On a Violentines Day
A pony was standing above another that was laying on the floor. The one on top was continuously pounding the other's muzzle with his hooves until blood began to pour from the multiple cuts that had formed on the pony's face just as quickly as the crowd around them that formed in the school yard to watch this tragedy. The one on top was named Valentine, although everypony around this school called him "Violentine HeartBurst", a nickname he gained for his very violent behavior towards others. Violentine was a 17 year old Earth Pony with a neon orange coat, crimson red mane, blue crystal like eyes, and his most notably trait of all the fact that he still doesn't have his cutie mark like the other ponies in this high school called Hoofy High.
The pony Violentine was beating the shit out of this pony because, like many others at their school this pony loved to make fun of Violentine for being 17 and still not yet received his cutie mark. Now Violentine had lost control of himself and was taking it out on this poor pony until the principal and some security guards were rushed towards the scene to try and pry Violentine off of the student.
"Mr. Valentine..." the principal of Hoofy high said using his real name before being rudely cut off by Violentine.
"I know, I know Mr.Coltson, I can't assault other students, against the law, on a strict contract, and blah, blah, blah." Violentine said not caring one bit about his rudeness as he tried to wipe away the dried blood off of his own hooves. He dealt with this type of thing multiple times at his school before, he would get angry towards somepony, he would beat the shit out of them, he would go to the office, sign a new contract, and everything would be just fine. The only reason he stayed at this school was probably the fact that his grades were way to high for the school district to just let him go.
"Please Valentine don't be so rude, we can not allow you to be so disrespectful to your superiors or peers." Mr. Coltson said hoping that another long lecture with Violentine might change his "rude" behavior towards other students and teachers.
Violentine just sat their listening to what Mr. Coltson had to say about discipline, self control, and temper for the next few hours, until the bell finally rang letting Violentine leave school. Tomorrow he would be suspended and would come back on Friday: HEARTS AND HOOFS DAY.
Violentine started walking home trying his best to ignore all the ponies who were mumbling about him as they gave snickers, saying things like "That's the freak...", "Don't go near him...", " He's nothing more but a psychopath..." The last phrase hurt Violentine the most because this was the same exact phrase that ran through his head over and over again, never leaving him alone inside his own head.
Eventually Violentine was able to escape the crowd and find complete silence somewhere in their town's park. Violentine hated that his life was like this, he just hated it whenever anypony would make fun of him. He had a very high temper that would make him erupt in complete and utter anger to just beat the shit out of other ponies. Sometimes he would question if he ever even had any control of himself.
Violentine sat down accepting this as his life, a life that my never change. He kicked a rock with his front hoof sending it skipping a few feet in front of him until it finally stopped right besides a mare that Violentine hadn't notice until now. The mare turned around and automatically stared directly into Violentine's crystal blue eyes, shooting back a pair of the most hypnotic shade of green eyes that Violentine has ever seen. The mare had a dark grey coat that almost resembled the very shade of black itself, her mane was a brilliant fiery red color that looked as if it actually could burn down the entire park if she wasn't careful, the most noticeable trait that caught Violentine's attention though was neither any of the things mentioned early but the very fact that like him this mare was Blank Flank.
"Excuse me Mister..." she spoke in a slightly noticeable Canterlot accent, "Is their something wrong?"
Violentine stood there still completely lost in her beauty until he snapped out of it and said "Sorry, my name is Viol-" Violentine stopped himself, he was simply just so used to being called by his nickname that he actually started referring to himself as such, "My name is Valentine HeartBurst." he said trying his very best to be properly formal for this mare.
The mare just pondered a bit on the name and said "Alright, your name sounds interesting." She then gave her name "Lithium Renegade at your service." afterwards taking a little bow showing off her Canterlot formalness.
Valentine looked at her, never before has he seen such a pony with such grace or manors before in his life. Valentine then asked trying to be as well manored as her "Are you from around here?"
She shook her head and said with a smile "No, actually I'm from Canterlot." She then pulled out a little bouche from Canterlot from her saddlebag and hoofed it to him with a smile. "It is a very beautiful place, but I'm afraid that I had to move." she said her smile now fading to a frown.
