FOTC: Chapter 4 - A friend
“No, this is not one of your games! This is your son, in Celestia’s name!”
I had never seen her this angry before. She showed nothing but a distorted grimace of what had once been her beautiful face. In her eyes was not only anger though, but also a deep sadness that was causing my legs to get weak. How can I stand upright while she is falling down because of me? It had been my fault. Almost like a broken record, I tried to ensure her that I would fix it all.
“I am going to get him a present, I promise.”
A tear slowly formed on the bottom of her eye. It gained weight until gravity’s pull was strong enough to let it drip down. She just looked at me and I wasn’t sure anymore if I could stand it. Her eyes were showing me a hole in her heart almost as big as her love for me had been. Had it grown bigger? Had she forgotten all these years? Have I forgotten? I am the one who has forgotten. The birthday of my own son and no present to be had.
“Go. Just go.”
“You can’t do this. You know me. I always forget things.”
“This is not a ‘thing’. This is your son… I don’t know, Ethereal. I don’t know if I can still continue trying to love you when all you do is giving me a reason to hate you.”
A shudder ran down my body, but my brain could still not realize the importance. My smile I had tried to keep up all the while turned into a terrible grimace. Suddenly everything was silent and my thoughts seemed to try to scream it away. Yet, there was not a word spoken. Then, she just turned around. Everything inside me wanted to scream and yet there was only silence. My heart felt as if a dagger was sticking inside of it and with trying to remove it, I only pushed it deeper. Tears slowly made their way down my face and waited at my chin until the gravity would find them too. It had been all my fault. All of it. I closed my eyes in a pathetic attempt to blend out the images, but the images were burnt into my mind. Her eyes were still looking at me even though she had already left. I was alone now and that feeling slowly crept into my mind, consuming every other thought. I was alone now and she was gone.
No! This is not how it ends! No! I refuse to believe it! I am going to get a present even if I have to go through storm and thunder. My hooves slowly gained momentum as I walked out of the house, the clear image in mind. I would get a present no matter the cost.
I opened my eyes. The tears were still there. My mind was tired, not willing to get up. Slowly the schemes around me formed in unity and revealed a white ceiling. Even slower, my thoughts and memories were returning. My wife? I had dreamt of her again, I had dreamt of our last words again. My mind didn’t seem to want to work today, everything seemed to stretch out like rubber gum. It still didn’t made sense. Where was I even? My head slowly turned to my side but the images just distorted again. Everything blurred into many strange shapes, curling around each other. Why did my head feel so numb?
It took me a couple of seconds of staying completely still until the colors finally rearranged. My whole body felt like a sack of potatoes. I could hardly move around as my muscles seemed to just not respond to any of my commands. As I slowly regained the control over my limbs, I also started to feel incredible pain. Everything felt as if it tried to cramp together. Only slowly the pain declined and I was finally able to get up. My mouth opened and out came a long yawn...
and to be honest: I was really as tired. Almost as if I hadn’t slept in days… or months… or even years.
The room had resumed to natural order in the meanwhile. It seemed like it was one of these typical hospital rooms. The bed I was lying on, a shelf of books and a small nightstand with a bowl atop of it. Something was terribly off about this room though. Everything was muggy and dusty. It almost seemed as if the walls were falling apart. Pieces of paint seemed to crumble out of cracks in the wall. How could I have not noticed it before? Where was I? The first question easily resolved in my mind: If you consider the rambling of my dreamy thoughts and the blurry effect when I had moved my head just a bit, it was almost logical that I had failed to see the desolation of this place earlier. The second question was a lot harder to answer as I didn’t have the necessary information yet. I decided to explore further. This door was nothing but a blockade between me and a world out there. It was time to see what lay beyond this room.
The door was actually so brittle it instantaneously collapsed as my hoof touched it. I peeked into the dark corridor that seemed to have collapsed at one end. It was filled with debris and as it seemed it had been pure luck that there had not been a huge pile of debris right in front of my door preventing me from getting out.
“A nice day to wake up.”
Who said that? I had not said it. I looked around. Nothing but rubble and debris. There was no location where one could hide. However, if there had nopony been hiding, who would have said that then? Was I going insane? No you are not. Wait, what? You heard me. Who did I hear? What the actual buck?
“Hello? Is somepony out there?”
The empty corridor did not answer his question. Instead, he heard the wind howling outside of the window. Window. Does that remind you of something? There! Again!
“Who is that? Stop that at once!”
