Building Blocks

by BirdyTheEarthPony

Not Where I Once Was

Chapter Ten

Not Where I Once Was

I had always wondered what nothing felt like. I wondered if it was just a space of floating consciousness, or what was left over from your life. Would I feel anything at all? Would I even know I was dead? Wait, what is this even? Am I dead or is this just a really skewed dream? I felt something tugging at me….or part of me that is. I didn’t know where I was being pulled from, but it was from different places every time. I felt lights plucks, like when you touched a spot on your body that was numb. A surge of warmth went through me, sending the tugs away, leaving only the feeling of hot spreading liquid.
If this was death I didn’t mind. I still had my thoughts and memories. I thought of Ponyville, the hardships I had dealt with, the friends I had made. The promise to Rainbow Dash….I promised that we would find each other through each other. I had lied I guess. She would be sad probably…..How could I do that to her? The one time she found somepony who she could relate to, he went and jumped off of a clip.

I really suck.

I am an idiot. I took my own life in desperation and rage, but in doing so I inflicted great sorrow upon Dash…… I had promised.

I tried to remember my life before I was in Equestria, and I could remember some things, but some of them were still missing. My dad and my mother were both gone, my childhood and my friends. Pretty much all I could remember was some things that I did in my late teens of life.

Wait….. I thought that when you died some miraculous events happened that allowed you to remember everything. But I couldn’t…… Then it hit me,

I wasn’t dead!

In all my life I had never been so happy to have been alive. I could come back! I could change things, apologize to Rainbow Dash and find ourselves! I could explore lands unknown to me and see Equestria wide and far. But I had to live; I had to survive almost killing myself.

I focused in on the spreading warmth, the tugging that had returned and tried to open my eyes. I tried for a very long time, straining my body, my mind, everything I had. I was pure focus. Suddenly a flash came to me; I saw the very last things that I remember happen before my eyes, the rainbow, the sensation of falling, the blood, the boom. What was that boom anyway? Was it what happened right before your body shut off?

I didn’t even know what I would see when I opened my eyes. I may be lying at the bottom of the cliff, broken and covered in blood. Or I could not even wake up at all. But I just needed to live, to survive for another day.

I tried my hardest to open my eyes, harder than I had before. To my surprise my eyes not only opened, but they shot open. In full view I could see everything around me; I looked like I was in a hospital. But this was not the Ponyville Hospital; it was much more advanced and looked cleaner. I was in a well lit light blue room, surrounded by machines that were ticking away, circulating what looked like blood. A tube ran from this machine into one of my legs, warmth spreading from it. At least six other machines surrounded me, keeping tabs on my current state. The door diagonal from me had a sign labeled ICU hung from a hook near the top.

I was overtaken by a gagging feeling, noticing the tube taped to my nose, running down both nostrils and my mouth. I pulled them out with a sense of urgency and a feeling of being choked, setting the machine nearest to me into a flurry of alarm like beeps. Something from the corner of the room stirred, I looked over to where the movement was and saw Rainbow Dash rubbing her eyes, looking to see what had set the alarm off.

She ran to my bedside, pushing some machines away, “You’re up?! You scared me to death you asshole! I was just flying when I heard cracks and then I”

At that time a blue pony wearing a white doctor’s coat rushed in, running to me pushing Dash away, checking the machine and then me. “How are you up already? You shouldn’t even have enough blood yet… Anyway, don’t pull anymore stunts like that. We can’t come running here anytime you disagree with your treatment.” He ran several diagnostic checks on me, making sure that I wasn’t a vegetable and that I still had a brain and not mush.

In several minutes he left the room giving me advice to not pull anymore machines out, making sure to put emphasis on the not part of his explanation. When he left the room Rainbow Dash walked back over to me, not saying anything at all. She took my hoof in two of hers and just held it up, staring into my eyes.

“You know you scared me to death out there…….” She sighed, “You almost died, why were you doing all that to yourself anyway? I mean just that morning you had looked so happy.”

I looked to the ceiling, not wanting to explain it, but knowing I had too. I couldn’t almost kill myself then give no reason why.

“I went to spend all day with Nurse Redheart and learned that she had lied about my father, she never even met my father. She had just seen a newspaper and made up a story for him on the spot. Not only that but she wasn’t my real mother I soon found out; she had just lied to keep me happy.” I took a break, catching my breath.

“Then when I asked her to tell me the truth she told me that my mother had died birthing me and that she had never even given a name of a father or a name for me. No name, no mother, no father, no family.”

