Dream On: Vinyl and Tavi's Private Weblog

by Koiyuki

Octavia on Integrity and the Political Divide

Sometimes I wonder just how much of a double-edged sword technology’s advancement is. As you know, the past few weeks have been quite an experience for me. How much, you might be wondering? To clarify what I’ve gone through, let me show you a few of the messages I’ve gotten over that time:

“If gamer is a race, then it’s time for another ethnic cleansing”
@MovieBuff on Whinny

“i hope you die of cancer”
@m1ra

“People like you should be bludgeoned to death with a book of logical fallacies”
@FlameBomb343

“I WILL RAPE U AND CUM IN UR UGLY FACE”
@shino9890

“OK, Miss Octavia, who graduated from Excelsior High and lives at (my home address), I’m gonna come over there tonight and stab you in the neck with my kitchen knife. Congratulations on standing on the wrong side of history, you stupid whore”

By the way, that last one? A phone call out of a series of them from a number I’ve never seen in my life. How mental does someone have to be to want to murder someone they’ve never seen before? I was so shaken by that I called my father to discuss the matter, which prompted him, likely with great fury in his heart, to contact his people to find out who made that call. Not a day later I learned that the person who made such a grave threat against me was but a 16-year old child, one I met with in person during the weekend. She looked so timid in her Black Flag t-shirt while we were having tea time together, looking up at me from across the table and asking, “D-do you hate me?”

“I’m not exactly pleased with your actions, but we are only human, and thus susceptible to folly. I am curious, though as to why you made such a violent threat towards someone you’ve never seen before.”

“I just wanted to be a good feminist. Some friends online told me if I wanted that, then I should doing my part to get people away that nasty GamerStorm crowd, no matter what I had to do” She sobbed ever softly as I told her about what that really meant, about the error in using intimidation to push someone towards a certain perspective, all the while being reminded of just how vicious GamerStorm had made those involved. You’re probably wondering what that is, based on how confused you were that night at the bar when those two women got heated about the topic and bickered to the point of that rather messy incident taking place. To help you understand, allow me to take you back to the first time I met one of the women you saw at the bar that night before I even knew any of this was going on.

***

Months ago, a colleague invited me out to CBGB, a live music drinking hole with quite the history among the punk scene, according to what he told me. Scratchy graffiti lined the walls when we got past the front door, playbills from music giants past scattered about. The energy in the air was something I never felt before and based on how fetching my male companion was in those skin hugging jeans and that button up shirt that gave the slightest of peaks at this chiseled chest, I was expecting to have a bit of fun before the night was over. What ended up happening, though, was that we talked shop for a bit before he got called off to meet with a client, leaving me to nurse my pale ale at the bar and think about which vibrosword I wanted to use that night

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw a wide young woman with a purple bowl cut looking at both her smartphone and laptop, mumbling something about a real-time hack of her Whinny account with a gaggle of male friends, including a balding blonde-and rather disheveled looking older gentleman taking a selfie with her. They were getting ready to go when she said, as best as I can recall, “That guy is such a douche”. At the time, I didn’t make much of the instance, with my most distinctive memory being the hideous pimple below her right eye. Accordingly, it remained impertinent until months later, when I went to go visit Lily at the Cuddly Outlawz’s computer shop and happened upon her colleagues in a heated dialogue. “Ethics!” and “Harassment!” were the two ideas yelled down the hall as I made my way to their meeting room, opening the room to see Lily, dressed in her stonewashed jeans, white button up and with her auburn hair in a bun, trying to diffuse the mood.

“Look, girls, I understand how much GamerStorm has struck a chord with you all, but please be civil about this. This kind of verbal attacking will do nothing to help each other find a peaceful middle ground.”

"GamerStorm?" I asked. "Is that a tournament your team is entering?"

