Derring-Do and the Lost Kingdom

by Eh

Chapter Five

Daring had all the essentials, the map, the plan. All she needed however, was a crew.
- Daring Do and the Griffin's Goblet

---

Location: The Gallian Trench, 20,000 Hooves below Sea Level.
Time: 8:00 PM

The Pytheas descended into the deep and unwelcoming abyss that was the Gallian Trench, one of the deepest points in the ocean. At these depths, the natural light from the sun was simply no longer visible, and the ocean waters were a foggy dark blue. Despite the eerie darkness, there was still quite a lot of undersea animals swimming about, some curiously swimming alongside the Pytheas as if it were a whale. One particular species however, floated past and scared the everloving bejeezus out of one particular pony.

"SHARK!" Penworthy screamed, she quickly hid behind the minotaur Helmsman, Horner and Sidonus.

"Don't worry your pretty little head Pony," Horner half-assured, half-chuckled, "They're harmless."

"Easy for you to say we've got nearly a hoof of glass between us and them." Penworthy nervously said. Horner gave a deep hearty laugh. Derring sighed, walking up next to her friend.

"Sorry, she doesn't like sharks." Derring said.

"Clearly." Sidonus deadpanned, a bit unamused at Penworthy's antics, "If you're going to cower however, would you mind doing it somewhere that's not the bridge?"

"Well I'm navigating aren't I?" Derring asked.

"We have trained navigators Miss Derring. The Captain will call when he needs you." Sidonus said. Derring frowned, she didn't like being a load on others or having her navigation skills being questioned.

"Well what do I do then?"

"I don't know. Meet the crew or something." Sidonus suggested. Derring shrugged and proceeded to walk away, Penworthy following. They stopped before the door however, as they heard quite the familiar voice.

"Attention: The time is now 8:00... celestiawhowritesthis... Dinner will be apple slices, apple pie, with apple cider, and to mix things up... apples." A white unicorn mare with an electric looking blue mane announced. She was sitting in front of a huge collection of what looked like radios, and weird electronics, a microphone sat in front of her however first and foremost. Derring and Penworthy quietly walked up to her.

"Excuse me." Derring said, the mare quickly turned her head towards the two, revealing she was wearing some cool looking sunglasses, "You're the mare over the PA system?"

"Eyup!" The mare said proudly, "Name's Vinyl Scratch, and I don't just do the announcements, I'm the SONAR spec, Communications, stuff like that. You two are?"

"Derring Do, D-E-R-R-I-N-G." Derring quickly introduced, "And this is my friend, Penworthy."

"Vinyl Scratch?" Penworthy said, "You're that really big DJ pony... what are you doing here?"

"I should be asking the same thing from the biggest author in Equestria." Vinyl said, Penworthy giggled nervously.

"Oh stop! I'm not that-"

"You are! You wrote one of my favorite books! The only book I actually ever read mind you." Vinyl quickly dug through her desk and pulled out a copy of the book, The Joy of Sound. Penworthy rubbed the back of her neck, she definitely remembered writing that, she just thought it was quite risque for her usual work.

"Ehehehe... Indeed." Penworthy blushed, "So, you didn't answer my question."

"Oh yeah," Vinyl tossed the book back on the desk, "Well... mare needs money doesn't she?"

"True, but I wouldn't imagine someone's whose special talent is music would be working as a comm specialist." Derring said.

"Well I-" A ringing noise came from one of the many radios on her desk, Vinyl quickly put on a headset with its own microphone attached, "Ah, sorry, I gotta take this."

Derring and Penworthy looked at her confusedly for a moment.

"Vinyl Scratch here... Oh Octavia, hi!... Yeah, I know it's been torture down here! They're only letting me play Rat Pack stuff, not that his singing is bad, I'd have children with it but..." Vinyl was now apparently busy. So Derring and Penworthy decided to now leave the bridge.

