The forces of Tartarus invade Equestria, now Twilight and friends must team up with a group of demon-hunters to stop them, but can they tolerate the groups questionable methods?
So are the Elements still going to go to Las Pegasus? Because if not, that'a going to invalidate a good portion of Sweetie Devil. In fact, these rewrites probably already created a need to rewrite the Sweetie Devil chapter where the Elements specifically leave for Las Pegasus from Ponyville.
My eyes burn as if they’ve been submerged in acid. There’s a heavy weight on my chest. I have a ringing headache, and I feel as if I’m about to vomit. Parting my eyelids makes the burning worse, so I blink them open slowly, bit by bit. The room is dimly lit. There’s no sign of haze, blur, or out of place objects. I’m awake, but am I safe?
You are now...I think.
“Please bring her back. Please bring her back.”
Spike?
My mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is made of sandpaper, and breathing is like inhaling a swarm of hornets. I shiver a moment before I’m able to force out, “Is it gone?”
He is now...bastard.
Spike’s head pops up and his teary eyes grow big. He stares at me in stunned silence and then gets a look of tortured relief.
“Oh, Twilight!” He lurches up and throws his arms around my neck.
Spike you may not want to-!
My body turns to wood and I feel like there are a dozen icy bugs crawling all over me. My heart palpitates like a rusty steam engine and I start to sweat. I try to push him away from me, but my hooves are as weak as wet parchment, and his claws are wrapped so tightly around me.
“I was so worried,” he sobs. “They kept saying you might not make it, but I knew they were wrong. I told them you’d wake up no matter what. I knew that—”
I summon magic to rip him off me by the tail. His damp smiling face goes flat as I set him down next to the grey pegasus.
Sorry Spike...but I think the last thin Twi needs is a hug.
“We’re so happy you’re awake,” says the agent. “You had us really worried for a second. Your wounds weren’t severe, but your breathing and heart rate was incredibly erratic. My name is Derpy, by the way, we’ve met a few times around Ponyville.”
I lean up in the bed and slump my rear hooves over the side of the mattress. I breathe in deeply and feel a stormy churning in my stomach.
“I—I need to be alone. Please leave.”
The grey pegasus is confused and Spike looks at me in shock. “Twilight, is there something wrong?”
“Just please, I need, hurg—”
Just go guys...please.
I hunch forward and press a hoof to my mouth. I vomit, splattering acidic chunks over my hooves. Spike gasps and moves forward like he’s going to touch me again. I levitate both him and the pegasus back towards the flap of the tent.
“Go! Just get out!”
Spike hesitates, but the pegasus takes him by the shoulder. She shakes her head, pulls the hood of her robes up, and leads him outside.
It'll be okay Spike.
I crawl forward along the ground, inadvertently dragging my stomach through the puddle of vomit. I groan in response. I find the leg of a table near the back of the tent, and I pull myself up, using the edge like a crutch to support my wobbly legs. I stand for a second, hyperventilating and digging a hoof into my drumming heart. No, it was just a dream, a really, really bad dream.
A very sick and depraved dream! Created by him!
I set my crown down and spy an oval-shaped metal basin filled with water next to the table. I stumble over in front of it and bury my face in the water. I rub down my face, my hooves, pour it over my back sending small tremors of pain through it. I run the water over my chest and drench the spots where I felt its hooves. No! That didn’t happen! It wasn’t real!
I don't know Twi....
It was just a dream. None of it was real. The demon might not have been real, but it felt real. I can still feel its breath burning in my ear, its venomous voice slithering in my mind, the feeling, no, I didn’t feel anything. That was horrific. Everything about that dream, that nightmare was wrong.
Nothing happened. I’m fine.
Your not fine Twilight.
Even as I think that I feel my hoof moving, almost subconsciously, down to the space between my legs. I feel something there, wet and gunky. My eyes squeeze shut and my hooves go stiff as metal. I pull my hoof out from beneath me, hold it in front of my face, and open my eyes. There’s a dripping white substance running down the tip of my hoof.
...
...
...
...
...
...
Say, Illumi, you wouldn't mind if I douse Asmodeous with a Kamehameha Blast, a Fire Dragon Flame Lotus Phoenix Sword, a Flame Lotus Exploding Flame Blade, and a Lightning Dragon Devolution Fist would you? Cause I think that's exactly what he needs...and much more .
My heart beats heavy and my breath starts racing. No, calm down. This doesn’t mean anything. I’m fine. I need to be fine!
You're far from fine Twilight....
“Princess Twilight?”
I scream at the new voice. I swerve to the tent flap and shoot a hoof towards the intruder. “I thought I said I needed to be al—”
My eyes widen at who it is. The grey earth pony I met at the Order HQ earlier. She takes one look at the scorched dissolving sheets behind me and then looks me dead in the eye. “I’m not even going to ask.”
“You—You’re Captain Octavia, right?”
“That is correct your majesty.” She bends her front hooves down and bows, grunting as if doing so causes her pain. I quickly tell her to rise and she assumes a more formal stance at attention, staring straight forward.
“You look like you’re in pain,” I say.
And your saying your not?
“I took an injury during the battle, but the healers have patched me up enough to stay on my hooves. They appear to have done a fine job on you as well, your majesty, considering you’re even able to stand after the beating you took.”
And the freaky seizure Asmodeous put you in!!!
“Your majesty?” she asks.
I lose balance and fall to the ground. I look up at her inhaling rapid panicked breaths. “On second thought, maybe we should move the council here. I don’t think I can handle walking through that.”
The Captain gives me a sneering look. “Your Majesty, if you are physically incapable that is understandable, but if it’s a matter of simple stage fright then you really should—”
“It is physical,” I nearly shout. “Just go, bring them here. I—I need a moment.”
I breathe heavily and look up at the Captain. She gives me a glaring vicious scowl that makes me feel five years old. “As you wish your majesty. I shall have them here shortly.”
Just give her a minute.
Why are those ponies even allowed to be out there?
I answer that question almost immediately, and immediately I regret asking it. Those ponies just lost their homes, their livelihoods, their friends, their families. They’re scared, and sad, and desperate, and looking for someone to guide them. I’m their only Princess now, and I just hid myself away from them as if they were a pack of rabid animals.
No wonder Octavia looked at me so harshly. I’m a terrible Princess.
Wrong, you just got your head screwed over that's all.
Have I really been intimidated by this demon so much that I can’t even function? No, I was fine all through the battle. I even kept my composure after the city was destroyed. I was holding it together until that dream, but it was just a dream. No one crumbles because of dreams. No one fears for their life because of a dream. No one gets sick to their stomach because of a dream. No one has an emotional breakdown because of a dream. No one sets a bed on fire and yells at their friends because of a dream.