Wait! If there was anypony talking to me, how had she known what I had thought? I have not said anything about a window… The sudden realization ran through my whole body, slowly causing every single muscle to tense up. Was this a ghost? Was this some kind of strange hallucination? Or was I still trapped in a nightmare? Don’t fool yourself. You can’t deny my existence. Who the…? This… This… I started turning around, frantically looking for anypony who was hiding there. There had to be somepony, there had to be somepony. No. This was all a dream. Haha. I love this part. Stop! There is no voice! I waited. No answer, no voice. Maybe it really had just been a creepy illusion. My mind didn’t want to realize what had happened. It was too unreal to be true. I just tried to ignore it.
However, the idea with the window was still not a bad idea, even if developed through a strange illusion. The whole corridor was filled with debris and it seemed as if there was no way through at all. So the window would be a logical alternative as an escape route. At first I tried to just pull it open, but I soon realized that it would be impossible. The window seemed as rusty as you’d expect in a ruin like this. However, there were about a hundred loose pieces of rubble outside of the room, so that shouldn’t be the biggest problem. I pulled a random piece, a particularly heavy part of what had once been the ceiling, out of the huge pile of rubble.
The window completely burst apart upon the impact of my projectile. Well done. At least you are not as stupid as I had thought. No! Not again! This voice is going to drive you insane? You are insane already. No I am not! Stop this! This is crazy! … or insane? No!
“Stop!”
My own voice echoed through the empty halls of the hospital, leaving me behind in a depressing silence. I decided to go on and find out what was wrong here. There was most certainly something wrong with this whole situation. I looked out of the broken window. A tree, moving with the slight breeze. Everything seemed too desaturated to be real. A bad movie where somepony had played with the buttons and modulators of the colors, turning up the grey and turning down everything else; A bleak world. With some momentum, I would be able to get out through the window. However, the broken pieces at the edge of the window were still worrying me. Worrying? You should worry about other things. Not again. Of course I am here again. I will not just go away because you scream at me.
“But I am not insane!”
Of course you aren’t insane. Nopony ever is. No! No! Without thinking about it, I started moving. My legs started walking, then running and I jumped. The sharp edges of the broken window scratched deeply into my flesh, but I was free. The whole thing did not work out as I had thought. As you might know, ponies are not designed to climb trees. Instead of landing on that particularly thick branch right next to the window, I landed on the cold, hard ground. The impact pressed all air out of my lungs. For almost a minute I could not do anything but pant for air.
When the pain finally started to recede, I tried standing up. Although my hooves still felt weak, I managed to keep my balance. Dizziness amplified the effects of gravity, pulling me down. Around me the word seemed to bend to my every movement. Before me was the gigantic building I had been in. I actually seemed to have dropped out of a front window. The shield above the entrance had lost its anchorage on the left side, but by turning my head a bit, I was able to read what was written on it.
Neighengrade Hospital.
No. NO! This… How… This… I stumbled for words. I was shocked to say the least. It seemed as if I was only falling further down into madness? Insanity? Haha. I really love this part. Not now! This was already bad enough. Do you still not realize it? Can’t you see the simple truth? This is not your world anymore. This IS my world. And I am not insane! You can’t lie to yourself forever. Just embrace it! There is nothing to embrace! This is all not real anyway. Don’t you even try denying it. If you won’t voluntarily accept the truth, I will have to force you to. As if you could? Who do you think you are? I am stronger than you’d think. Don’t try me. And what if I want to try you? What if I think that you are a filthy lying voice I am just imagining in some kind of sick nightmare? Haha. Do you really think you could evade the truth? Just accept it. What are you even talking about? Can’t you remember? Remember what? Holy Celestia, what are you talking about? You know what? Don’t answer that. Just
“Shut up!”
This time however, the voice was relentless. Oh, I can’t just shut up if you deny the truth. What bucking TRUTH? You can’t just say I shouldn’t deny “it” if you never say, what “it” actually is. Do you really want to hear the truth? If that means this bucking voice shuts up, yes. Yes, I want to hear your bucking truth. The truth may be uncomfortable. As I know you, you will have problems with it. Just stop bantering me and finally start talking. Okay, okay. Fine. This has taken way too long already. Maybe if I listen to this crap, the nightmare is finally over.
It is not a nightmare. Stop telling that to yourself. As long as you are here, I am going to be stuck with you, so you better make this easy for us both.
Let me explain to you as you don’t seem to understand: This is not a nightmare. This is not an illusion either. This is all real. You seem to not remember what had happened. So much time has passed. You look a lot different now. What? What do I look like? I tried to turn myself to see how I looked like but of course that was a bit difficult. I noticed my legs, which were still pierced with holes. However, there was also something else on my back. Some kind of … knitted foil? That is not everything. You should definitely go to that window over there and check yourself out. You will be surprised. If there is a strange voice in your head talking about going to windows and checking yourself out, you know there has to be something wrong with you.
