Dream On: Vinyl and Tavi's Private Weblog

by Koiyuki

Octavia, on Twilight's Greater Internet Jackwad Theory

　It's funny how people act when they think themselves above consequences, as well as how blunt they are in their conduct. Put someone far enough away from whom they can't stand, and suddenly they have the gumption to yell, "You suck!" as I'm sure you've heard much of in your time playing on
the EDM circuit. It's something I thought much on in the time I've been working on this, as the more connected people are across the globe, the more often I've seen them empowered to commit such acts of faceless cowardice. Speaking of which, I believe Twilight and I spoke awhile back on a theory concerning how people act when they feel they are out of judgmental eyes. When we met up at Sugarcube Corner for our Tea Time, she called it the Confessional Booth Theory, as, from what I recall, she said that, "When you're in a Confessional Booth, neither party can see the other, right? So there's no name to attach to whatever's said in there. No names means no reputation to affect; no reputation to affect means whatever aspects they keep away from public view are more likely to bubble to the surface, and shape their actions. According to Rainbow Dash, though, a better name might be The Greater Internet Jackwad Theory, a name she suggested after hearing about it, and noticed how prevalent it is within Cyberspace...along with how most of it seems to hinge on being as unsociable as possible"

　Not long after, the theory sprung to mind when I paid Lily Blossom a visit during one of her days off. Apparently, her NPO does well enough to let her live in a condo in the borough of Bucklyn, where I found her brother cooking up some brown rice, freshly grilled hot dogs and Chili he made from scratch. As we waited for the rice cooker to finish up, a news report popped up on the telley on how people connect, specifically how easy technology has made it to maintain an emotional bond over great distances. Midnight Blaze was nibbling on his chili, when he said, "You know, I think it's great we can chat with folks on the other side of the planet in the blink of an eye, and all, but let's be real about this: tech has made folks super rusty in how they chat with people two feet in front of them. Don't you think so, sis?"

"When a pot of water is left unheated, will it not eventually cool? Likewise, the less warmth is given to verbal skills, the cooler they become. You saw as much on a date, recently, if memory serves"

"Totally. When I chatted with that girl on Kindling, she seemed like a super fun, playful kinda gal, 'seemed' being the key word, here"

"Kindling? Do you mean that app that lets you speak online with those around you?"

"Yeah, that's the one. When I met her in person, though, it was like all that fun loving and playfulness went poof, and was replaced by an interest in texting her friends, taking glamour shots of her steak and chips, and saying nothing besides 'yeah,' 'I guess' and 'uh huh' when I tried to get to know her. I might as well have been talking to a one of those bio-androids they make in Japonica, or something. At least they pay attention when I say something!"

　"And why wouldn't they? They are programmed for your pleasure, brother. Perhaps after dinner we should play a few rounds of that shooting game you like so much." During the course of our meal, I asked what shooting game they meant, and they both went into great depth about The Flying Tigers, a military-style shooter for the PC with much swordplay, much parkour and extensive martial arts influences, as well as much running about on wires. At first, I thought they were discussing the Gun-fu movies you love to watch when they brought up executing headshots while running along walls, knee sliding under sword slices and impaling them in the same motion, and disarming someone rushing at them with guns blazing. I was highly curious about the game by the time we finished our meal, so when they went to go play, I watched them intently in order to ascertain how much of their stories were rooted in reality.

　As I watched them play, I learned much about the different modes, such as the free for all nature of Deathmatch, the frantic tactics of Capture the Flag, and a rather fascinating mode I'll delve into later called Last Tiger Standing. Watching them play was, indeed, like watching an action movie full of highly acrobatic performers prancing about in trenchcoats, leather bodysuits and stone washed jeans. When they played online, however, I heard some rather unsavory language from their opponents. In that session, alone, I heard other players refer to them as flank pirates, spear chuckers, and Equestricunts, with Lily Blossom receiving thrice as harsh treatment the second they heard her voice. I swear they propositioned her for sex at least 5 times before the round was over, her brother simply sitting and smiling as she dispatched them with utmost ease and without batting an eye. When I asked how such nonchalant skill was possible under those circumstances, she simply said, "The reason I have such skill is the same reason they display such vulgar behavior: what my brother calls The Thirst. I know you have work to attend to shortly, so would you like to come over next weekend, so I can instruct you on both the game and The Thirst?"

