Rule of Thumb

by ShortHopLaszer

Seriously, What's with the Bucket?

Gentle light creeps into the room as the sun graces the day with its beauty. Twilight groggily raises her head from the mass of sheets that adorn her bed. She stretches her neck then lets out an audible yawn.

"Hey Twilight, you finally up?"

Twilight shouts to her assistant in the other room "Yes Spike, I'm awake." She then buries her head under her pillow and stretches her spine. A quick flick of her tail readjusts the sheets back on top of her.

Spike walked up the stairs and stopped at the end. "Would you like some lunch?"

"Lunch? What time is it?"

"Almost noon. How late were you out last night?"

Twilight groaned and squirmed under the blanket. "It wasn't too late. I just had trouble sleeping."

"Oh, I thought you were coming home after lunch."

"We had a small detour that took a little more time than planned for."

Spike frowned "You're not fooling me. I heard about the thing that attacked the town yesterday."

She perks up from under her blanket "Oh, you heard about that huh?"

The small dragon places a claw on his chest "I was worried! They said you were in the hospital? Why didn't you get a message to me?" He ducks his head. "I could have helped."

"I'm sorry Spike. Things happened really fast and before I knew it the day was over."

"Yeah I know how these things happen." Spike lightly kicked the ground "So what was it like?"

She sat up in bed and placed a hoof under her chin, the blanket still covering her horn. "Hmm, well it's hard to describe. Its taller than Big Macintosh, it is very agile, and surprisingly strong. It stands on two legs and it wore a hood the entire time. We couldn't see its face even once."

Spike's eyes moved to the corner as he imagined it.

"It had razor sharp claws, that looked kind of like yours actually. And it eyes were colder than the chill that runs up your spine on Nightmare Night."

Spike gulped and he rubbed his claws.

Twilight sat straighter and the blanket slide down her back. "If Big Mac weren't there, then it would have destroyed everything."

Spike shuddered and sat next to Twilight on the bed. "But you beat it and everything's fine now. Right?"

Twilight shook her head no. "Actually it's trapped in town square as we speak" She waved her hoof in a semicircle. " But the scariest part of the monster? The reason why it was able to wreak so much havoc. The part that made it so hard to contain."

Spike held his breath.

She leaned her head close to his ear and whispered "It's resistant to magic."

Spike pulled the covers closer. "If it was resistant to magic, then how did you trap it?"

"I had to use an powerful ancient spell, that I'm not even suppose to know."

His eyes grew as he gasped "Wow."

"I have to go to town square and stabilize the shield again. Who knows how much damage it took all night."

Spike sighed and lowered his head again. "I guess I'll stay in the library while you're gone."

Twilight smiled and rubbed his head with her unoccupied hoof. "That's ok. Why don't you come along today?"

The small dragon grinned. "Thanks Twilight."

She chuckled and got up. "Let me eat something and we can go."

=====================================================================================

With her trusty dragon on her back, Twilight walked through the town.

Spike shivered and wrapped his arms around his chest. "Is it getting cold in here, or is it just me?"

Twilight smiled, knowing exactly what the dragon was going through.

Spike rubbed his shoulders "Huh? The air feels like it's getting heavier."

Twilight turns her head and nudges Spike a little so he wouldn't lose his balance. "We're almost there."

Her assistant started shaking slightly as they approached. He wasn't the only one feeling the effects. Twilight was just familiar with them.

When they reached town square there was an unusual lack of ponies present for it being the middle of the day. Big Mac was sitting in the shade closer to the building, munching on an apple fritter. Winona curled up next to him, asleep in a fuzzy brown ball.

The creature was sitting with its legs crossed. A small tent protecting it from direct sunlight.

Guess Fluttershy and Applejack were here already. Twilight straightened her back and her horn lit up. That's not what I was expecting. I thought the barrier would have taken some damage. She dispelled her magic and walked toward the large farm pony. Spike's head following the creature as they walked. "Good afternoon Big Mac. How was your night?"

Big Mac shrugged. "Uneventful."

"That's good to hear." Twilight turns to face the barrier, and Spike adjusts his sitting position. "Don't worry, It'll be in a cage before sundown."

Big Mac swallowed the last of the fritter and wiped his mouth with his hoof. He then nodded his head in acknowledgement.

"At least Winona's here to keep you company." Twilight motioned toward the small dog. "If something happens then you're not alone."