"I wish. Let me get things in order here first, then I'll tell you about it in the car" On the way to our favorite little hole in the wall burger joint she explained the origins of what she refers to as a consumer revolt, mentioning that a female indie developer named Suspira had an intimate relationship with a video game journalist covering both her scene and the game she was working on, doing so behind the back of her then boyfriend. No one even knew this was going on until said boyfriend wrote about the affair on a personal blog called, "The Suspira Incident" and drew the attention of the gaming public, some of whom started asking questions and found their questions being censored and deleted en masses across various forums. I’m grateful that Lily sent me supplemental materials to help further my understanding of the issue, especially after seeing that among them was a photo of Suspira with her beloved, the very same photo I saw them snap at CBGB, the subjects whom I recognized as the children of a couple of my father’s friends, one a real estate tycoon and the other one of the richest military contractors in the country. This made me very curious about what would be revealed in the interviews I learned a Mr. Blackman was doing with figures from each side of the revolt, more so considering how convinced each side was they were on the right side of history

***

During those interviews, I witnessed a transgendered game developer and a quiz show whiz express how convinced they were that GamerStorm was nothing more than an orchestrated harassment campaign, while a gaming commentator exposed how much of the harassment came not just from both sides, but even at him for daring to be neutral, the same befalling a charity whose representative came on to talk about how opposition sympathisers tried to cripple their efforts to get women into gaming, the strongest support coming from this so called orchestrated harassment campaign-who, from my understanding, actually saved the charity’s effort and brought it just over their original $70000 goal. Meanwhile, on the support side, female gamers, adult film stars, reporters and the wheelchair-bound owner of an imageboard all came on to show what GamerStorm was supposedly fighting for, including having a place for discussion to take place without fear of censorship from above. Their testimonies paired with my research revealed an intricate, tangled picture of what this incident encapsulated, with a common link being allegations about female harassment in gaming leveled by a ponytailed young culture critic called Amita.

From what my research said about her, she seems to think herself some sort of powder keg ready to blow hole in traditionalist logic and create a better world for women in gaming, making a hefty sum from her donation drives and speaking appearances, one of which happened to be at my alma mater. I set some time to hear her speak to the capacity crowd and was fortunate enough to catch her after she got off stage to ask if she’d like to have lunch with me to discuss these matters in more depth. After I brought up my own online harassment experiences working with the Cuddly Outlawz, she smiled at me and said, “You seem to have a good understanding of why we need to combat this narrative. How about you, me and my boyfriend meet up at the vegetarian curry place by the pier? I have one more engagement to get to later on, so does next week sound good to you?” With that, I was left to wait a week to hear from her, doing the daily grind while capping each day off with a trip to Urth Caffe, an excellent place for a cuppa and snackies, and roaming about the internet on my laptop. I remember playing a Tetris game, when over my shoulder I heard someone say, “A puzzle game? Those things are for filthy casuals”

“Are they?” I answered, eyes still fixed on the screen. “Then perhaps you would like to prove how casual I am at this? Miss…”

“Vivi. It’s only right you know the nameof the person who’s about to lay a whupping on you. Now shove over and let me plug in my controller” From the belly pocket of her purple and green striped hoodie, I saw the fair-skinned, flame-maned young woman produce a black and white Xbox One controller, prompting me to say, “Interesting that you’d take a console controller into a coffee shop to play someone on a personal computer” while I booted up Steam to get to the Tetris game Lily gifted me last year(quite fun, by the way!)

“You caught me on the way back from a Street Fighter hangout I had with some of my buddies. Hopefully you aren’t as pathetic at the vidya as they are” The on-screen countdown tensed me as it down, licking my lips as it went “3, 2, 1. GO!” Glancing at my opponent's side revealed the traditional Tetris blitz, stacking them high enough at her blistering pace for multiple strikes. Sure enough, 15 seconds into the 2 minute match, she caught me with a knockout while I worked on my own combo focused setup. Thankfully, though, battling Lily taught me enough about T-spins, J-spins and other sorted spins and kicks to catch her with a few 1-2 body blows and even the count. Have to admit, though, that match had my muscles strung tighter than my cello strings, sweat on my palms as the garbage lines flew and we traded one KO after another after another. Before I knew it, we were each one KO away from victory with under 30 seconds on the clock and a mess of a playing field to navigate. With a T piece on deck, I spun my way into a double, then spun and kicked my way into a 2 combo, then 3, then 4, then 5 until suddenly, the game was over, and Vivi was standing over me, brow thoroughly furrowed as she unplugged her controller. After a moment, a smirk crossed her face as she offer her hand for a friendly shake.