I cover my head and lower my face to the ground.
Deep breaths Twi...in and out, in and out...
“The council is on their way, your majesty.”
The voice is deep, scratchy, and distorted like that of a changeling. I shriek at its intrusion and jump at the entrance horn flared. There’s an Order Agent in the tent. The hood of her robes is up and her face is hidden behind an impenetrable fog of shadow. She pulls back the hood and the shadows instantly vanish revealing Captain Octavia’s face.
“You may wish to do some breathing exercises or meditation,” she says. “Something to ease your mind before the council gets here.”
After what she's been through, she needs it.
I take several deep breaths before getting the strength back in my legs. “Sorry, this demon just has me on edge.”
It has all of us on edge!
Her tone softens. “Understandable, the books and newspapers do them little justice.”
Very little.
I look back at Octavia, who for once seems to be standing at attention, respectfully. “So, all these years in Ponyville, you were actually a member of the Order.”
“I’ve been with Order for nearly twenty years now, your majesty. I was only sixteen when I joined.”
That’s the bare minimum age to enlist with the military. “That young, what made you decide to do it?”
“Circumstance,” she replies. “My mother died giving birth to my sister, then years later my father was killed by a demon. I, with the aid of my sister, killed that demon in self-defense. The Order takes note of ponies who can do that without any training, and so I was offered a shot at becoming an agent. I didn’t really have anywhere else to go at the time, so I took it.”
Following in your parents footsteps.
I stare at her nervously. “How do you deal with everything you experience on the job? All the death and horror?”
She says nothing for a moment, staying strictly at attention. Then, in a slow voice, she says, “Wine helps, and so do cigarettes.”
“I chuckle nervously. “Okay, but say I don’t want to ruin my lungs, and I need to stay sober for the time being. What then?”
She silent for another long moment. “My advice is focus. Keep yourself as devotedly focused on the here and now, what needs to be done, and what you can do to accomplish it. Everything that’s in the past, or what’s out of your control, push that to the back of your mind. Kick it out of your mind if you can. Focus solely on what’s in front of you.”
I swallow a breath. “And, what if, you can’t help but think of things out of your control? What if, they’re consuming your thoughts so much you feel like you could crumble at the slightest touch?”
There’s silence for a long time. Octavia closes her eyes, then looks directly at me. “Canterlot was not your fault. You did everything you could to save that city. I can credit you that much.”
In times like this, those are good words of advice.
My eyes widen. “Oh, well if you have the experience you say you do, I see no reason to turn you down. Unless any member of the— my council has any objections.”
Everyone remains silent, though I do notice that both Captain Octavia and Commander Storm Stepper are giving the Duchess unkind looks.
“No objections your majesty,” Storm Stepper says.
I look at her a moment but don’t ask anything. “Right, well, in that case, consider the job yours Duchess Dagger-Heart. Whatever formalities there are in granting you this position I ask that we forgo them, as this invasion demands our immediate attention.”
“I concur,” says Prince Blue Blood. “As fond as I am for such formal ceremonies we have little time, and even fewer resources to spare for such luxuries.”
He steps toward me, stumbling and talking in a weird tone.
“Have you been drinking?” I ask.
“Only a little,” he says. “This whole catastrophe has not been easy for me.”
It has been on all of us.
“The situation extends far beyond that of Canterlot your majesty,” says Commander Storm Stepper. “Almost every major settlement in Equestria has reported enduring demonic attacks to varying degrees. From what we’ve pieced together it appears the more heavily populated areas were hit the hardest, while smaller towns received only minor attacks, or in some cases none at all. We’ve marked rough estimates of how many demons were spotted in each location on the map.”
I'm betting its a lot.
“We’re facing a national crisis beyond the scope of anything we’ve witnessed in our history,” says Duke Gold Standard. “Numbers are still coming in, but the death toll is already in the hundreds of thousands and will likely surpass a quarter of a million before the day is over. We have complete evacuations underway in Manehatten and what was formerly Canterlot, as well as partial evacuations in almost every other major city. We are pulling all available resources to send food and medical aid to wounded civilians, which have thankfully remained out of demonic capture with only a few exceptions. That being said, I would recommend that we focus aid efforts on moving the refugees of Canterlot to other settlements across Equestria, as without any pre-established infrastructure nearby, maintaining liveable conditions over such a long distance from surviving Equestrian settlements will quickly become infeasible.”
Got your work cut out for you don't you?
“Fortunately, the train systems have remained completely untouched from these demonic attacks,” says Gold Standard. “Assuming the tracks remain unmolested, and assuming no other complications arise such as breakdowns, fuel shortages, and the like, I would estimate about two weeks.”
Two weeks?!
“In all likelihood, we can count on it taking longer,” says Commander Storm Stepper. “My guards are spread thin in just about every area across the map. What few free soldiers I have are being moved towards crisis zones in the cities where demonic activity is out of control. There’s very little I can offer in order to protect these civilians should we choose to move them.”
Crap....
“I believe the Order is more than capable of guarding the civvies,” says Dagger-Heart. “Thanks to its subterranean location, the Order HQ stands as one of the few facilities to have survived the attack on Canterlot. There is still a vast reserve of demon hunting equipment and weaponry we can draw from, and more than enough agents to use them.”
“Weren’t you telling us all earlier about how nearly half of the Order agents in Canterlot were either slain or wounded in the attack?” asks Commander Storm Stepper.
In the second chapter, yes.
“We still have a formidable force outside awaiting my instruction,” says Dagger-Heart. “Besides, demons are the Order’s specialty. I don’t need to send as many ponies as you do to get the job done.”
Oi, watch it bucko!
She immediately breaks off her dispute with the Commander and beams at me. “Absolutely, your majesty. I’ll have agents on board the trains themselves, as well as several platoons watching from afar. They’ll spot any demonic threats approaching long before they can attack, and even if they make it through the trains shall be stocked full of dragon’s breath and holy water, with agents ready to fight to the death to keep everyone safe.”
Well, that's good.
“Our gravest concern at the moment is the city of Manehatten,” says Commander Storm Stepper. “It was by far hit the hardest out of any city in Equestria, save for Canterlot. Both the local guards and Order agents were overwhelmed by the vast amount of demonic forces that flooded the city. Many civilians and some military personnel managed to escape, but we believe there are still somewhere in the ballpark of one and half million ponies trapped within the city, under complete demonic control.”
Oh I don't doubt that.