The farm pony looked down at the sleeping pet. "Ah think Applejack will be here later. She's gona check up on me again."

Twilight started walking away from the square "Tell her I said hi."

Big Mac nodded his head "Eeyup."

Twilight turned her head to face Spike "Do you remember where the metal shop is?"

Spike scratched his head with a claw "I think it's downtown near the tool stand."

"Alright, let's go there now."

Spike shivered while pulling his arms in close. "So that was the monster?" He made a brave face "I thought it would be bigger."

Twilight chuckled as she turned a corner "It may not be as big as a hydra, but it's definitely dangerous."

"If you say so."

The duo walk past a few ponies, not catching anyone's attention. A few fillies can be seen playing in the street. Twilight smirks as she contemplates their naivety, the monster sits not a few blocks away. Several minutes more and they arrived in front of a metal shop.

"Here we go."

The two check out several metal shops and none of them had what they were looking for. Some of them had small bird cages. Some of them had decorative statues shaped like cages. One guy tried to sell her a sword.

The ones that did have cages big enough would never be able to contain the beast. She was looking for high quality. Unfortunately no pony has a need for such a strong cage. Twilight promised several ponies that if she couldn't find a cage, she would be back with an order. She wanted to find one as quickly as possible. Who knows how long the shield would hold that thing. And she can't regenerate it forever.

The small dragon stretched his arms over his head "I'm beginning to think that we need to place an order for one. It's going to be sunset soon."

Twilight sighed "Maybe. Nopony has anything close to what we need."

Spike turned around and leaned on Twilight's neck. As Twilight turned a corner Spike saw a sign for another metal shop. "How about that one." he pointed towards a small shop on the street's corner.

"Ok, last one for the day."

Spike yawned and stretched. "You go without me, I'm going to wait out here for a bit." Twilight nodded her head before continuing on.

A bell rang as she enters the front door. The unicorn looked around to see many swords, rods, and sheets of metal covering the walls of the dimly lit shop. A few wooden stands stand in odd places in the room. They walk up to the front desk and ring the bell.

*DING*

An older earth pony walks up. The gray pony tips his silver hat "Good afternoon Ma'am. How may I help you?"

Twilight smiled and looked at the shelves behind the desk "Hello. I'm would like to purchase a cage. But it doesn't look like you have any premade"

The older pony grinned." I was wondering when one of you would walk into my store."

Twilight gave him a confused expression. "What do mean."

The gray pony starts walking along the counter "I've been in this here town for many years. I've seen many incidents come and go. Actually the amount of incidents picked up around the time the elements of harmony were found." The stallion winked. "I knew one day you would need my help." He motioned for her to follow him into the back room.

Twilight glanced at the doorway before following the stallion. After passing the hanging tarp that hid the doorway, the duo enter a room filled with all sorts of half finished projects and tools splayed across the floor. In the corner sits a large cage with the gray stallion leaning on it.

"I bet you could use this one."

Twilight eyed the cage. She walked around it and tapped it in a few places. It's higher quality than the ones we saw today. She turned her head to look at him "How strong is it?"

The old stallion grinned, a gleam in his smile. "This is the strongest one I've built. Trixie made us craft several cages for Mayor Mare and even though she asked for the strongest one we could muster, she picked the fancy looking one."

"If you had it since then, why is it still here?"

"Ah, we made several. And were just smelting them down when we need more supplies. Just never got around to smelting this one. Too much work put into it, you know?"

She looked at one of her hooves as if it were suddenly the most interesting thing in the room "The cage needs to be very strong, maybe even strong enough to hold an enraged manticore."

The stallion leaned close to her "This cage could hold two."

Twilight smirked as she looked at the cage. "I don't know, did you hear about the creature in town square? We need the strongest cage we can get."

"Alrighty then." The stallion nodded his head. "Test it."

Twilight lit her horn and a gust of wind blows around the debris across the floor. She charges a shot and fires. The area shakes, a loud bang fills the air, and a large scorch mark adorns the wall.

The cage didn't have a scratch.

"I'll take it."

=====================================================================================
Fluttershy giggled as she covered her mouth with her hoof. Rainbow Dash tried to laugh, but the bandages on her muzzle wouldn't allow it. Tank stood on her chest, licking her face very slowly.

Fluttershy sat in a chair next to the bed, a stack of books on the floor beside her. A warm smile on her face.

