Two. Nineteen: The Enemy of my Enemy
Two. Nineteen
Enemy of my Enemy
Captain Adam Kuyaki couldn’t breathe. He wasn’t being strangled, he wasn’t choking on food, he hadn’t accidentally breathed in some water, he wasn’t in a vacuum, he just could not breathe.
And Princess Celestia was not amused as to why he couldn’t breathe.
“We are sure you find us very humorous, but this is a very serious matter!” Princess Luna exclaimed, stamping her hoof. Adam sharply inhaled, and his laughing began to slowly cease. The Princesses impatiently waited for him to calm down, and he flexed his jaw muscles, which were quite sore.
“Hmmp... I probably lost some brain cells after not being able to breathe that long. That was some funny shit. So, so, you want OUR help?! Bahahahaa~! Oh, I’m sorry but that’s too fucking rich” Adam declared.
“ENOUGH! Give us your answer, NOW!” Twilight yelled, slamming her hoof down on the table. Within a few seconds the Captain stopped laughing, composed himself, and bent forward, propping himself up on the table with his hands.
“Hgmm... On behalf of the UNSC, the United Earth Government, and the human race. I deliver to the Princesses of Equestria my official statement on their request for military support against N’por ‘Tumai and the Covenant Empire. *Ahem*... Go FUCK yourself, you insolent cunts!” Adam growled.
“How very typical of your race!” Twilight exclaimed.
“You will recall, PRINCESS, that I asked for your help against the Covenant LONG ago, and you declined. Now you want the same thing from me, because NOW it suits your purposes. Because NOW there’s something in it for you. Your race is so egregiously self-centered it is seriously not even funny” Adam said.
“We are dying! Our world is being ripped apart, and our allies and own ponies at home have split! A civil war has started, and the separatists are seeking the aid of the Covenant and Aldurmaax’s dragons!” Twilight protested.
“Meinu! We will NOT help you! Fight your own war, or join the Covenant. I care not!”
“Japaneighse... Futari wa sono gēmu de purei suru koto ga dekimasu” Twilight commented with a smirk. Adam blinked and pulled back, cocking his head to the side as he looked at Twilight.
“Hmm... I always liked you Sparkle. You were my favorite when I first came here. I THOUGHT you were rational, smart... You’re all either incredibly bold or stupid as hell to come ask ME for help. And after learning what I’ve learned about your race I’m not sure which of the two is more true, or more scary. The answer is still ‘no’. Now, I will escort you off my ship. I have a war to fight” Adam stated, stepping back from the table and heading for the door.
“Please...” Princess Celestia meekly said, the first thing she had said the entire time they were there. The Captain stopped and looked over his shoulder at her. Turning around to look at her Adam saw she was tired. Tired, concerned for her people and planet. “We can’t stand against N’por, the Covenant, on our own. And we can help you. Anything we can offer to help, we’ll give it. Just... Don’t make us face them, and DON’T make us join them.”
Sighing, Adam walked back to the table and crossed his arms over his chest. “There’s nothing you can offer to us that we don’t already have or can’t already make. All you can offer us are bodies; soldiers, lots and lots of them. All of them that you can.”
“I saw what you feed your soldiers with, and we can offer better food than that” Twilight commented.
“All our food is engineered, packaged, and served with the perfect balance of nutrients, antibiotics, , energy, and taste for our Marines. What could you possibly serve that’s better?” Adam posed.
“That was the key word in your sentence; ‘engineered’. All our food is natural, grown on farms, and is the most delicious stuff you’ll ever eat. And since you’re fans of meat, we can have the juiciest of natural meats imported from the Minotaurs. Your Marines will never love anything more than our food. And they’re plenty healthy, too” Twilight explained.
“Hmph... We'll get some samples and we’ll bring them back to the Kabato. Oh, and do try to not fucking poison them or something” Captain Kuyaki stated, motioning for the Princesses to follow him back to the hangar.
“We’re not savages, Captain. Unlike you, meat-eater...” Princess Sparkle declared.
“Twilight...” Celestia said, trying to keep her from pissing off the Captain and ruining their chances at an alliance.