***

Penworthy was hungry and Derring was tired, so they decided to separate. Penworthy left for the mess hall while Derring decided to take a quick nap at the bunks. Derring stepped lightly into the bunkroom. There at least two bunkbeds, allowing for four people in this single room. It was also pretty roomy for a submarine vessel. She noted the big lump underneath a blanket on one of the top bunks. Deciding that Penworthy would like a top bunk, she decided to take the bunk beneath. She hopped into it, and immediately yelped in pain.

"Gah!" What was notable about the bed was that it was rock hard and felt very sharp, as if she were lying on top of a pile of gems. She thought griffins must have liked their beds really hard and simply went with it. She adjusted herself slightly, lowered the brim of her father's hat over head and decided to drift off to sleep.

At least, she tried to. She failed to notice that occupant in the above bed was now watching her. The headpiece he wore possessed a lamp, he turned it on. Derring opened her eyes and was immediately started, knocking her head on the top of the bed. She adjusted the brim of her father's hat and was immediately greeted by the sight of a Diamond Dog, wearing a weird set of goggles that obscured the color of his eyes and a lamp on his head. He had a musty brown coat, and the length of his arms suggested that he must've been quite small for a diamond dog.

"Uh... can I help you?"

"Get off my precious..." He said.

"Beg pardon?"

"GET OFF MY PRECIOUS!" The Diamond Dog jumped down to the floor, Derring jumped out of the bed. He pulled off the covers of Derring's bed, revealing that there actually was a pile of gems in there. The gems were diverse spectrum of different opals, sapphires and rubies, "You have disturbed their slumber!"

"What are gems doing in my bed!?" Derring asked.

"You ask too many questions!" He shouted, getting into Derring's face, "Whoareyou!Whosentyou!AreyouanOSHAinspector!SPEAKUP!"

"No-What-OSHA?" Derring shoved the Diamond Dog away, partly because of his personal space invasion and partly because he smelled like he rolled around in garbage for weeks (Which considering Diamond Dogs, isn't that unlikely.)

"Bah! Digger will know soon enough!" Digger, as he was called, immediately grabbed Derring and pulled out a pair of tweezers.

"Whoa! Hey! Let go!" Derring shouted. As fierce as Derring was, Diamond Dogs were strong, and Digger was only slighter bigger than she was.

"Digger is not going to take your eye you little cryfoal!" He immediately plucked the tiniest speck of dirt from Derring's hoof, then let her go in favor of sniffing it, "Ah... I know now..."

"Huh?" Derring stood back up, she was doing everything in her power not to completely waste him.

"Derring-Do. Cartographer and Navigator. You are from Canterlot, Paladin Suites Apartment, you have a black cat, third in a litter of seven," Digger gave another sniff of the speck, his expression suddenly turning disgusted, "...and your friend is Penworthy, author of Where the Diamond Dogs Are."

"Hey, if you have a problem with my friend-" Derring started before being shoved towards the door.

"THIS ENRAGES DIGGER, YOU ARE NOT WELCOME HERE! OUT OUT!" Digger shouted. Derring had had it up to here with this Diamond Dog and proceeded to turn around and tackle him. What resulted could be described as a cloud of dirt being raised with occasional sound of either Digger or Derring shouting in pain. This went on for a moment before the two realized that a third person had entered the room.

"You sat on his gems didn't you?" The unicorn had a light blue coat, with a dark blue and white mane and blue eyes and an hourglass cutie mark. Her mane was wet however and there was a towel over her, she must've just came out of a shower, "Digger, what have I told you about keeping your gems on other people's beds?"

"But-" Digger started before a bar of soap was levitated in front of his face, much to his horror.

"I've got soap Digger, you really look like you could use a bath!" The unicorn threatened. Digger immediately retreated, whimpering in fright, underneath the blankets of his bunk. The unicorn walked up to Derring, who was lying on her back, looking at her, "Hi there!"

"Hey yourself." Derring responded. It was a rather odd series of event that took place, but everypony knew that Diamond Dogs loathed hygiene. She was at least glad to see a friendly pony.