The room is gripped with an unsettling silence. No one has to be told what this means. Mass murder, rapes, and horrors beyond anything I can imagine are likely occurring in that city by the hour. God help whoever’s trapped in there now.
I inhale a cold breath as I force up the courage to ask what scares me the most. “What about the demon that kidnapped Princess Celestia and Luna? Has there been any word on that?”
Celly...Lulu.
“Hold on,” Commander Storm Stepper says. “Lady Elusive, the demon was spotted in these locations at these exact times, your certain of that?”
Lady Elusive nods her head in a slow exaggerated manner while looking in Dagger-Heart’s direction, nearly clipping her head with her horn she gets so close.
Storm Stepper double checks the times and then looks up at me. “Your majesty, if these times are correct then the demon hit every major settlement in Equestria in less than three minutes.”
My eyes fly open as wide as wine goblets. “That can’t be possible, can it?”
“Not technically, your majesty,” says Duchess Dagger-Heart. “There are demons that exist which can teleport long distances through the use of rituals. Doing so at the pace at which Lady Elusive is presenting would require an extraordinarily powerful demon, but I’m certain there is little doubt that the particular demon we’re dealing with is of the most powerful variety.”
Yeah, about that....
“I dare say, this is all rather perplexing,” says Prince Blue Blood, who is now sitting in a large cushioned mahogany chair and ordering his wine goblet full again. “If this demon reduced our cherished Canterlot to such a state, then why did it not do the same with the more common cities?”
Good question.
“That, is anypony’s guess,” says Dagger-Heart. “Perhaps it was a special ability it was saving for an emergency, maybe Canterlot’s destruction factored into its plans. We have no way of knowing, and there are a dozen other factors that should take greater importance.”
“It might not have attacked the cities itself, but it’s possible that it may have led the armies of demons into them,” says Commander Storm Stepper. “If these timestamps are true then this demon arrived in each city mere minutes before the invasion started. It’s likely that this trail the demon blazed was the monster signaling its forces to attack.”
Possibly.
“That brings up something else that’s been bothering me,” I say. “How did these demons attack so suddenly in the first place? How did they slip by our lookouts? Why didn’t we get an earlier warning?”
There’s a burrowing silence among all the councilors. Storm Stepper and Dagger-Heart avoid eye contact with me.
“We’re not sure your majesty,” says Dagger-Heart. “The nature of these attacks has been, puzzling.”
Very puzzling indeed.
“I wouldn’t jump to conclusions, Grandmaster.”
Every eye suddenly turns to Octavia. She’s been standing so quietly I almost forgot she was there, despite the fact she’s literally right beside me, glaring at the map like it’s a target for a bow.
Duchess Dagger-Heart looks at the Captain with a vicious gleam in her eye. “Captain, I didn’t even notice you were still here. You do realize that eavesdropping dropping on the royal council is a treasonous offense?”
Not the time guys.
Octavia gives a small bow to me and then turns toward the map. “Grandmaster Dagger-Heart is correct. If the demons were organizing on such a mass scale we would’ve noticed almost immediately, however, I find it highly unlikely that they were organizing. There are simply too many signs of disorder and poor planning on their part for this to be any kind of organized affair.”
“And these signs of disorder would be?” asks Storm Stepper.
“When I was on the ground in Canterlot the demons had overrun the downtown section of the city. They had the area under their complete control, with numerous civilians to kill and multiple ways they could’ve dug in and laid traps for us. They never did though, in fact, once my squad arrived almost every demon in the area had fled, despite having a clear upper hand.”
They most certainly did, and yet....
“If this demon was intent on destroying Canterlot regardless it would’ve made sense for them to leave?” says Dagger-Heart.
“Then why have lesser demons attack the city at all?” says Octavia. “The big demon was clearly in a league of its own, it took down three Alicorn Princesses at the same time. If it wanted to destroy the city it wouldn’t have needed help.”
Very true.... There was something else going on.
Duchess Dagger-Heart goes silent after that.
“It also doesn’t explain the fact that similar scenes were reported all throughout Equestria,” the Captain continues. “In almost every attack the reports were the same, fierce assaults at the beginning, only for the demons to suddenly turn tail and flee while they still had an advantage. The only exceptions to this were the fights in the city where it was clear at a first glance that the demons outnumbered the military by a large margin.”
“It is a rather strange occurrence,” says Duke Gold Standard. “But it doesn’t quite disprove organization Captain.”
Maybe.
“It’s one of many strange occurrences,” says Octavia. “You mentioned earlier that our supply stores have remained for the large part untouched, despite the fact that most of them were in the cities where demons attacked. Our rail lines are also still going, despite being completely unguarded. The courier routes are also still going, we are getting messages back forth through the cities and not a single pegasi has reported being ambushed by demons.”
“What are you trying to get at Captain?” asks Dagger-Heart.
“She’s saying these demons don’t know what the hell they’re doing, and I’m starting to agree with her,” says Commander Storm Stepper. “When you go to war, you don’t just ram headlong into the enemy’s ranks, you cut off their supply lines, you block their communication, you steal their supplies and burn what you can’t use, you cripple their ability to fight until they can’t fight anymore. And as the Captain has been pointing out, these demons haven’t been doing any of that.”
Eenope, they have not.
“Exactly,” Captain Octavia says. “And if you want further proof then look at Cloudsdale. That city had a massive amount of demons assaulting it, yet during that entire time, not one attempt was made on the weather machines. Those production facilities could’ve thrown our entire ecosystem into chaos, yet the demons didn’t even try.”
Dagger-Heart glares at Octavia. “Okay Captain, so if these demonic attacks weren’t organized if this isn’t anything less than an invasion, then what is it? I fail to see any other logical conclusion here.”
“When you have eliminated all which is impossible, then whatever remains, however improbable, must be the truth.”
Hmmm....
I sit straight up and gape at the Captain. “Did, you just quote Sherlock Hooves?”
The Captain glances at me and gives me a sideways grin. “There’s one detail in this that I believe might point to a better explanation, and that’s the initial ferocity with which the demons attacked. When my squadron first arrived on the field, every demon in the area launched themselves frantically, I’d go as far to say suicidally at us. This, of course, is not in character for demons. They’re ferocious to be sure, but they’re not stupid. If they’re in a predicament in which they know they can’t win, then they won’t try. Yet, just as before, what my squadron experienced was not an abnormality. Every squadron of agents and every troop of guards reported that the demons were reckless in their initial attack, almost like didn’t care if they lived or died.”
I see....
“So how do you explain this Captain?” asks Commander Storm Stepper.