　That weekend, while she taught me how to shoot, throw explosives, disarm opponents, and other elements crucial to the game, she went into great depth about The Thirst, bringing up how when you desire something badly enough, you will reach deeper into your soul than you ever have before, push yourself to places you've never been before, and become something completely foreign to what you've known yourself to be in order to attain it, just as someone in the desert would give every ounce of themselves to finding the oasis that will slake their all consuming thirst. "Accordingly, when veiled under the cover of perceived invisibility, the side people hide from the public eye bursts forth to fulfill as much of its deep seated desire as it can. I'm curious, though, as to what kind of thirst this game will awaken within you as you delve into its depths." Over the hours of training and girl talk, she noted my increasing aptitude with counter attacks, offensive and defensive tactics and sending objects thrown at me back to my opponent, soon thinking it time to test my skills, and sending me into live combat. How did I know this? Well, when I returned from a trip to the loo, she was entering a lobby for Team Deathmatch, waiting to see how much of the training stuck.

　As I'm sure you can imagine, I was faced with countless opponents with more experience, more knowledge of the battlefields I faced them on, and with far better aim than I. In turn, I was gunned down countless times by foes both inches away and tucked away far away from my line of sight, with my first death coming within seconds of the opening bell and my very first round ending with 0 kills and 15 deaths...as did the next one, the one after that and the next few after that. Quite mortifying, as I'm sure you can imagine. One round, however, something miraculous took place. In the middle of a dusty desert town, me and another clad in a black trenchcoat crossed paths, strafing and trading shotgun blasts until he charged at me with the butt of gun. Without a second thought I repelled it, smacked him across the face with my own, then thrust the barrel into his gut as I let the finishing shot blast him through (of course that bit of elation was short lived, as mere seconds afterwards, I was impaled from behind). After that match, Lily Blossom helped me adjust my boosters and Killstreak rewards while teaching me about both the importance of communicating with team mates and refining my style of play, mentioning the strategic patience needed to camp at a given point on a map, as well as the spacial awareness that running and gunning demands in order to float like a butterfly and sting like a sword wielding bee. To help me develop these traits, she threw me into the game's Fortress Defense mode, handing me a controller(my preferred weapon of choice, to her chagrin), and playing alongside me as we, along with 3 online teammates, braced ourselves for the swarm of hostiles trying to break into our territory. Before the match began, I asked why anyone would compete in such a harsh environment with equally harsh opponents when the results change virtually nothing outside the scope of the game; to that much, she replied, "Whether in expression or in competition, what's most vital lies not only what you prove to others, but also in what you prove to yourself"

　Clutching my puny pistol, I watched as my teammate jumped off 2 walls, climbed to the 2nd level, and settled in an obscure spot on the cozy map, telling me to watch the six of both my team and myself. Our battle brought us against soldiers wielding riot shields, thickly armored brutes firing away with their grenade launchers, and countless other enemies, each new wave smarter and tougher than the last, each demanding we work as a team just to survive. The first time I was bested, a teammate near my position was right by my side, patching me up even as he was battling a frantic firefight. As soon as I heard him say, "Don't trip, girl, I got’chu", I was inspired to empty my ammunition into the brutes that tried to strike him from behind, the instructions my team issued growing ever more crucial as my weapons and the enemies grew ever more powerful. Lily Blossom never broke her poker face as the team and I flanked our enemies, distracted them with cover fire while a waiting teammate showered them with minigun fire, and fought the final wave to a standstill, Lily Blossom providing the finishing shot from her sniper rifle. Around that time, someone from her NPO called, and we parted ways, with her saying, "I hope you enjoyed our time together in the game. Perhaps if our paths cross once more in this game, I will have to be as merciless as I was in my youth just to ensure my victory" I didn't know it then, but after I bought my own copy, those words would stick in the back of my mind each time I fired up the game, making me wonder what kind of person she was in her youth, how different she was from the sweet, yet taciturn young woman I met with in my school days.