I slowly trotted towards a nearby window in which I would see my reflection. My legs did not want to move but I forced them to. On the one side, it was just this incredible exhaustion. On the other side, it was the fear of what I could see in the broken window. Would I be able to bare what I was about to see? Step by step, I closed in on the window. Suddenly a … thing walked into the image. Out of the pure inability to understand, I turned around, trying to see what monster had crept behind me, showing in that window... There was no monster lurking behind me. Actually, there was one. The bitter truth was that the monster was… me.
A giant insect stared back at me with its cold, dark eyes. How could I not feel like I was supposed to? I was supposed to fear what I saw. I was supposed to recoil at the mere sight of that… thing. I was supposed to feel sadness or fear or anger or disgust or ANYTHING. And yet I stood still and my head was calm. They often say that the window is the door to one’s soul. If that was true, this thing could never have a soul. Maybe that is why I didn’t feel...
Or maybe you just have to look a little closer. Sometimes, the outward appearance is not everything that defines us. Look at it! It is disgusting! Has no one ever told you not to judge the book by its cover? Just look at it! You can’t deny that you are disgusted by it! It is a horrific abomination. I believe that what I had hidden inside of my complaints was my fear of what I had become. I was such a fool back in those days…
My horn was a giant black spike, sticking out of my agglutinant hair. It was by far bigger than my horn ever had been, probably even surpassing the size of the horn of an alicorn. The cold, yellow-greenish eyes were staring back at me, mustering my body. The thing that differed the most were these two transparent things on my back. It almost looked as if I was a bug having it’s wings retracted. However, there was no possibility for me to move those strange things. The shock slowly converted into the strange feeling of acceptance. I couldn’t continue denying my form forever. Of course, I could never approve of the change or embrace what I had become but I couldn’t spend my life hating it either. I closed my eyes once again, repeating that thought, almost as if I could not believe myself thinking that. Now that is a good behaviour. This is who you are now. This voice however, was something I still could not accept. Oh, you can’t accept me? That is truly a revelation. It couldn’t have been any more sarcastic with that statement. If this voice could have just been able to shut up instead of bothering me. A question slowly rose in my mind: How long was this going to last?
Do you still not realize it? This is not what you may think it is. This duty of mine has no end. What duty are you speaking of? Do I really have to go through all of it? If you want me to stop bothering you. As I thought that sentence I realized that the roles somehow had changed here. Indeed, the roles have changed. You are not the one stuck in some foolish pony’s head though. You seem to have forgotten so much…
Allow me to start where your own story began as you seem to have forgotten it. Before the voice could start, I decided to sit down onto the broken stairs, getting into a more comfortable position. I hope you remember the day we met. My mind rambled, desperately trying to find the memory. There was nothing. He had just woken up, which was just after the spell had been casted by Star Swirl. I remember it like it was yesterday. Although back then I had been weak, not able to formulate my thoughts into a voice like this. Its thoughts? How could a voice have thoughts? Who are you? I am not just a voice. I am VULCRIM, although nothing but a part of myself. The way the voice stressed its own name gave it the sense of being something far more important than could be understood.
You have seen my prison, you have touched it, you have freed a force beyond your understanding. You don’t need to understand me for us to create something wonderful. Something wonderful? A world of unity. The voice left me breathless. The prison? I had not been at a prison… for my entire life I had never gone near one. Not a prison as you might have imagined. A smaller one, one which refracted my spirit into many parts. One of whom you are talking about right now. What? Are you even trying to make sense? For Ostia’s sake! A small amulet in a certain cave! Don’t you remember?! For a moment that seemed like an eternity for me, my brain was unable to realize what had been said. The amulet… My thoughts started to swiftly swirl in circles, not coming to an end until a certain voice stopped it all. So many years have passed by… What do you mean? Make bucking sense! I don’t care who you are or what you are or where you came from, but SHUT UP and never speak up again! Only now I felt my heart racing, my breath coming out in sharp pants. My horn was glowing and my whole body was tensed up. That anger. We will fit well. I wanted to scream, to howl in anger, to rip that voice apart. However, that was just what it wanted and I would never allow to fulfill its wishes.