“What if the demons didn’t actually want to fight, but instead, were forced to.” Captain Octavia puts her down on the map, right in front of the big demon Lady Elusive placed on Canterlot. “We already established that this large demon was spotted right before each and every attack. What if he wasn’t signaling an attack, but instead causing it. It’s possible, that it could’ve been using its vast amounts of power to make the demons in these areas more aggressive, bloodthirsty, and violent. In that case, these attacks wouldn’t be organized assaults at all, but closer to sudden spontaneous riots.”
“Can-can demons do that?” I ask. “Make other demons more aggressive just by getting near them?”
I wouldn't put it past them to do just that. Why else would that act that way when they attacked Canterlot?
“Yes, they can,” Duchess Dagger-Heart answers. “But it’s a rare ability and the idea of one demon causing an entire city to go berserk is, frankly insane. The only effects we’ve ever been able to document showed only minor increases in hostility, and only on a single subject, and only after several minutes of intensely focused eye contact. What the Captain is describing is beyond absurd.”
“And yet, it is the only theory put forth so far that explains every peculiarity,” Duke Gold Standard says, tapping a hoof to his chin and staring down as he speaks. “Sparing our infrastructure would be an irredeemable offense for an invading army, but a more understandable one for a chaotic disorganized group.”
Eeyup.
“It would also explain how none of our soldiers noticed these demons moving until they attacked,” says Commander Storm Stepper. “As prepared as we were, I don’t think anyone considered the possibility that every demon in the cities would suddenly rise up and attack at the same time.”
“Not to mention the populations make sense,” says Prince Blue Blood. “As I recall, demons have a tendency to prefer more dirty and crowded areas such as the cities where they can blend in with all the rabble. If this vile demon used such an ability then it would only make sense that there would be more chaos in the more crowded settlements, such as Manehatten and Los Pegasus.”
Lady Elusive nods.
Duchess Dagger-Heart watches the room turn against her and swiftly adjusts her tone. “Well, even if this theory of the Captain’s is true, there is still the matter of what this demon will do next and how we should counter it.”
Now that'll be difficult.
“That is a much more difficult question to answer,” Storm Stepper says, rubbing her chin. “We still don’t have a clear picture of what this demon’s goals or motives are, which makes predicting its moves somewhat difficult.”
“Corruption,” Blue Blood states, swirling his wine goblet. “It wants to tempt the masses into embracing its sadistic pleasures and debauchery. If it wasn’t, I fear it would have incinerated the common ponies outside, and done things to my poor aunty Luna that… I can not bring myself to describe.”
There’s a noticeable shudder in his voice and he takes a guzzling swig of the liquor. Why do I suddenly feel bad for him?
Why shouldn't you?
“Princess Twilight.” Everyone turns toward the entrance of the tent where a guard peeks in through the flap. “There’s an agent from the Order outside who claims they have information on the demon that kidnapped the princesses. Should we let her in, your majesty?”
The whole tent collectively gawks at the timing. I shake the dumbfounded look off my face and respond, “If she has information then bring her in.”
The guard salutes and raises the tent flap a little higher. In scurries a short pony, her face concealed behind a black hooded cloak similar to Octavia’s. She bows to me and says excitedly in a distorted voice, “Your majesty, it is a great honor to be in your presence.”
“Oh shit,” Dagger-Heart says. “Your majesty, I’d suggest expelling this mare immediately.”
“W-Why? What’s the prob—”
“Oh hi Captain,” the agent says, waving to Octavia. “Didn’t expect to see you here.”
Octavia glares fangs at the mare. “Lyra. Bow. Now.”
“Oh right, sorry your majesty.”
“Wait a minute, Lyra?”
Lyra!!!
I motion the mare to rise and order her to pull down her hood. She does so and I confirm that yes, it’s the shaggy green unicorn I’ve been living next door to both in Canterlot and in Ponyville.
I stare at her for a moment before swerving to Octavia. “Was everyone in Ponyville sent to spy on me?”
“Guard you, your majesty.”
From what? Lyra?
“Hold on, Princess Luna assigned her to guard Princess Twilight?” Dagger-Heart asks, pointing to Lyra.
“Well, technically she assigned my squad, and Lyra happens to be a part of that squad.”
“And at no point did you consider that having a fucking psychopath near the princess could be a risk to her security?”
“I’m sorry, can someone please back up a few steps and tell me what the hay is going on right now?” I yell.
“Oh, it’s simple your majesty,” says Lyra. “Duchess Dagger-Heart is concerned that my past crimes of demon worship and occult murder make me unfit to serve you now, and Captain Octavia disagrees with her.”
“Lyra has a checkered past when it comes to demons, your majesty,” says Octavia. “But those experiences do make her one of the most knowledgeable minds on occult magick in the entire Order. If she has information on this demon, I would listen to her.”
Who else but Lyra?
“Checkered past? She’s still out of her Luna damned mind!”
“Shut up!” I shout.
Leave Lyra alone!!!
I rub the sides of my head and breath in a mountain of air to calm me down. “Okay, Lyra, please tell us this information you have before my mother walks in wearing Order robes and I have an aneurysm.”
Before I blast the ones who insulted you into the sky!
“When I first saw that demon fly over Ponyville, I didn’t want to believe it. I knew right away who it was, but my mind refused to believe, in fact, I still don’t completely believe it. Which is why when I heard you got an up-close look at it, I knew you had to be the one to confirm this.”
She slides the tome towards me as she continues to flip the pages. I sneeze and shield my nose from the dust.
“You fought this demon yourself,” Lyra continues. “You got a better look at it than anyone else in this tent, so I’m hoping you’ll recognize this better than anyone.”
She stops flipping the pages and points her hoof at a large image on the paper. “Your majesty, is this the demon that you and the other Princesses fought?”
I wave the remaining dust particles out of my face and look down at the page. There’s a tiny paragraph of text written in one of the ancient languages and above that a large image of a bipedal creature, with limbs like that of a lizard and a chest like that of a rhino. Wings of fire spread out behind it. Its head is flat like that of a serpent with twisting gnarled horns growing out the back corners, and between them floats a halo of fire.
Its eyes. The eyes almost look like they’re spiraling on the page, exactly how they did when it attacked us in the sky when it invaded my dream when it tricked me into…
I look away with a crushing weight in my lungs. “Yes, that’s the demon. That’s the one we fought.”
And the one who mind raped you!
I push the image away so its eyes aren’t looking at me. Lyra stares down at the page with a fervent smirk and presses a trembling hoof on the page. “That confirms it then. I’m still having trouble believing it, but there’s no way I can deny it now. The demon that attacked Canterlot, is none other than the Crown Prince of Lust, Asmodeus himself.”