"Not bad at all. Didn't think I'd ever have to get good at a puzzle game."

"'The rabbit hole can only go as deep as you're willing to,' as my mother once said."

"Seems like your mama taught you well" she said as she wrapped up her controller. "Well, guess I'll-wait a sec. Is that a GamerStorm tab?" I nodded, knowing she was likely referring to the open Meme-Pedia page on the topic. "How did you learn about it?"

"Through a gamer friend of mine. Yourself?"

"Just hanging out around the video game forum on Yotsuba Channel. If you like, we can talk about it back at my place. From what I've seen of you, you seem pretty legit, and junk"

"Certainly. Let me call my butler, so he can drive us there as soon as possible. That is, if that's alright with you, Ms. Vivi" Truly, does watching someone take their first ride in a Rolls Royce never fail to entertain. The way she melted into the plush, heated leather seats while she watched Ultraman 7 on the headrest TVs and scarfed down the Heavenly Mousse chocolate truffles my butler always brings for me to snack on. It was a pleasant chaser to the trip to her apartment, a trip that revealed just how deep the GamerStorm rabbit hole went.

By the time we planted ourselves on her somewhat shabby, yet quite plush feeling couch, I had shared with her what I gleaned from Lily's materials and the interviews, Vivi firing up her PC as she said, "That's about the gist of it, yeah. Now if I may, let me give you the full course Red Pill meal (Red Pill, of course, referring to the scene from that hacker movie where taking the other pill let the hero continue their blissful ignorance, the red pill revealing that ugly world for what it was and letting them break free of its grip)." The first thing on the tele was a piece on You.tv built around the Digital Entertainment Research Institute, otherwise known as DERI by the narrator, Sarru-kinu. To quote his intro "For the next few minutes, I will erase all doubts on how they’re using taxpayer's funds to research how to influence education and move media towards a more 'inclusive' direction, including how these loons want to replace traditional peer review methods with those that want people to listen and believe"-methods, which, as Vivi pointed out, lead to the publishing of a paper the author pulled out of his backside and peppered with intellectual sounding jargon to prove how brain dead such a process would be. After it ended, I was a bit confused at what this had to do with GamerStorm, which she clarified by pointing out the people a part of DERI, people also a part of the indie gaming community and whose studies were cited by those professionally involved in the gaming industry, some of who have wrote articles with titles like "Gamers are Dead," and published them in waves mere hours apart from each other. Out loud, I thought, "Could such things be a mere collective reflection on what these writers hold true or is there something more to this?" With a smirk, Vivi handed me a Wavebird and said, "While you're digesting your red pill, let's get some Project M going. Been wanting to give the new update a spin, and now's the perfect time to see if they took the Nerf bat to my main" As expected, she was quite merciless in how she played me, likely respecting what she thinks I'm capable of after our match in the cafe and pounding me like a 2 bit steak. Afterwards, however, she was quite open to discussing GamerStorm with me in our online chats, sharing plentiful information from both ShotakuInAction and Mugen-Chan, the imageboard that I first heard of in the interviews, itself heavily tied into what fuels the revolt. Truth be told, I've never been to a place like that before, and my first impressions of the communities were those of great hostility, especially Mugen-chan. It certainly was the first time I heard such vile language thrown around so casually, what, with the user base telling others to kill themselves and calling each other Unbearable Faggots, on top of some of the more extreme rhetoric I've seen used to describe their opponents. Lily taught me much about the unique nature of such places as well as how one must sit and listen to understand proper conduct, but I couldn't shake the feeling that there was something about it I didn't quite grasp. Why would they have such adverse reactions to what they perceive as censorship and bad journalism? Surely there had to be a reason the media used such critiques of their revolt. This much was on my mind when I got a text from Amita asking me to meet her for our lunch down at the vegetarian curry place by the pier.

***

As my lungs soaked in the salty winds, I sat at my table on the veranda, thinking about everything Vivi said about Amita and her kind.

