Trixie stumbled into the small town she had come to know all too well, better than she wanted to. She was tired, she was thirsty, and she was so so hungry. It took all she had to keep going. She needed to get to the library. She wiped sweat off her brow. The early morning sun beat down on her. This Summer was taking it's toll on her. She had to carry both her capes on her back, her classic purple star-spangled show-mare cape, and a simple black, hooded cloak underneath. Despite the bad place she'd been in when she bought it, she thought it looked rather quite fetching. She hadn't enough bits to buy food, but when she could, she bought small trinkets. Most were props for her tricks, some fireworks, but some were actually illusionary magic enhancers, safer than the acursed Alicorn Amulet.
As she made her way to a fountain in the middle of town, she stopped to look at her reflection in the water. She frowned at the mare looking back at her. She didn't look Great and Powerful at all. Her mane was mangled and matted with mud, small twigs stuck in it from night after night sleeping on the ground and in various forests. Her face was covered in dirt. She looked gaunt from hunger and sleep deprivation. Her cloaks were dirty and dusty looking. She took the time to dunk her head in the refreshingly cool water and wash herself off a bit. As she looked up and began to make her way toward the library, she was surprised to see a large crowd had begun to gather itself around her. She grinned at them all sheepishly, "Trixie greets you, Ponyvillians," She greeted as humbly as she could muster, "If you all would just allow Trixie to pass, she just-"
She was cut off by a familiar cyan pegasus hovering above the crowd to get a better look at the magician. "Trixie!" She yelled, making her way to the center of the crowd, "What are you doing here, you sorry excuse for a showmare!" Rainbow dash looked angry, She was hovering just a hoof above the gound in an upright, bipedal position, her arms crossed across her chest. She looked disgusted with Trixie just being in her presence, and she was. She had never forgiven the magician for what she had done to the town, as well as the extra work she had created for the weather team by putting up that dome.
Trixie just raised an eyebrow and gave a small smile in response. "I'm not actually ready to tell anyone what I'm here for, at the moment," She answered, "I need to talk to-"
"Uh-uh!" Rainbow interrupted, "You're going to tell me what you're here for, and you're gonna' tell me now!"
Trixie sighed, "Listen, what was your name again?" She thought for a moment, "Rainbow Crash?" It was an honest mistake, but it was responded to by a hard smack across the face. Trixie's eyes widened. What had just happened? Her brow furrowed in a defiant expression as she looked back to the pegasus. She spat at the ground below her adversary, noting the blood. She must've bitten her cheek. All reason left her and she stopped trying to be friendly. "Oh, that's right!" She sarcastically called, remembering her first visit, "Trixie changed your name to LOSER!" She pushed rainbow with that last word and was greeted with another hoof to the face. The two mares traded blows for several minutes before Rainbow tackled Trixie to the ground. She bit into the powder blue mare's shoulder. The two barraged each other with punches until Trixie landed a blow to the side of Rainbow's head. The pegasus bit down harder, grinding her teeth a little. There was a flash of magical light.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Trixie shot up in bed, panting heavily from the nightmare/ memory. She winced in pain from the sudden movement. It was late afternoon. Trixie sighed and got out of the bed. She stretched a little, still sore. As a loud yawn escaped her lips, she reminisced. It had been a week already. Most of her bruises had disappeared with the exception of the one on her shoulder. She looked under the bandages on her chest at a small scar left from her operation. It was healing fast, magically fast. Thank Celestia the doctor was a unicorn! She looked around the room. The other bed was empty, made to perfection. Twilight had no doubt been up for hours by then. She noticed that even Spike's bed was empty, though not made at all, much like her own. She cantered over to the vanity. She smiled at how much better she looked. She had gained the appropriate weight and she looked properly groomed. She levitated a small hairbrush from her black cloak, hanging next to the other from nails in the wall. She brushed through her mane for awhile before her stomach growled. "The Great and Powerful Trixie!" She thought to herself, "Needs some peanutbutter crackers."