She just held me in her arms, not letting go even as I protested against it. Her warmth spread through my cold body, breathing life into my heart once again. It was her turn to help me out, not by feeling sorry; but by being there for me. I was back at square one and didn’t even know my real name, or if I had one. I had chosen my own name but it felt wrong knowing that my mother had a name in mind but never had the chance to tell anypony.

Rainbow Dash laid my body back to the bed, “I’m still holding you to your promise Ethan, and you won’t be able to get out that easy. Now you need your rest so we can get out and find ourselves as soon as possible. Goodnight Ethan…..”

I closed my eyes, not protesting at all for I was very tired. I hoped that she did hold me to my promise. We would be searching as soon as we could manage. Me and Rainbow Dash……Together.

As it turns out Dash had preformed what she called a ‘Sonic Rainboom’. Apparently it’s very hard to do but when she saw me falling she preformed it almost instantly. When she caught me she knew that I was about to die and had to act fast. She flew me all the way to the hospital in Canterlot. That was a really long way to go but she had done it in minutes flat.

This pony truly was amazing at what she did, and I had to admire that.

It took a full week for me to recover. I was given the usual instructions, “Don’t run, jump, lift, or pull anything at all, yadda yadda.” I had listened to those so well in the past, why start now? We stepped out into the light of the mid noon sun and squinted, taking our time to adjust to the bright light. Our eyes soon adapted and I quickly noticed two things. One, we were severely out of place and outclassed here. Almost everypony wore fashionable clothes or accessories that looked horribly expensive; and two, this place was massive.

I turned to Rainbow Dash, “Want to help me start finding myself right now?”

She grinned, nudging me a little too hard, “Sure, let’s go! Where to first? Ancient aqueducts? A dangerous temple?”

“No Daring Dash, the library.” I chuckled, making her make a disgusting sigh.

“Really; The library? That is like…the most BORING place in Equestria!”

I started off towards what looked like a library, “Yea I know but I need to see something”

We sat in the library for quite some time, Rainbow Dash falling asleep as soon as I started sifting through old hospital records from Ponyville. I was looking for any mysterious mares that gave birth, just to find any information at all, no matter how miniscule. Eventually I came upon an entry that described what had happened.

It was a turbulent night, full of clouds and rain. At 12:01 A.M. A mare walked in, obviously in labor and having pains in her abdomen. Nurse Redheart was the only nurse on duty and immediately contacted the other doctors. The mare was admitted to room 001 and began giving birth.

Wait, I remember that room number…. I had a flashback to when I was helping Nurse Redheart clean out the rooms. I saw the whiteboard that read Deceased in big red letters as I held the card from a beloved grandfilly; their memories together, thrown in the trash along with cups and old rags.

I read on.
Nurse Redheart delivered a healthy colt at 12:24 A.M. As she gave the colt to the mother she had discovered that some time during labor, she had passed.

Patient passed giving birth at 12:24 A.M. Soon after the colt seized and turned to a comatose state. The other doctors arrived to determine the cause of death. Death was discovered to be a simple blood clot. A blood thinner was administered to alleviate the clot but it was too late.

The colt has been assigned a watch room to be observed until further notice.

I looked up from the book, tears brimming at the edge of my eyelids. I saw myself in that room again. But this time it was on the night of my birth. The whiteboard on the wall read,

“Deceased 12:24 A.M.”

Not one vase of flowers ever entered the room, not one card from loved ones, not any trace of her ever being there; just the sign that told her time of passing.

I slammed my hoof onto the table. If the doctors would have been 3 minutes early they could have saved my mother. I could be at home right now, sleeping warm in a bed with my mother a few rooms away, thinking of each other. I would have the proper name, a place in this world already. I would know my father, my grandparents, aunts, uncles, or maybe none. Even then I could be helping my mom through her life as she helped me through mine.

But none of these were my circumstances. A Nurse that had been on the job for less than a week let my mother die and me slip into a coma. My mother never had a chance to see me. She was somewhere right now, watching over, not even knowing what I look like or what I’m called.

This is why Nurse Redheart felt obliged to watch over me. She had killed my mother and almost killed me. I had every reason to hate her. She was the reason I was a bastard pony living without a given name or any family.
Three minutes had changed my life forever.

I got up from the desk me and Rainbow Dash were sitting at, walking to a balcony that lay at the top of some nearby stairs. I needed some air.

Rainbow Dash cracked open one of her eyes, making sure that I was gone. She slid over to the book that I had been reading, carefully scanning the story that I was reading.

“What could be this interesting anyway….”