***

　 In the months after then, though both chats with her brother and asking teammates between matches, it became clear that even before the day we met, Lily Blossom was known in competitive circles as LBX, a gamer renowned for both her skill and her mouth. Within those communities, people knew that whatever was dished out at her was repaid two fold, LBX getting into the deepest parts of their psyche with highly pointed insults and taunts in order to throw them off. For all that I learned about LBX, however, none of my sources could tell me about who she was outside the game, driving me to turn to who I thought would have the answers I sought: her brother.

　Like Lily, herself, her brother was hesitant to divulge any detail about her life as LBX, telling me how she wanted to move on from that part of her life, and didn't wish to revisit those days. In fact, he said he would only speak with me on the matter if I was able to best him in The Flying Tigers, likely thinking I was going to have a match decided by one last kill in the last seconds of the match that he would take in a frantic firefight. Dramatic, right? Anyways, after handing him a 75-50 drubbing in Team Deathmatch, he fulfilled the bet we made beforehand, and told everything about how she became LBX, about how gaming served as her primary escape from the life they grew up around, doing so through this e-mail:

　Remember how Lily said that who folks wanna be pops out more often when there ain't a face to put to what they do or say? Same thing went for her. The first time they saw the handle LBX, they didn't know she was a painfully shy kid, that she thought being a doormat was the best way to get through life, that she grew up so poor, the only nice thing she had was the computer she played on. Only thing they knew her by was whatever she left out on the field of battle, and let me tell you, every day after school, she left pure devastation, not to mention how she got into the heads of anyone that went up against her. I remember playing with her one day, and hearing her not only clown on the other team, but also use how badly they were doing to make them play worse, saying stuff like "Maybe you weren't so distracted by how your daddy don't love you, you'd actually be able to hit me" and "What's a matter? Is the way all them pretty girls won't talk to you making you forget how to play worth a crap?" As the one who taught her all that, it filled with me a certain sense of pride.

　She got so good, as a matter of fact, I felt I had to convince her to sign up for local tourneys, helping her develop her look and personal style so she could slip in and out of spots all ghost like while she kept racking up Top 8s, Top 4s, and eventually top spots. After that whole thing with Coco, though, the pride and little prizes she got for winning wasn't cutting it. She knew that there was bigger and better it there, and didn't want to just be a big fish in a small pond no more. Soon after that day, her determination to aim for the bigger fish in the bigger ponds blew up big time, eventually driving her to form the Cuddly Outlawz, a clan based around Flying Tiger players, and work with them to reach tournaments offering five and six-figure prizes. By the time she got to that level, though, she had spent over 8 years dealing with both the pressures of high level play in highly hostile environments and the pressures of being the unfaltering student my folks knew her as. Quite frankly, doing both wore her down to a nub.

　When she told me as much during her semester break, I told her that if you just do what you love and expect your passion to help you break through the rough stuff, as she probably thought she was doing in her time as LBX, you'll get eaten up by everything that sucks about it, and end up hating it as much as you'd hate a regular 9-5. Naw, if you really wanna enjoy the stuff you love to do, the way I see it is that the first thing you gotta do is find the love in everything you do, even the crap you don't like. To me, that's the ticket to fully enjoying life, and it's something she took to heart when she was about to enter the last tourney she'd do as a pro. As for happened when she entered? She says you'll have to beat that out of her. Next Saturday night, Flying Tigers, Rooftops map, Last Tiger Standing. The invite will come from [Cddly0tl4wz]xxLBXxx, so when you see it, I think you'll know what to do, right?