Valentine then tried to change the subject to get her to cheer up, "Uum so where you heading right now?" he asked with a nervous smile.
"I'm heading to a fine diner nearby for a scrumptious meal." she said in a cutesy tone that was very adorable.
Valentine then said "Um do you mind If I come with you, I'll even pay for the meal." trying his best to be as persuasive as possible.
She looked at him for a bit pondering on her decision until finally she said "Alright, never knew this town had such well behaved gentlecolts here."
Valentine then smiled at her compliment and started trotting with her towards a nearby diner called HayStack, sure it wasn't to proper but it definitely wasn't the worse shop ever. It was like one of those diners you would stop to dine, then leave to continue on a long journey. Valentine then looked at the mare next to him and smiled not letting her see, he never treated a mare to a meal before in his life but the feeling he got for doing so made him very happy. They then took their seats and ordered their meals. They made small talk like any other pony in the diner as they laughed and chuckled at each others jokes.
After a while their meals came and they began to eat, they both had Haysandwiches that they both seemed to devour quickly. After the sandwich Valentine was stuffed, Lithium on the other hand was just getting started. She ordered meal after meal, continuing to eat until Valentine asked "Umm are you done?" not trying to sound rude.
She looked up to speak but before she could Valentine could hear her tummy growl very loudly, even after all the food. "I'm sorry, it's just that I'm very hungry." she said politely.
"It's ok." Valentine said while he stared at the waitress coming along with the check.
"That would be 100 bits." the waitress said with the check, causing Valentine to drop his chin nearly hitting the table.
"Umm excuse us for a moment please." Valentine said shooing off the waitress with his hoof. He looked towards Lithium and said "Whatever you do don't make a scene."
Lithium just looked at him perplexed "What do you mean?" she asked questioningly.
Valentine looked at her and said "Listen I don't have enough money, but we could..." he was cut off when Lithium asked,
"What do you mean, didn't you say you would treat us?"
"Yes I did but I didn't know you would eat that much." Valentine said trying not to get angry.
Lithium stared back with a sad expression and said "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to trouble you like this."
Valentine stared back and felt empathy for the mare and said "Don't worry I know exactly what to do." After that he got up and went to a nearby jukebox and deposited a bit inside, he scrolled through some songs until he found the right one. Valentine had been to this diner before a few times and when this song came on there were always ponies that would dance, sing along, or maybe even like Lithium just sat there and watched in complete amazement. While all the commotion was going on Valentine took his time to grab hold of Lithium's hoof and pull her out of the diner and gallop into the park they were previously in before the diner.
"Well now, you really seem to know how to start a party." Lithium said trying to flatter Valentine.
"Well it's nothing really." Valentine said scratching the back of his head. "Umm so what school do you go to?" Valentine said trying not to blush from embarrassment.
Lithium stared at him with her hypnotic green eyes "Well if you really must know I just so happen to have transferred to Hoofy High." she said smirking at Valentine, causing him to blush a light shade of red.
"Really that's my school to." Valentine said with complete joy in his voice.
"Well then I guess I'll see ya at school tomorrow." Lithium said while trotting off to return home.
Valentine watched her as she started to disappear into the darkness, when she was no longer in sight Valentine erupted in complete joy from the fact that he would be seeing her again at school. For the rest of the short trot home he planned out the entire rest of the day tomorrow imagining what he would do with Lithium, until he finally realized "Oh shit I'm suspended tomorrow."
The sudden realization caused Valentine to turn away from his joyous emotions to ones of sadness and worry. What if she thinks I was lying to her, what if she hates me, what if the others at the school turn her against me, what if even worse the other students pick on her, Valentine thought remembering that she to was a Blank Flank. With these thoughts running his head Valentine was getting paranoid, don't worry Valentine you can work it all out he thought as he approached his home.
He looked inside and the lights were off, figures sense his parents weren't usually home. His dad was a member of the royal guard and so he was gone for very long periods so he was almost never home. His mother was basically a mom that juggled a child, work, and criticism from many of her peers on how good of a mother she was because of this she usually spent her nights out drink cider to try and make her depression go away.