"My name's Colgate. Well, not exactly, a lot of people call me Colgate. My birthname's actually Minuette, but people just call me Colgate for some reason. I guess it has to do with teeth." Derring immediately thought she had traded one problem for another, all she wanted was some sleep, "I see you met Digger, don't worry, he doesn't bite as long as you don't touch his gems. He's quite the geologist though. What's your name?"

"Derring-Do. With a-"

"D-E-R-R-I-N-G, no worries." Colgate responded. Derring was at least relieved she understood the spelling of her name, "However you are new to this ship and new to the crew in general, which means, you're due for an examination!"

"What?" Derring asked. Colgate levitated the towel onto the other top bunk and quickly pulled out a saddlebag from there. Inside, she reached for various things which terrified Derring. Dental equipment.

"You see Derring, I am the ship's dentist, which means I have to make sure every crewmember's teeth are as shiny as Celestia's crown and stronger than an ingot of pure mithril." Colgate proceeded to pull out a bonesaw in the middle of this.

"Feathers." Derring whimpered.

"Oh don't you worry your pretty little head Derring, this bonesaw is just for scaring people, the look on their face when I pull this little baby out gets me everytime." Colgate gave a little chuckle, "Though I have to admit, in the right hands, this bonesaw could probably cut through steel in under thirty seconds, as a unicorn maybe I can cut that time in half!"

Colgate pulled out actual practical dental equipment such as a mouth mirror and a tiny drill, which did nothing to reassure Derring. If there was anything Derring feared in this world, it was the dentist. Colgate levitated the mouth mirror and turned to Derring.

"Go ahead and say 'Ah!'" Colgate said.

"Listen Colgate, I don't think-" Derring was immediately interrupted by Colgate forcing Derring's mouth open with her hooves. She slowly put the mouth mirror in, scrutinizing Derring's teeth.

"So Derring, where are you from?" Colgate asked. Derring gave a good amount of gibberish in response, "Canterlot? I grew up in Canterlot, studied dentistry up there!"

"Ahshuthiethuhtherethoo." Derring said in response.

"You did? Maybe we know each other? Were you that pegasus who was always raving about Thule and how it existed and we'd all laugh at you and call you a crazypants and then we'd throw history textbooks at you so that you'd read actual history?" Colgate said. Derring nodded, "Oh you are! Well sorry for throwing history textbooks at you and congratulations for finding the way to Thule!"

Colgate pulled the mirror out of Derring's mouth, much to her relief.

"Well your teeth check out fine Derring, just start flossing, brushing behind them, brush three times a day and after meals and they'll be just like mine!" Colgate gave a dentist smile that nearly blinded Derring. Considering her cutie mark was an hourglass, Derring wondered what her obsession with teeth was.

"Uh thanks Colgate." Derring said nervously, she decided she could skip the nap for now, maybe meet Penworthy in the mess hall, "I should go. They're serving supper right now and I'm a tad hungry."

"Okay! Remember to brush your teeth after every meal!" Colgate said, Derring quickly walked out of the bunk rooms.

"Everypony on this ship is either a jerk or crazy." Derring muttered.

***

The Mess hall was a wide room with a ceiling high enough for minotaurs to comfortably stand in, there were long rectangular tables patterned about like a school cafeteria. Derring yawned, she wasn't exactly hungry, she just needed an excuse to get away from Colgate. As nice as she was, she feared her profession even more. Thankfully, she spotted her friend Penworthy, sitting on the end of one of the tables. Derring walked over to her, and immediately noticed that Penworthy had that dreamy look on her face.

"Okay Penworthy, who's the lucky stallion this time?" Derring said, she was familiar with this. Penworthy pointed a hoof at the serving line. Derring turned her head and noted the golden colored Earth pony with a blonde mane, green eyes, and an apple cutie mark serving food, "Him?"

"Yes!" Penworthy giggled with loving delight, "His name's Braeburn, he can cook, he's nice, and he's got that funny little accent!"

"Why don't you go talk to him then Penworthy?" Derring suggested.

"Oh I could, but I'm definitely enjoying the view from here." Penworthy rested her head on the table, sighing. Derring smirked, she had a point though, Braeburn did look pretty handsome.