***

　I know you haven't played this game in awhile, so here is how Last Tiger Standing works. Shortly after it kicks off, one player is chosen as a Tiger Hunter, only able to wield a throwing knife. When a Tiger Hunter kills their target, however, they became a fellow Tiger Hunter, the same happening for both everyone a Tiger Hunter takes down and if they happen to die by other means. If everyone becomes a Tiger Hunter, the Tiger Hunters win, with the other side winning if there's at least 1 who hasn't become one when the timer hits 0. On the Rooftops map, they not only must keep an eye out for these Tiger Hunters, they must also watch their step, as one wrong move means a fatal plunge off the 2 skyscraper rooftops that make up the map. All that ran through my mind as I played some practice rounds, and, out of the blue, I got a blank message entitled "[Cddly0tl4wz]xxLBXxx has invited you to join a lobby" A solid gulp descending down my throat as I accepted the invite and was mentally prepping for the big showdown.
　Upon joining, a warm, vibrant, yet unfamiliar voice greeted me, saying "Hey, what's up? Name's Rolling Thunder, LBX's old clan mate. Hope you've gotten as good as she says you have, else this might be a real short one." The seconds ticked down to game time, my trusty SPAS-15 Shotgun, Katana and SIG Sauer 1911 load-out waiting for me to charge into battle as I surveyed the map. Zip lines leading from one brightly white building to the next, wires curving from one side of the map to the other, a maze of office rooms with breakable windows waiting just below, and so many other options for evading the Tiger Hunters-which immediately became needed, as the game choose [Cddly0tl4wz]xxLBXxx to be the first one.

　"Stick with me," Rolling Thunder ordered over the radio. "We'll flush these Tiger Hunters out together, and lock up this win" The second she finished, the game told us that LBX had just hunted one of our teammates down, and changed the odds from 15-1 to 14-2, the two of us sweeping the lower floor for the new Tiger Killer. I peeked around a corner, and instantly was rushed by our target. I hooked his knife thrust away with my pistol's barrel, and ran him through with my blade, withdrawing it with a twist before we made our way upstairs. Opening the door, LBX leapt off the wire suspended high above and came seemingly right at us. Before we realized, she landed on someone behind us and stabbed him in the chest, looking square at us before she rushed off, and saying, "I'm saving you two punks for last," two Tiger Hunters soon in hot pursuit as we dashed our way towards those wires. Quickly, did we approaching a wall as our pursuers closed in, leaping at, then off of it, twisting towards them, and cutting them down with our blades. By the time we got upstairs and reached the wires, the odds changed to 11-5, then 9-7, 5 minutes remaining as we ran on them to the other side. As we did, my partner was picking off Tiger Killers with her hand held SMG, telling me, "Looks like you got some steak to go with that sizzle, Octavia. Wouldn't get too cocky yet, though!" With Tiger Hunters waiting on the other end, she jumped off, shot one in the head, and thrust kicked another off the building into a fatal plunge. Two came at her before she could recover, so, with no hesitancy, I whipped out my pistol, and popped two between their eyes before I hopped off, the game telling us the odds have now become 5-11 with 3 minutes left.

