioned a creature by the name of the Slender Man?"

Rainbow thought back for a moment. “I think that name rings a bell. Creepy tall guy in the woods, supposed to steal kids, disembowel and impale humans, has tentacles coming out of his back and lacks a…face…” She connected the dots. “Wait, you’re Slender Man?”

“I *once* went by that name. But when I still did, I had a servant, one Rosa Scylus, who instead of wearing a mask like my other followers, fashioned a second skin of wood. One day, with the help of The Archangel, she had imprisoned me in the Planck level of Xanadu. As a result, Rapture began to come to Earth."

Silias chimed in. “The Planck was the deepest and most chaotic part of Xanadu, one that would drive the most rational creature insane in a manner of seconds.” He took a sip of his own cup before adding, “The Beast was in there for about three or four months.”

Rainbow Dash stared intensely at The Beast, unable to say anything to this.

The Beast examined her expression for a moment. “Out of concern for your mental health, that will be the end of this conversation,” his tone soft but final. He drank from his coffee solemnly, then looked down at his mug. “This coffee isn’t half bad.”

Draining it, he got the attention of the waitress. “I’d like to get another two of these to go: does this establishment accept human currency, or do I need to pay with the local variety?”

The waitress looked at the wallet in he held in one of his branches, then back to him. “Uh, I think five dollars exchanges to a bit, so ten dollars ought to cover it,” she deadpanned.

The Beast obliged, taking a fifteen out and handing it to her, indicating that the extra was her tip. Blinking, the waitress went over, prepared two coffees, and handed them to him. Taking his drinks in his branches, The Beast tipped his hat and exited Hay Burger, holding the door open for another elderly mare.

“What a nice young man,” she commented.

---

*Meanwhile at Sugarcube Corner*

Lee poked his head out from a mountain of streamers. “Should these go anywhere in particular?”

Pinkie giggled. “It’s your party, silly! Put them anywhere and everywhere!” She then bounced into the kitchen area to focus on the baking. Lee smiled to himself. “In that case…”

He grabbed several streamers, making sure to have one of each color, and wrote something on each one. He then spoke softly to them, and they fluttered into the air, circling around him. Lee followed their movements before pointing to the pile. In his best officer’s voice, he stated, “I hereby grant you authority over your brethren, which you shall use to make us proud.”

He pointed to the celing. “On this day, let it be known that the world’s first Streaming Airforce has provided the most impressive formations this town has ever seen! Now take to the air, lieutenants!”

The streamers he wrote on shot like jets towards the mountain, whipping the mass into the air in a whirlwind of colors. Soon individual streamers broke off into multicolored detachments, looping around one another in a surreal display of aeronautics before resting on various parts of the room. As the last one landed above the door, Lee sat down and marveled at the sight before him.

The Cakes had come into the room to see how the Silvertongue was faring when their jaws dropped. Cup Cake looked over to her husband. “Tell me you’re seeing this too,” she said in disbelief. Her husband stared, checking everything at least thrice over before wordlessly nodding his head.

The ceiling appeared to have disappeared, as if Sugarcube Corner had been exposed to the skies above.

Lee noticed their shock and followed their gaze. “Oh, this? Don’t worry – it’s only enchanted to look like the sky.” He tugged at a section of the empty air, and a strip came away to reveal the bakery’s ceiling, fully intact. “Just a harmless bit of magic. And streamers.”

Pinkie bounced in. “Okay, so the cupcakes are in the ovens, do you need any help with the – ooh!”

The Cakes waited as she inspected the ceiling. Pinkie poked at it expectantly, and the image wobbled slightly.

She looked at the streamer in Lee’s hands and made the connection. “Wow – you’re REALLY good with streamers! You should help me decorate more often!”

They watched her make her merry way back to the kitchen, before Lee made his way past the Cakes.

“Hold on a second.”

Lee paused halfway to the door.

“I thought humans didn’t have magic. How the hay did you do it?”

Lee looked thoughtful for a moment. “Your name is…Carrot Cake, right?” The stallion nodded. “Who had told you humans didn’t have magic?”

Carrot Cake looked at him curiously. “It’s…common knowledge, thanks to Twilight Sparkle and the Princesses. They checked personally, and revealed their findings to the public.”

Lee chuckled. “Well, they’ve never met a Silvertongue, now have they?”

Comments

[Twilight_Scratch]

Seems interesting...
I shall read this. Now.