Chapter 2: Ascending
Right galloped towards Canterlot as fast as she could, thinking that the peacefulness was ominous. She pulled her companions along at breakneck speed across the grassy plains as trees pruned into spheres atop trunks whizzed past and the houses of Ponyville shrank behind them. She narrowed her eyes as a large, dark shape grew in front of her. She gasped as she stared at the apparition in front of her, also travelling towards the mountain, and slowed down.
“By the moon!” she whispered.
“What is it, Right?” asked First as he turned away from Ponyville.
Right raised a hoof. “That,” she whispered. “That monstrosity!” She shuddered.
Solemn lifted a hoof to her narrowed eyes as she peered out of the wagon. “I’ve never seen a snake that size,” she said, her eyes widening. “It is thicker than an adult alicorn is tall! And it hath wheels!”
The creature continued to chug along its tracks and whistled as steam rose from a tube on its head.
“I trust not monsters with wheels,” growled Star as he folded his hooves.
“What kind of horrors hath Celestia unleashed upon this land?” whispered Right as she slowly shook her head. “Not even in the Everfree or during Discord’s reign did we see a snake like that! We should slay it!”
Solemn placed a hoof on Right’s back and shook her head slowly. “We know naught about this creature. Let us focus on our duties as Luna’s loyal subjects for now.”
“And suffer us not to slay every monster we happen across,” said First as he rolled his eyes.
Right nodded. “Of course. Let us continue!”
(/)
Soon the ground became increasingly rocky and steep and the cart shook ever more violently despite Right’s reducing speed. “Here is where we abandon the cart,” said Solemn as she flew out.
“Can we make it up in time or should we find shelter for Star?” asked First.
“We can if we use our Luna-given gifts,” said Star with a smirk.
Solemn turned towards First and said, “I shall carry thou. I am strong enough and thou hast no other way up!”
“What about Star and Right?” asked First.
Star snorted. “I have mine own way up. I am not that weak.” He jumped out of the cart and walked over to the rock face. He placed a hoof against the rock and began to walk vertically up the cliff. Right faded from view and her barding disassembled and floated up after him. Solemn slowly undid some of her bandages until they trailed into a pile on the ground and then carefully wrapped them around First. The crystal skeleton dangled below her as she flew towards the city.
“It helps that not only am I stronger, thou hast lost weight,” Solemn teased.
As they reached the mountain peak, a looming shape in the distance began to take shape in the fog. Great towers stabbed through the darkness, becoming more distinct with with their approach. As they drew nearer, the massive spires became visible, and the true scale of the City of Canterlot was revealed. The four stopped dead in their tracks, stunned by the sheer size and majestic beauty of Equestria’s capital city.
“Such opulence!” gasped Right. “Is this how Celestia celebrates whilst her sister is unjustly punished!?”
First lowered his head. “What taxes does Celestia inflict upon the poor for this?”
They landed and slipped into the shadows, dodging a beam of light. Keeping out of sight of the pony who was shining it, they crawled through the bushes. They darted from one patch of darkness to the other, staying out of view. They approached the gates and settled into the nearest patch of foliage.
“Hark! A night guard!” said Right, pointing to a grey unicorn in dark barding. “Shall I call him into service as his Commander?”
Solemn shook her head. “They may be the night guard, but we know not if they hath allied with Celestia.”
Right nodded. “Of course. We should perform reconnaissance.”
First raised a hoof and pointed. “What ... is ... that!?”
They turned to look at what First was pointing at.
“It ... resembles a pegasus … except that if I knew no better, I would say that thou had turned him, Star. And then he got stuck halfway through transforming into a bat,” said Right.
They continued to stare, open-jawed, at the fanged, bat-winged form of the pyrippus.
“By yourself tonight, Under?” the pyrippus asked the gate guard.
“Apparently Lance is sick, Sudden,” came a groaning reply.
“I’ll ask them to send you some company when I reach the barracks,” promised Sudden.
The four interlopers continued to stare as Sudden walked past and turned a corner. Seeing a pony with such odd features left them with open jaws.
“I did never make that!” whimpered Star Swirl.
“We believe thou, Star,” said Solemn. She narrowed her eyes. “Yet it seems that much hath changed while we were in space. We need to perform more reconnaissance.”
“And to build up thy strength,” added First with a nod.
“Suffer me to feed thou a guard!” said Right as she waved a hoof. “If he is with Luna, it shall be his duty and if he is with Celestia, he is the enemy.”
“Fine,” sighed Star Swirl, slumping. “I am hungry. I shall feed on him, yet I shall not drain him.”
“I expected naught less from thou.” Right smiled.
“And I shall feed on naught with fangs,” Star added, sticking his tongue out. “Resemble I a filthy cannibal?” He gave a grin at his joke which then faded.