"She was caught on film saying she's not a gamer. She's raised tons of cash to make videos that reuse other people's work as a background to her deliberately misrepresented arguments. She opened up comments specifically to cherry pick the nutjobs out to support her narrative. For fuck's sake, before she was a cultural critic, she helped guys become pickup artists. And she calls herself an intellectual Feminist? The fuck outta here with her bullshit"

However true that may have been, I didn't want to let myself be drawn towards seeing only one side of this, especially as someone who was at the other end of the abuse Amita spoke of in her works. I looked up from my newspaper, and suddenly found myself staring over at not only Amita in her signature jeans, lumberjack shirt and hoop earrings, but also her boyfriend and producer of her videos, McCloud.

"Sorry about being late." She said, extending her hand. "You know how it is working on a packed schedule"

"Indeed. I thank you for taking the time to speak with me, Ms. Amita"

"Think nothing of it. May I ask why you sought me out, though?"

"You seem to be very knowledgeable about women in relation to video games, especially after I heard you give that lecture at the college"

"So you wanted to improve your understanding of that subject, correct?" Asked her portly, scraggly and rather shabbily dressed boyfriend as our orders came in.

"That is correct. For one, why does it matter how women are portrayed in games?"

"Think of it this way: when you're a kid, you learn how to do things by watching other people doing them, right? That's why they have those movie ratings to make sure that only people of a proper age watch proper movies. Therefore, it follows that the sexist behavior people act out in games will soon manifest in the world"

"I remember when someone said something similar about video game violence and people, including those promoting your work, laughed them out of the building"

"They were right about violence then as we know we're right about sexism now"

"But how do you know that's true?" I asked in between sips of my lemon soda water.

"You've experienced it yourself, haven't you?" Asked Amita between bites of that deliciously spicy curry. "The verbal assaults, the dick pics, the fact that you had to prove yourself twice as hard to get to the same level the boys of your orchestra reached. Aren't those proof enough of how hurtful sexist influences are? Of the change that needs to happen for gaming to progress?"

"I suppose. Progress to what, though?"

"To a world where games are less about fun and more about a message. Where all of us can feel safe and good about what we play. Where all the games we play aren't just pointless diversions, but tools to help us become better people. Whether we have to drag the world of gaming into it or they gladly hop on the bus doesn't matter, just as long as we get it there with the right people charting the course"

"Right people? How can tell if they're the right people?"

"It's quite simple: if they want to see gaming progress, they're the right people. If they don't, they're free to stand on the side of the road and watch as they get left in the dust, as others like them have been before, and will be again."

"I see. So then the people who've grown up gaming-"

"Are only qualified to speak on the past, and know nothing of the greater good" Added McCloud. "Only people like us, who realize that everything is subjective, are suited to guide gaming, if not all media towards a better tomorrow. After, everything is fluid, so why not give that fluidness a good path to travel? Take away all the threats and hate speech that people are so bent on protecting as free speech? If you ask me, that kind of speech should never be free. Maybe put a nice fat stupid tax on it, you know?" It was quite fascinating hearing them speak at length about their lives at the center of this revolt, of both the praise and ire they've been showered with. As we were about to leave, a video call came in from Lily, Lily specifically asking to face the two as she said the following:

I do apologize for not being able to make it out there to meet you all. I was told of your proposal, though, and informed my other teammates, some of who greatly enjoy your work! After considering everything, we decided that, sadly, we cannot lend our brand to your cause, not to the people who have directly implicated our fans and the games they enjoy as the cause of all society's woes. It simply would not be right to do to the people who've supported us all this time, something I'm sure you can understand, right? That said, speaking on my own behalf as LBX-and pardon the upcoming rudeness, I think you people are the worst thing to happen to women in gaming since pink controllers and girlfriend mode. Farewell, good luck and please eat several bags of dicks, you elitist, intellectually dishonest pimples on the ass of society.

Needless to say, I never spoke to them again after that day, but still tried to express on my Whinny that both sides had points to consider. This, apparently, was heinous enough to warrant one of the most unnerving periods of my life, where out of nowhere, people started to harass me and my conjectures in an increasingly vile manner. The day that began, was certainly the day someone told me to end myself.