Rainbow Dash looked at her and patted her hoof. Fluttershy knew what she meant. "You're welcome."

The colorful mare picked up her tortoise, and placed him next to her pillow. She then sat up and looked at Fluttershy questioningly.

"Are you hungry?"

The cyan mare rolled her eyes and pointed to a tube that was in her foreleg.

"Oh right."

Rainbow Dash waved her hooves in a circular fashion, then she pointed at Fluttershy.

"Do you want to know where our friends are?"

She nodded her head.

"Umm, I think Twilight is getting a cage for the creature today. Pinkie Pie is working. Applejack is maintaining the farm while checking up on her brother occasionally. And Rarity is watching the Crusaders."

Rainbow Dash looked out the window before nodding her head. She then pointed out the window.

"I don't understand."

Rainbow Dash looked around, and then pointed at the clock.

"Are you asking when we're going back to town square?"

The bandaged mare nodded her head.

"I'm not sure. I don't think I want to go back yet. It's pretty scary over there."

She looked at her timid friend incredulously.

"I mean, if Twilight really needs us to help set up the cage then I guess I can go."

Rainbow Dash crossed her forelegs and nodded her head.

Fluttershy looked at the clock again "Oh my, I can't believe I was here all day. Do you need anything else before I go?"

The cyan mare shook her head no.

"I'll be back tomorrow. Promise." The yellow mare waved as she lightly fluttered out of the room.

Rainbow Dash sighed. She had a long wait until tomorrow.

=====================================================================================
Twilight and Spike walked side by side down the street. Several ponies stopped to stare at them. Normally they wouldn't seem out of place, but Twilight was currently levitating a steel behemoth that could easily crush her. Over her head .

At town square, they were met with an unusual sight. Spike turned his head towards Twilight. "Are Applejack and Fluttershy trying to talk to it?"

Twilight shrugged. Big Mac was in the usual spot, observing the two ponies in front of the creature. As they got closer they can hear Applejack cooing. "C'mon, its only me. Please come home. Applebloom will miss ya."

Fluttershy floated a little above the shield "Don't be upset, we're just worried about you."

Twilight cocks her head and asks "What are you trying to do?"

Both mares snap their heads towards Twilight. Applejack looks back and points at Winona curled up against the shield. The dog was right next to the monster. "Ah don't know why, but she took a liking to this thing. We can't get her to move without forcing her."

The purple unicorn glanced at the creature. It was sitting with its back against the shield. It was back to back with Winona.

The creature slowly raises a claw and mutters something. "Unree" The dog's ears perk up, and she runs off.

"Winona! WHERE DO YOU THINK YOU'RE GOING?" Applejack charges after her pet.

Twilight watched them run off. "At least now Winona wouldn't be in the way."

Twilight charges her horn and the bottom of the cage comes undone. Spike covers his eyes with his claws. She then slides it under the barrier using her telekinesis. After it was securely positioned, she levitates the top of the cage onto the platform, locking the bars in place. The creature didn't even flinch. It continued to sit in a slack position, without moving.

Twilight exhaled slowly and the barrier that was encompassing the creature faded. The beast falls back about an inch and leans against the steel bars with a clank. I thought it would put up some fight? Its acting differently today.

Fluttershy slowly approached the cage "Where are you going to leave it?"

"I'll go into the Everfree and release it after it's an adequate distance away from the town." Twilight closed her eyes and an aura appeared around the cage. Twilight strained and her jaw muscles clenched, but the cage remained still. Huh? She took a closer look and saw the creature holding one of the bars of the cage.

"Is everything alright?"

"Drat! As long as its touching the cage, we can't move it." She lowered her head. "I'm not sure what to do now."

A bark is heard in the distance and the ponies look over. Winona runs over with a mouthful of hay. She stops in front of the cage, and drops it. The human turns its head slightly and mutters something under its breath. Winona whimpers and lowers her head.

Applejack rushes up to the dog and picks her up by the collar "Bad girl!"

Suddenly Winona starts growling and barking. She shakes unexpectedly and Applejack drops her. The dog carefully squeezes between the bars of the cage, and sits on the creatures lap.

Applejack dropped her hat "NO! Git back over here this instant!" She stomped her hoof into the ground.

"Please Winona, we don't want anything to happen to you."

Winona lowered her jaw, revealing her sharp teeth. Obviously she wasn't going to move willingly.