She grinned and left the room. She pranced down the stairs to see Twilight bent over a book at her desk, feverishly scribbling notes with a quill. She giggled quietly and moved into the kitchen, happy to see a purple dragon spreading peanutbutter on some salted crackers. "Ah! You're awake!" He smiled at the unicorn as she sat in the booth next to the table.
"Spike, you know Trixie all too well. Thank you." The dragon passed her the tray with a glass of milk on the side. He sat next to her and shared the food. Spike had been doing most of the post-op care for her, and the two became good friends after her initial apology to Spike. The poor dragon held a grudge against her for what she had done to Twilight. He had been lost without her for all that time; however, he gladly accepted her sincere apology.
"I figured you'd be waking up soon, so I started making lunch," He explained, food in his mouth. Trixie grimaced at that a bit, but decided not to say anything. "I guess since you're up now, Twilight had something important to tell you." He said it almost as an after-thought.
She remembered how the alicorn had been completely oblivious to her presence earlier and chuckled a bit. "Trixie will let Twilight come to her. She got up and stretched, feeling full. She cantered into the den and sat on a small, red cushion. She wrapped a particular book in a lavendar aura and brought it to her face. She was extremely grateful that Twilight had given her free reign of the library's selection of books. For the past couple of days, she had been reading, "Advanced Illusion Spells for the Highest Level Unicorns," Twilight was beside her now. "Do you understand it?"
Trixie rolled her eyes and responded, "Of course Trixie understands it. She's not a dolt!" She sighed and relaxed, "Behold!" She stood and concentrated for a couple seconds, her entire body enveloped in a lavendar aura before it disappeared, along with the rest of her. Twilight's eye's widened. Trixie had preformed the high level spell while injured and without any magic enhancers. "Voila!" Trixie bopped the princess's nose jokingly with an invisible hoof before dispelling. She could only hold the spell for a minute, but she wasn't about to let Twilight know that.
Twilight shook her head in disbelief. "Wow Trixie," She smiled. She was used to the mare's slightly abrasive attitude by now, "That's amazing!" She was grinning widely now. "I learned a new spell too! Take off your bandages." Trixie blushed a bit at Twilight's forwardness before realizing this had to do with the spell. Twilight was too inadept at such matters to make such suggestions. She hesitated for a second, dreading the scar, but complied nonetheless. When the last of the bandages hit the floor, Twilight began concentrating hard, her horn glowing a bright purple. Suddenly, the scar began disappearing as if it was a zipper that had just been zipped up. Twilight released the spell and panted a bit, feeling drained. Trixie was speechless, thankful, but speechless. She looked at the alicorn with wide eyes. She hadn't noticed, but the bruise on her shoulder was gone too. She was completely recovered.
You said to come and comment, so I did.
First, I'd like to say that I'm… honestly impressed. I, personally, love Twi x Trix. It's a little thing for me. I'd like to see how this'll fold. I'll keep a close watch. Gonna save this fav for now. I'll wait till it gets better.
3814737 I don't feel it was super OOC. She's an impulsive character, very impulsive. She doesn't think about the consequences of her actions much, and she was being egged on by somepony she already had a bad history with. She felt bad once she realized just how bad she'd beaten Trixie. It wasn'twasn't like she had no remorse once she got a second to calm down. She wouldn't be the first one to make a huge mistake like that and beat herself up over it later.
You're right. It was a flimsy excuse to beat Trixie within an inch of her life. I seriously doubt that excuse would fly in court. I'm going to keep an eye on this, but you already have some damage control to do.
Just something I noticed.
3814923 Lol thanks for pointing that out. I've been reading too much OctaScratch lately, I guess.
I was concerned about the way Rainbow was acting in this fic, but now its understandable. You have earned a thumbs up my friend.
Unintentional alliteration.
Poetry FTW!
