The Diary of a Ghost

by TCValley

(CH4) ...No One Dies Twice, You Idiots!

Entry: #5

Date: July 10th

...Dear Diary (I’m growing FAR too fond of saying that),

If I could say just one thing to anyone in all of Equestria, it would be this.

CELESTIA, GET OFF YOUR LAZY FLANK AND RAISE THE FREAKING SUN ALREADY.

I swear, she took a holiday. Is the sun allowed a holiday? I think that’s against the rules. BECAUSE THE MOON SHOULDN’T BE IN THE SKY AT 9 A.M.

I don't think.

“Oh, I feel tired today. I’m just gonna lay here and leave the whole world in darkness. Hope no one minds.”

WE DO MIND.

...After her royal Procrastination finally brought the sun back out, the panicking mares behind my rock got a bit louder. I just hoped that they were FINALLY done freaking out about that random bolt of lightning that hit Rainbow Dash that I have no idea about and am certainly not trying to hide in an incredibly long grammatically incorrect run-on sentence.

...We all overreact sometimes…

Anyway, it seemed like the purple magician of the group, or Rarity (I don't know, I didn't see who), abracadabra’d Dash’s wing back to normal. Which wasn’t very good for me. She was SO BLOODY CONVINCED that I was nearby that she voided contact with the ground the moment her wing was better, and had been Pinkie Pie scanning the WHOLE WORLD since.

But she has left my rock alone. Conveniently. I’d stay away from lightning incarnate too, if I were her.

Well, I'm not really lightning incarnate. I’m pretty much useless on my own. The only thing I could do without the help of others would be flying. Or scaring the heck out of everyone. I wouldn't even be able to hold this book.

The only reason I can strike people with lightning is Discord. He gave me the ability to do so as a form of self defense. Back when I was alive, I knew Discord. We were actually pretty good friends. In reality, I think he was the only person I knew, besides my family, that didn’t make fun of me.

...I had an unusual condition. You’ve no doubt heard that some people have eyes that are different colors, right? I had that. But mine was different. My right eye was pure white, no pupil, and my left eye was pure black. I think my left eye had a pupil. Just, no one could see it. They all made fun of me. Some were even actually afraid of me. They called me a demon. That’s why I outcasted myself to the plains between Canterlot and Ponyville.

And in those plains, I was crushed by the meteor.

...And I still don’t know what I did to be so cursed.

Discord was always there for me, though. Unless he was busy turning people into bananas or making it rain snakes. Gelatin snakes. He always made me laugh…

...And after I died, he gave me lightning control. But he made me promise to misuse it first.

And BELIEVE ME, I promised.

...If I keep writing about my past, I’m not gonna remember what happened today. I might write more about that tomorrow.

Anyway, dodging irrelevancy, the persistent cyan one FINALLY left me alone after the sun came back up. Which it felt like it wasn’t going to do.

Stupid Princesses.

They all gathered themselves up, and continued their ridiculous journey toward the mountain range. The one that they decidedly assumed was the Shivering Mountains. I swear, those mountains got closer to us overnight. They were purple last time I saw them, and if I’ve learned anything from watching a gigantic meteor crush my entire body, it’s that if something is purple, it’s not close to you. Only difference is, the meteor stopped being purple after a few seconds. Then I just saw blackness.

And pain.

I SAW pain.

...Pain looks weird.

I KEEP GETTING OFF TRACK.

The six of ‘em, with me following, started moving toward the mountains. I had to stay mostly underground, with my head poking out above the surface, for the majority of their stupid hike (which lasted about 30 minutes) because Pinkie was SCANNING THE WHOLE WORLD, and my rock was the only cover for miles.

...I’m gonna miss that rock.

Well, like I said, after 30 minutes of dodging the unblinking pink sentry’s vision, they all stumbled into the mountain area. They all seemed pretty happy about it. But I noticed something odd. I could see their breath. Like, when it gets cold outside, and you exhale, you can see it. Like that.

But where I was, it was completely warm. As in, desert conditions. I still don’t get Equestrian geography. There are almost rifts between different areas of the world.

...It’s weird. But what do I know?

And then it hit me. And when I say “it” I mean two things. Firstly, I understood why they were called the Shivering Mountains. Secondly, I was literally hit by something. And if I get hit by anything, it means one, or both of two things.

1. Someone knows where I am.

2. Whoever they are, they are both strong, and have a horn.

In any case, once the boulder (I found out it was a boulder later. Nice person!) had scrambled my head, I was sent flying across the landscape. Best part: they must have also enchanted THE GROUND with that ghost-touch spell, because I could feel EVERY ROCK I hit along the way. I was eventually stopped by a pretty big boulder.

Which I also felt.

I was so mad when I came to that stop, I swear, my eyes were deep-space black. I was ready to kill someone.

And then I saw who had thrown boulders at me.

Two ponies. Twilight and Rainbow Dash. When I saw Dash, I was ready to snap her wings with lightning, but Twilight casted some spell at me first.

You know what it was?