“Of course not, Star,” said Right, rolling her eyes as the corner of her mouth twitched.
“I am serious. What manner of strange pony possesses fangs? It is far too peculiar for a living pony!” Star added.
“Worry o’er it not! He shall make a fine meal!” Right disassembled and floated over to the unicorn night guard which stood watch at the gates. She slowly pulled his spear out of his harness, her eyes narrowing in concentration, and slipped it between his strap and his body. She then jerked it down to quickly slash through the straps holding his barding together.
The stallion’s barding fell apart, slipping down and entangling his legs. He turned to see what was going on and tripped over it, falling on his face with an, “Oof!” His coat shifted from grey to pink. The pieces of Right’s barding quickly knocked away the remnants, including his helmet. His body began to turn white as they wrapped around him and strapped themselves to it.
The stallion frowned and said, “Make haste, Star! He resists!”
Star Swirl jumped out of the bushes and clamped his fangs around the stallion’s neck. After drinking, he licked the fang marks closed and stared into the stallion’s eyes which dilated and stilled as Right left his body.
“Who is thy Commander?” Star pressed his face against the guard’s and stared into his eyes.
“Prince Shining Armor,” came the dull reply. “He’s technically still the Commander. He’s still deciding who to appoint as his successor.”
“A Prince and a Commander at once?” asked Solemn as she raised an eyebrow.
“And what manner of name is ‘Armor’?” asked Right, cocking an eyebrow. “Art they a warthog?”
“Who recognises thy Commander as the reigning Princess of Equestria?” asked Star, narrowing his eyes.
“Princess Celestia and Princess Luna rule together. Technically Princess Celestia is in charge during the day and Princess Luna is during the night,” replied the guard in monotone.
“What!?” cried Solemn, rearing back.
“That makes no sense!” said Right as she widened her eyes.
“Ask him o’er Nightmare Moon,” Solemn suggested with a twirl of her hoof.
“As you wish, but this one is fighting quite hard. I will not be able to ask too much. What happened to Nightmare Moon?” asked Star Swirl as he pressed his face harder against the guard’s.
“She was defeated.”
“What!?” cried Right, rearing back. “How!?”
“How was she defeated?” asked Star Swirl as he stepped forward.
“The Bearers of the Elements of Harmony defeated her.”
Right stomped a hoof. “Traitors!”
Solemn sighed. “It looks like we have more dangerous enemies than we thought. We have not what it takes to defeat Bearers of Harmony.”
Right growled. “Not since the Elements were stolen from us.”
“Now, what do we do?” asked Star as he turned towards Solemn.
Solemn shook her head. “We may require aid. For now, there is too much we know not. Let us continue to investigate.”
“Where?” asked First, lifting a hoof in emphasis. “Star cannot enter the palace, for it counts as a stable and he cannot expect invitation from any who bed there. He is also too weak for us to leave him.”
“We shall remain in public areas for now,” said Solemn, lowering her head. “Even vampires are free to go there.”
“We know naught o’er this city!” First objected as he stepped forward. “How shall we find a public area?”
“The Statue Garden was not in Old Canterlot. It must have been moved yonder,” said Star, pointing through the gate. “Solemn should be able to see it if it is here and where to find it from the air.”
“Good!” cried Right. “Let us go yonder and bask in our past glories!” She lifted a hoof to the sky.
Solemn shrugged. “I have no better ideas.”
Star returned his gaze to the guard’s eyes and said, “Thou saw naught.”
(/)
They slipped back into the shadows and slowly crept towards the stone garden. Solemn led the way, followed by Right, First and finally Star. They wound their way through the alleys as Right cursed the low quantities of dust to muffle their hoofsteps, pressed against the walls, away from prying eyes, eventually stepping into the clearing where the stone sculptures of Equestria’s history were displayed.
“Ah, Lieutenant Victory,” Right sighed as she gave a small smile and stroked the side of the statue of an earth mare bearing a flag. “Thou were my finest officer.” She cocked her head as she turned towards the adjacent statue. “I recognise not those three fillies though.”
“It seemeth as though Celestia hath enlarged her collection,” said First.
“Yet where art our statues?” asked Right as she walked up to First, raised an eyebrow and turned her head from side to side.
“I see them not,” said Solemn. “And the one that should be upon this pedestal is also missing.” She narrowed her eyes. “Wait. This one resembles ...” She slowly walked forward and lowered her head. She scowled as she read the plaque. “There is a more important statue than ours missing,” she growled. She then raised a shaking hoof and pointed at the plaque.
“What is it?” asked Right.
“Dost thou not recognise it?” asked Star, his voice quivering.
First started backing away. “No ...” he squealed. “No! No! No!”
Right’s eyes widened and then narrowed again as her face contorted into a vicious snarl. “Discord!”
