My Little Noir

by Colt in the Moon

Tootie Fruity Explains It All

My hooves should have been knocking on the door; but instead they remained firmly planted on the dirty carpet. Yeah, in case you didn’t know, motels aren’t exactly very homey.

I’m procrastinating; it’s a bad habit of mine. I really didn’t want to do this. Everypony knew about Tootie Fruity’s mental state, or lack thereof, and I already went through the details of what happened to her, so if you don’t remember, too bad. Walking through the door, asking her questions, and wanting to get away with answers and no headache; is the equivalent of hitting myself in the head with a baseball bat, and drinking battery acid.

But I just had to hold my nose and get it over with. I very reluctantly knocked on the door.

“Come iiiiiiiin!” a sing-song voice beckoned me in.

Walking in wasn’t much of a surprise to me, it was in worse state than Gumbelle’s. Garbage such as empty cereal boxes, rubber ducks, Equestrian flags, cupcake wrappers, and one or two blood stains littered the floor. The blinds were half closed, giving the room a dark and depressing feel to it. I actually kind of liked it; it reminded me of my office.

“What do want, Mr. Detective-Pants?” Tootie’s voice nearly made me jump out of my suspenders. I quickly rotated to face her beady eyes.

“I *ahem* uh needed to ask you a few questions.”

“Ooh! Sounds fun, let’s play!”

“….Right. Well, I need you to tell me where you were, and what you were doing last night.”

The kooky mare put on her ‘thinking face’ while putting a hoof to her chin, “I believe I was warning the ponies in town of the coming of the kumquatitions. But no pony would listen to me. Can you believe it?!”

“Yeah,” I said rolling my eyes, “It’s a mystery. Now, what connection do you have to Gumbelle and Minty Fresh”?

Tootie’s expression immediately darkened. Her bright and fluffy pink mane soon became straight and limp. She slowly walked towards one of the more shaded areas of the room. Only her bright blue eyes were visible now.

“The three of us used to be close friends. They knew me before and after the ‘incident’. They remained friends with me through thick and thin. That’s what friends do. But then, then the two of them invited me over about a week ago. It was supposed to be a fun little get-together, but instead it was a nightmare”.

I couldn’t believe I was saying this, but I was actually invested in this loon’s story. “Yeah, then what happened?”

_ _ _ _ _ _ _

Minty was relaxing on the couch reading a magazine when she heard a knock at the door. She approached the door carefully, knowing what to expect.

“SURPRISE,” Tootie screeched as the door opened to her.

“Tootie, so good to see you,” Minty greeted, “Please come in”.

The two mares trotted into the small living area. Gumbelle was cooking dinner in the kitchen. She took a break from her work and sat down with Minty and Tootie.

“I’m so excited to be here with you guys! I baked some extra special cookies for the occasion. Who wants to sample one”?

The trio of friends each took a cookie and ate a portion.

“Pretty good right?” inquired the insane veteran.

“Yeah, these are really tasty.”

“Meh, they’re alright”.

As Gumbelle made her way back to the kitchen, Tootie stared at Minty with her pupils shrunk and her teeth clenched. She practically spat out the word “what” when she asked it.

“Hmm? Oh I don’t know, I mean I guess they’re a little dry.”

“DRY?!” Tootie flipped over the coffee table as she leaped out of her seat. She pressed her face right up to Minty’s, with her eyes spinning like mad.

“THESE COOKIES ARE SUPER DUPER SCRUMPTIOUS, FOR YOUR INFORMATION! IF THEY’RE GOOD ENOUGH FOR A BABY ALLIGATOR, THEN IT’S GOOD ENOUGH FOR YOU OR ANY OTHER PONY”!

Tootie stomped towards the door in a huff. But before she left, she turned around to look Minty right in the eyes.

“You will rue this day, Minty! RUE IT I SAY”!

And with that, Tootie the unstable mare left two confused ponies alone (Which she seemed to do quite often).

_ _ _ _ _ _ _

I just stared at her. I kept expecting her to bust up laughing like it was one of her crazy fantasies. But all she did was remain silent in the dark.

“That’s it?” Minty didn’t like your cookies?” I asked, my anger boiling, “That’s it?!”

“Hello! She insulted my baking skills! I believe my response was reasonable”.

That’s when I grabbed her by the collar and violently shook her, “YOU KILLED A MARE OVER COOKIES?!”

I underestimated her strength, her hooves grabbed my wrists and twisted hard, “DON’T TOUCH ME YOU- wait I didn’t kill her.”

“Yeah right,” I replied, almost chuckling, “You said you would make Minty rue that day.”

“True,” Tootie calmly stated as she released her grip on me, “But my intentions were never murder. More like a prank or something.”

“Then why did you act so serious just then?”

Her once limp and dull mane suddenly exploded into its natural form, “BECAUSE IT’S ALL A GAME SILLY!”

I was knocked on my back at her abrupt outburst. She started to slowly approach me as I slinked backwards on my ass. I was cautious coming in, but now I was ready to bolt.

“Sure it’s bad news that my dear, dear friend has passed,” her voice dropping an octave when she said ‘dear’, “But that’s the game of life! I’m not saying I want to slam the pony that did it into the dirt with a mallet, but I don’t wanna shake their hoof either. It’s just another tidbit that keeps this game interesting! Don’t cha see? DO. YOU. SEEEEE!?”

“ENOUGH!” I bolted right up and tackled her into a corner. I was done messing around. “DID YOU, OR DID YOU NOT MURDER MINTY?!”

She just giggled, “Of course not silly.” She pulled a flat square from out of nowhere, “Mahjong”?

From there, I was just done. I set her down, took a deep breath, and quietly left. From the sound of it, Tootie decided to play the game by herself; and she was losing.

Before I continued my trek down the hall, I did a quick check. Eeyup, I had a headache.

Author's Note:

Special thanks to Mixer for editing