“Hah! I bet you’ve never tasted meat in your life. You’ll never find anything more fucking delicious in the galaxy. We had a colony world, Harvest. They grew a lot of fruit and vegetables there, but my favorite were the Moa they bred there, brought in from another world of ours. Something those farmers did, whether it was skill or something else, made Moa meat so Goddamn scrumptious and juicy. That stuff bled like the Moa was still cooing. And their fish? Sweet and salty” Adam explained.
“Freaking carnivores...” Twilight lamented.
-=-=-=-=-
The Pelican sailed through the sky, the aircraft loaded up with several crates of natural bananas, apples, pears, oranges, and meats. Captain Kuyaki sat in the back with the three Princesses, idly enjoying the ride.
“For the record, Princesses; I was planning on approaching you with an alliance offer soon. Truth is, we need your help as much as you need ours. I can not win this war alone. Not all the guns, bullets, missiles, vehicles, and food I could make would win us this war. We need soldiers to do it. I need your guard. Police officers. Whatever kind of soldiers you can offer me; I need them all. And I need them where I say I need them” Adam explained.
“You want complete jurisdiction over my guard. A guard which is already unnerved and uncertain of my rule over this country. They will not accept or heed whatever orders you give them” Celestia said.
“Then I will give the orders to you, and you will relay them to the appropriate divisions. Damn it, my combat experience will be the key to winning this war. Shit will go bad, very soon if we don’t destroy the Covenant and their dragon friends” Adam replied.
“And our civil war? What about that?” Twilight asked.
“I’ll help the only way I can; by blasting the hell out of any who stand in my way.”
“No! There will be NO blasting of any of MY subjects! You can kill N’por, his soldiers, his dragons, and any others who help him. But you will NOT be killing any of my little ponies” Celestia stated matter-of-factly.
“Goddamnit woman do you want your species to survive this war?! You will not survive a war on two fronts, and certainly not when the second front is being waged in your backyard, frontyard, and your own fucking kitchen!! You. Are. SCREWED. Those separatists are being armed with plasma rifles, plasma pistols, needlers, plasma grenades, spears, fuel rod guns, fuel rods, and power cores. The majority of your race has been pushed past the breaking point and they will blast, blow up, stab, and kamikaze in the name of their alien leaders. You have no choice but to fight back, and my men will not hesitate” Adam declared.
Princess Celestia sighed and rubbed her head with her hoof, trying to alleviate the headache coming on. She was already nauseous beyond all reason from the flight, and she didn’t need anything more than that. “I don’t like it... I don’t like what is happening to my planet. If I didn’t have personal qualms about it I would have you thrown off in a second.”
“Personal qualms about what? Being ‘impolite’?!” Adam inquired.
“Personal qualms about N’por. About the Covenant.”
“What’s your beef? They never did anything to you” the Captain remarked, leaning back in his seat.
“That’s where you’re wrong... Oh so very wrong...”
-=-=-=-=-
Captain Kuyaki walked into the conference room where the three Princess of Equestria were waiting. Adam relieved the MP outside the door and slowly sat down at the head of the table, idly looking at the faux wood. The Princesses patiently waited for him to speak.
“You were right; the Marines loved the food. They want more; a steady supply of it. The few crates we got ran out within two hours. They’ll probably find ways to supplement their rations with your food, and I imagine that Equestrian meat, fruits and chocolate will become very sought-after when Marines are trading supplies and valuables. We got your food coming in, and I’ll keep the bullets going out into the hearts of Covenant, dragons, and separatist ponies. We got the alliance we all sought” Adam explained.
“Very good” Celestia replied, standing and heading to the door with her cohorts. Adam watched them go for a moment before heading to follow, catching up within moments.
“We will find our own way back to the hangar, thank you. I think I got the route memorized by now” Twilight said brazenly as the Captain followed them, his words slowing him to a stop.
“Hmm... Call me when you get lost, OK?”
-=-=-=-=-
“Captain Kuyaki? It’s Twilight. Where’s the hangar, again...?”
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twilight stupiid as shit
That last line
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