“Discord’s escape changes all,” said Solemn. “Before him, without the Elements of Harmony, what are we but insects? We need the aid of another Cosmic.”
“If another Cosmic could take down Discord, They would have done so,” said Right. “He is too dangerous.”
“We need not go for a living Cosmic,” suggested Star.
“Then who!?” asked First. “Havoc, so we can use his father issues!?”
Solemn shook her head. “Not his father. Draconequi art too unpredictable. He may not help us. If Discord is indeed loose, which we need to check ...” She gazed at the others meaningfully.
“True.” Star nodded. “Assumptions can be dangerous. And I see no sign of his chaos.”
“Better to be sure, I guess.” First shrugged. “The lack of screams is a good sign.”
“On this, I shall trust your judgement, Solemn.”
Solemn nodded and continued. “If he is on the loose, we need an alicorn.”
First took another step backwards. “Thou cannot mean ...”
“His teacher, yes,” said Solemn. “Yet more reason to check. Let us not fight evil with evil if the first evil need not be fought.”
“We would not want that!” Right nodded with widened eyes.
Star Swirl frowned. “Celestia and Luna said that Morning Star’s power was lower than Discord’s, but that his attitude was somehow even worse! Is this not the opposite of what we desire?”
“He was able to control Discord once before,” said Solemn. “Perhaps with our aid, he can do it again. And we can use him. He can be bargained with.”
“Hast thou lost thy mind!?” First suddenly gasped.
“Yes,” replied Solemn. “It was pulled out mine nostril, but I can still use it. What option do we have? Bargaining with Celestia?”
The others laughed bitterly.
“Let us take another day,” suggested First. “Thou admit that we need to check if Discord is truly loose and Star cannot risk exposure to sunlight. We should make camp. I could build a hospital.”
“I shalt be fine,” said Star. He slowly sunk into the ground.
“We can camp in the caves,” said Solemn. “We have not time to build a hospital, nor would doing so be stealthy enough for our mission.” She shot a glare at First.
(/)
The next morning, Applejack and Big Mac inspected the site of the cart theft. Applejack narrowed her eyes as she stared at the dirt. The earth of her farm had been disturbed. There were skid-marks across her farm. She moved her head slowly, scanning the area and then pointed at a hoof-print. “They were ponies what did this. More than one.”
“Eeyup,” Big Mac agreed. “Four.”
“Where we gonna get another cart?” asked Applejack as she turned to face her brother. “I hope they get those thievin’ varmints. But ‘till then, what’re we gonna do?”
“Could buy one.” Big Mac shrugged.
Appleack shook her head. “No way, no how! Not ‘till we’re sure as sugar that the last one’s gone for good.”
“Could borrow one,” was Big Mac’s next suggestion.
“An’ who can I borrow one from?” asked Applejack.
“Miss Harvest is close.”
“Carrot Top!?” asked Applejack. “She’d love for me to owe her a favour!”
Big Mac turned to look at her and raised an eyebrow.
She sighed. “All right. I’ve learned mah lesson about askin’ for help. I’ll ask her.”
(/)
Applejack turned her head from side to side, but while the fields had plenty of carrots, nopony was in sight. “Just where is that carrot farmer!?” Applejack asked herself as she walked through the surprisingly empty fields towards the building with a large carrot on top. As satisfying as it was to one-up the vegetable farmer, they still held neighbourly affection for one another and it was concerning for her to be conspicuously absent. She reached the door and knocked. She waited and the door slowly opened to reveal a bleary-eyed Carrot Top. “Landsakes!” cried Applejack as she reared backwards “What happened to yah!? Yah still in bed at this hour!? Are yah sick or somethin’?”
“I don’t know,” replied Carrot Top. “I just feel really tired for some reason. I don’t know why.”
“Well, I was gonna ask yah if I could borrow yer cart, ‘cause some thievin’ varmints went an’ stole ours, but I think yah need to see a doctor.”
“I think you’re right, Applejack,” said Carrot Top.
“You’re agreein’ with me?” asked Applejack, raising an eyebrow at the mare who claimed to be her eternal rival. “Yah must be really sick! Let me help yah git to the hospital!”
(/)
Right glanced back and forth to make sure that nopony had seen her. Satisfied that she was alone, she ducked into the cave entrance. One would never expect that a dark hole in a patch of gloomy, grey rock would lead to chambers lined with crystal. “I have the last ingredients for First’s potion,” she informed Solemn.
“And what of what goes on in the castle?” asked Solemn. “What hast thou discovered?”
Right shook her head. “It is worse than we feared. Celestia still rules. This is clear. Yet I found a sleeping pony who appears to be Luna. She roused not long ago, but ...” She shook her head again. “I understand not. Something terrible must have happened. There is a stained glass window depicting her defeat by six ponies.”