The source of all this evil!
“Asmodeus,” I repeat in a trepid voice. “You mean, the fallen angel Asmodeus? One of the six that fell with Lucifer himself, Asmodeus?”
“And made up his inner circle along with the other Crown Princes of Hell. Yep, that’s the one,” Lyra answers in a tone far too casual for the answer.
I slump down against the back of my seat and press a hoof to my chest. Why is it so hard to breathe?
“She’s gone mad,” Dagger-Heart says. “She was mad before, but she’s off her damn rocker now. None of the Crown Princes have stepped hoof, or talon, or whatever outside of hell since the beginning of recorded history. The only way we even know of their existence is because of the texts of the ancient ones.”
“Which this very book happens to have been written by,” Lyra responds. “Don’t believe me? See for yourself.”
She levitates the open text over to the Dagger-Heart, shoving the dusty pages in her face. “You can read the old languages, right? Tell us, what does that paragraph below the image say?”
The Duchess flattens the book on the ground and scans the paragraph in question, her face drooping further into horror as she does. “Sadism; the most feared and dangerous form of the Crown Prince of Lust, Asmodeus.”
And there you go...when Lyra has something important to say...listen.
“It’s not possible,” she says. “A demon this powerful has never appeared before in Equestria. Even in the age of brimstone, when all were enslaved to the demons, no one has ever seen a demon like this.”
“No demon has ever trounced three Alicorn Princesses at once before either,” Storm Stepper says quietly.
I lower my head behind my folded hooves. Its voice is in my head, clawing my brain, threatening my friends. You’re safe here. You’re safe here.
“This leaves us no other options than,” says Duchess Dagger-Heart. “We go with my earlier suggestion and pursue Asmodeus with the Elements of Harmony.”
“God no!” My head snaps up and I flap my wings to stop myself from falling over.
Every counselor looks at me in stunned silence. I try my hardest to slow my hammering heartbeat and respond in a composed manner. “I—I mean, don’t you think we should be more cautious with this Duchess Dagger-Heart? The Elements are our last line of defense. If we lose that, we lose everything.”
True, but that this point, you have no choice.
“She’s right,” says Blue Blood, speaking a little louder than normal with eyes of tearful anger. “If we don’t act quickly this bastard is only going to cause more problems and I might never get to see my poor aunties again.”
There’s a sound of shattering glass and Blue Blood looks down like he just noticed the wine bottle he broke. He waves to his servant again, who already has a fresh bottle to give him.
“There is also the practical applications to consider,” says Duke Gold Standard. “The demons have usurped control over vast portions of the cities. Engaging them in direct combat could last months and cost us thousands in terms of lives and resources. If the elements were to be deployed however, we could instantly force the demons out and drastically cut down the loss of life.”
Lady Elusive conjures another image on the map with her magic, this one showing the symbols of the elements, striking down the figure of Asmodeus together.
“It appears that Lady Elusive agrees with me as well,” says Dagger-Heart. “Perhaps your majesty, would heed the advice of her council and reconsider the use of the elements?”
Twi, what other method could you possibly use to defeat this guy?
All eyes turn back to me. I fidget in my seat. “Couldn’t we try something else first before we risk it? Uh, maybe we could call in Princess Cadence and Shining Armor. Their love magic would probably be just as effective in dealing with Asmodeus as the elements.”
“Doubtful,” says Commander Storm Stepper. “Their magic is powerful, yet even a lesser threat like King Sombra was able to withstand it. It would be incredibly unlikely for it to have any more effect on a Crown Prince. The Crystal Heart might prove to be a more effective weapon but that would also leave the Crystal Empire vulnerable, right as a massive demonic attack is occurring. I know that Prince Shining Armor is your brother and that you are also extremely close with Princesses Mi Amore, but they have an obligation to secure the Crystal Empire to the fullest extent of their abilities, an obligation they are not going to abandon during an emergency like this; besides, from everything I’ve heard about the Heart, there’s a reasonable doubt that it would even work outside the Crystal Empire.”
Sorry Twilight but that options out.
“What about—What about Discord? He could probably take a shot at it.”
This suggestion is met with a chorus of groans from all around the table. I think I heard Octavia grumble something under her breath.
“Discord, is next to useless in fighting demons, your majesty,” says Commander Storm Stepper.
“W—Why?” I ask. “He’s one of the most powerful magic users in the entire world.”
“That’s exactly the problem,” says Dagger-Heart. “Princess Twilight, do you remember after the battle, when the demon was taking Princess Celestia and Princess Luna away? You attempted to cast an extremely powerful spell, but succumbed to a seizure and fell unconscious.”
Because you left yourself open.
“Anyway, this is a common ability among demons that’s used specifically to target magic users,” she explains. “When someone casts a spell they lower certain defenses in their mind which these demons can exploit by pumping in their own demonic magick. The result is an immediate neurological break down of the caster’s brain, such as what you experienced, your majesty.”
“In the case of unicorns it’s a simple matter of being cautious around demons, and using little to no magic around them,” says Storm Stepper. “However, in Discord’s case, well you’ve been around him, they guy radiates magic twenty-four seven. He’s constantly levitating, zapping random things into existence, breathing life into inanimate objects, at times seemingly without even noticing what he’s doing. It’s possible that he might not even be able to switch off his magic even if he wanted to, which in turn makes his entire body one massive target for such demonic attacks. Even the weaker demons could easily take him down this way.”
That...actually makes a lot of sense!!!
“He’s also developed an understandable phobia of demonic entities because of said weakness,” says Duke Gold Standard. “It’s highly likely he would refuse outright to help us, that is if we could even locate him while there are such high numbers of demons at large.”
I don't doubt it either. I mean, I like Discord, but....
“Plus, it was only a month or two ago that he was still plotting to throw Equestria into eternal chaos,” says Prince Blue Blood. “Are you sure we want to send someone like that to fight monsters known for their ability to tempt and corrupt others?”
Yeah, I don't think everypony's ready to warm up to Discord just yet.
“Well, what other suggestions do you have your majesty?” asks Dagger-Heart. “Even if we were to clear out the other demons without the aid of the elements, we’d stand no chance against Asmodeus himself.”
I try to answer that. I dig and my brain for a single reasonable suggestion that could save Equestria without getting the elements involved, but I’ve got nothing. Dagger-Heart’s question goes unanswered and for a full twenty seconds, the room stays uncomfortably quiet. They do nothing but stare, and judge, and stare, and I struggle to stay straight in my seat.
