The CMC's Epic Argument Anthology

by CartsBeforeHorses

...Whether Apples Are Overrated

Sweetie Belle sat in the back of the Cutie Mark Caravan as Scootaloo pulled her along on her scooter.

"I can't wait to go crusading today!" exclaimed Scootaloo as the wind whipped her hair.

"Me too," said Sweetie Belle. "Hopefully Apple Bloom can join us today."

They arrived at Sweet Apple Acres, dismounting their flightless-pegasus-powered wagon as they walked over to Apple Bloom's door and knocked.

Apple Bloom came to the door and answered, "Howdy, girls! Sorry, but I can't crusade today. I gotta help Applejack buck some apples. She's runnin' way behind schedule."

"Aw, please?" asked Scootaloo. "You've missed the last three crusading sessions! Just tell her that you have to find your special talent, and you need to come with us."

"Yeah, well, she thinks that my special talent might be apple-related," said Apple Bloom. "Y'know, considerin' that all my other family members have a special talent in apples--"

"Pfft," said Sweetie Belle, waving her hoof in the air. "Apples are overrated."

"What? No they're not!" Apple Bloom said.

"They kind of are overrated. I mean, they're not even the best fruit," said Scootaloo. "They always scrape the roof of my mouth and make it hurt. Also, if you take a bite and don't finish it in like two seconds, it will turn all brown and gross."

Sweetie nodded and stuck her tongue out in disgust.

"Hey!" said Apple Bloom, walking outside and closing the door behind her. "Apples ain't overrated! They're the best fruit out there! I don't care if it ain't my special talent, you don't insult apples on this farm!"

"I didn't insult them," said Sweetie Belle. "I just said that they're overrated. All I hear in this town is apples this, apples that. But they're not all they're cracked up to be. I like grapes, myself."

"And oranges are awesome!" exclaimed Scootaloo.

Apple Bloom scowled. "But an apple a day keeps the doctor away!"

"That's a lie!" yelled Scootaloo. "I used to eat apples all the time, and then I went to the doctor and found out that I still couldn't fly!"

"Uh..." said Apple Bloom, "That ain't what I meant. Apples are the best fruit, though. When an apple fell on Isaac Newcolt's head, he discovered gravity! That's why you gotta give an apple to your teacher for her to put on her desk, so she'll remember about gravity and not float away!"

"Actually, I gave an orange to Cheerilee the other day and she liked it just the same," said Scootaloo.

Sweetie Belle nodded. "I was there."

"No she didn't; quit lyin'!"

"I'm not! I gave her an orange to put on her desk!" Scootaloo insisted. Sweetie Belle put her hoof over her mouth to conceal her giggling at the ruse.

"Well, how come I didn't see it there?" asked Apple Bloom.

"Uh, she must have ate it," said Scootaloo.

Apple Bloom chuckled. "Which proves my point. Oranges are round. If she had left the orange on her desk, it woulda rolled off. That's why you gotta give her an apple. You can stand an apple up and it won't fall over, 'cause it's got little legs on the bottom of it, just like a chair. It's the perfect fruit."

Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo responded to this argument by simply falling on the floor, rolling around as they guffawed hysterically.

A single tear came to Apple Bloom's eye. "I can't believe you two! What if my special talent turns out to be apple-related after all?"

"We'll still love you all the same," said Sweetie Belle.

"Just, you know, don't get a worm or anything," said Scootaloo.

"Look, apples ain't overrated. If it weren't for apples, this whole town wouldn't have even existed! Y'all remember Granny Smith's class presentation? Princess Celestia herself gave Granny Smith the land here so the Apple family could farm apples. I'll bet apples are her favorite fruit!"

"Actually..."

The three ponies turned around to see the towering white form of the princess standing over them, smiling.

"...I'm rather partial to bananas."

Comments

[SpaceCommie]

Apple Bloom scowled. "But an apple a day keeps the doctor away!"
"That's a lie!" yelled Scootaloo. "I used to eat apples all the time, and then I went to the doctor and found out that I still couldn't fly!"

[DraconequusMaximus]

Do you like mmmmmmbananas? roundstable.com/forums/images/smilies/inquisitive.png

[Zytharros]

Strawberries for me. Or figs.

[CryoKing96]

Kiwis are best fruit. This discussion is over. KIWIS. YEEAAHH

[pie012345]

I'm more of a Pear person myself...

[Cyborg Princess Selene]

Crap you and all of your healthy food, I like cheese and chocolate!
<<"Uh..." said Apple Bloom, "That ain't what I meant. Apples are the best fruit, though. When an apple fell on Isaac Newcolt's head, he discovered gravity! That's why you gotta give an apple to your teacher for her to put on her desk, so she'll remember about gravity and not float away!">>

Actually... I was hoping she would...