“The new Bearers of Harmony, perhaps?” asked Solemn.
“Perhaps.” Right nodded. “We have not a stained glass window. Luna is either addled, under Celestia’s mind control or an imposter. All that is clear is that she is in trouble and needs our help. We cannot abandon her to her fate! We need to rescue her!”
Solemn lowered her head. “We know not how to do that. We need to simply continue with Nightmare Moon’s plan and hope that Celestia’s defeat and the return of the Eternal Night will free her.”
“I saved the worst for last,” said Right. “I witnessed the true extent of Celestia’s treachery while spying on her throne room.”
(/)
Celestia sat on her throne, tapping her hoof.
Suddenly, there was a pop and a flash of light and a creature of mismatched body parts appeared in the room.
“You are late, Discord,” said Celestia.
Discord snapped his fingers and the hands of the clock spun backwards. “No, I’m not,” he said. “My parole meeting only starts when I arrive. So, whenever I get here, that must be 2:30.”
“I have been giving you a lot of leeway, Discord. You’ve mostly contained yourself, but being so dismissive of these meetings is not the best way to convince me that we are no longer enemies.”
(/)
“She has allied with Discord!” gasped Solemn. “No disaster can be greater!”
“I know,” replied Right. “We must cleanse this evil.”
“By any means necessary.” Solemn nodded.
“I am still uncertain about using Morning Star,” said Right. “It seems wrong to recruit one whom our Princess hates.”
“I am also uncertain,” replied Solemn. “Yet with Discord free and allied with Celestia, we need all the help we can get.”
“Dost thy whispering mean that Right hath returned?” asked the voice of First.
“Yes! I am here!” Right replied. She followed Solemn deeper into the cave where First was stirring a bubbling potion.
“I have the last ingredients,” said Right as she dropped some soap, almonds, apple seeds and nightshade on the floor.
“Good,” said First. He added the objects to the pot and continued to stir. “That should do it. Solemn, I need a crystal piece. Then it shall be ready.”
Solemn ripped a chunk of crystal out of the wall and dipped it into the potion before pulling it out again. Then she picked up a vial and filed it with the liquid before corking it. “Is it ready?” she asked. “Can thou do it?”
“Star and I will be able to do it if we work together.”
“Then the question is, should we?” asked Solemn. “Let us fetch Star and find out.”
(/)
They snuck back into the sculpture gardens and stomped on the section of ground into which Star Swirl had sunk.
He rose from the ground and said. “That was the most refreshing rest I have had in o’er a thousand years. It is good to rest in Equestrian soil once more.”
“That is good,” said First. “I have prepared the potion. And a crystal.”
“Good.” Star Swirl nodded.
“And now I have seen that Discord is not only free but an ally of Celestia,” said Right.
“No!” gasped First.
Star narrowed his eyes. “Then we cannot waste time.”
“Art thou certain this is a good idea?” asked Solemn. “He is ... dangerous.”
“We need him,” said Star “And once we have the Elements back, we shall be able to get rid of him again if necessary.”
“And what of Laughter?” asked Solemn.
Star’s eyes narrowed and he tightened his lips. “Celestia found five bearers in hours. It shouldst not be hard to find a Bearer of Laughter to make friends with in comparison.”
“How are we going to get into Tartarus without being caught?” asked Solemn.
“We escaped Mortis before,” replied Star. “We shall do it again.”
“Mortis should be old,” said First. “He shall be past his prime.”
Right shook her head. “Yet more experienced. We cannot pretend this shall be easy.”
“Agreed,” said Solemn. “We need a plan if we art to battle an alicorn.”
“I am the military mare,” said Right. “We need to strike hard, fast and disruptively, We shall be lucky if any of us makes it out unharmed. Let him not use his scythe under any circumstances. Here art what we shall do...”
(/)
They dove back down the mountain, jagged rocks rushing past below them and returned to the cart. Star, Solemn and First climbed in and Right took off once again and carried them over the plains while they jostled from the high-speed bumps. In the distance, the forest slowly grew larger as they approached Tartarus.
“Remember that we need to get there before the Sun rises, Right,” said First as he glanced nervously at Star.
“And it shall be dangerous to wait another night,” added Star.
“Not that far now,” replied Right. “We can make it.”
The ground below their creaking wheels turned barren and desolate despite bordering the greenery of the Everfree. They slowed their approach and stopped behind a particularly large boulder. They crawled out of the cart and unhitched Right before darting between shadows. They hid behind large, grey, misshapen rocks as they approached the gates, sneaking along the crack –filled plains of ash. They stared over a boulder.
“That is a filly!” gasped First.
“Better for us,” said Right.
“Indeed,” agreed Star. “She shall not have grown into her power. It may be unfortunate that we need to fight a filly, but remember, she is still an alicorn.”