I decided to just turn around and deny it. It was all just a dream anyway. All a dream. The whole world seemed so dark, the clouds were blocking out even the slightest rays of light. I tried to walk forwards, towards somewhere where I was not reminded of the past. Everything was so incredibly silent, so incredibly calm. It helped to be alone with my thoughts and not being forced to do anything. Trotting along this road however, was simply disturbing. Fallen buildings to my right and left, almost like ancient ruins. I stepped along the cobblestone who were already overgrown with moss. They seemed old and broken. The buildings however, were even worse. Most of them were completely collapsed and everything that was left were piles of debris. The cold air rushed through my lungs. Had it been so cold before? With each and every step I got a bit closer to a truth that I still did not want to accept.
Each and every ruin had a story to tell. Sometimes I could hear laughter coming out of a pile of debris. I knew it couldn’t possibly be real and yet I had to check whether it was. What if there was somepony still alive? More than one time I even thought I had seen a small filly around a corner just to discover that it had been a piece of cloth in the wind or an old toy that somepony had played with once. The whole world seemed so… forgotten. Only slowly I got closer to that one realization that lingered in my mind for the whole time. I had known it from the very first moment and yet I had ignored it just to have a bit of happiness before it. Seeing now that there was nothing to gain from denying it I finally embraced it. This was not any ruined city, this had once been my home. Something had pulled me to this very building at which the sharp truth finally pierced through my thick layer of lies. My old home. “Old” I laughed out loudly. How could I call it old if it had just been one day? And yet, the ruins around me told another story. I heard the laughter of my son inside, was he still celebratng his birthday? Most certainly not, but it felt good to tell myself those stories. It feels good if you hide the truth, doesn’t it? For once, I could agree with the voice. It really did feel good to hide the truth. However, there was something I had to do.
My whole body was forcing me to discover what was left of this building, of my home, of my life. Everything had fallen apart and I couldn’t help myself from trying to pick up the shattered pieces. The old door hinge. A part of the lovely decorated lamp. Of course overgrown by weeds and covered in dirt. I even found the statue I had bought my son on his third birthday. He had always been a flyer. His mother, the most beautiful pegasus in our entire town, had made me the happiest unicorn in all of Equestria when our son had arrived. He had loved flying from the very first day. Each and every birthday he had had just one wish: To get a statue of one of the flyers in the equestrian Olympics. Every time he unwrapped the thick layers of foil of one of these half-heartedly packaged statues, the joy in his eyes had given me the strength to continue with my life. Even as I couldn’t afford to buy him the more expensive statues anymore, he had still loved them like any other. I climbed the steep hill of bricks and wooden planks. Having to balance myself on the wet mossy surface was hard enough, but I just had to visit his room one last time. He was long gone. I am not that delusional. However, I at least had to say my last goodbye.
Again, I hated myself for not feeling as I was supposed to. The sadness couldn’t pierce the thick layer of chitin around my body. I felt so cold, so heartless and I hated myself for being that way. Even today, I cannot forgive how I had felt.
I only found pieces of cloth where once had been his bed. Most planks were already so rotten that I had to wonder why they had not fallen apart already. I could still see everything. The light-blueish blankets on their white throne. We had painted Turn Star on his walls. I think it had been one of the happiest moments in my life seeing him come home from Flight School and seeing his room like that. I will always remember the argument that had led to this painting. She had screamed at me, throwing these searing words into my face which burnt deeply into my mind.
“Your son! When will you finally stop ignoring your own son?”
Silence. Not a word left my mouth. How could I answer to such claims? I searched for the right words, the words that might fix her broken heart. I knew I wouldn’t find them tonight. I had searched years after years for them and I had only ever found a way to make her angrier. It always made me cringe to see her this angry. In these moments, I always went back to the memories of her smiling at me. Her voice always pulled me back, forced me to face the consequences of my thoughtlessness.
“ANSWER! You can’t stay silent forever. I hate it. I HATE your silence. I hate you…”
The last words almost went down in her sobbing. I hate you. Three simple words which can ruin worlds. My mind desperately tried to come up with anything, anything to ease her pain. I hate you. Three quiet words which hit harder and resonated louder inside him than any painful word of hatred, any tirade of grief and any scream of pain ever could. Three simple words which shatter your illusion of happiness forever. The simple worlds who can set your entire world on fire. Three simple words you cannot give an answer to.
“I am NOT doing it on purpose!”
My hoof raised itself without any permission from my side. I still remember the sound of the impact...