Twilight and Spike both scratched their heads. The purple pony looked at Applejack. "Has she done anything like this before?"

"Nope. We raised her better than that." Applejack picked up her hat. "At least I thought we did."

Big Macintosh walked over to the cage and looked it over for a few seconds. He then turns around and bucks it with a single hoof receiving a sharp bark from Winona. The cage didn't budge. He turned back and acknowledged his sister. "It'll hold."

Big Mac returned to his spot and Applejack looked pleadingly at Twilight.

Twilight lights up her horn and teleports Winona out of the cage. Applejack immediately grabs her. The small dog was squirming and trying to get out. Applejack sighed and waved goodbye, before departing home.

Fluttershy gives a tentative glance at the creature. "What should we do now?"

Twilight looks away. "There's not much we can do. We'll just have to think of something."

The trio take one last look before departing.

=====================================================================================
Twilight stirs in her bed. She laid on her left side. She turned on her stomach. Something's not right.

She sat up and opened her blinds. The moonlight bathed the room. She got up and paced in front of her bed. I think I'm missing something.

She recalled the events of the day. She woke up late. She and Spike went to see the creature. They went cage shopping all day. They caged the creature. Am I worried about Winona's behavior?

She shook her head. No, that's not it. Winona is safe at home with Applejack .

Twilight's ears perk up. For a second, I thought I heard something. She peeks out the window and dismisses her suspisions.

What could be it?

Twilight walked down her small flight of stairs. Fluttershy visited Rainbow Dash, so that's not it.

Twilight walked into the kitchen and opened a cupboard. Did I forget something on my list today? She grabbed a jar of peanut butter. Twilight walked over to the fridge and checked her list. Nope, everything has been double checked.

She opens the fridge and pulls out some bread. I'm probably just hungry, I missed lunch after all.

The purple pony makes a quick sandwich and pours herself a glass of milk. While eating she starts to think of every encounter she had with the creature.

It was acting a little off today. It didn't attack the shield once. It didn't even put up a fight when we put it in the cage.

Twilight moves in her chair so she could sit closer to the table.

It was saying something to Winona. I wonder what it was.

She takes a bite and chews slowly.

Unree. Unree?

Twilight takes a sip of her milk. Sun Free. Just Me. Cold Flea. Lemon Tea?

The unicorn chuckles to herself. If I didn't know better, I would think it was saying hungry.

She sits there smiling to herself and takes another bite of her sandwich. She chews slowly and takes another sip of milk.

Twilight's eyes opened wide and she immediately stood up, knocking her chair to the ground. "Hungry!"

As fast as her hooves could carry her, Twilight ran out into the night. A bucket in her mouth.

I don't know what it eats, so I brought a radish, various flowers, some carrots, a chocolate cupcake, , some of Spike's gems, a glass of water, and a half eaten peanut butter sandwich.

Halfway to town square a thought crossed her mind. Do I even want to feed this thing? Maybe keeping it in a weakened state will allow us to pacify it. It worked today with the cage. Twilight slowed her pace to a brisk walk. Is it even moral to feed this thing? The monster that put several ponies in the hospital? What if it was weak this entire time? Feeding it could give it the energy it needs to escape.

Twilight stopped and looked at her reflection in a window. She saw a tired purple unicorn, holding a bucket in her mouth.

No, I cannot stoop that low. That's what separates us from the creatures.

A cold chill creeps down her spine as she entered town square.

Besides, how much energy can one get from a half eaten sandwich?

Twilight's stomach growled. I guess enough energy to run all the way here.

She stopped right in front of the cage, bucket in mouth. Winona was sleeping on its lap. Huh? Guess Winona snuck out. The creature turned its hood facing Twilight. It was too dark to make out any features.

Twilight teleported the bucket at the feet of the beast.

"You're lucky that you get even that."

She exhaled sharply and turned to go home. Suddenly she stopped. Twilight looked back at the creature to see that it wasn't facing her anymore.

What's under that hood?

She tip toed closer to the beast. A small light touches the tip of its hood. She held her breath.

Just a little closer.

Suddenly the creature turns and notices her glowing horn. Then notices the slight glowing on its hood.

It hisses.

Twilight quickly tried to pull the hood off. But during the pull, the creature grabbed the part of the hood that had Twilight's magic on it. The magic faded.

Winona woke up and growled at Twilight. Her teeth shinning pearly white.