“I like this not,” First grumbled.
“Underestimate her not,” said Solemn.
As they approached, the large, three-headed dog rose from its slumber and growled. The alicorn filly turned towards the dog and said, “What is it, Cer--?” Her fur stood on end. She turned to face them and cried, “Abominations!”
Star tossed his head and a field of ice formed around the filly and her dog, icicles pointing up and away.
Solemn walked around the boulder. “That was easier than I did expect.”
The filly’s coat shifted to a light yellow and her mane became a fluffy purple. Then her eyes began to glow.
Right rolled her eyes and turned her head to face Solemn. “Thou had to say it.”
The filly flung her wings open, tearing the ice apart. She launched into the air and bounced between shards of ice while they were still on their ascent, kicking them towards the four friends.
Star raised a curved, circular shield of pink magic and the ice bounced off it, but the barrier cracked under the assault. The cracks rapidly ran across the shield which shattered under the strain and an icicle sliced through his skin. “You broke mine barrier!” he cried as his skin sealed up again.
“You ruined my paperwork and HURT MY DOG!” A panel of rock from inside the gates slid up and a large, wickedly hooked scythe with a handle of what seemed to be rotting wood floated out. “Taste silver!”
Right jumped onto the handle, pinning the weapon to the floor. “No, you dost not!” she growled.
Star teleported Solemn directly behind the filly and the pegasus grabbed the alicorn in her bandages. The filly squirmed and struggled as the bandages tightened and her flesh began to rot away. “Now, Star!” Solemn cried.
Star jumped into the air and sunk his teeth into the alicorn’s neck. Star’s eyes rolled back at the taste of alicorn blood. Was it possible to drain an alicorn dry? Even a foal? He was tempted to try. Yet that was not what he was there for. This filly was not going to become his collateral damage. Once she stopped twitching, he dropped her to the floor. Solemn removed her bandages as Star licked his lips.
First ran over to her and inspected her body. “She is regenerating,” he sighed in relief. “She’ll be fine. How feel thou, Star?”
Star paused to consider the question. “Amazing,” he answered. “The best in o’er a thousand years.”
“Art thou ready?” First asked.
“Huh!” cried Star. “As if it were possible for me to fail now!” He led them through the gates and began drawing lines in the ash. First began to add lines of his own and soon they had an intricate, angular pattern on the floor. The pattern was an elaborate series of concentric circles crossed with lines at precise angles.
Star Swirl levitated over the potion and poured it onto the ground where it fizzled and seeped into the cracks. He then placed the crystal in the centre of the pattern.
He looked over at First, who grit his teeth and nodded. They knelt and glared at the pattern as they shook with concentration. Star’s coat stood on end and sparked. Their eyes turned green as purple ether leaked out in phantom flames of effervescence. The purple flames danced wildly as they continued to shake and they grit their teeth even harder. The pink aura around Star Swirl’s horn shifted to match the new colours as darkness bubbled.
New cracks split the ground and heat and sulphur poured out. Their eyes and noses burned from the heat and acid. Ash rose into the air and coalesced into a cloud of blackness, rebuilding the one they once belonged to. A large, emaciated, withered alicorn stallion took shape before their eyes and regrew his flesh. There was a final flash of purple and green and the wrinkled stallion moved.
He turned his head to look around and then lifted his hoof to his face. Upon seeing it, his eyes widened in horror and he stepped back. “Bhoidos!” he cried. A yellow light surrounded his horn and a mirror formed in front of him. He took one look at his reflection and screamed, smashing the mirror.
“Art thou well?” asked First, cocking his head and darting his eyes nervously between his friends.
The alicorn spun his head to face First, his teeth gritted, his eyes narrowed and what there was of his lips curled in rage. Then he blinked, his expression softening as he raised an eyebrow. He nodded and the chamber was filled with yellow light once more. “There,” said the alicorn. “Now we’ll be able to understand each other. Why have you given us this putrid body? Not only is it unacceptably ugly, we feel like a mere hybrid rather than the greatness we are! Still, that can be fixed.” He threw his head to face the ceiling and the chamber was filled with yellow light once more. “Speak to me, Venus, Greatest of all Planets! Your true avatar, The Perfect Being, has come home! Let me use your power once again!”
The brightest dot in the night sky flashed. The light in the chamber brightened to almost blinding intensity as the alicorn bulked up and his wrinkles smoothed away. A ball of light surrounded him and spun, streaking like an intense wind as it howled. Spokes of radiance poured out and shimmered as electricity crackled. Beams of brilliance poured out of the sphere and the scent of sulphur intensified. As the heat rose, more of the floor was reduced to ash and then molten glass as smoke rose and shone with its own heat. A ball of yellow light jumped out his chest and danced around him as it pulsed and wobbled as a liquid. He rose into the air as the centre of the glow burned more intensely and the orb of yellow light split into nine pieces whipped around him in an ever-changing cascade. The glow grew even more intense and rapid before being absorbed back into his chest. He sprouted a white coat of perfect sheen and his mane billowed as a pool of liquid, golden sunlight. His cutie mark was a black, crowned heart with arrows pointing to it. He glowed and the four friends were stunned by his beauty. “KNEEL, SUBJECTS!”