***

I remember riding home from my meeting with those people and Whinnying something like, "I think those for and against #GamerStorm have valid arguments, so why not cast nastiness aside, and hash things out together?" Such a benign statement would never inspire anything vile, right? That's what I thought on the way to practice with my orchestra mates. When I checked my Whinny afterwards, though, I saw someone respond with, "People like you should be bludgeoned to death with a book of logical fallacies" My time on the net has taught me to brush off the odd troll that pops up, but the more time passed, the greater the rhetoric grew to be, more so as I tried to remain civil about the subject and give each side due merit. In return for my efforts, I was called a sockpuppet, a shitlord, a gender turncoat and many other things I did my best to brush off while I went about my day. Merely harmless bellends who wouldn't dare walk the talk, certainly. That's what I tried to keep in mind during a lazy weekend afternoon, when I got a message on my cell saying, "OK, Miss (name), who graduated from (my old high school) and lives at (my home address), I’m gonna come over there tonight and stab you in the neck with my kitchen knife. Congratulations on standing on the wrong side of history, you stupid whore"

It was at that point that I could no longer ignore such vile rhetoric and was shaken to my foundation. How, when none of my information was ever put online in any public forum, did this person uncover so much about me? Sent a shiver right up my spine, that did, my breathing struggling to keep pace. I immediately left home and called my father to tell him what happened, my father advising me to see him right away and to not breathe a word of what happened into the public space. As he put it, "The last thing you want to do is give those bastards their sick satisfaction" While he was doing whatever he did, I called Vivi to ask if I could stay over for a spell. It was while I was at her place that I learned how vile these harassers were, sending knives and syringes in the mail, getting people they don't like fired and who knows what else. At the same time, I was introduced to the works of Stamatopoulis, who wrote articles detailing about how this was part of a larger war on lads and their culture, on how those against GamerStorm sought to remake society in their own image according to their own ideals, drawing their lines in the sand for the incoming war for hearts and minds. While I contemplated his thoughts, I got a phone call from my mother asking "Do you mind if I come over and speak with you and your friend later on?" I imagined it was merely motherly worry about what I just went through, but when we met, it was far more than that, about something far older than Vivi, you or I: the importance and methodology of political dissent.

***

Vivi and I were wrapping up a Team Fortress 2 game of Team Deathmatch, when a t-t-tap echoed from the door. Vivi answered it before I could even say anything, and my mother appeared before her, a slight woman in a black fringe flapper dress and a salt and pepper finger wave designed into her hair. The faintest of smile lines graced each cheek as she shook Vivi's hand.

"Hallo! My name is ReinMelodie. Thank you so much for taking my daughter into your care, Ms. Vivi. It means a great deal to me that she has friends willing to lend a hand in her time of need"

"Don't even mention it, ma'am. Come on in, I'll get some hot cocoa ready for you" Soon enough, we were all seated at the kitchen table, my mother smiling at us from the other side as she blew on her mug.

"My daughter says that the harassment she was subjected to is related to something called GamerStorm. If you would be so kind, could you tell me what that is, Ms. Vivi?"

"Well, what began it all was a female game developer having close ties to people in the industry she works in, with her using them to help promote-"

"You have just lost me on your cause, Ms. Vivi."

"What do you mean 'lost you'? With all due respect, you've only let me speak for 10 seconds! Even the best elevator pitches take at least 30"

"That is true. If you know this, however, then why did you not use the first 10 to hit me with the core of your cause? Someone of your generation should know well the value of capturing someone's attention the first chance you get, especially considering that your supporters include conspiracy theorists, harassing journalists and people focused like a laser on those who supposedly mean nothing to them on a site known to give safe haven for things that are borderline child pornography. Not exactly the kind of people I would want bearing my banner, if you ask me" The silence hung thicker than pea soup as my mother stared dead across at Vivi. "Is something wrong, Ms. Vivi? Are you unable to prove you are not an internally misogynistic, racist, regressive sockpuppet? Are you silent because you cannot refute your 'movement' is little more than a fruitless lashing out against the inevitable, as well as a campaign of harassment and misogyny whose strings are being pulled by conservative figureheads?"

"Not at all, ma'am. I'm just stunned that someone as well spoken and intelligent as yourself would be in taken in by such patently false allegations, especially considering how much is accomplished as a mere consumer revolt" As I sipped on my cocoa, my mother, for the first time in all the years I've known her, broke out into a belly laugh, throwing her head well back while she did.