　We raced to the downstairs office, my partner instructing me to cover her rear, and aiming her FAMASat the wall. In that moment, I remembered that one of the boosters available is AP Ammo, armor piercing rounds that ignore both that and walls to reach their target, the both of us posted outside the door and me awaiting her signal. The second after she screamed,"Rush 'em!" her AP rounds took out 2 of the 6 waiting in that room before we burst in to take on the other 4. In seconds, one was face to face with me, my shotgun blasting him right in the mouth, and my partner drawing the others away with cover fire. 2 gave chase, while the other threw his knives my way, my skill allowing me to strafe and block his projectiles until he felt he had to rush at me. At the last second, I deflected his knife thrust, booted him into the window pane, and finished him with a blast shattering the glass, and sending him flying to the ground below. I turned to run to my partner, only to find one of her targets punted into the air and that the other impaled her as she impaled him on the end of her rifle. Just then she told me,"Sorry, partner, guess the hunted just became the Hunter," the game informing me that the odds have become 1-15 with 1:30 remaining.
　
　I made my way to the roof and ran into a relentless stream of Tiger Killers along the way waiting to take me down. The four in the hallway rushed in a straight line, making it easy for me to pop two between the eyes, cut another down, and parry the last one into an uppercut slash. My radar told me there were 5 more running down the spiraling stairs, leading to me chucking a grenade and shooting it as soon as it landed near them, to ensure they had no chance to chuck it back. On the way up, 3 more Tiger Killers came at me with me with wicked intent, with 3 more being chucked off the stairs, roundhouse kicked into the wall face first and carved up like a freshly baked ham, leaving only the entry in front of me. Sure enough, waiting for me to arrive on the roof was LBX, herself, running at me in an erratic line as she screamed, "Now it's time to take out the trash! Hope you're ready, rich girl" With my pistol and sword at the ready, I deflected every slash she took me, LBX doing the same while the other Tiger Killers started emerging onto the roof and the clock ticked down the :45 left in the battle. In those dying seconds, I heard her bring up the irony of my parents giving all the resources I could ever ask, yet having 0 time to enjoy them with me, the fact that men find my refined nature so intimating, they never even try to approach me, and that because I'm so focused on being classy, I didn't even know who I was underneath all the layers of proper conduct I put on everyday, things I've always thought about, but never spoke of to anybody. Thankfully, I was able to keep how deeply her insight shook me at bay long enough to prevent her from claiming her final victim, the clock running out right when she repelled my sword slash and had her knife raised high. At that point, however, I had to and put the game down to reflect on what she said, jeers of "Timer Scam" and cheers of "You held off LBX? Nice!" coming through my headset. Not a minute later, I got a text from Lily saying, "You did well, Octavia. Since you have won the right to hear the end of my tale, would you like to discuss it over beer and pizza at the local restaurant? My treat, naturally"

***

　I sat there at the corner table, waiting for her to arrive, and thinking about what she brought up in those 45 seconds. Who was I, really? Did I really come off as that unapproachable? What did I miss out on as a child? In that moment, I looked up to find a woman with faded jeans, burnt sienna crop top and yellow, red and black hair had accompanied Lily to the restaurant, locking her pond scum green eyes on me and saying, "So we meet again, Octavia. Good to meet one of the few able to stand toe to toe with LBX" as they sat down to place their order (which was 2 Meat Supremes, in case you're wondering. Much bacon, sausage, pepperoni, and honey baked ham on that one)

"The pleasure is mutual, Miss..."

"Rolling Thunder, the person who saw you battle LBX to a standstill. A rare event, by the way!" While we waited for our order, we tossed back a pitcher of Sweet Apple Acres' finest Apple Ale and talked about the events leading up to LBX's final tournament.

"As you probably can guess," said Rolling Thunder after chugging a glass, "LBX has two things going for her: hax skills and hax insight, both of which she's used to break anyone in her way down to a hot mess"

"As she tried to do to me?" Rolling Thunder nodded, pouring herself another glass.

"When we first met doing volunteer duties at the local soup kitchen, I had no clue that this mild mannered saint of a girl was the same person I had fierce battles with in that game, and couldn't believe it when I found that out about her during our chit chat time"

"I imagine it would shock anyone," said Lily, nursing her glass, "considering how aggro I acted when I played. Just playing that round with you brought back so many memories of the power I felt over other players, of how much more assertive I became in that dominance, of why I left the professional gaming ranks in the first place" With a gentle smile, Rolling Thunder glanced over at Lily, taking a nip of the freshly baked breadsticks the waiter brought to the table.

"From the moment I met her, I had no doubt that LBX was a front-a front she needed in that world, but a front, still."

"Needed?" I asked,"How do you mean?"

"You've played enough Flying Tigers, haven'cha? You know that if you ain't showing you're made of the tough stuff, you will be chewed up and spit out like yesterday's gum in the online world. She knew this and loved playing that game enough to make up a whole new identity just to play at the level she wanted to be at. Shoot, if it wasn't for that love of the game, the Cuddly Outlawz clan would've never happened."

"Well, if she was willing to go that far to play at that level, why did she quit?"