They dropped to their knees before the order was even finished.
“EMPEROR MORNING STAR, THE GREATEST OF GODS, HAS RETURNED!”
(/)
Meanwhile, far to the north, in the Crystal Palace, another alicorn’s cutie mark faded to a dull grey.
Well. That's probably not a good thing.
Gosh this new guy must really love himself.
3669143 Ooooh, yes!
So, doing the prereading kind of makes rereading.. again... with pointing out little things redundant BUT, I realized that while I did give you my ideas on the little things, never really gave an overall view of the thing.,. Just the details. So then...
First scene. A nice little bit showing just how these four think. I love it. It's something NOT needed for the plot, something that could be yanked out and not missed, and yet, it adds much by being there. Helps us to get a feel for them. how they see things, as well as details about how they each think differently. Right being all for slaying monsters and confronting it. Solemn the more level headed, practical one. plus, seeing them freak out to a train of all things, it manages to be funny, without being comedic. Really sets a good tone for the story overall. The story is a lot darker then the last few, but it's not really 'dark' it's still pony, and still has the lighthearted underpinning.
The nest bit, it's nice seeing the story make use of their unique nature. Though granted most of what Star does is more about him being, well Star Swirl, then a vampire, other then the drinking and mind control. Really, other then still being alive now, he seems to have gotten the short end of the stick. his only new power seems to be the mind control, and he has by far the most drawbacks of all of them. Needing to hide from sunlight, can't enter homes, needing to drink to keep up his strength. While the rest seems to have only gotten stronger. Though While Right is often used quite well as a ghost, and never really forget that. Solemn and First, are more iffy. Solemn, not to much, though the whole bandage and mummy thing only really comes up rarely. First however, them being special never really seems to matter. Really have little idea just what he really is or what his powers actually are. As you noted with my comments, I had even forgetting exactly what he was. It's not a major thing, the story is still starting but, something to keep in mind. (Oh and of the four, I'd have to say I'm enjoying Right the most)
The whole guard scene, is great. Really, the Royal Guard trully are the best forc..... yeah you lot are canon fodder, just accept it. Though nice touch with him resisting hard enough to make Star have to hurry. Might not be a crack soldier, but, they aren't weak either. They do have a strong will, desire, and are skilled at what they do. it's just most things are well out of their league. Their reaction to the bat pony was great, though the whole "You had turned him" thing, I get it's a noodle incident type thing, building that Star had been doing things, and hinting at backstory. it just, feels a tad off still. Not bad, just something I'd like to see explained better at some point. The interrogation. Not bad, nothing really stands out as great but, it's good.
The Statue garden. Really nice, slowly upping the stakes for them. Of course WE know that Discord being free isn't a bad thing.. so far, but it's completely logical for them to act this way, even without their issues with Celestia. As well as seeing their reactions, how they see it as perfectly logical they should have a statue, and from what they've said, it's clear they HAVE done something great in the past. It deepens the mystery of just what happened. both what they did in the past, and what happened to make them like they are now.
Plus, again nice making them unique from each other. Right being the more gun-ho, Leeroy Type, dashing in the deal with problems quickly. Solemn, the calmer, more rationale one. Getting them to make sure they know what they are doing before they do anything. Hmmm, way it's coming off to me. Star is the party wizard. highest intellect, most basic smarts, Solemn however has the higher Wisdom score. Is better at planning things out, keeping calm and rationale, looking at all sides of a problem and working out the best solution. Right of course is the physical one. Not dumb, but, impulsive, more likely to resort to hooves first, but not so stupid as to just be a mindless brawler. More, boisterous Bruiser. She just enjoys fighting, but is smart enough to know when that isn't the right option, and most importantly, smart enough to know Star and Solemn are smarter, or at least wiser, then her, and when to listen to them. First, is the hardest for me to really get a handle on. he's the most compassionate, he's The Medic, but outside that I really haven't gotten a good hold of his personality.
The AJ bit. nothing amazing but, it's nice. Again just, it's great you are adding more smaller scenes. ones which don't forward the plot directly, but simply add to the world. Follow up on older scenes, give a bit of closure, and set up things. It's likely the Mane 6 will get involved at some point, so it's nice to add some hints. Give more reasons for that. As well as see the results of what the four are doing from other ponies. So, nothing amazing, other then it existing, but nice few scenes.