"Wunderbar. Simply wunderbar. It has been years since I've come across someone other than my daughter able to demonstrate such unshakable belief, such calm demeanor in the face of someone slandering what they hold dear. You still must work on covering your message in a brief, concise manner, but if I may, I would like to help you realize how to engage your opposition by sharing the experiences my family have passed onto me." We sat on the couch and watched the short form documentaries my mother pulled up on the brutal oppression her forerunners faced under a Communist regime, of the sickening punishments they endured for their dissent. It was shocking to see people sent to live in bitterly cold countries with little to live on and hear the tales of torture survivors who were investigated by secret police, but I was unsure what this had to do with GamerStorm. When Vivi asked as much, my mother answered, "The beliefs these monsters practiced, are strongly similar to what your opponent upholds as the thing that will save our society from itself."

"With all due respect, there is no way I could see them being this cruel. They're nuts, yeah, but this?"

"I take it you don't think the excommunication, vicious, career crippling, life ruining smear campaigns and rampant vilification of those who disagree with them are not cruel, then?"

"They are messed up. But why do it, though?"

"The answer, itself, is simple, but in that simplicity lies a web of connections deeper than anything you could even begin to comprehend" It was at this point my mother got out a flash drive she had in her purse. "And what you'll find in here will help you crack the surface" We looked at the materials together and learned about something called Shared Staples, a system of learning writing, reading, arithmetic and so on that is purported to make learning more accessible. When we saw that some of the richest people in the world were throwing billions of their fortune to promote it globally across different media, Vivi asked, "Are you showing this because you want us to see that they're trying to use gaming to try and control how people learn?"

"I think you have your tin foil hat on a bit too tightly, Ms. Vivi. Their intent is to try and make learning simple enough for any student to grasp,
although the results seem to show a chasm between their intent, the pitiful results, and the public disgust with it. This said I want you to see something a bit more relevant to your revolt. Look not at the names, alone, but also what they are connected to."

"Wait... Aren't these the owners of the publications that've been running those smear campaigns?" My mother nodded softly, taking a nibble of the Oreos Vivi provided for snackies.

"Those journalists you claim to be against, are not the ones most interested in seeing your revolt falter. They are the pawns of these companies, and these companies will do whatever it takes and spend whatever it takes to gentrify what you hold dear so they can push their own agenda, what they think will make people better"

"Like that walking simulator one of 'em gave a 10/10?" Her head tilted, my mother scratched at her crown. "Uh, never mind. Let me ask you this, though: Are you on our side?"

"I have absolutely no interest in taking part in any aspect of this, more so after the assistant I asked to research this and my own daughter were harassed the way they were."

"Then why would someone who'd probably benefit from our falter help us?"

"The first time I heard my daughter speak of this, I thought it was merely children having a spat over not getting their way. When I asked my assistant to research this, however, she reported back that she was accused of being a misogynist, then a murderer, then a pedophile, then a rapist. While she was giving her report, her accusers called to convince me to fire her using those exact same charges to make their case, all because she had the gall to give credence to what you claim to be fighting for. It was horrific enough that she had to endure such treatment, but when I learned my own daughter was subjected to it, those people who claim to be on the right side of history, had crossed the line." She was visibly shaking the more she spoke on what happened. "The fact that they endorse such behavior through logic like, 'there are no bad tactics, only bad targets' further reviled me against their cause, and lead to me sharing what my assistant had dug up with you in order to help you halt this madness as soon as possible. Vivi took a swig of her Mountain Dew, her emerald greens firmly fixed on my mother.

"How can I do that, though, if those kinds of deeply connected people stand against us?"

"Your side seems to know much about letter campaigns, investigative journalism and so on, so the best thing I can tell you is this: keep your visible figures few and your eyes as calm and clear as possible. Attack them with Pathos, attack them with Logos, attack them with Ethos, recognize, then turn every rhetorical trick they use against them, and do so with as much lucidity and placidity as you can muster. Your goal isn't necessarily to win them over, but to expose who they are to the curious onlookers passing through and giving them the rope to hang themselves with. The more they think they can't get under your skin, the more you'll get under theirs and lead them to make their own mistakes."

