Feathermarked

by SpinningRecord

Chapter 1

“I swear, RD, I don’t know how you get any work done when you’re just napping all the time!” AJ shouted to Rainbow Dash, who was lazily hanging from a tree branch above her.

“It’s called being awesome, AJ. You should try it sometime,” Rainbow Dash quipped.

Applejack rolled her eyes and turned away briskly. “Well do as you please then, just don’t get bucked when Big Mac comes back through these trees in a minute,” Applejack hollered back as she trotted away.

Rainbow weighed her options before flapping her wings. She fluttered down to the ground and trotted up next to Applejack. “I’m fine now. I just had to rest my eyes. Being this awesome all day is work you know! Besides, I said I’d help you didn’t I? Now what do you want me to do?” Rainbow countered. She glanced up at the clouds quizzically. Isn’t it supposed to rain? I’m sure I told Cloudkicker about the schedule change after I cleared the cirrus clouds this morning, Rainbow thought. She shook her head as Applejack rambled on.

“…. Then I need you to haul these apples to the barn. You got that?” AJ asked. Rainbow nodded slowly, trying to piece together the beginning of Applejack’s request. AJ rolled her eyes at the Pegasus and laughed. “Seriously, Rainbow. Do you always have your head in the clouds?” she giggled.

Rainbow opened her mouth to retort but remembered the cloud situation. “Sorry AJ, I’m going to have to take a rain check on that one. Something’s up with the clouds over here, it’s supposed to rain today. Uh, no pun intended,” Rainbow explained. She looked to Applejack apologetically. “Once I clear this up, I’ll totally help you tomorrow. I Pinkie Promise! Cross my heart, hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my eye!” Rainbow finished, complete with the motions.

AJ sighed, looking to the clouds. “I figured something was haywire. Applebloom is gonna be might disappointed tonight. They’re supposed to head over to Rarity’s to be Cutie Mark Crusader: Kite Flyers,” Applejack laughed. Rainbow nodded, flapping her wings to take off. She hovered in the air for a second before flying over AJ. She swiped at AJ running the tip of her wing along AJ’s side and down to her cutie mark before flying higher.

Applejack shivered. It always tickled when Dash did that. She didn’t know why Dash had started, or when, but she always did it before she left.

“See ya later, Apples!” Rainbow shouted back.

“Yeah, see ya later Rainbow!” Applejack echoed. Applejack picked up a fully basket, balancing it on her back. No reason to quit working now while it isn’t raining, AJ reasoned. She trotted carefully back to the barn, continuing on with the days work.

Author's Note:

Hi, everyone! I'm not new to the site, but this is my first story, so criticize away! I decided to write this because I had extra time on my hands and I've been wanting to try my hand at writing for a while now.

Also, ignore that AJ doesn't really have an accent. It's my first time writing a story, so bear with me because I decided to ignore it. Besides, it's not like we all don't know what she sounds like, right?

So, I hope you all like my fluffy little short story here!

Comments

[Mister Friendly]

Not bad, not bad. Very short though; feels more like one scene, rather than one chapter. I feel almost like I read a sneak peak, rather than the finished work.

But, for a first time writer, you got the hard part down. AJ and RD are totally in character. Honestly I didn't even pay attention to Applejack's lack of written southern twang and only really noticed it when you brought it up

[SpinningRecord]

3562279

Wow, thanks! Yeah, I feel as though it's a bit short as well, but I don't want to overwhelm myself since I'm just starting. I'll start out slow and eventually I'll be able to pop out those thousand-word chapters like it's nothing when I get the hang of it.

It's good to know that her lack of accent doesn't take away from the story.

Thanks for the comment!

[Dianwei32]

I inspired someone? Wow, I'm honored that my story motivated you to write one of your own.

I gave this a read and it's alright. It's fairly basic, but that's definitely not a bad thing for your first story. There are a few grammatical errors (mainly the occasional missing comma), but nothing glaringly bad or obvious. One suggestion I would make is not to call Applejack "AJ" in the narrative (i.e. when you wrote "AJ sighed,"). It's fine for Dash to call her that, but the narrative should stick to her full name. Though, you also don't want to use her name all the time; don't be afraid to use pronouns (she/her) or descriptors (the farm pony, or the earth pony if she's the only one around). Just... also be careful not to go overboard with descriptors, or you'll end up with the dreaded "Lavender Unicorn Syndrome."

I know that my bits of advice kind of... conflict with each other (use AJ's full name... but not too much. Use descriptors... but not too much), but that's one of the joys of writing, having to strike a delicate balance between names, pronouns, and descriptors that lets the audience know who is doing/saying what, yet without becoming monotonous or confusing.

All of that being said, keep up the good work.

[Aderes7Storm]

I like where this is going but I do have to agree that it is on the short side.
Another thing I liked is how I can see this happening in the show (if they ever do an AppleDash pairing)
so here is a for you

[schmitthappens21]

So, like in "Holding on to Nothing" does Applejack know Rainbow Dash feathermarked her?