Valentine walked into his house not even bothering to turn on any of the lights. He walked into his room and automatically collapsed on top of his bed trying to remember all of today, how it started off bad but got very good the more he progressed through it. Now the only thing he could do now was think of Lithium as he slowly fell into slumber, dreaming of Lithium and him smiling together under a setting sun. He never felt this way for anypony before in his life but he liked it.
The morning sun rose shining light in through Valentine's window hitting him right on the face. Valentine then rose rubbing his eyes with hoofs while he made a short yawn, "Man I've hadn't slept like in ages." he said , his vision returning to normal very slowly.
"Well I'm glad you thought so." said Lithium who was sitting in a chair right next to Valentine's bed, causing Valentine to jump up in shock.
"What are you doing inside my room, my house even?" Valentine asked in between multiple pants.
"I followed you home last night." she said with a warming smile.
"You what?" Valentine cried in complete shock.
"You heard me." Lithium said with the same smile as before.
Valentine took a moment to take this in, "Umm ok, but don't you have school?" He asked curiously.
"Shouldn't I be asking you the same question?" she asked almost as if she was just playing with him.
Valentine then turned away and whispered in a soft voice that sounded like a mumble.
Lithium stared at him with an eyebrow raised "Sorry didn't quite catch that." she said smiling still.
Valentine letting his temper get the best of him again spoke in an almost yelling but stern voice "I was suspended yesterday!"
Lithium's expression changed to that of a sad one, looking as if she was going to cry.
Valentine was immediately sorry and said "Sorry, I didn't mean to be like that." He then raised her face with his hoof giving her his expression that showed off his empathy towards her.
She immediately cheered up , "You want to go out for a trot?" she asked jumping up and down.
Valentine then just stared at her with one thought in his mind, is she bipolar. He then got up from his bed, stretched a bit, and checked the time 2:35, school was almost over anyways so they wouldn't be considered playing hooky so he said "Alright but where we going?"
Lithium just smiled her cutesy little smile and said "Come with me to find out."
Valentine didn't mind her secrecy, in fact he found it quite amusing. She was just so random and spontaneous that he simply just never knew what she would do next and he enjoyed it. She always knew how to add a little fun to his sad life. "Alright lets find out then." he said with complete eagerness to figure out where they were going.
They then left the house and trotted down the street, heading near the park where they first met. Unlike last time though they went deep, deep into the forest that was located right at the heart of the park. They passed many trees, flowers, and also many different types of wildlife creatures, the deeper they entered the small forest the darker it got. When deep inside the forest Lithium stopped and said "Well this is the end of the line." She wasn't facing Valentine because what she was about to do was something even she was ashamed of.
"What do you mean end of the line?" Valentine asked curiously.
"I'm sorry Valentine, just know that I really do love you." she said tears starting to fall from her beautiful green eyes.
Valentine didn't exactly know what she meant when she said sorry but what he did understand was that she actually loved him back, like he loved her "You really love me." Valentine said with joy still not realizing Lithium's tears.
"Yes Valentine I do love you and I know that you love me, that's way I got to do this." she said with complete sorrow in her voice.
Valentine didn't know what she was saying at all and was about to ask her multiple other questions until something weird happened. Right in front of him a strange light overcame Lithium's entire body and she had started a transformation from pony to changeling. Her shell was a dark shiny black, she had small holes in both her hooves and her wings, she had a fish like tale, a strange looking horn on top of her head, but her eyes unlike regular changeling eyes her eyes were green instead of blue.
"I'm sorry for what I'm about to do Valentine, I don't approve of it either but... I just got so hungry." she said with a now raspy voice while charging up a strange green aura in her horn.
Valentine didn't know what she meant or what she was doing. He was still staring at her new form taking it in he was about to speak when another strange voice was heard. "Well now then I finally found you." a raspy more masculine voice said.
Both Valentine and Lithium turned to face the owner of this new voice. It looked as if he was a member of the royal guard barring the same uniform as them. This pony had a white coat, brown mane that was being hidden under his helmet, he held a spear in one hoof, and unlike Lithium his eyes were blue like water.
"Who are you?" Valentine cried still very highly confused.