"Please give your assistant my thanks, ma'am."

"I think it would mean more coming from her, directly, no?" She said as she texted her assistant to come up to Vivi's apartment. "The research I've asked of her, seems to have made her happy to aid in your cause, and if it's alright with you, I think my daughter and I need a bit of heart to heart time to for us to reconnect and help her decide on what to do with the person her father discovered was the one behind her harassment"

"Sure. Thanks for all your help, ma'am. Before you go, though, I want to ask you something: what do you want to do to the person who harassed her?"

"Let me put it this way: if it were up to me, alone, anyone who threatened her peace of mind, would have a bleak, brutish and barely worthwhile future ahead of them. Knowing my daughter, however, she will probably be more merciful than I when she sees her. Probably" After that day, I met with my harasser, learned her reasons for her actions, then went about my daily routine, GamerStorm drifting towards the background as Vivi and I got to know each other better over online bouts of Street Fighter 2. During one of our sessions, I learned she had yet to have much extensive offline interaction with others, something which became painfully obvious in how blunt and lacking she was in social graces (much like how you were when we first met, as a matter of fact, complete with her profanity laced manner of speaking, rather aggressive rhetoric about things not to her taste and lack of consideration!). In that spirit, I thought it an excellent idea for the three of us to meet up at CBGB during her off time as a QA tester to shoot the breeze over a few rounds. If only I had known Suspira was due to arrive there around the same time and known how provocative her behavior was.

***

I remember well how nervous Vivi was. With a snail-like pace, did I see her nurse her pale ale as she returned every warm hello the men gave her with a "H-hello, nice to meet you" while we waited for you to arrive. It was like watching a mirror version of the Vivi I saw every time we spoke online, and the more I saw it, the more perplexed I grew.

"I understand isn't the easiest thing in the world for you, Vivi, but I never imagined it would be this trying. Maybe I could call Vinyl and have her meet us some place where you feel more comfortable?"

"Thanks, but I think I'd rather stay here and try to squirm out of my hugbox. After meeting you, I feel like I can talk to more than just gamers about gamer stuff, but I know that to do that better, I still need the practice, no matter how bad it sucks"

"I see. May I ask how it feels to get this practice?"

"Knowing that you got my back? Feels good, man" It was about then that you arrived and got her to open up in ways I never knew she could. Perhaps it's because you're more familiar with the culture she comes from, but it did my heart well to see her smiling and chuckling at your repertoire, however obscure it may have been to me at that point(to this day, I'm not sure what you mean when you say that woman you pointed out got duckrolled, or why the two of you chuckled when you said 'Looks like the kinda guy who'd do that every night until they liked it'). It was around the time Vivi brought up how she and I met that day, when someone passing by said, 'GamerStorm? What, were you two plotting how to dox someone you didn't like?' I turned around, and standing before me was a wide young women with a bright purple bowl cut with red and yellow highlights, the woman I recognized as Suspira. Suddenly, Vivi bolted upright out of her seat

'No we weren't. Doxing is what the other side has been proven to do to people they don't like'

"Seriously? You're gonna make those claims without any proof to back them up, GooberStomper?"

"The proof is everywhere. People have had knives, syringes and dead animals mailed to them for expressing support. Multiple people have been fired because of the harassment they got. My friend was called by someone who read her back her address before threatening to stab her in the neck last Sunday night. I dare you to tell me that isn't proof"

"That could've been any random troll, and you know it. I was personally sent vicious harassment by some of you GooberStompers because of unproven allegations about my sex life. Because making me scared enough to leave my home, is totally about ethics in journalism, right?"

"Yeah, you looked real scared in that video where you played back that 'harassment' they left on your messages. You were probably just as scared when you and your cronies killed one of the biggest game jams in the history of indie games before it even got off the ground. How's your own game jam coming along by the way? You know, the one you set up days after the jam that would've brought your industry untold amounts of eyeballs, was killed? The one you haven't given any details in the past few months, but are still accepting donations for direct to your bank account?"

