Twilight never became Celestia's student and Sunset Shimmer learned the power of friendship. Twilight is trained by her brother and then leaves Equestira for 7 years before coming back for her brothers wedding.
hmm, great chapter. so is the whole herd thing a no go? it's fine if it is, i've just always been a huge fan of the appledashlight shipping. i'm even in a group dedicated to it. also (and i'm not trying to be rude or anything) but i would seriously suggest trying to find an editor. either that, or work on those run on sentences. they really mess up the flow of the story.
Yes, I am working on the chapter. And it may take a while because its like trying to fix up a writing piece from a foreign person who has a small knowledge of the English language...........I'm just kidding, but it is not very good.
Ok, I would love to go over this and make a few tinsy adjustments. There are many boticible fluency and grammatical errors here that need to be fixed. The scenes and ideas are fine, it's just a matter of how they are being connected and the fluency of them. Like when Twi was talking bout herself, many of her sentences were abnormally long. Please oh please let me or someone else go through this and fix it
"Look Spike, I know you grew up with ponies but you never give your horde to anyone unless you loss some in a bet and your honor as a dragon make you have to keep that bet or if you're trying to get a mate." She said rubbing her temples.
Why is the Twizerker so compelling?
It is rare, but good!
hmm, great chapter. so is the whole herd thing a no go? it's fine if it is, i've just always been a huge fan of the appledashlight shipping. i'm even in a group dedicated to it. also (and i'm not trying to be rude or anything) but i would seriously suggest trying to find an editor. either that, or work on those run on sentences. they really mess up the flow of the story.
3686230 yeah I got one and he's working on it, so watch out for the edited chaps soon
3686429 sweet! if all works out, you could have a super popular story on your hooves!
Yes, I am working on the chapter. And it may take a while because its like trying to fix up a writing piece from a foreign person who has a small knowledge of the English language...........I'm just kidding, but it is not very good.
Ok, I would love to go over this and make a few tinsy adjustments. There are many boticible fluency and grammatical errors here that need to be fixed. The scenes and ideas are fine, it's just a matter of how they are being connected and the fluency of them. Like when Twi was talking bout herself, many of her sentences were abnormally long. Please oh please let me or someone else go through this and fix it
Firstly I faved this fic.
But now, I'm sorry, I have to unfav this for a while.
There are too many errors, too many "WATs", and your OC stole Dashie's waifu.
I'll read further, though. I don't like not finishing fics. Maybe it'll get better and I will fav this again.
For now have an upvote, for the overall idea.
This was such a good chapter XD
Well he kinda of is.