She stared at the entry upon the paper, tears automatically gracing the pages.
“This is you isn’t it Ethan….. You really don’t have anypony…..at all”

She closed the book and spotted me at the top of the balcony. She took lift and landed next to me, taking me in her embrace.

“Ethan, you will always have me at least. It may not mean much to you but I just want you to know that.” She leaned against my side, propping herself up.

I stared at the retreating sun, a cascading darkness taking over the sky. Then I looked to the Pegasus next to me, she was all I had right now; my only crutch in this world where I was given nothing to hold on to.

I leaned into her, balancing our weight between us. “It means everything Rainbow Dash…..Everything I have…”

She put her mouth to my ear, “I love you Ethan. We will find ourselves through each other. I promise. I wouldn’t want any other pony to go on this journey with.”

We sat in silence and watched the sun set upon the horizon. I had her and she had me; just us two, facing this cruel world all on our own.

The next day we decided to head back to Ponyville to get back to a normal, non tragic life for some time. We took the train back, making quick time. By the afternoon we had made it back and met up with our friends for a ‘Back together forever and ever Pinkie Pie party lunch bash’. Really it was just a big picnic at Applejacks with lots of cake involved. Dash and I told all but the truth. We told them we had been racing and I had forgotten I couldn’t fly and ran right off the cliff. What we had been through only needed to be known by us. It was our adventure to embark upon.

After lunch we said our goodbyes and went our separate ways, Rainbow needed to check her house out to make sure it was still in one piece. She told me that tomorrow we would hang out again.

I was thankful to have some time for myself. I planned to visit all of the shops in town and find some kind of hobby to distract me for a while, but before I could head off Twilight stopped me

“Ethan I need you to help out in the library for a little bit if you don’t mind. Sorry its short notice but I am in a big rush!”

I smiled, “Sure, not a problem Twilight! I’ll do whatever you need, except sort books; I was never too good at that.”

She gave a fake laugh, “its not sorting books…..don’t worry please.”

Something was up but I was none the wiser, so I happily followed Twilight back to her library. Little did I know that every other pony was following us back to the library except Rainbow Dash.

I walked into the completely darkened library. How could she keep it so dark all the time? I was followed by five ponies, the door quickly being shut and sealed by Twilights magic. I turned around quickly,

“Wha-What the hell are you guys doing?” the lights in the room illuminated as Applejack motioned towards the opposite end of the library

I turned and there she stood. A deflated looking Nurse Redheart stood alone, her head pointed towards the ground.

Tension filled the room as I walked several feet from her, and glared at the top of her head. If my eyes were lasers she would have melted by now. We stood like this for several minutes, letting the tension grow. I knew what my friends were trying to do but it was too soon. My wounds were still fresh on my soul and I was in no place to forgive her.

She looked up; meeting my hate filled eyes boring into hers and quickly looked back at the ground. “I’m….sor”

“You killed my mother.” I said this flatly with no emotion, causing her to be silent.

She tried again, “But it wa-“

“You put me in a coma for most of my life.” I said with the same unchanging flat tone.

She began to cry, but her tears fell on deaf ears. Twilight walked over to me,
“You shouldn’t be too harsh Ethan she came to me to apologize personally to you.”

I looked at Twilight “I appreciate what you are trying to do, I really do. But stop it and let me go. My wounds are still too fresh on my heart. This is the pony solely responsible for my coma, my mother, me not knowing who I am, lying to me and breaking my heart twice. I am not ready to apologize to her yet. One day, I might be ready. But for now….for now I need to let me heal.”

The room was silent; Nurse Redheart had retreated further in the room. Twilight held no words of advice or comfort. No other pony spoke for the longest time. I turned and started walking towards the door, looking back over my shoulder,
“One day I will forgive you. I will, but right now I need to rebuild what little I can. Don’t hate yourself or me. I don’t hate you….I just hate what happened.”

I walked to the door, letting Twilight open it with her magic; releasing me outside.
This situation sucked but I couldn’t hate forever. I couldn’t hate Nurse Redheart for what she had done. She was a rookie and chances are that I scarred her as much as she had scarred me. She was living with the fact that I had nothing because of her. I was glad that my friends had tried to help me, it showed that they cared.

They did care. They cared a lot for me and everypony else. I can only assume that’s why they were so eager to help Nurse Redheart out. But I needed some time.

That was all I needed. Time and a little help here and there; if I had this, eventually…I was going to be okay.

Comments

[bucknorris]

[-Brutus]

This chapter is good, make sense at the same time. Proceed!

[UnintentionalMishap]

just read all the way from chapter 1

You just got yourself a new reader!