Spiritual materialization. Ghost-touch.

SHE TURNED ME INTO A PHYSICAL GHOST. And Rainbow was flying RIGHT towards me.

...I know what pain is. That meteorite stung for a good long while after I died. Every step I took, my bones turned to glass and shattered. Well, I was a ghost, so not really, but it sure felt like it.

But I knew a steam engine when it was coming to kill me.

Also, I think she knew what had struck her with lightning, because I saw an evil smile on her face, and a cone forming around her.

She was going to sonic-rainboom me to my… uh… second? graveyard. I think it was second. Maybe.

...My friends are so nice.

I braced for second death. I could HEAR HER. But moments before contact was made, I heard another sound.

Guess who?

*Snap*

A sponge materialized in front of me. A REALLY BIG sponge.

I was just lying on my back, my head to the boulder, when I saw Dash’s head pop through it. She looked stuck. The look on her face was bloody PRICELESS.

...I could help myself.

“Hey Dash! How you doing?”

My eyes were white again. She took half of a moment to comprehend what had just happened, before she was THROWN out of the sponge from compressive tension.

*Snap*

“Oh, come now, ladies! What he did was all in good fun.”

...Another perfect example of a friend making my life better.

Or afterlife.

Words.

“Discord?! What the heck are you doing out here?!” The rest of the group had all gathered by a dumbfounded Twilight.

Where is my camera when I need it?

“Helping a friend not get obliterated twice in his existence. Besides, isn’t your job to uphold harmony and NOT to try to kill others? Twice? Honestly, with all your mushy sap, I’d think you’d have more ‘important’ things to do, hmm?”

...I love him.

Best person of the year award.

GIVE IT TO HIM RIGHT NOW.

“He broke Rainbow Dash’s wing in three places!” Applejack’s features got even more… angry? Ah, screw it, I'm to lazy to use complicated words. Angry. Sure.

And I broke her wing? In THREE PLACES? HAHA! I LOVE that bit! Honestly, I wasn’t trying to do that, but it’s no wonder she stayed away from my rock.

Hehe.

“He did?” Discord glanced down at me. “Beyond! How could you?! Why would you possibly be so mean to the ponies who are trying to kill you?” He tried to hold back a smile, failed, and soon after he was rolling around in a fit of hilarity.

I had to join him.

...They still all looked like they wanted to kill me, though.

“Haa! You guys are HILARIOUS! Now seriously,” the cloud he was floating on vanished, “leave him alone. I’m watching you.” He took out his left eye and extended his arm out to them, turning his eye to each of them in turn.

...Again, would’ve been a GREAT time for a picture, but NOOOOO, I just HAD to leave it at home, didn’t I?

“I’ll be off. Leave him alone, ok? I don’t want to turn anyone of you into chocolate and then force Twilight to cast the “Want it Eat it” spell.”

At that comment, he snapped, and vanished. I was left practically dead breathless. (I didn't intend that pun, but heck with it, I do now.)

And the six of them all looked disgusted. Probably because Discord tore his eye out in front of them.

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw something floating towards the ground. I swung my hoof at it and caught it. The six of them tensed.

Idiots. Hehe.

Guess what it was?

An inverted clover.

...Discord is my best friend for... Well, I don't have forever, so let's just say my soulless existence.

...Wait... I'm only a soul, aren't I...?

...Dangit.

Anyway...

Right now, I’m really tired. I need to just relax for a bit.

I know, I know. I didn’t finish off the day in this entry. I’ll do it in the next. Ok? So don’t kill me for the third time.

Just remembered he can’t sleep,
Beyond

P.S.: DANGIT.

Author's Note:

AAAAOOO NNNOOOO THIS CHAPTER IS SHORTER THAN THE OTHERS NOOOOO

Sorry. I'm not doing well with my creative flow.
What's that called? Writer's Block? That.

Anyway. I'm sorry if this chapter isn't up to standards. Whatever the heck standards I set for myself.
If you see mistakes, let me know in the comments, and if you liked it, drop me an appendage!
...Please? Heehee.
Anyway, thanks for reading, and I'll SEE YOU in the next chapter!
Bye!
-Time Centurion

Comments

[the monkey ninja]

Is this "reformed" Discord, or is Discord running around for no apparent reason? Because I think that threatening to kill one of the Element Bearers goes against the rules that come with the leash that Celestia put on him.

[TCValley]

3729944
This is set in a different universe, because I couldn't stay canon if I tried. Hehe.

This is "reformed" Discord, but in this universe Celestia grows a sense of humor.
Besides, Discord was only joking when he said what he did.

Just picture him saying everything while smiling.

ACTUALLY, YOU JUST GAVE ME A GREAT IDEA.

[TCValley]

3785719
...P...
People are enjoying this? I DID SOMETHING BENEFICIAL?

...Well, that took me what, 14 years?

Thanks for the input, and the next chapter, with any luck, should be out before the week's over. As in, before or on Saturday.

Thanks again. Hehe.

[TCValley]

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