"Because I could no longer find the love I once had for it" Lily answered with a chuckle. "After nearly a decade of enduring the sexist, racist and brutish behavior from both fans and fellow competitors, every tourney felt less like a thrill, and more like the 9-5 my brother spoke of. Likewise, I had began displaying that same behavior more frequently in my time away from the gaming scene, the reactions I got illustrating how my actions online affected those I met, and was no mere fun and games. I still remember the young woman I made cry when she cut front of me, and in the heated argument we had, I used my insight about her home life to cut at her to the core. At that point, I had become disgusted with who I became, and wanted something different for myself."

"Which I assume has something to do with the NPO you started up?"

"You got it," Rolling Thunder answered. "We talked about this a ton during training, and I knew that the girl I saw when we worked the soup kitchens was the girl I knew her to be. After working her for some volunteer duties for school, I had a hunch that working with folks like that let her find the love she used to have for pro gaming, so I promised that if we got first place in our next tournament, I would help her use the six-figure payout to do just that."

"I can't imagine your competitors made it easy to achieve such a lofty aim."

"No, ma'am. We had a bullseye painted on our back the entire tournament, and they made us scrap it out for those 1 Kill wins we got. If it weren't for our ace sniper, here, I know we would've been done in the first round, never mind getting to the grand finals. As a matter of fact, that map you faced her on was the very same one our opponents counter-picked, forcing her to play out of her sniping element, and put on the run and gun performance of a lifetime, ain't that right, Lily?" Lily nodded, taking a deep swig of her brew.

"Without a place to wait for them to slip, the impetus was on us to make them slip, drawing them into a waiting teammate's line of fire, sandwiching them on the stairs, and making them think we were everywhere, so we could convince to follow any path we wanted them to go, with the AP Ammo booster and our defensive reflexes playing a key role in our plan of attack. It was the most fun I had playing that game in ages, with accepting that check with my teammates reminding of why I put up with everything, what I was playing for, and bringing tears down my smiling face in what was the greatest moment of my life. Seeing my teammates share that joy with me told me exactly what I needed to do next, leading me to take the podium, and announce that I was retiring as the leader of the Cuddly Outlawz"

"But how did your teammates' joy convince you that you needed to step down?"

"My brother once told me that only those brave enough can look beyond the comfort and familiarity in what they do and towards the love and fulfillment that lets us live without regret. As much as that moment meant to me, it could not match my time working with the charity the Cuddly Outlawz set up, and bringing joy into the lives of those who may not have much to be joyful for, whether it's in the mobile soup kitchen in cooperation with the local Saddled Buddhists, assisting with lessons at the computer shop we all set up, or simply interacting with the community in different capacities. Each day I work with that NPO, I continue to be reminded of not only what truly matters in this world where everyone seeks an identity to help uncover who they are within, but also who." At that point, Lily and her friend smiled at each other, Rolling Thunder letting out a grandiose belch.

"Yeah, I gotta say that when she took on charity on full time, it was like seeing her for the first time with how she gentle and happy she was with the folks it touches, not to mention how much better she was-and still is at schmoozing it up and getting folks to think with their hearts by reaching for their wallets, especially compared to the socially maladjusted turbo nerds that make up the Cuddly Outlawz...myself included, admittedly, heh heh. Guess that goes to show that if you got the guts and the grit, who you aspire to be when people only know you as a faceless voice speaking from space to space can be the same person they see when they meet you face to face. Personally, though, I think it'd be hilarious if someone was as racist, sexist and generally prick-ish as they are online to someone two feet if them; hilarious in the "Did you see how hard that dweeb got kicked in the taint?" way, of course, but still"

Author's Note:

Man, I didn't think Lily had them l33t hax skills. Gotta challenge that girl to a money match one of these days! Speaking of doing what you love, though, I was talking to Fluttershy and this girl she knows about doing what you love and finding the guts to do something absolutely nuts in order to pursue it. The main thing I reminder her asking was , "Would you rather go after what you've always in life and fail, or play it safe at a stable where they would fire you at any time for any reason?" Really heavy stuff, and I totally wanna do something on as ASAP