3814923 I'm with Frankie2 on this. Rainbow Dash and Trixie getting into an escalating shouting match with some scuffing and maybe a few petty spells? Okay. Rainbow Dash beating Trixie into the ground to the point that she needs surgery to survive over a few playground insults? That's criminal.
Unless the rest of the story is about the evil entity that drives good ponies to commit atrocities and the heroes fighting against it, I sincerely hope we'll get to see Rainbow Dash having to face the consequences of her rash actions. Things like prison time or community service, anger management classes, and one heck of a sincere apology to Trixie.
I mean, you've clearly established that Trixie can be nice in this continuity, seeing as how she's on friendly terms with both Twilight and Spike (the latter of whom has always held a strong grudge, so that's an accomplishment), so developing on this angle can work too.
I just really, really hate when stories depict the main heroes as childish jerks just to perpetuate a grudge. They're supposed to be a little better than that. Not perfect, but trying to be good. And "she started it" isn't an acceptable argument in court. (And if you want to be really petty about the details, by that argument they have no right to say anything, since they "started it" back in S1E6 when they insulted Trixie during her performance.)
I haven't downvoted this story because you're clearly making some effort at least, but I strongly suggest that you take a good hard look at how your characters (particularly RD) are turning out if you want to gain much approval.
3817615 I agree I may have overstepped some boundaries, and I made a lot of people angry over it. I really like RD. She's my favorite of the mane six. Honestly, at the time, it was a spur-of-the-moment plot device. I do already have a very, VERY, long apology planned out for her in the chapter after next, but as for prison, I'm not going to do that. I like her character waaay too much, and I want her to be an integral part of the story, and not depicted as the antagonist. That was just something to get the story rolling. There are so many Twixie stories out there, I was just trying to start off with something completely new and original. I didn't want to be caught up in a wave of standard Twixie stories. I wanted to stand out, and I certainly did, though not in the best way possible. In a way, I feel like I'm in Trixie's position in "Boast Busters." I only aim to entertain. Everyone should just sit back, enjoy, and watch how it plays out. If you're not happy by the end of the story, then I may have some apologies to dish out. Trust me, she will be redeemed. I thought the way she remorsed over what she did immediately, redeemed her a bit already. Usually she is VERY stubborn, but even she could realize she crossed a line. She just needed a second to clear her head. She will be redeemed much much more than that, I assure you. I would tell you more, but spoilers.
What, jus' because Rainbow Dash did it, now Celestia has to, too?
Called it! :)
Big item (I am guilty of this myself sometimes) I saw this a lot.
I believe it is grammatically correct, however, it reads like an instruction manual. watch this.
This might just be me so don't take this as scripture or anything like that but when you identify who it is performing the actions you should not need to keep identifying who it is unless/until that pony/person changes. A lot of these could be combined to help with the story flow. for example:
Trixie stumbled into the small town that she had come to know far better then she ever wanted to, she was tired, thirsty, and hungry. As the early moring sun beat down on her; she wiped the sweat off her brow, it was taking all she had to keep going. The heat was intensified by the capes she had to carry on her back, her classic purple star-spangled show-mare cape, and a simple black hooded cloak underneath. Dispite the bad place she'd been n when she bought it, it looked rather fetching on her. While she did not have enough bits for a decent meal she still managed to by small trinkets here and there. Most of these were propers for her tricks, some fireworks, but some were actually illusionary magic enhancers, that were much safer than that accursed Alicorn Amulet.
Says the same thing, but the overall flow is improved.
Some conversations seemed a little dragged out, however, I think that was due to the short chapters (a 400 word conversation in a 1000 word chapter is 40% that same conversation in a 2000 word chapter is only 20%)
Some buildup for the pillow fight part. (Twilight getting annoyed at Trixie making so much noise, some playful banter the night before) it just kinda jumped into it.
This is just me nitpicking…
6320124
Hey, I thought the movies were pretty good.
Different from normal.