And now, they are over the Godzilla Threshold. it's interesting trying to work out why they act the way they do. Treating Tia, like the rest of the ponies treat NMM. Not in a wall banging, What the hell? way. But in a really intriguing, this is a mystery I want to solve way. You can tell there is a lot of story behind them, and we get enough hints, enough touches, to know it's there, and that we will eventually learn it. So we're left eager for that, and trying to piece what we do know together and see how close we were. it's really a great job on getting the reader hooked on these characters.
Stlll rather confused, strictly going on in story facts, why they didn't tell First before this, Like I said, it's not a big deal, just a minor little issue for me. But yeah, all these plans to deal with Mortis... are they in for a shock. Plus, they escaped him once, more hints about their backstory. Nice
On my previous thing about the four, and Right being the, 'least smart?' This, is a perfect example of what I was trying to get across with her not being dumb. She is great at this kind of thing, she lives... well unlives... for fighting, and proves it here. She's NOT dumb, and is great at tactics, combat, thinking on her hooves, coming up with battle plans. Yeah she's far form just dumb muscle. it's just, she knows that outside of combat related things, Star and Solemn are smarter, or better able to deal with them, then her, and listens to their advice and input. Really good job making them come off as good friends. They really do come off that way. You can tell how close they are, how long they've know and counted on each other. Each freely seeing how the other are better then them, as well as what they bring to the group. Almost seamlessly filling in the gaps for each other, complimenting each others strengths, and bolstering the others weaknesses. Really good job.
And now, the moment everyone has been waiting for, MORE PLUTONIA BEING BUCKING AWESOME! This was a GREAt, if short, fight scene. Pluntonia, like I said, she's awesome, and she is never NOT awesome. really great job with her. You know people love her, keep her just as awesome, but don't over do it. She doesn't show up everywhere just because. it neve feels like your simply tryng to give us awesome plutonia, just that, some how, she simply can not be anything but.
And on the above about them being a team, perfect proof of that. They beat her, not by being stronger, or better. but by working together. It keeps her just as awesome and powerful, without making the four into being to powerful either. They don't overpower her, it's not some bullshit, cheap cop out. They beat her, simply by working together, being a team, having a plan, and working well with each other to execute it. She could have kicked their flanks one on one, or even together if they hadn't been so coordinated. AMAZING job keeping them all balanced.
And now we get the villain of the story. I'm guessing. So far, you villains have been pretty good, and fairly wide ranging. Conformity, who, I really don't like calling a villain. She was so sympathetic, so understandable, you couldn't hate her for doing what she did. Even if you knew she had to be stopped. You were left hoping she could be stopped, without being to fully defeated. Be shown how wrong she was, get a happy ending. She wasn't evil, just wrong, and you could understand and sympathize with her goals and her reasons why.
The next, we get a rather petty, and wholly despicable villain in the best sense. The kind you DO want to see get defeated, get trounced, and yet, show up again, just to have the fun of watching him get his flank kicked all over again. He really didn't get much development till right at the end, but, it wa alright since he's still out there, and, it was more a mysery then anything, we saw the results of his actaions form the start, so yeh, anther good one, though not nearly as good as Conformity.
And now, Morning Star. Evil, with a capitol E. Not the petty, mean spirited evil of Ziro. Not the sympathetic, understandableness of Conformity. But, just fro what we've seen he is full on, over the top Evil. Likely of the extra hammy and over the top type. really looking forward to more from him. He's shaping up[ to be the most entertaining to watch villain so far from you. Conformity, was great for making you conflicted, making you feel sorry for her and making it impossible to hate her, even while hopping she was stopped. Ziro, was just so petty and nasty, you wanted to watch, just to see him lose. Morning Star, he's looking like he's going to be a joy to watch no matter what he's doing. he's going to be Evil, wrong, you are not going to want him to win. But even when he's being Evil, he's going to do it with such over the top style, it'll be a great trip.
Oh and the whole resurection/poer stealing bit.
SO AMAZING! That whole scene, might be the single greatest, overall scene you've written so far. From the fight, to the resurrection, it was great. only thing that might challenge it, is Plutonia's scene with Conformity.
And then ending, on, well I more then explained why tht worked so well there. Poor Cadance....... yet, this is such a great hook, I can't wait for the next chapter.. oh wait right, one of the perks of being a pre reader, i don't have to wait.
ON WARD TO NITPICKING ABOUT THE AWESOMENESS!
So yeah really loving the story so far, and, just damn. Glad I could help make it even more awesome.
3676022 Wow! That was really insightful!
Exactly what I was going for. Each fic I've written in this series has been darker than the last, so far (need to write some lighter stuff at some point. Luckily, I have plans for that). And yes, I wanted to show more of how they think, while being kind of funny, yet still serious.