"Well how about I get us some supper then, huh?" Derring said, Penworthy only simply nodded, taking in all of Braeburn's physical aspects. Derring walked over to the end of the serving line, which was occupied solely by a unicorn, a minotaur, and a griffin. The unicorn was served apple pie with a glass of cider, and to this he said:

"Hey Braeburn, when ya gonna start serving food that isn't apples?"

"Same time when pigs start flyin' an' Trixie gets 'round to cookin' things y'all can eat." Braeburn started. The unicorn and Braeburn had a good laugh.

"Excuse me! The Great and Powerful Trixie can hear you in the kitchen!" Trixie shouted out from the back. The unicorn had another good laugh before walking away with his food. The minotaur and the griffin took their food quite quickly. At the end, Derring was up.

"Well howdy doo, can't say ah've seen you before. What's yer name partner?" Braeburn asked.

"Derring-Do." Derring didn't even bother with the spelling, she was getting sick of reminding people that.

"Derring-Do, quite the name ye got there, it's like bein' named Awesome McCoolname, hehehe!" Braeburn gave a quick chuckle, Derring perked up slightly, "Name's Braeburn, apples mah name an' game. What can ah getcha?"

"Oh, anything." Derring shrugged, she wasn't particular about what she wanted.

"'Kay then, slice o' apple pie an' a glass of apple cider." Braeburn pulled a plate of apple pie and a glass of cider on it with his teeth to Derring who took it in her teeth. Derring quickly nodded and left for Penworthy.

"He's such a dreamboat ain't he Derring?" Penworthy said. Derring dropped the plate carefully infront of Penworthy, "I mean, he cooks, funny accent, nice pony, I wouldn't be surprised if other stallions want him too."

"Yup." Derring sat down next to Penworthy yawning, "Maybe he's read one of your books. Considering the accent, he's probably a western kind of guy."

"Ohoho..." Penworthy started bouncing in her seat, "Maybe, I do remember writing quite a few westerns when I was just starting out as an author!"

Penworthy started squealing in delight, then dug into her food. Derring watched, not in the least bit hungry.

"You not hungry Derring?" Penworthy asked. Derring shook her head, "Speaking of which, you should probably get some sleep, Captain wants you giving some presentation at 0500."

"Of course." Derring said, resting her head on the table, "Hey, I met some crazy Diamond Dog in our bunk today."

"Really?"

"Yeah. We're going to have to share a bed if you don't mind." Derring said.

"Oh I don't, we're friends after all." Penworthy continued to happily eat her slice of pie, "So Diamond Dog?"

"Yeah, name's Digger, apparently he's some geologist." Derring said, Penworthy looked to her curiously, "Oh yeah, there's another unicorn, Colgate, she's a dentist."

"Hehehe, I know how much you hate the dentist." Penworthy chuckled. Derring rolled her eyes.

"Plus that one demolitions guy, Sidonus, Vinyl, we're meeting quite the crew Penworthy."

"A real rag-tag bunch of misfits!" Penworthy said. Derring chuckled.

Comments

[Thespurgin]

Yay for Vinyl replacing that dour old hag in the movie! What was her name... ah Mrs. Packard!

Trixie = Cookie? That scares me... Colgate's perfect though, and I'd say Braeburn too. Now... Rourke is a griffin... where's Demoman and Audrey... and Helga?? I don't think we've run into them yet.

One question. How will Derring Do meet the love interest? will there even be one, and will it be a guy instead of a girl on account of gender reversal?

[Eh]

490682
To be frank, I'm making a lot of this up as I go along, I only have a general idea of what's going to happen. A love interest is actually quite the interesting proposition, I might play around with that.

The only thing I'm sure I'm going to change around is the 3rd Act from the movie, I didn't like it that much, it was a little weak.

[Thespurgin]

493416 Third act... which part was that? Oh and if you want ideas or help smoothing the plot, then just e-mail me! I may not be able to post any stories of my own ATM but I love to help out if you'll let me.

Your call.

[iowaforever]

490682 isn't Mu the demoman?
Loving the story by the way... Eh, by any chance are you a troper?