ALL THE PEANUT BUTTER CRACKERS SHALL BE TRIXIES!
I fully intend to read this in full, but while it's usually not my way to comment on something if I'm not done yet, I tend to be rather scatterbrained, too. So here goes stuff I don't want to forget about:
You could use the rule 'show, don't tell'. And by following that piece of advice every aspiring author should hear at least once, I think you could improve this story - and maybe, possibly, others, too? For example: The citizens of Ponyville are known for their strange behaviour. "It's evil!" - "Buuuhhh!" Instead of asking: Who claims it's evil anyway? Or even: Why is it evil? They seem... as gullible or clever as the show needs them to be at that very moment. But the creators of the show have to work with some nasty premises. 20 minutes per episode, for example. You, on the other hand, shouldn't experience such limitations. There's nobody holding a gun to your head, whispering in your ear "more than 2.000 words per chapter or more than 10.000 words per story and I'm gonna pull that trigger, friendo!", is there? (Seriously, if there is - call help and die trying! ) So. When the citizens of Ponyville gather around Trixie and watch Rainbow beat her to a bloody pulp and then, miraculously, Twilight shows up for a direly needed pep talk... why exactly do they cower instantly again? And no. "Because she's the big, bad, all-mighty alicorn" doesn't count. These ponies know her. They see her on a daily basis, talk to her, live with her. Why isn't even one single pony standing up to her? Why's nopony shouting "But she totally deserves this!"? That would have been wrong, of course - and Twilight could've used her skills in lecturing others - infamous as they are - to point that out. To deconstruct everything thrown in Trixies direction. "She's evil!" - "No, the artifact MADE her evil - she was just obsessed and stupid enough to seek it out in the first place. That's nothing one should be killed over." Something like that. Anything, really.
Because like it is now? "Bad ponies! Go home!" - "Okay"? That's just... it seems horribly and unnecessarily rushed.
Okay, next example: They, apparently, live together for a week while Trixie recovers. How?
Don't get me wrong - her condition sounded bad, really bad. But that only means that somepony - or somedragon - has to take care of her. You stated that Spike did that. Was there really no interaction with Twilight at all? This whole week? None of Twilights friends showed up to ask what happened? Rainbow didn't show up again because, hey, she's Rainbow and totally not into being patient?
Good, so, Spike took care of Trixie. Again: How? You stated that they made up. She apologizes, he swallowed it and everything's fine. But don't just tell us - the good part is the one where a reader gets emotionally invested. Show us HOW they made up. HOW she apologized. HOW he accepted. Why? Because there are sooo many ways they could've done that. Again, an example: 3 days into her recovery, she's yet to speak a single word to the dragon who did almost everything necessary. Not even a single 'thank you'. Finally, he's got enough. Twilight might get mad, but he won't play her little slave-dragon anymore. They run head-on into an argument. (Well, hey, at least she's talking...!) He smashed the soup he brought her on the ground and is about to leave. With the perspective of loosing not only her chance at redemption, but also her good graces with Twilight, she finally ponies up and apologizes. Almost inaudibly so. Of course, serious as this topic is and mature as Spike is... he states he couldn't hear her, although he totally could. So, grinding her teeth, she repeats herself. And he just pokes fun at her with a witty, snarky one-liner. They share a little, verbal battle, trying to out-wit one another (hey, he's TWILIGHT'S number one assistant!) and finally, he accepts her apology. (Because: Just because you apologize doesn't mean the other party accepts (instantly).)
That could've been a whole story in itself.
In addition: I reeeaaally gotta wonder where the heck all of Twilights friends are, anyway. Rarity came to inform Twilight, okay. Rainbow was already there, having fun by breaking ribs. Why didn't Applejack how up? Or Pinks? Or Flutters? They didn't show up at the 'crime scene', they didn't show up later on, while Rainbow and Twilight were just waiting, they-... come to think of it, even Rarity just up and vanished after that.
Huh.
Reading on.