“Princess Twilight,” Commander Storm Stepper says. “Is there a particular reason you’re so hesitant to bring in the elements?”
I swallow a heavy breath. I need to tell them. If that really was Asmodeus in my dream, then they need to know that he specifically threatened the elements. They’ll understand, they’re my council they’re supposed to have my back on this, no matter what. It probably won’t even leave this room. Yeah, I just need to tell them what happened. Just tell them.
I breathe in until my there’s a painful stretch in my chest and push the confession out slowly.
“During the fight above Canterlot, Asmodeus spoke of the other elements. He said that if they were to get involved he would come after them.” Just this much is already difficult, but I force myself to go further. “He threatened to rape them, hurt them in ways worse than…”
Oh Twi....
“Short-sighted and cowardly.”
Everyone turns to Captain Octavia, who stares me dead on with seething contempt in her eyes.
I hear Commander Storm Stepper’s voice trembling out of the stunned silence. “C-Captain.”
Octi!
“If you think keeping your friends hidden is going to save them you’re dead wrong,” Octavia continues. “Asmodeus is going to come after them regardless of whether they choose to fight or not. They’re the only ponies in Equestria that can pose any legitimate threat to him, and he won’t be content letting that threat roam about undisturbed. Hiding them away won’t change that and it won’t stop Asmodeus from slaughtering them at the first given opportunity.”
“Captain, enough,” says Storm Stepper.
“Furthermore, by hiding the elements away you’d be resigning the citizens of Equestria to horrific deaths at the claws of these demons. The elements could easily clear out the cities in a matter of weeks, and you’d choose not to do this simply to forestall a fight you can’t avoid. If that is not the epitome of cowardice I don’t know what is.”
Listen Octavia, I know that you're trying to get Twilight to see how much she's messing up right now, but watch. your. tongue!!!
“She was hig right.”
I turn to Blue Blood who looks at me with a dopey grin as he struggles to find balance in his seat. The other councilors stare at him in disgust, and in the case of Storm Stepper with contempt. “Your Highness, you’re drunk.”
“Now, now, hig hold on,” Blue Blood says, swiveling in his seat. “Don’t take that the wrong way. I would never higwish to imply that the lower classes have any hig right to speak in that manner to royalty, but the Captain was right. She was being a hig right bitch when she said it, I certainly would never have hig expressed it in such an insensitive and disrespectful manner, but the basic gist of what she said was hig true.”
He falls back in his seat and leans over the armrest, looking at me. “Your concern hig for those blue-collar friends of yours hig while noble in its intention is ultimately hig cowardly when you look at the bigger picture. We need hig our heroes in the fight, not in the—the—”
He looks off into space like he forgot what he was going to say. “Hig well, we need them like I need hig my fine vintage medicine.”
Bluey does have a point Twi..it doesn't matter if you keep the Elements away from Asmodeous, he still go in search of them anyway and pick them off one by one. The only chance you have is standing together as one...there's a reason why there's six Elements of Harmony, because all six Elements are needed to be Asmodeous! What you're planning will only help him in cutting off time for his search for them and taking them for his own after he's taken care of you...unless that is, he decides not to kill you and take you and the girls for his own carnal desires. But you see my point.
He looks off into space like he forgot what he was going to say. “Hig well, we need them like I need hig my fine vintage medicine.”
He claps his hooves and a servant diligently hands him another bottle of wine, which he sips down like a toddler with a milk bottle.
He’s an insufferable colt acting out some piggish fantasy of a stallion, and yet it pains me to admit that he’s right. Captain Octavia is right. I know they’re right. Yet, whenever I so much as think of my friends facing that monster I go numb in my legs and queasy with fear. I can’t have my friends go anywhere near that creature, I’d rather die myself before they did, but deep down, I know there’s no other way. It’ll find them regardless. It’ll enslave Equestria regardless. It’ll hurt everyone regardless until it dies.
The Elements need to fight. I don’t have a say in the matter. I have absolutely no control.
There is only one option...to fight him head on, together!!!
I clench my eyes shut and suck in the tears that were just crawling out. I sit straight up and stare to the center of the room, to the entire council. “You’re all correct. The Elements need to fight, and I’ll lead them in as soon as possible.”
Atta girl!!!
“Your majesty, where are you going?” asks Storm Stepper.
“To address my citizens.”
I throw open the tent flap and step out into the dimming mid-afternoon sun. The shield around the tent is still up, and there’s still a sizeable crowd vying for attention outside. Captain Octavia stands just outside the tent smoking a cigarette. She glares at me with those flaming eyes, but I pay them no attention this time.
I walk up to where one of the unicorn guards is standing, pooling their magic to keep the shield up.
“Lower the shield,” I command.
He turns to me with eyes widened. “Your majesty?”
“Do it.”
And here we go....
I take a deep breath to flush out the nervousness and speak a voice like thunder. “Ponies of Equestria, I am Princess Twilight Sparkle, and I vow to ensure that the destruction of your city, your homes, your families, does not go unanswered!”
9466517 I've written about this in some of the blog posts, but basically Sweetie Devil is getting a partial rewrite. Everything up to Alda's first appearance is being rewriten, and I'm currently sotting on four chapters which have already been rewriten, which will be released closer to the time when the stories are merged.
Yes, Octavia is a bit of a hardass in this story, but to be fair Twilight is sort of gonna need someone like that for what's to come.
Oh, and don't worry, Asmodeus will eventually get what's coming to him. In fact, to give you a better picture of what'll happen to him, well... maybe this song will be apropraite.
9469530 Jarring people out of the familiar would mostly center around the very first scene, with Twilight and Spike, to have them talk about something that wouldn't fit in the show. The show itself had a preacher-looking pony, so it's much less jarring to see something about religion tossed in.
The glimpse we got of Octavia showed her attitude, which was one of professional enthusiasm and adventurous problem-solving. That's completely incompatible with what we get here, and the problem with the argument is she comes across as demanding Twilight give up other pursuits to devote everything to defense immediately, when it's likely not necessary. She may not be intended that way, but that's how it read. Blueblood, from the glimpse we got, was inconsiderate of others and brash, which is compatible with how Octavia acts here. He'd also make a lot of sense as being out of the limelight because he's busy with Order stuff, seeing social niceties as trivial as he's got a nation to help defend.
As for the demons, the problem is doing that to so many ponies, and without getting caught prior to the trap, requires extreme organization and usage of resources. It'd make more sense if, instead, things were piecemeal, that when they'd stop one group of demons, another would spring up somewhere else to do similar, but not quite the same, things. Celestia wouldn't've been able to keep up with the "brush fires". Their disorganization and consequent disconnectedness would be an advantage, as one group wouldn't be able to reveal info about another. In the end, after decades, not a single descendant would be left.
