(Note: Has nothing to do with L.A. Noir)
My name is Tracer Bullet, I'm a private eye. There's been a murder, a one Minty Fresh. Usually this would just be another case to solve, only the suspects are some of the most notorious criminals in town. Here are the suspects: Dawn, a quiet librarian who is mysteriously connected to the murder. Moonstone, a seductive singer with a dark history, and an even darker present. Addams Apple, a hit-pony who enjoys breaking hooves on late payments. Tootie Fruity, a soldier who went crazy when a bomb blew up in her face. Bunnie and Clyde, the biggest crimeboss in the city with her right-hand bunnie. And Fyre, a slimy little criminal who thinks big of himself. Well, you know the suspects, all you need to do now, is find out whodunnit.
(Rated teen for mild swearing and violence)
Edited by Mixer
Colt in the Moon
Joined 15th Sep, 2012 ·
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Chapters (7)
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Hey this is really good, I played L.A. noir and loved so I can't wait to see how this will turn out
riteshjsr.files.wordpress.com/2010/11/ch9002061.gif
3484537 This has nothing to do with L.A Noir
3484625 I'm glad someone got it
3484663 awww dang its was Calvin with tracer
what ever, still liked it
Oh yeah, and clean up your grammar. It would be so much better.
3484768 what do you mean?
hey I took a copy of this for a review if you want to see what I think here's a link https://www.facebook.com/pages/Pwnies/507409239329383?ref=hl
Hey, I love the concept of this story. I'm a fellow aficionado of this sort of AU. (Granted, Through A Glass Darkly only has noir influences—it's not actually noir).
Just a few things. First, grammar. It's important. But beyond that, I would use more paragraph breaks (and actually use the enter key twice: the wall of text effect is something you should try to avoid). Personally, I would have kept the original character names as well, but that's up to you.
Anyways, favorited. I want to see where you take this.
3485265 Thanks for the criticism. No I mean it, I know my writing isn't perfect and things like this really help. I'm gonna see if I can get this chapter edited an the next for the future
3496528 before i start reading i like to say this.
I see gilda as some what of a good and bad guy, most likely a drug deal but only doing so to get info and muders and just try to make some what of a living
3616544 Gilda hasn't appeared yet
3616574 i know but just say that how i would see gilda as but hey it's your story
3616655 Okay
Best read with
http://youtu.be/7bW75OwVXZI
3886486 Put that in the YouTube link button
Oh dude, The rest of the story was good, and the ending was decent, but, it leaves something to be desired. I was hoping that when Tracer had Dawn on the ground, pleading for mercy, Tracer would be like
"Why? Why would you do this out of jealousy, for what, a petty competition?"
Then dawn
"Y-You have to get out of here!"
Tracer:Why? So you can make your quick escape? for what you did, i don't think so!"
Dawn: No, you don't get it, it wasn't me, it was-"
Then suddenly Tracer is knocked out cold, when she wakes up shes tied to a chair and sees no other then
"Gumdrop!"
Gumdrop: "What took you so long?"
Tracer: But, how, i don't understand...why, she was your-"
Gumdrop: "I know, she was my wife, But i had a greater love."
Tracer: "Ponies like you sicken me, killing innocent ponies, just because they can't be loyal enough to stick to their wedding vows. So, whose the unlucky pony?"
Gumdrop: Not a who, but a what. See, Like minty, i was swept up in the life of crime, but when she had a change of heart, she forced me to give it up, and i agreed. For a while. I love the thrill of the kill, more then i'll ever love anypony, i constantly asked her if we could go back, and every time she persuaded me to not. But one day, i couldn't resist the urge."
Tracer: I can't believe i didn't see it, it was right in front of my muzzle. How did Dawn get into this?"
Gumball: "I knew that you would on the case, and every suspect you had knew it was me, except Dawn, but i knew she would put the evidence together and conclude it was me, so i bribed some of them and threatened some of their lives. Dawn was a scared foal, so she agreed to play along."
Tracer: Well, you won't get away with it."
And she takes out a knife from her pocket, cuts herself free, and beats Gumballs flank. Gumball get taken to jail, and Tracer saves the day once again.
is adams apple a stallion or a mare? cause you have some inconsistencies in here.