The pony then transformed into a changeling like Lithium, yet still barring his blue eyes and changed back. This caused Lithium to cry out "Leo, what are doing here she said powering up a wave of magic in her horn.
"Orders of the queen." he muttered still not making sense.
Valentine couldn't take it anymore so he then yelled out "What the hell is going on?" his voice being echoed to a far away distance.
The Blue-Eyed changeling just launched at Valentine with break necking speed and socked him across the face causing his entire body to hurtle towards a nearby tree. Valentine then fell down onto ground laying in complete pain on the ground.
"Valentine!" Lithium called out sharing his pain as he fell to the ground.
"Oh don't cry for him you fool." Leo said, "Why are you say empathetic, you dumbass." he said this time slapping Lithium with his hoof that the slap could be heard mile away.
Valentine heard the slap and was being filled with complete rage. He watched as the changeling known as Leo attacked Lithium. He turned his face away from them beginning to feel completely useless. He turned his face back to them and he fell the most strangest feeling he felt before, deep inside his head he heard something. He couldn't quite make it out though, but this thing he heard kept on repeating itself over and over again causing Valentine to get angrier and angrier. Eventually Valentine understood and whispered to himself "Kill." staring directly at Leo and gave a sadistic smile.
Leo was about to finish Lithium off with a powerfully charged magical attack, until Valentine came at him tackling him to the ground, Valentine held one of Leo's hoofs down struggling for Leo's spear with the other. They were both fighting for dear life, Valentine then took his head and repeatedly pounded it into Leo's head. Despite the pain from banging his head into Leo's helmet, he was capable of keeping consciousness and take Leo's spear while he was wincing from the ringing in his ears. Valentine then repeatedly started stabbing Leo with extreme force leaving multiple puncture wounds into Leo's body. The very sight was completely grotesque, frightening, and absolutely malevolent.
Lithium stared at Valentine, watching as continuous stabs into the changeling who disguised as a member of the royal guards body. She could tell how disturbing it was to watch but if it weren't for her changeling blood she wouldn't have known that while Valentine was doing this horrible act, he was doing it with complete and total love for her. She could sense the love that seemed as if it could burn for eternity. There was simply just so much of it that she couldn't help but feed off a little of it. She was starving for this so she took so much in, to her surprise after consuming enough to make her full and refreshed, Valentine was amazingly still radiating an almost endless amount of love.
Valentine finally calmed down and was drenched in the blood of Leo, surprisingly he didn't change back to his changeling form even after death. Valentine then got up and looked down his bloody hooves barely realizing what he done. He killed somecreature, sure it wasn't a pony but it was still something that could actually make out speech. Valentine was shaking, completely terrified of what he has become... A MURDERER.
Lithium stared at Valentine and could already tell how he felt down inside. She trotted over to him to try and comfort him by saying "Don't worry." hugging him as she did.
Valentine looked up and hugged her, somehow she was capable of calming and relieving him just by being by his side. He then asked "What's going to happen now?" never releasing his hold on her.
The morning sun then rose above the horizon signifying the start of this day. She said in a calm soft voice "Violentine..." she said using his nick name, "Just wipe the blood from your hooves and we shall begin a new life." transforming back into her pony form.
Later that day a group royal guards were patrolling the park when the found a trail of blood leading into the forest. They then followed it into the heart of the forest and found the changeling's body, sadly it was still the form of a royal guard pony causing the others to mistake for their own. They then inspected the body and found carved into the side of it the words: HAPPY HEARTS AND HOOVES DAY underneath was the shape of a heart with the initials V+L inside.
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Ugh what I can say. It was much to fast, instantly they love selfs, what?
3952548 Yeah I know, I kinda of rushed it to post it out on valentine's day.
You don't have to curse in the context of a third-person narrative, it's not very inventive.
We've just established this one paragraph ago. you've just rendered this statement completely pointless.
This statement is also redundant because you've made it obvious as to why he's been given a lecture.
Character development needs to be deciphered by the reader - Not told to them; Back-stories, thoughts, and feelings need to be presented - not explained.
...... Do I need to say what hasn't already been said? The same can be said about the rest of this chapter, so I'm done complaining.
And don't address the audience!
See? This scene has potential for character development. But first: SHOW; Don't TELL!