9470332 The show does have one or two characters that appeared in what looked like traditionally religious garb, but it has always given the subject of religion itself a wide berth. The closest it ever got to discussing religion in general was with the Pinkie sense, and it has never given any indication that any of the Abrahamic faiths existed in Equestria. Going from that to an unambiguous account of Lucifer falling from heaven should be more than enough to distinguish this from cannon.
I think we'll have to agree to disagree on Octavia's personality, although I'll admit I could've been clearer on what her argument was this chapter, as well as the context in which she was making.
That suggestion about the demons sounds good actually, I think I'll right that in at some point.
This chapter isn't bad exactly, but it's over 11k words and hardly anything happens; it gets really bogged down in giving us everything said at the meeting. As to the specifics:
Twilight destroying that bed was excessive. And I don't mean in story terms, I mean in terms of the physics and magic capabilities, as normally in the show magic blasts don't leave such ridiculous amounts of residual heat; it makes Twilight seem OP and would be better if she only destroyed most of the mattress. Though, for that matter, it's an actual metal bed frame? Even for royalty, that's kind of pushing the logistics of an ad hoc treatment tent after a city's been destroyed; I would more expect some kind of foldable light wooden frame with a very thin mattress, something that would be readily-available.
Manehattan is screwed? Okay, but I think it should've been toned down a little, since it overshadows Canterlot but is completely offscreen.
Blueblood being allowed to drink like that is odd. So is the later "Oh shit" right in front of the princess. It feels like these ponies forgot all decorum and (more bizarrely) nobody wants to remind them.
The Order lost half? That's a tad much, it would imply virtually all of them were in Canterlot. Worse, their HQ is still intact! Given everything else, the Order should've only lost a quarter at most, and that largely being junior ranks in Canterlot and Manehattan.
Resistance to Octavia being there being vocalized, when nobody said a word about Blueblood's drinking is really not consistent; why are they questioning Twilight but giving him a pass?
Lyra is a crazy cultist? Okay, but why? In and of itself, it's fine, but the trouble is it feels like manufactured conflict with the nobility overreacting to her being near the princess (and again, completely in contrast to their other behavior).
The blind pony that does visual stuff is neat and all, but the tie in with Sombra felt very unnecessary and raises questions about the timeline. It also feels cliche to have a "blind but able to see with magic" character around, especially when all they do is provide visuals.
I'll change the description of the bed to make it more appropriate for the circumstances, though I don't find melting metal to be that OP, not for an Alicorn at least.
Manehatten is being played up because that's the first place the Elements are headed too and they will spend a significant amount of time there.
Yeah, maybe a line explaining Blueblood's behavior is necessary. Would something like this do?
"He gets like this in high stress situations your majesty?" says Storm Stepper. "Don't try to stop him, he will literally have a breakdown if you do."
Also, by the "Oh shit", are you referring to when Dagger-Heart saw Lyra come in? Cause I thought it was an appropriate response for seeing someone she legitimately believes to be dangerous walk in.
Yeah, I'll change the numbers here.
Again, I could probably fix this with an added line.
This is more setup for Lyra's character later on. She has a bit of reputation within the Order. Also— >Lyra admits to having been a murderer and a devil worshipper. >Dagger-Heart is overreacting
okay
Yeah, I think I'll remove the bits having to do with Sombra.
And as for the general criticism of it being too long, any suggestions on where to start cutting?
9608933 Maybe just make the Manehattan stuff more vague, having them know less about it.
If you add something like that, try to have them whisper it to her as advice, both so ponies are actually being helpful to the now-in-charge princess and showing restraint being exercised instead of spouting things out and creating conflict in a way running against nobility and decorum.
The "oh shit" was appropriate as a response, but the trouble is that it was said right in front of the princess, and nopony reacted to it, including the one that made it. I'd at least expect something like "...pardon my language" to show the character knows it was an unwanted outburst and has respect for the others at the meeting, or if not, the others to at least give an admonishing glare her way. Same deal with Dagger-Heart wanting Lyra thrown out...brazenly raising concerns in a way that could prevent a princess actually getting information and everypony accepting that as normal behavior makes everypony look dumb.
Overall, you have things too far in the American cultural direction of social interaction, where everyone speaks their mind and externalizes disagreement; but in contexts with more "tact" or "stiff upper lips", like royalty, you really want a more British or even Japanese cultural approach, where people are held back primarily by internalized rules, to the point they may not even lay out in the open chastisement of another's faux pas.
For cutting, you should start with Twilight deciding to bring the council to her. Everything prior to that is great personal drama, but it gets bogged down around the conflict about Twilight's problems being physical or mental, and it takes too long to get to the actual council showing up. Cutting should pretty much happen across everything else, and I think the main dragging bit in the meeting is figuring out Asmodeus' plan (it was a tad obvious before anypony said it) and repetition about Manehattan (yes, it's important, but it really only needs two references to be so, and you could reduce the detail about it).
So are the Elements still going to go to Las Pegasus? Because if not, that'a going to invalidate a good portion of Sweetie Devil. In fact, these rewrites probably already created a need to rewrite the Sweetie Devil chapter where the Elements specifically leave for Las Pegasus from Ponyville.
You are now...I think.
Spike?
He is now...bastard.
Spike you may not want to-!
Sorry Spike...but I think the last thin Twi needs is a hug.
Just go guys...please.
It'll be okay Spike.
A very sick and depraved dream! Created by him!
I don't know Twi....
Your not fine Twilight.
...
...
...
...
...
...
Say, Illumi, you wouldn't mind if I douse Asmodeous with a Kamehameha Blast, a Fire Dragon Flame Lotus Phoenix Sword, a Flame Lotus Exploding Flame Blade, and a Lightning Dragon Devolution Fist would you? Cause I think that's exactly what he needs...and much more .
You're far from fine Twilight....
And your saying your not?
And the freaky seizure Asmodeous put you in!!!
Just give her a minute.
Wrong, you just got your head screwed over that's all.
Deep breaths Twi...in and out, in and out...
After what she's been through, she needs it.
It has all of us on edge!
Very little.
Following in your parents footsteps.
In times like this, those are good words of advice.
It has been on all of us.
I'm betting its a lot.
Got your work cut out for you don't you?
Two weeks?!
Crap....
In the second chapter, yes.
Oi, watch it bucko!
Well, that's good.
Oh I don't doubt that.