I'll try have the others' natures come up more often. Glad that you're enjoying Right so much. Poor Star does have the most weaknesses, but he does have some new powers and the others do have weaknesses. And they will become important later. Some have even turned up already. Being able to walk up sheer cliffs is due to his vampirism. So is his rapid regeneration. Solemn is slower than when she was alive and First has developed an obsession with building hospitals.
Technically,. while Star can turn, he hasn't. And yes, I wanted to show that Star's powers aren't without limits and that the guards aren't completely useless, just typically switching between out of their league and idle.
Yeah. Like Conformity, I wanted their reactions to be understandable, if wrong. And to show that they see Discord in a similar light to the way Celestia did in Return of Harmony. We have never seen Celestia express such intense antagonism towards someone before.
This is pretty much spot-on. I hope that First's ponyality will become more clear soon, though.
Well, there's a reason that I tagged them. Though, they do take longer than I originally planned to really get involved. Still, glad to use AJ here.
I'm glad. They have their reasons for acting and thinking this way. It will be revealed.
Yeah, I really wanted it to be clear that these are friends. Good friends. Who are used to facing adversity together. And for it to be easy to see why they became important in their own time. That there is a reason that Right became Commander, one of the three highest ranks in Equestria (the other two being Prince(ss) and Chancellor), and that her name is Right Hoof.
Got to take advantage of her popularity where I can, but to put her in just because people like her would be a mistake. I wanted it clear that the wrath of an angry alicorn is a scary thing, but to show that they were competent and prepared for an even more dangerous foe. I considered having Plutonia do a bit better, but decided that the way it was fit better.
Thank you. I'm glad I was able to achieve that. They are powerful and competent with unusual abilities, but none of them is ready to take on a full alicorn one-on-one. not even a foal.
Thank you. I like variety in my villains. And yes, with Morning Star, I wanted someone truly evil. With Cadance, we've seen how good an alicorn of Venus can be, and now we'll see how evil they can be. I wanted someone who could be the pony Satan. The Alicorn of Hedonism, Temptation and Self-Worship. I wanted him to represent abusive relationships and desire for that which is bad for you. Hammy? Sometimes. And other times, just plain unsettling.
Thank you! Glad it came out so well.
I look forward to it.
Forgot the regen, right. And I just thought the wall walking was simply him using regular unicorn magic. As to First, I've noticed the obsession, just nothing that tied it into his current form rather then simply being a personal quirk.
3677882 Yeah. Those are all symptoms of the type of undead they are. As Pluto's the undead expert (it's her job, after all), she'll explain.
I'm somewhat unimpressed with these four dudes. They claim to be Luna’s loyal subjects and were straight up told she was one of the ruling princesses, and they didn't even bother to confirm it one way or the other before acting to upset the status quo that apparently includes her?
3686860 Let's just say that they have their reasons for thinking this way.
EDIT: To put it bluntly, they are literally incapable of believing that Luna and Celestia would willingly work together. (Yes, this is a physical impossibility)
3686860 Secondly, from what they've said. It seems they regard Nightmare Moon as being the 'true' Luna. Just substitute NMM for Luna whenever they mention the Night princess, and things make a lot more sense.
3693918 This is a pretty good assesment of the situation.
So what's YOUR havoc like? Will we ever see more of him? What did he look like? How is he different from the Havoc from the Pony POV Series?
If that alicorn filly and Morning Star were voiced, what would they sound like? (I want to know because I narrate the voices inside my head BTW)
4270504 Sorry for taking so long to get back to you. Been distracted. For one thing, draconequii and alicorns are way less powerful in this verse than in POV. They're also not immortal. And he had a normal ... if you can call it that ... body. He's still the draconequus of fear and hysteria though. He's liked to the moon Demos.
4272764 Phew. These questions are hard for me. Plutonia would sound like ... Scootaloo the most of all the canon characters. Actually, kind of in between Scootaloo and Diamond Tiara. For Morning Star... Lord Farquard from Shrek.
Is it wrong that I like Morning Star (who I'm not supposed to like) so very, very, much more then Pluto? (who I'm supposed to like)
3676022 Am I missing some thing here? Why is the alicorn version of Diamond Tiara so popular? Please, tell me! Because I'm really not following everyone's logic here!
4924280 I already replied to that a long time ago and the answer is still the same.
4924213 If you're enjoying my villains, I'm glad. As for Pluto, she's a bit of a brat, but I wouldn't put her at Diamond Tiara level. She's just reacted badly to the fact that for all her power, she's had a very frustrating life so far marked with a lot of unpleasantness. And she really does want to be a better pony. She's just too immature to really reach her goals yet. You don't have to like her, but a lot of people sympathise with that and appreciate her style. And she apparently made an excellent first impression on readers in More than Forty Blinks.