Guess I'm not getting a glimpse of it today. The purple unicorn walks a few feet away before looking down.

A small piece of candy, probably abandoned by some careless filly, sat on the grass.

Eh, why not?

Twilight chucks the piece of candy into the bucket, before walking home.

=====================================================================================
Eww. What's that smell?

Spike stirred in his blanket, trying to hide from the unpleasant odor that was assaulting his nostrils.

He rolled and his face scrunched up as he tried to ignore the persistent odor that was plaguing his rest.

Spike woke up from his slumber to an unappealing scent. "Twilight, if that's your cooking then I'm not eating it." Spike unwillingly climbed out of his basket and made his way to the next room.

He opened the area to the main library and the scent overwhelms him. He stumbled and gagged for a few seconds before walking up to a preoccupied Twilight.

"Hey Twilight, what is that awful smell?"

"In a minute Spike, I'm in the middle of something.

Twilight was very busy, writing all sorts of things on several large chalkboards. She was quickly moving between chalkboards and various notes she had sprawled on the ground.

A lone bucket sat next to her.

Spike raised an eyebrow and approached the bucket.

He carefully glanced inside and-"EWW GROSS! WHAT THE HAY TWILIGHT!"

Twilight stopped her frantic scribbling and looked over. She rolled her eyes "It's not mine! It's the creatures."

"WHY! Why do you have a bucket of FECES and whatever else in there in the house? SERIOUSLY!"

"Calm down Spike, it's not that bad."

"IT'S DISGUSTING!"

"Ugh, fine." Twilight placed a lid on the bucket and carefully levitated it out a window. She then sprayed some pink air freshener around the room. "Better?"

"Now it smells like shit and air freshener."

Twilight gave him a stern look "It'll smell better in a few minutes. Go open some windows."

Spike walked around the room opening every window he could. "So do you have it house trained?"

"I didn't. I forgot to feed it, so last night I went and left a bucket of food for it. I woke up early this morning and decided to check on it, and the bucket was filled! Isn't that lucky?"

"No, that's gross." Spike looked towards the window, I could have sworn I saw some of my gems in there...

Twilight nervously scratched her head "Well I thought it might eat gems, and it didn't exactly empty the container before expelling so..."

"You... That is so wrong."

"Heh, heh heh. Sorry Spike."

Spike waved a claw dismissively. "You better have found something interesting about it's poo."

Twilight lit up "You'll never believe it! This thing expelled so many different types of chemicals I have absolutely no idea what it eats. Its insides must be more noxious than an elder dragon. I mean there were so many chemicals in there I can't even identify them all!"

"Lovely."

"Seriously! I'm surprised its even alive after ingesting such a wide variety of chemicals. For all I know, it might be a bomb waiting to go off." She points at the chalkboard "This one might be some kind of preservative? This one is highly flammable. This one doesn't seem to do anything."

"Why do we care about the chemicals in its doo doo?"

"We can find out what it eats. We can try to find out where it's from. We can learn so much about a specimen just by figuring out its diet."

"Did you find out anything?"

"Well, not really. But I'm working on it. There are so many chemicals in there I can't make out what was made by the creature and what was produced by its diet. Plus there is so much random stuff in there it might affect itself."

"That's very interesting but it still smells horrible in here."

"You're just being dramatic."

Pinkie Pie opens the door and skips inside. "Hiya guys whatcha doi-" She turns her head and sniffs the air. She turns green and her face scrunches up. She then does a 360 while balanced on one hoof before dramatically falling on her back.

Spike motioned toward the passed out pony.

Twilight placed a hoof to her forehead and sighed.

Comments

[Alphanian]

Heh good chapter. I'm waiting for some human whoopass :3

[Mortal Kombat]

I was just thinking about this story when it updated.

I'm loving it so far

[The Well Dressed Ninja]

Now I think you're exaggerating a bit about this.

[Ninjahzzzz]

He's allready proved to have the evolved beserk mode of "Calm Beserk".....As much of a oxymoron that is,Its the only thing i can call the whole incredibly calm,But incredibly violent way some people get when fighting

[link_line]

See? Got way better without the "unnecessary conversation/flashback".
If It's not relevant to the story or is not going to move the plot, scrap the chapter.

[AnormalUnicornPony]

3610424
And I am waiting for some exposition then whoopass.

In the mean time here you go can have some of mine.... "Can O' Whoopass. Warning contents under pressure." Enjoy!