Celly...Lulu.
Yeah, about that....
Good question.
Possibly.
Very puzzling indeed.
Not the time guys.
They most certainly did, and yet....
Very true.... There was something else going on.
Maybe.
Eenope, they have not.
Hmmm....
I see....
I wouldn't put it past them to do just that. Why else would that act that way when they attacked Canterlot?
Eeyup.
Now that'll be difficult.
Why shouldn't you?
Lyra!!!
From what? Lyra?
Who else but Lyra?
Leave Lyra alone!!!
Before I blast the ones who insulted you into the sky!
And the one who mind raped you!
The source of all this evil!
And there you go...when Lyra has something important to say...listen.
True, but that this point, you have no choice.
Twi, what other method could you possibly use to defeat this guy?
Sorry Twilight but that options out.
Because you left yourself open.
That...actually makes a lot of sense!!!
I don't doubt it either. I mean, I like Discord, but....
Yeah, I don't think everypony's ready to warm up to Discord just yet.
Oh Twi....
Octi!
Listen Octavia, I know that you're trying to get Twilight to see how much she's messing up right now, but watch. your. tongue!!!
Bluey does have a point Twi..it doesn't matter if you keep the Elements away from Asmodeous, he still go in search of them anyway and pick them off one by one. The only chance you have is standing together as one...there's a reason why there's six Elements of Harmony, because all six Elements are needed to be Asmodeous! What you're planning will only help him in cutting off time for his search for them and taking them for his own after he's taken care of you...unless that is, he decides not to kill you and take you and the girls for his own carnal desires. But you see my point.
There is only one option...to fight him head on, together!!!
Atta girl!!!
And here we go....
ALL HAIL THE QUEEN OF MAGIC!!!
9466517
I've written about this in some of the blog posts, but basically Sweetie Devil is getting a partial rewrite. Everything up to Alda's first appearance is being rewriten, and I'm currently sotting on four chapters which have already been rewriten, which will be released closer to the time when the stories are merged.
9466691
Always a joy to read your comments.
Yes, Octavia is a bit of a hardass in this story, but to be fair Twilight is sort of gonna need someone like that for what's to come.
Oh, and don't worry, Asmodeus will eventually get what's coming to him. In fact, to give you a better picture of what'll happen to him, well... maybe this song will be apropraite.
9466841
I hadn't seen those blog posts. Gonna have to go do that.
9466865
Wonderful....
9469530
Jarring people out of the familiar would mostly center around the very first scene, with Twilight and Spike, to have them talk about something that wouldn't fit in the show. The show itself had a preacher-looking pony, so it's much less jarring to see something about religion tossed in.
The glimpse we got of Octavia showed her attitude, which was one of professional enthusiasm and adventurous problem-solving. That's completely incompatible with what we get here, and the problem with the argument is she comes across as demanding Twilight give up other pursuits to devote everything to defense immediately, when it's likely not necessary. She may not be intended that way, but that's how it read.
Blueblood, from the glimpse we got, was inconsiderate of others and brash, which is compatible with how Octavia acts here. He'd also make a lot of sense as being out of the limelight because he's busy with Order stuff, seeing social niceties as trivial as he's got a nation to help defend.
As for the demons, the problem is doing that to so many ponies, and without getting caught prior to the trap, requires extreme organization and usage of resources. It'd make more sense if, instead, things were piecemeal, that when they'd stop one group of demons, another would spring up somewhere else to do similar, but not quite the same, things. Celestia wouldn't've been able to keep up with the "brush fires". Their disorganization and consequent disconnectedness would be an advantage, as one group wouldn't be able to reveal info about another.
In the end, after decades, not a single descendant would be left.
9470332
The show does have one or two characters that appeared in what looked like traditionally religious garb, but it has always given the subject of religion itself a wide berth. The closest it ever got to discussing religion in general was with the Pinkie sense, and it has never given any indication that any of the Abrahamic faiths existed in Equestria. Going from that to an unambiguous account of Lucifer falling from heaven should be more than enough to distinguish this from cannon.
I think we'll have to agree to disagree on Octavia's personality, although I'll admit I could've been clearer on what her argument was this chapter, as well as the context in which she was making.
That suggestion about the demons sounds good actually, I think I'll right that in at some point.
Is this a vore story
9563265
i0.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/000/035/116/553082-lol_wut_pear_glasses_super.jpg
This chapter isn't bad exactly, but it's over 11k words and hardly anything happens; it gets really bogged down in giving us everything said at the meeting.
As to the specifics:
9605268
Yeah, maybe a line explaining Blueblood's behavior is necessary. Would something like this do?
Also, by the "Oh shit", are you referring to when Dagger-Heart saw Lyra come in? Cause I thought it was an appropriate response for seeing someone she legitimately believes to be dangerous walk in.
This is more setup for Lyra's character later on. She has a bit of reputation within the Order.
Also—
>Lyra admits to having been a murderer and a devil worshipper.
>Dagger-Heart is overreacting
okay
And as for the general criticism of it being too long, any suggestions on where to start cutting?
9608933
Maybe just make the Manehattan stuff more vague, having them know less about it.
If you add something like that, try to have them whisper it to her as advice, both so ponies are actually being helpful to the now-in-charge princess and showing restraint being exercised instead of spouting things out and creating conflict in a way running against nobility and decorum.
The "oh shit" was appropriate as a response, but the trouble is that it was said right in front of the princess, and nopony reacted to it, including the one that made it. I'd at least expect something like "...pardon my language" to show the character knows it was an unwanted outburst and has respect for the others at the meeting, or if not, the others to at least give an admonishing glare her way.
Same deal with Dagger-Heart wanting Lyra thrown out...brazenly raising concerns in a way that could prevent a princess actually getting information and everypony accepting that as normal behavior makes everypony look dumb.
Overall, you have things too far in the American cultural direction of social interaction, where everyone speaks their mind and externalizes disagreement; but in contexts with more "tact" or "stiff upper lips", like royalty, you really want a more British or even Japanese cultural approach, where people are held back primarily by internalized rules, to the point they may not even lay out in the open chastisement of another's faux pas.
For cutting, you should start with Twilight deciding to bring the council to her. Everything prior to that is great personal drama, but it gets bogged down around the conflict about Twilight's problems being physical or mental, and it takes too long to get to the actual council showing up. Cutting should pretty much happen across everything else, and I think the main dragging bit in the meeting is figuring out Asmodeus' plan (it was a tad obvious before anypony said it) and repetition about Manehattan (yes, it's important, but it really only needs two references to be so, and you could reduce the detail about it).