Every single piece of furniture was burnt into my mind and I will probably never forget it. Some things are too important to be forgotten… A certain pain still pierces my heart when I think about that sentence. My wife is too important to be forgotten and yet she is lost in the past. I have killed her by forgetting who she was…
A dull statue caught my eye. I started to laugh because I didn’t want to cry. The tears still came out without my permission. I tried to blink them away but it didn’t work. They had found it. I don’t know how or when, but they had found the statue of Turn Star. I must have lost it somewhere in the forest and they must have found it on their search for me. It was a bitter laugh, knowing that everything was gone, seeing how they had tried to find me without success. A senseless struggle to find somepony they had once loved… How had they lived on without me? They had probably forgotten me after the first month… I had never been anything but a burden for them anyway! I stopped laughing as the tears overwhelmed me. Everything turned against me. My body collapsed under its own weight, the warmth around me faded into a cold breeze and the hard impact caused pain to rush through my side. It was all lost. Everything.
Why did I still live on? Telling yourself that everything is lost is the first step to losing everything.} “Hah!” I was surprised about the bitterness with which those words left my mouth. Should I tell myself that everything is just fine then?! My body shook slightly as I started to sob. Should I tell myself that my wife is still alive? Look around you! Do you think anything is still alive here? No! Everypony is dead! I am all alone. My life is over! My body stopped me from going any further with my thoughts. The heavy panting for air left me breathless. My tears made their journey down my chin, just to splatter into thousand pieces upon the impact on the cold, wet stone. Everything is lost.
“A stray one!”
Was it that nerve-racking voice of Vulcrim again? My eyes slowly opened again. Had I drifted asleep?
“That’s impossible. We didn’t have a stray one for… I don’t even know when we had the last one.”
This was clearly another voice. A much darker one. Slowly I raised my head. Just in front of a shining orb were two shadows.
“We should take him to the hive.”
“Agreed.”
The two shadows finally descended from the burning orb that seemed to be the sun. Had the sun risen already? Every movement of mine seemed so incredibly slow. I brought my hoof to my side and tried to push my body up, but the wet surface of the stone made that impossible without collapsing in the very next moment.
“He doesn’t look too good. Are you sure we should take him?”
Were they talking about me? I tried to look at myself, but the muscles in my neck felt like they were frozen in place. The pain stopped me half-way.
“He is a stray one. We have no idea what he could be. The hive will.”
“The hive will.”
A stray one? The hive? I couldn’t decide whether I was just thinking too slowly or whether I had really never heard of those… Suddenly I could feel the force of a hoof pulling me upwards. I didn’t resist. I was just too tired to resist. The force didn’t stop as it had lifted me onto my own hooves. Instead, another force joined it and together they lifted me up. Slowly, the painful reminder of gravity faded and turned into the lightness of flying. Down below I left all my sorrows, bound by gravity. For now, I would let myself being carried by that strange force.
“Are you sure we should do this. He is heavy.”
“Are you going to tell her that we have ignored a stray one just because he was too heavy to lift?”
“We should at least get some shoooo…”
The voices slowly faded into the howling of the wind.
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3532677
Wow you are such an asshole
3532693
Thank you. I was about to write that myself.
IIIIIIII am pretty sure, he is joking though
Otherwise, I would be pretty sad
3532693
"Heavily edited by Ender Blaze"
:P Hehe
3532710
No, offense Dream whisper sure his spelling probably terrible even thou I haven't read the chapter yet.
But, we all aren't perfect with our writing (even me) I mean my grammar is just terrible and need to be improve!
We need to be a little nicer with our comments
3532724
I can tell you, he is joking
We both know that my writing is indeed pretty good and has bettered a lot through his efforts. Before he helped me edit, I really sucked with placing my commas and writing like a fool. Right now, my writing can indeed impress him from time to time
So yeah, he was just joking for the old time's sake
3532724
Unle of curs weer kidin
3532745
Whoops I am sorry
Well here have a follow from me
3532753
nnnnononon, Ony folloow me iwf yu lik what I writ :/
itss otay,
3532767
I checked out your stories and I like what I see
3532775
ooh, in whik cas, Thernk yuu!!!
3532737
You weren't THAT bad :P
Sorry I'm late to the party... *Reads* Another chapter well executed, worthy of another thumb which I cannot give.
Oh woe is me for I do not have an alternate account, to at least give you two. Again the 21st hasn't failed. Good job. 
I will be awaiting the next installment, (Comma where period should be cause I can't think of a good thing to say here.)
3533231
The party only starts when you arrive
I only wish more people would actually read the story as everyone seems to enjoy it. Oh cruel world, why can't you show others the way to a light in their day?
Oh cruel world, why do we have to be bound by these laws
when we find ourselves in the rule book's jaws...
Thank you very much. It really means a lot to me
/)
3533261 (\
3534429
That is what I am also asking myself
I am glad you liked it