"What does that game jam have to do with ethics in journalism? What about all the badgering emails you've been sending companies supporting people brave enough to stand up against your nonsense telling them to drop advertising and take money out of the pockets of people who have nothing to do with this?" The back and forth grew red hot the more it went on, with a very particular type of fallacy surfacing as it did. According to my mother, it starts by inventing a negative opinion, then installing it into someone by accusing them of holding it, and finishing with an insult towards them for holding it. I caught this when Suspira said, "So you really think we all just got together one day and decided "screw gamers"? Are you really that deluded? I bet you are, you internally misogynistic, racist, terrorist scumbag." It was at that point I saw Vivi's brow unfurl, a chuckle escaping as she sat back down on her stool, her mug in hand.

"You know, I just realized something: the only thing you've done this whole time is accuse me of things I know I didn't do, of being things I know I'm not, and generally doing nothing to refute what I've been saying. As far as I'm concerned, I don't even need to do anything else"

"So are you admitting to being as much as of a scumbag as the rest of you GooberStompers?"

"As much as you're admitting to being a trust funded keyboard warrior that has nothing better to do all day than accuse everyone who plays a triple A game of being internally misogynistic, racist, terrorist scumbags. Because I'm sure you're totally not, right? Right? I'm positive you have a life that's rich, fulfilling and-" At that point, Suspira stepped towards Vivi with fire in her gaze, prompting me to step in and try to keep things calm.

"Ms. Suspira, I can certainly understand where you're coming from but-" With no hesitation she splashed her microbrew ale in my face and shoved me aside, which, if memory serves, compelled you to get right in her face.

"What's your damage, man? She didn't even do anything"

"You call that disrespect not doing anything? By taking her side, you've just become part of the problem, and problems need to be taken care of" Next thing I knew, she shoved you and delivered an open hand slap, one you ducked into a hook right in her eye. I still remember her hitting the deck, then struggling to her feet as you said, "The only problem here is you, Suspira. Or should I call you Chesleigh von Zuckerberg?" She seemed in a terrible hurry to leave the second you said that, likely because she was as surprised as I was that you knew the name was born with. In watching her leave, I was left with a question I've had ever since that young woman said she wanted to be a good Feminist: why did she take things so far? Why did any of the people on the fringe choose to embrace that fringe mindset? What purpose was there to taking such drastic actions for a cause?

***

Over the course of my research into the history of protest, I've theorized that those who embrace radical ways, do so because a foundation for their actions must be laid before any real work can be applied. From what research suggests, they're also convinced that shock tactics serve to awaken the public to the problem they seek to solve, that they do what they do because that progress towards solving it isn't always made by being nice. In discussing as much with Lily, she said, "Perhaps there is some value in the discussion they initiate, but after the call you got, can you see any other value beyond that?" In considering all the harm these methods have brought upon others while achieving next to nothing, I can safely say that I can't. After all, this is the same logic that's led to to several horrific murder sprees, as well as historically tragic treatment of people that were once considered a problem needing a radical solution, perhaps enough so to consider it the final solution. Really, the whole experience taught me several valuable lessons, including the importance of being able to remove the blinders of following a given ideology became every more crucial for me to consider. That much became ever more crucial after watching those blinders turn ordinary people into heartless beasts capable of inhuman cruelty for their cause. Accordingly, the ability to hold people accountable for what they say has shown itself to be vital for advancing a medium and minimizing the chances of mob rule ever taking hold. In reality, this is all a rather petty thing to have such a grandiose conflict over, but if one can't practice basic accountability and journalistic integrity in something like games, how in the world can that ever be expected for something as important as global news reporting? If there's one thing I've taken away, it's the value of having someone there to watch the watchmen, the value of demanding that those who report to the people, answer to the demands of their audience. There will always be some level of cronyism in a given field of interest, more so the more specialized it is, but knowing all I do now has shown me the power of many small voices bonded by a common cause, as well as how much sting there can be in their punches when they pop a kingmaker and show them how powerless they are when people stop listening and choose to look elsewhere for what they want.

Author's Note:

From Vinyl

"So that's what that whole thing was about! Now I know why I always heard Suspira's dad mention how much of a screw-up she was whenever he came to my mom's restaurant with his wife. Crazy, man. Anyways, I got to know that Vivi chick after that night at the bar and to be perfectly honestly, she really does remind me a lot of myself, like you said. Maybe I'll write about that next, or something."